TW//depression/stress/anger. Please don't interact with content that would make you feel worse if you're not doing well mentally <3
This rant is about society and how hard I find it.
I know this is a very long rant, I'm not sure if it fits this sub at all I'm sorry for that. I'll take it down if it doesn't. I just feel other people with neurodivergence might relate to feeling incompatible with society.
I don't dislike being neruodivergent. I don't view myself as mentally ill because of my AuAdhd. My brain is wired differently and I actually really appreciate my brain and how it works. However, SOCIETY HOLY FUCK SOCIETY. I feel insane everyday. I'm so hyper aware of the fact I am just an animal. I am simply a animal like every other. My brain was built to help me survive living like an animal. I don't feel bad about that, I don't feel unevolved or uncivilized or anything like that. But living as "human" feels ridiculous like why are we so disconnected from nature. For example: Why is it weird and off putting for me to enjoy climbing trees at the mountains. If I just chill on the branch of a tree reading people act like I'm on drugs or something. I UNDERSTAND ALOT OF PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS AND LIKE THATS WHY BEING DIFFERENT IS CONSIDERED SO BAD IN PUBLIC SPACES BECUASE LIKE YOU NEVER KNOW but it just feels like people can't even just exist. THE ENTIRE EARTH IS PUBLIC SPACE IF YOU DON'T OWN PROPERTY. Societal standards are so strict and ridiculous. I feel like society is so damn suffocating and it's not built with human nature in mind at all. Masking is so hard because I have to like pretend to be an alien acting a part and its so strange to me. I'm very high functioning as far as understanding social rules and structures, I just hate them. I hate the expectation to constantly play a role. I want to just exist.
I wanna live in walkable cities meant for people not cars. I HATE DRIVING SO MUCH ITS SO SCARY. I have to drive everyday all the time. Public transport is very scary as well because of the people, I've had many many dangerous experiences with it. I hate how fast people go driving especially in California like just today it was incredibly foggy and I could bearly see even 10 feet in front of me and the speed limit was 45 but the speed of traffic was 65 so I had to drive the speed of traffic as to avoid an accident for other drivers rushing. THATS INSANE. THATS SO SCARY AND DANGEROUS AND SCARY LIKE I'M NOT EVEN A GOOD DRIVER BUT I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE AND OTHER DRIVERS DRIVE CRAZILY HERE. It literally feels like I'm a F1 driver or something every time I have to drive, it stresses me out so badly and I genuinely fear I will die everytime I drive. I've lost a lot of people to car accidents too which makes it trauma thing ontop of just being neurodivergent. Therapy is nice and very helpful with me being okay with myself. But it doesn't help my issues at all. I want to live in a society where humans come first, where it's not seen as weird for just existing, where it isn't dangerous to just go outside. I know moving would help me but like the economy is just soul crushing, it doesn't even seem feasible to leave.
Which is worse for you: driving or taking a bus?
If you live in or near a city, the subway feels safer to me than the bus. The subway in my city is cleaner and the subway driver can't drive past a stop for no reason.
I get that if you're female presenting and neurodivergent, it might feel unsafe to be out in public alone.
I've taken the subway and most public transit. LA just has a lot of very violent homeless people. The train is the safest method of travel. The last time I was on the bus a guy started screaming at me that I was a whore (he was definitely having a mental crisis) and an old dude sleeping in the back got up and shoved him off the moving bus. I wasn't even alone I was traveling with 2 other friends. Existence in public doesn't feel safe, just walking down the street (I was with friends, public area, mid day) I got physically charged at 3 times by different homeless people in one day. Literally just walking we didn't interact with them at all, literally all you can do in situation is run and hope it doesn't trigger them to chase after you more. Driving feels significantly safer than existing in public for me and yet it doesn't feel safe at all. Like I know moving would help me the most, it just isn't really feasible.
You may want to take rehabilitative driving lessons if you have your license but feel uncomfortable driving. I used to have severe driving anxiety so I empathize.
There are homeless people in my area too but they aren't violent - they just ask for cash and I tell them I don't carry cash.
I didn't know rehabilitative driving lessons was a thing, thank you! I don't have my license, I drive with a permit. I don't feel like I'd be a safe enough driver to have a license so every time I try to test I mess up the first right turn. That way I can say I at least tried.
Also I don't have an issue with homeless people in general, just the violent ones, which here has alot of. I've been homeless a few times, a lot of them have a good heart and just hard circumstances. In LA in particular the mental health of disenfranchised people is just terrible and there isn't any help for them. It's pretty safe to be homeless in small towns from my experience.
There's kinda just a feeling of fear, hopelessness, and violence in large cities in general tho I think.
I agree, if I had to be homeless I'd rather it be in a smaller town for sensory reasons.
I feel for you. I love to drive, because it allows me control but when I was unmedicated for ADHD - Im surprised that only my car was ever injured. So I understand others POV about not wanting to drive. My 42yr old sister has never had her liscense before and its due to anxiety.
I hope that you find the answers that you are looking for.