My gym has a large empty area where people can free exercise and place mats on the floor. Most of the time that I'm there alone, if someone is coming, they just place their mat right next to mine. This happens almost all the time! Today once again this area was empty, and two girls came and just placed the mats almost on top of mine 𤯠I always have to move away to have the space to stretch. I really can't understand.
Most people are social animals that like to cluster (either that or you're simply hot). Just keep on moving your mat.Â
He moved his mat all the way out the gym and back home
Yeah that's where my mat is
Mine is at the store
Hahaha me too
Yep its basic human instinct, herd mentality.
Seems like the beach. That's exactly what happens to me there every single time as well. Super large stretch of beachfront available and they lay their towel almost on mine. Why? Move the eff away!!
But I agree with another poster. Just ask in an as friendly as possible tone "Excuse me, I have need of some space for my particular exercises. Would you be so kind as to move your mat a little <this/ that> way? I would really appreciate it. " Kill them with kindness, so they have zero option to make a fuss about it.
Most people don't even realise the fact it can be annoying, or they even do it to be accommodating. Like basically "joining the queue", aligning their mats so to speak, so they leave the rest of the space for others. If you ask nicely only the true a$$holes will make an issue out of it. The rest is probably either embarrassed they didn't notice coming too close, or they've forgotten about it 30 sec later.
Hahaha good comparison. I have asked people many times on the beach to move their towels away, and I have got some aggressive reactions. But at the gym I'm so concentrated on my exercise, and I have the feeling that people are more civilised but you're right, they are just the same people that go to the beach.
Re the aggressive reactions: that's exactly why I recommended to kill them with kindness and have such a "Please, appreciated, if it's not too much trouble kind sir, ma'am, thank you a million" way of asking it. I too have encountered the rude a$$holes who expect me to cuddle with them on the beach and then become upset when you politely ask them for a bit of space. Sheesh.
This was my general approach to ask people stuff all my life. Then I moved to the Netherlands and learned that doesnât work here. To quote a friend of mine, if you donât show your teeth here, they wonât take you seriously!Â
Nonsense. I'm Dutch. Am 48yo so have some experience living here - including several cities and villages in multiple provinces.
Politeness can go hand in hand with directness, and thĂ t is the way to go. Most Dutchies take someone polite way more seriously than a rude a-hole, which is what "showing teeth" conveys. Especially if you're supposed to do exercises in the gym next to that person.
Obviously there are always exceptions. Dudes who consider themselves a strong "Alpha". Women who are entitled biatches. You have those anti-social creatures in every country, unfortunately, and yes, with those kind of people there is but the one way. However, that's definitely not the average Dutch person.
I apologise on behalf of my fellow countrymen if that's the kind of Dutchies you keep encountering...
Same when you park at the arse end of the parking lot away from the doors, some muppet will have parked next to you when you're back...and no, it was not the last free space.Â
And always SO close to the driver's door that you can barely get in. Yeah, I've been there...
Have you tried asking for some space? It sounds annoying, but don't be afraid to speak up and ask them for some space đ
I'm not the kind of person afraid to speak up at all. But I feel these people are so dumb, that if they don't understand that by watching it, they also won't understand what I will try to tell them.
I've noticed in the gym that people are totally understanding when I tell them I need the space around my mat for exercises. I'm sure it'll depend on the person but it's a good realisation for some
Could it be they are just following the "sheep mentality" and think "since this person's mat is here I'll put mine besides it because that seems to be where mats are getting placed by other people"? Kind of that thing where people tend to line up in the line other people are lining up and assume that line is for what they want to do
why are you downvoted? a lot of people are indeed dumb
Even though I tend to agree that itâs inconvenient to be next to someone while thereâs space available elsewhere, you also need to realize that you do not own the place and simply being next to someone in a semi public space is not an offense.
What makes you feel like youâre entitled to ask for space in this case? If the person is not physically blocking your workout, then you need to grow up and be less sensitive.
If your goal is utmost privacy, well, then build your own gym.
ha! thatâs a good one đ thanks for the laugh
Oh well, I meant sensitive but auto correct struck its magic. Anyways, you got my point hopefully.
100% Dutch guy response there đ¤Ł
Particularly when he labels people as "dumb" for doing this.
I've been in the other side of this. People demanding space when you're not even close to the, just waiting. They can get plenty rude too. Turned me off going to the gym tbh.
Ikr, people have lost touch with reality. Completely unreasonable.
Itâs not just the gym.
Iâve noticed that a lot of people in the Netherlands seem to have pretty low social awareness in public spacesâthings like holding doors for you, simple queuing when boarding a train or bus or giving others space (hello social distancing) barely happen.
And yes, for many non-natives it can surely come across as inconsiderate, especially if you come from cultures where these kind of stuff are daily nice gestures or even part of basic public etiquette.
Probably comes from the Netherlands beng highly individualistic society.
Being individualistic and inconsiderate are two different things.
You can be individualistic and still have consideration for awareness in public spaces.
I think itâs a sheer lack of education on how to coexist with others. Itâs just âme me meâ and âhow can I make this most convenient for meâ
Itâs just culture differences. In some countries people are much more aware of space and society. Family teaches them how to be respectful to your country, to strangers, to seniors. Here, generation after generation regeneration is raised by thinking about two things. YOU and MONEY. No awareness of space, other people, often no control of their emotions, their sound. Many can throw rubbish everywhere. That extends to all these daily situations like behavior in a gym, or behavior in a train, or behavior in any big event. You should just not pay too much attention to it, you canât change people :)
Sadly this also extends to larger situations. You hear some âradicalâ Dutch hating foreigners but most of these people have no knowledge of Dutch history, Dutch old traditions, Dutch animals, Dutch plants. At the best they know about Zwart Piet from TV but even there they refuse to read any history on it.
This is really true They had like this parent demo at my son's school and the teacher who I guess thought she had done a good job at teaching Dutch history started to ask the children rando questions about dust Dutch history and none of the kids can answer it except for my son and he's American..lol
Indeed that makes sense. Most of the time I bump on people while leaving the train or the tram, because they don't wait and just look like robots trying to get in before anyone else. But my first experience in a gym was here, so I couldn't compared
Well thatâs not only disrespectful, the train/ tram rules say that first people go out then in.
Yeah, I agree about the individualistic approach. I donât think itâs malicious or ill-intended. I just feel thereâs a general sense of being oblivious to social ânicetiesâ, unless explicitly asked to do so.
I would describe it like this: âItâs not my responsibility to look after you. Iâm taking care of my myself and I assume youâre doing the same for yourself. But if you ask me to help you (or move over, or hold the door, or whatever), then I will gladly assist.â
A healthy society usually depends on mutual responsibility, not just individual one. Helping others only after being asked is a clear way to purely transactional relationships. Assuming everyone is self sufficient and can deal with everything on their own simply marginalizes people who just canât, because they are ill or vulnerable, or even just introvert or struggling but afraid to ask for help, etc. There can be millions of reasons.
Japanese or Mediterranean cultures are just the opposite. Recently Iâve seen a meme about Japanese workers parking at the far end of the office parking lot to make life easier for those arriving late. Simple courtesy without being asked. Something like this would be unheard of here.
I definitely see where youâre coming from. I personally have no opinion about whether itâs âright/goodâ or âwrong/badâ.
Itâs just how their society operates đ¤ˇââď¸
(Based on my experience as an expat in NL⌠That people tend to be socially oblivious, but not ill-intentioned)
Europe in general people have literally no situational awareness. They have no concept of personal space
When my parents visited me from the US i had to warn them about that very specific thing. As they are both retired high ranking police. They arenât used to people in their personal spaces like that.
You lost me at high ranking police
Like the sergeants and corporal ranks in the sheriffs office. They were the cops bosses boss and so on.
Brilliant analisis.ive been al over this planet( when i say all over is every continent and lots of countries) never seen anything like this.
I think you have it backwards I think that the Netherlands is not a highly individualistic society I think it's a communal society.
 I think the United States is a highly individualistic society and I think what happens is and highly individualistic societies like the United States You cannot depend on the government to help ... There's no social safety net really and yes in disasters they might give you some money initially but after the initial publicity dies down most communities are left on their own and individuals to fight their way out of whatever hole they're in. So Americans develop a 'we band together with our neighbors (or church or racial group etc) and fix things.For example the government ..FEMA.. responds immediately in a disaster but they help you long term by giving you a loan .. that you're expected to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and pay back. No free education but we will give you $250,000 in loans that you're supposed to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and pay back.
Whereas in communal societies citizens are taught from birth that the government provides. They're not born into the idea that the government is not reliable therefore you have to develop some social skills to rely on the people around you to keep from dying.  You only think about yourself And what you are owed by the government. Education is free I want the best education for free. Healthcare is free I want the best health care for free. I want my free social housing. I want free public transport. Etc. This leads to what would seem like to Americans as incredibly self-centered behavior. I'll let my dog poop on the sidewalk someone else will clean it up. I'm not breaking any laws giving my kid a fat bike so they do what they want. This allows things to happen like me witnessing a scooter accident with an old person and a car And no one stopped to help except for the person involved in the accident me and another foreign person. Everybody else just looked and kept walking. 'I don't have to care about anyone else because the government does'... is a result of a communal society not an individualistic one.
I think this creates a never-ending psychosis in Dutch people because they are incredibly selfish but do have the innate human longing for connection. So they're conscious self gets on a bus sits down puts their feet up in the seat across from them and their bag and the seat next to them preventing anyone else from sitting down easily... But their subconscious self puts their mat right next to yours in the gym because they're longing for connection. They want to be in relationships and so they constantly look for them but then they ruin them by making this concept of living apart together.. Then wonder why no one's in intact marriages or have many children.Â
That's what's called social proximity seeking instinct
I'm assuming you're a girl. Tbh it sounds to me like other girls are training next to you because it probably makes them feel more at ease to be next to other girls in case some gym creep comes up to them.
Just put your stuff around your mat: a towel, some weights, your water bottle. Create some barriers and nobody will come near enough.
Good call, Iâve started bringing a second mat as well, then the stuff-spread includes a jump-rope, which I use anyways.
Believe me, I do that sometimes, and it doesn't move them of coming close.
I'm not sure how much space you need, most people won't come and lay their mats on your stuff... 1m on each side should be enough.
I always tell them to move because I need space for my workout, or if I donât feel like talking I just out my battle, hoodie, weights all around me like a little fortress
Omg they do this when they come to the beach in Cape Town too. Itâs insane. Theyâll sit right in front of you, blocking the view. Or right beside you so you literally feel like theyâre on your lap.
I noticed that in general in the netherlandsđ people don't have sense of personal space at all here hahah if i am sitting on a bench and there is space on the other end someone will still sit right next to me almost in my lap đ
Human nature. You see it in restaurants and parking lots. Don't take it personally. We are all just weird.
Yep its just human natural herd mentality, people seek promixity by default.
Start showering less. You can get some stinky tips on r/hygiene
When I do that girls put their mats far away from me you flexing motherfucker. Lol
You are just a hottie.
Why donât you tell them to fuck of?
Space awareness. Some people just canât look around and think⌠they just act.
Its like men going to pee in a public toilet using the urinals, they flock together.
As an expat now living in the Netherlands I have also experienced that.
In my home country (and the neighbouring country I lived in before moving to Europe) personal space and privacy are highly valued. That being said those countries are also way bigger than the Netherlands so space (both personal and housing-wise) is not an issue.
I think the not considering other people's personal space comes from the fact that there is so much limited space here. Most people literally live on top of each other (apartment blocks) or at least row-houses due to housing shortages. That combined with the fact that the Dutch prefer to not have curtains / keep the blinds open to maximise light and show honesty and modesty perhaps contributes to the "not as aware of others personal space" since they are "sharing" their space with others. It's part of the Dutch culture and perhaps they don't know better since that's how they grew up.
Last example of being comfortable with other people in their personal space is spas / thermes. The first time we wanted to go to a spa just to enjoy a swim we were really surprised when everyone was nude and we were expected to undress too. Nowhere on the website did it state nude spa. In fact, one needs to assume every spa in the Netherlands is nude unless it states that it has specific clothing / swim costume days. Really strange experience but we learned from it.
So yeah as an Expat from a country with lots of space this way of living really took some time to get used to but I respect the Dutch and their way of living and just need to adapt to it.
Many people in public in NL have little to no consideration for each others space. Trapped in their own bubble they are on autopilot, and let's be frank, if you spend your attention on everything online they're just not much left to be on autopilot.
There are two of those types in my gym - either they are utterly unaware, don't care at all, and you can kill them with kindness... the more polite the less they can complain. Let's be kind to each other, even if they're quite obnoxious.
Or you got the special gymcat and gymbros that need your eyes to be glued to their overly tight buttlifting outfit that I, whether I want it or not, cannot escape as they set up right before you, even move when you move out of the way, in an empty gym.
I find laughing the only way to deal with them, if really needed. God save you if you complain about that, especially as a man.
it's pretty normal to optimize the space so other people coming up can use the space without everyone having to move their mats again. It's also completely normal to ask for a little more space if you need it.
Maybe they consider it anti social to take up all the space by just setting up in the middle of the floor. They are leaving space for the next people to join.
So there is room in case of a group of 10 arrives.
This area is so big that even if a group of 15 comes in, they still have space
Theyre not wrong for wanting to be near someone
Have you tried asking them to move before posting on Reddit? We canât do anything about thatâŚ.
That wasn't the point of my post. I wanted to know if this is something that more people experienced. And I can't ask to people at the gym that wants to cuddle their mats with mine, as you can understand why...
Well maybe it is normal and something is wrong with you?