Hey, mid back/waist length 4Cer here. I would suggest using moisturizing products that have silicone in them. Our biggest enemy is dryness. You have to use products that make your hair feel moisturized. Dont listen to all that noise about 4C hair not supposed to feel or look moisturized. Its utter nonsense. If your hair isnt soft to the touch after applying you products once it completely dries then it doesn't work for your hair. I use s curl moisturizing liquid activator and cantu curling cream. I spray my hair with warm water before i apply my products, it really helps to soak in better. My hair also loves grease. I typically use that or jam as a sealant. Also please wash your hair with a sulfate shampoo. Its always best to start on squeaky clean hair. You are going to replace the moisture it strips your hair of with deep conditioner and your styling product. I have been natural going on 8 years. My hair has been this length since year 5.

https://preview.redd.it/9vsr33e0n99g1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd31f8b7ee5e37ee3cf0ca4dbfc08b48ccbacce9

This was my hair year 3 after cutting all of my relaxed hair off to about 2 inches freshly washed

Girl that last photo is 🔥. You’re a beautiful young lady. Very much feminine looking

it seems like you could benefit from a haircut to improve some of your shaping. but tbh 4 years is not that long for learning your hair. especially if it was really short when you transitioned.

to me your hair looks well moisturized in most of these pics. the hardest part of being natural i think is learning to accept your hair for how it grows out of your scalp instead of manipulating it to be something it’s not. that is a mental game and it takes time.

whatever you decide - it’s ur body. hair grows back.

I understand exactly how you feel!! Whenever I feel like this, I put my hair in a protective style to give myself a break! I noticed that in all the pics, you have your hair in a fro. I know I can't pull off that style because my hair will tangle and cause breakage. I suggest stretching it in bantu knots before bed, then taking it out in the morning if you like that style. It will also give you a nice heat-free curl.

When I had shorter hair, I had to do a little more than usual to feel feminine. This is even true for the straight-haired texture. Earrings, makeup, and clothing helped to feminize my look. But as always, do what's best for your lifestyle and your confidence. I see potential in your hair. You should get to know it a little more. Shaping it can help a short style come together nicely.

obligitory "you'll never feel good with it if you still have internalized beauty standards on what is and isnt pretty"

okay okay, I think the main thing that makes you feel bad (if i had to guess as a complete stranger) is the length and shape, your hair doesnt look very even at all, your texture imo is fine but the "shorter on the side/back and higher at the top" is what you see on a lot of black guys with short hair. When black women have tall hairstyle its usually tall the whole way around. idk how willing you are to cut your hair but i think you should get it evened out or shaped.

if you dont want to cut it, maybe do wigs, a sew in, a ponytail piece, or clip ins, etc etc. its okay to just want a break from your hair! you wont be learning how to solve the issues with your moisture retention and other stuff while its put away, but it might just be mentally easier to deal with the learning process when you can visually see some more length progress. plus theres more style options as it grows it.

in general, detangling hair twice a day is WAY to much manipulation. like, probably killing all the new growth lol. Black hair doesnt need to be detangled all the time. instead of aiming for 100% detangled it should be more like 80% detangled and ONLY while its wet. does not need to be style every day. having my hair out too much is always what kills it

You’re beautiful. Full stop. Other people calling you sir is weird. That’s on them not you. But, it doesn’t negate how you feel. In addition to braids, things like two strand twists can give you some leeway to style differently without having it out. If they are small you can roll them or pin them up to your liking. You don’t have to relax if you really don’t want to. But do what makes you feel good.

Your hair is beautiful, I especially like it in the 5th photo. As someone with short hair, I laugh it off whenever the "you look like a boy" comments are said. I think people aren't used to seeing shorter natural hair on women so they associate it with masculinity even if its not inherently so. You do not look masculine.

Dont let people's words have power over you. You and your hair are beautiful, dont forget it!

Anybody calling you “sir” with all that boo age is being an asshole. Now with that out of the way. Masculine as a look doesn’t have anything to do with hair as I see women rocking low cuts and getting no complaints. When your hair was straight how did you style it? I think the twist out looked nice and the sculpting. But the keys there were effort in the look. When we roll out without some type of styling effort we tend to feel frumpy. Especially tea length hair requires effort because you can’t pull it back into a bun or puff to give it a style. Set a routine to wash, condition and style weekly whatever style you want. If it’s a wash and go actually shingle and set it, twist out etc.

I got called 'sir' yesterday by a white dude because all my hair was under my hat. So, I get it. I think the suggestion to wear a protective style for a while instead of a fro is a good one, particularly if the weather is dry near you. Wear it under a wig, if you like, there's no shame. Only clarify your hair when you know that you'll also have time to deep condition. And make sure to get regular trims. Do not try to trim it yourself unless you're willing to invest in some good scissors. Ignore people who tell you not to use oild and butters - you need to seal the moisture in, either with those or with a silicon. Signed a natural whose hair was doing great until she stopped her trims and who regrets that.

You kinda have to fight your negative self talk. You don’t look masculine. Embracing your new natural self is a journey. You have to fight with the beauty standards society wants you to be and be ok where you are. When you accept yourself you beauty shines. Others can see it but you have to see it yourself.

You also have to get comfortable with styling. Wearing your hair out all the time can inhibit your growth and encourage breakage.

Moisture starts in the shower, gets locked in by the rinse out conditioner then further by your moisturizing styler. A twisting cream then a light dab of grease for twists or braids (without added hair) will get you there. You can wear them for a few days then out for a few days. It’s how i did it after cutting my color out.
In twists

https://preview.redd.it/56xwdeck0b9g1.jpeg?width=1574&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44ca7ed0dddfb8843462960f5bb424cbd49c1924

I’ve just recently discovered twist outs using the flat twist method. Finally found something that works for me after 15 whole years of being natural. I think your hair looks great. Have you found any products that really make your curl pattern pop? I like the blueberry leave in by the curls brand. One last thing when I’m feeling bland and not feminine. A cute pair of earrings always does the trick.

I recommend investing in some cute hair accessories. Also try putting your hair in a traditionally feminine style rather than wearing it in a loose afro. Something like twin puffs or flat twists into an afro with a headband/ribbon/scarf/etc.

Your hair is dry. It’s easier to maintain if moisturised. Find the products that work for you and styles that are easy to manage

First off your hair is gorgeous, it's shining in the sunlight. You're beautiful too. I have had people call me man to my face and I've been interrogated in a bathroom about my gender by some weird lady when I was in college, people are weird and it isn't you that's making them weird. Chunky twists when you detangle is the way. My hair does not stay detangled either and that helped me a lot, twisting immediately after detangling and doing less styling and more leaving it be. What's your current routine?

Moisturize your hair AND scalp. Try multivitamins.

Leave your hair alone. Flat twists/ mini twists last a while and let your hair grow.

Sleep with silk pillowcases or bonnets. Stretch your hair out as it drys

Find another non damaging hairstyle you love. You got this.

I’ll probably get downvoted to hell, but—

I know how you feel!!! I feel the exact same way about my hair. Was primarily natural from 2012 - 2023. I started keeping my hair in various braided styles since and haven’t looked back. I never felt like my hair grew enough regardless of what I tried. It would break, get tangled, and the knots were crazy. I had the best luck when I would braid it every night before bed, but I truly do not have time for all that. I recognize that I look pretty and feminine with my natural hair, but I feel so much more feminine with braids. The natural hair movement is amazing but it also kinda fucked me up for a while because I thought there was something morally superior about being fully natural. There isn’t. Now the HEALTH aspect is 100% real: relaxers and even fake hair for braids have a shit ton of gnarly chemicals that have been/ are being exposed for causing insane health issues, even cancer…yeah. It’s grim. But from a “learning to love yourself” perspective, you can love yourself and your natural hair AND prefer how you look with braids. People can contain multiple feelings at once, even when those feelings seem in conflict with each other. It’s ok!!!

xoxoxo

Seasons (humidity, heating) also change what our hair needs, so sometimes products/routines need to be rotated. It's also ok to strive to use less product instead of layering on more.

Just tried a wrap mold for a pixie 'do (moderate success, a pile of product already on hand) and will do it again- preferably after a shaping trim. A good cut does Everything. Whatever you did in the last picture certainly works!!

These are things that helped me. -If you have hard water, get a shower filter. -maybe you are low in vitamins. Try a multivitamin or get your levels checked by a medical professional. -You're hair does not need to be fully detangled everyday, that's too much manipulation. When you do detangle on wash day use a product with a lot of slip. I like the African Pride aloe vera prepoo. -Put in a style that you can leave in for a long time but have access to moisturize. -For dryness, try adding grease to your routine. Grease really helps type 4 hair retain moisture. Grease and lots of water. -Deep condition every wash day. -Most of all, I recognized that I am not tied to other people's perceptions of beauty. Short hair has been seen as feminine too for generations. Seen with 1920s with the flappers and 1950s Bob cuts were all the rage.

Is your hair low porosity?? I have a feeling this is caused by not knowing how your hair retains water and how often that water needs to be spritzed in. People have made us so afraid of getting our hair wet that we sometimes dont realize water IS the key. Saying this as 4c low porosity. For example i lightly spray my hair with 50/50 aloevera juice(water) and plain water every other night or every few nights. I also dont re-oil my hair until the next wash day (I wash once a week). It really depends on your hair science once you find it it opens up a whole new understanding and love for how your hair looks on you. Basic needs have to be met before it can get bigger! Also, your hair looks similar to my gfs and she definitely has a 4B/4C mix.

Edit: I also use design essentials and the doux. Switched to science-based hair care and never looking back. (I also use TGIN green tea leave in bc i think my hair likes it the most). Also, you are beautiful and feminine. Im not just saying that to be nice, YOU ARE.

Where’d you get your glasses? I love them! I’d give you a flaxseed detangling prepoo, shampoo/ conditioner and a nice steamed deep conditioner. I like Amika, Olaplex, The Mane Attraction line or Donna’s recipe product line including gummies for growth. If I were with you… I’d wash and condition your hair really well and give you two framing pieces in the front with beads hanging bc ur so cute, then two high space buns tucked wrapped ends, and your other lower half of your head I’d do mini twists or braids. I’d do the LOC method on your hair with water, leave in, oil and cream. I’d set you under the drier ❤️💞💯🫶Gorgeous darling!

How much water do you drink? Do you eat your leafy greens and fruits? Hair growth and health starts from the gut. Get your levels checked and if you’re low on something cater to that. Do a scalp scrub every 28 days. Hair growth starts from a healthy scalp to. Do a clarifying shampoo once a month along with a deep conditioner and moisturizing or hydrating ones in between. It’s all about moisture, and sealing the ends either with a grease, oil or butter. You have to cater to and baby your ends. A clean scalp, healthy body and babied ends is key. I would wash weekly until you start seeing results and trim every 6-8 weeks or as needed. I hope this helps because this is what helped me after years of stagnant hair that would grow to my shoulders and then just stay there now my hair is past my bra strap and growing.

I started using a product called 4c only. It's for people who have 4c hair type. I use it for my daughter and I just tried it for locs. The oil is light and it's moisturizing.

Get microlocs! They’d look fire on you and although they do take care and regular maintenance, the freedom is incredible!

if you can,, keep doing braids. learn to do them yourself so you can keep them loose. you’re hair is long and healthy it’s just the shrinkage. do you live in a humid area ? it takes yearsss to grow out. did a big chop to my ears in 2019 and i’m just now starting to see consistent growth

You are beautiful sis.

For dryness, definitely stick to all hydrating and moisturizing products along with regular shampooing to help your hair actually take in the moisture. Your hair looks pretty fine but thick so I would stick to lighter styling products and doing twist or braid outs will also help your hair look longer too because it's in a stretched state.

But since you said you like braids, I would definitely get braids until your hair can grow out a bit and you can get a different type of haircut. My roommate is natural and only wears braids because that works for her. I think the shape of your hair is a bit off and a haircut that will make your hair more even all around would be helpful so it also grows out more evenly. You also shouldn't be detangling your hair twice a day - that's way too much manipulation and can lead to more breakage and breakage up the shaft so it seems like your hair isn't growing because it's just breaking off.

Also adding to the chorus but I think you are beautiful!!

You’re such a cutie and your hair looks full and healthy. My thin ass hair could neva! 

Tbh 4 years is a relatively short time in your natural hair journey. There are days I’ve literally cried in frustration.

My 4c hair thrives when it’s left alone. So it’s ok to pause and protective style it and give your mind and arms a break. 

My hair is extremely finnicky so I just v part wig/weave it half the time. Consider wearing those with type 4 human hair until it grows to a length you’re comfortable with. 

I learned to make wigs from youtube using kinky hair, and I take care of my hair, experimenting with different products and techniques under my wig and in between styles. If I ever don’t like how something looks or I don’t feel like doing too much, I just pop on my wig.

Some general tips: - Try silicones for detangling. there used to be so much disapproval of cones, but they give 4c hair necessary slip

• Leave your hair alone by wearing protective styles that can be worn at least a week. I’ve been natural most of my life, and I often wore my hair “free” as a kid, like afro puffs and afros. that meant constantly having to pick out, manipulate my hair to keep the afro shape. turns out that’s too much daily wear and tear. 

• Keep your hair stretched. a lot of us 4c girls retain more length by being blow dry naturals. blow dry with the right products and techniques on wash day and then leave it alone with your protective style for a week or longer.

good luck chica!

Natural hair is about embracing what’s best for you not just doing what is expected of you to do. That applies to the curly state and altered states of your hair.

When I was regrowing my hair people would call me sir too from behind because I was rocking messy mini twists and I would let them grow out and it use to bother me alot too as a girly woman. I did things like making sure I always wore cute earrings, bows, clips, colorful scarfs, to emphasize my femininity and I also just had to learn that ppl will always just have shit to say about shorter 4c hair. Ignoring it rlly helped. Just be super kind to ourself, and keep your ends moisturized!!! Also deep condition after every wash no exceptions is what rlly helped me retain length

I’ve had a lot of luck with Miche. I wash my hair then use the foam while it’s wet, and a little bit of the gel to shape it up. It’s been a game changer for my curls

My hair started growing once I went back to the basics with blue magic. My mom used it on my hair growing up and it worked. I use it on my hair and scalp. I use a clarifying shampoo first and then regular shampoo, conditioning and deep conditioning. My hair has never been so healthy and has grown so much

Your hair is beautiful. I have 4c hair and had to learn how to love it because of all of those fake Eurocentric beauty standards. 

1. Test your strands to see if they are hydrated by washing your hair and if your curls bounce back and are still defined during  the wash then they are sufficiently hydrated.

2. Use a low suds shampoo. High suds strip the hair of natural oils.

3. Wash in warm water rinse with cool water as hot water dries the hair out.

4. Use a product that will define the curls/coils.

5. Buying products based on porosity is also essential. 

6. Stay away from protein based shampoos and conditioners for a while.  Protein overload dries the hair out.

7. Winter is dry so use products that don’t have glycerin in it.

It took me years to figure out what my hair liked and when I found the products that worked well I’m a believer as my low porosity 4a/c hair had grown mid back just above the waist. From big chop to mid back took 5 years.

I am now on my second hair journey after going bald due to chemo. My hair is now shoulder length. It’s been 18 months since my last chemo treatment.

I’m not just saying this but you truly have a beautiful and very feminine face sans make-up and brows being filled in. (I mention these because I could never 😭.) I totally relate to your feelings because I have shared them but I’ve been experimenting work updos and earrings that complement my naturally coily hair. You will find your lane! Keep pushing. 🙌🏾

You look feminine in all these pictures. Your hair is beautiful and healthy. Get braids if you want some length and please don't use restressor creams.

https://preview.redd.it/hw96s5d6n99g1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9e1ddfd908eb08a7be3aec9e678d3101c84c865

This is year 4

We are "zebras" in a world filled with horses if you know what I mean. People will assume horse (black guy with natural hair) because that's normal, and not zebra (black woman with natural hair). We don't have any really big type 4 celebrity women right now and the assumption will be male first no matter how you style you hair, how big or small your boobs are, or how curvy/womanly the rest of your look is.

That's just the state of living with natural hair most places. " I thought you had a daughter!" My new neighbor said to me and my father's faces. Once after my father corrected him sternly too. I had the police called on me for using the woman's restroom. Black girls and random black people will just straight up ask "if I'm a boy or....?"

I thought if I had big enough boobs or a curvier body it wouldn't happen. But here you are in the body I feel I need getting the same treatment. Undefined hair is seen as especially masculine. I know we don't want to perpetuate that, but fighting against it means redefining femininity aggressively and being ok with the confusion until then. But even type 3 hair woman with short styles get masculinized, as a young latina girl like that was in the news for having to defend her right to use the bathroom.

You are not prepared for that fight. It is a long and painful one I'm willing (and my dermatologist has forbidden long term styles due to extreme traction alopecia anyway. I have no other choice of I want hair) to fight it, but you clearly are not ready or willing. Until you are ready to face that putting your hair in braids or wigs is ok especially if you are uncomfortable changing up your style so drastically just to be seen as a woman.