Calls for a glow up and refocus on yourself. It seems you've exhausted your options since he refuses therapy.. it's been many years and no change. Shift your focus to yourself and make yourself the priority.. if he's attracted to you he'll realize
It's worked wonders for me alhamdulilah. We've also been married for nearly 10 years.. huge positive shift in the last year alhamdulilah. I pray things get better for you
Walaikumassalam, May Allah ease your situation. I would suggest you communicate with him regarding how you feel and ask him what he thinks can be done. If this doesn't work out for any reason, consider couples therapy. Also, you don't need to apologise for sharing your thoughts here , this group is specifically for helping each other out.
I have opened upto him on a number of occasions. And he adamantly refuses counselling. I’m assuming he feels like I’m targeting him or im emasculating him. But nothing changes even though there’s a number of promises to do so. I feel like on my part I’ve done everything required of me from Allahs/ family and in general courtesy perspective.
Thank you!
Has he always been this way or has it been a gradual decline?
Intimacy is a fundamental part of marriage so I completely understand the hurt and loneliness you feel without it. I think the key part that stands out for me is that he seems unwilling to address it or acknowledge how much this is affecting you.
Do you think there's any way where he would be willing to address this, especially if it's something that's declined over the years rather than this just being how he is? If it's something you're unable to tackle together, then marriage counselling would be a good step to take.
However, if he's just not willing to address it, then unfortunately there's not much you can do, and you'll need to ask yourself if you want to live this way long-term.
I do think there has been a slightly decline over the years. But that’s because I probably stopped putting myself out there, because I felt like I was navigating most encounters other wise we could just co-exist.
I’ve offered counselling many times and it’s just a direct no on his part, which is really frustrating.
For example, recently I asked when I say my feelings I’m confronted with silence. And he doesn’t seem to think this is rude or dismissive, and if I ask him to change it, he doesn’t want to understand my perspective.
Ofcourse it is, but the thing that makes decisions so hard is he’s a really good family man. But I feel like I’m making the most sacrifices. I’m always trying to hold back for the sake of Allah.
I do think he is. And always says he is when I ask. He is just more nonchalant about everything. And will sound shocked if I say there is no attraction.
After I had a baby I gained weight, so i made sure to quickly lose it and become fit.
You can also see in his eyes that he sees me attractive, it’s just followed with emptiness. And suggestion for therapy/ doctors get brushed off.
Calls for a glow up and refocus on yourself. It seems you've exhausted your options since he refuses therapy.. it's been many years and no change. Shift your focus to yourself and make yourself the priority.. if he's attracted to you he'll realize
I have been trying, and will continue to focus on myself and kids. Very true.
Thank you!
It's worked wonders for me alhamdulilah. We've also been married for nearly 10 years.. huge positive shift in the last year alhamdulilah. I pray things get better for you
Alhamdullilah I’m glad that has worked for you!Insha Allah I will do that. Ameen thank you.
Walaikumassalam, May Allah ease your situation. I would suggest you communicate with him regarding how you feel and ask him what he thinks can be done. If this doesn't work out for any reason, consider couples therapy. Also, you don't need to apologise for sharing your thoughts here , this group is specifically for helping each other out.
Jazakallahu khairan for your response
I have opened upto him on a number of occasions. And he adamantly refuses counselling. I’m assuming he feels like I’m targeting him or im emasculating him. But nothing changes even though there’s a number of promises to do so. I feel like on my part I’ve done everything required of me from Allahs/ family and in general courtesy perspective. Thank you!
Try communicating again and most importantly, ask him what he thinks can be done for this situation.
Has he always been this way or has it been a gradual decline?
Intimacy is a fundamental part of marriage so I completely understand the hurt and loneliness you feel without it. I think the key part that stands out for me is that he seems unwilling to address it or acknowledge how much this is affecting you.
Do you think there's any way where he would be willing to address this, especially if it's something that's declined over the years rather than this just being how he is? If it's something you're unable to tackle together, then marriage counselling would be a good step to take.
However, if he's just not willing to address it, then unfortunately there's not much you can do, and you'll need to ask yourself if you want to live this way long-term.
I do think there has been a slightly decline over the years. But that’s because I probably stopped putting myself out there, because I felt like I was navigating most encounters other wise we could just co-exist.
I’ve offered counselling many times and it’s just a direct no on his part, which is really frustrating. For example, recently I asked when I say my feelings I’m confronted with silence. And he doesn’t seem to think this is rude or dismissive, and if I ask him to change it, he doesn’t want to understand my perspective.
Ofcourse it is, but the thing that makes decisions so hard is he’s a really good family man. But I feel like I’m making the most sacrifices. I’m always trying to hold back for the sake of Allah.
I hope this doesn’t sound rude or anything, just out of curiosity, do you think he is attracted to you?
No not rude - fair question.
I do think he is. And always says he is when I ask. He is just more nonchalant about everything. And will sound shocked if I say there is no attraction.
After I had a baby I gained weight, so i made sure to quickly lose it and become fit.
You can also see in his eyes that he sees me attractive, it’s just followed with emptiness. And suggestion for therapy/ doctors get brushed off.
Maybe taking care of his parents took a toll on his mental and physical ability.