Why are you contributing financially when it is the husbands responsibility to provide for his wifes basic needs including housing, bills, food, and clothing within his means?
Why are you doing all the household chores alone when there are two other capable adults living in the house?
Why are you allowing his mother to repeatedly cross your boundaries?
Why are you letting him use the car while you’re left without independence?
And most importantly, why are you tolerating his addiction?
This is the real issue with many of our women: they endure unacceptable behaviour, enable it, and then spend years complaining instead of holding their husbands accountable and allowing real consequences to take place.
Nothing changes because nothing is enforced.
I have attached a few links so you can read through and understand your rights as a Muslim woman, a wife, a mother, and the difference between the truth and how he is twisting the truth for his own benefit.
He threatens to lock his cards if I wouldn’t contribute. There was a point where I had to order groceries and ask him to unlock the card because it got declined. He said he can provide basic needs for me but clothing is not need for me so if I want to get anything it would be with my own money. The car I got myself and I pay for it. His house hold chore is taking out the trash (he doesn’t do all of the trash and it’s twice a week??) and laundry (it’s about a block and a half away and it piles up because he waits two weeks). Meanwhile I cook and wash dishes, clean occasionally and take care of our son while he’s working.
Why haven’t you kept your money separate? If he refuses to give you money, then your money is only for you and your child. Buy your own groceries and let him take full financial responsibility for all other necessities.
That said, instead of dragging this out and getting caught up in petty arguments, I would take the following steps:
• Separate. Move in with your parents, family, or friends. take your child and your car with you.
• Secure your assets. Move all jewellery and valuables into a safe deposit box or leave them with your parents.
• Protect your finances. Transfer all funds into a personal account in your name only. Change your salary payments so they go into that account and do not give him a penny. Also, don't make the mistake of mixing finances. Keep all your finances completely separate, even if you and your husband are in a good place.
Once you are separated, you can consider marriage counselling only if he genuinely wants to put in the effort to make the marriage work. At that point, set non-negotiable boundaries around:
• finances
• housing
• household responsibilities
• childcare
• edibles
If he refuses to make real changes, then you need to seriously ask yourself whether this marriage is adding any value to your life or whether it’s just draining you emotionally, financially, and mentally. Sister, you deserve stability and respect not constant struggle.
We do have separate finances. I suggested to have a joint account yet he suggested that I just give him all my leftover money so he can save. But those are good suggestions. Thank you. I do think I need to have my assets moved to my parents house.
Absolutely not. Stop giving him your money to “save.” What’s to say he won’t spend it or walk away with it altogether, leaving you with nothing. You would be left with no savings in case of the worse case scenario.
He has no right to your money, so please, please protect yourself financially.
I hope my suggestions help, and I pray that things work out between you and your husband, Insha'Allah 🤲🏽
He wonders why I’m not in a good mood. How can I be? I’m attached to him but don’t love him as much as he loves me. I fear he just wanted a wife. I have threatened to leave multiple times and he has said to go ahead.
This is really sad. There is no love. How could he treat the mother of his child like this? You deserve to be loved and cared for, your child is just two months old. You need to be held and cared for, your husband never knew how to truly love a girl. I learned it from my dad. He was such a gentle man. I really hope that you find true love one day.
Why are you contributing financially when it is the husbands responsibility to provide for his wifes basic needs including housing, bills, food, and clothing within his means?
Why are you doing all the household chores alone when there are two other capable adults living in the house?
Why are you allowing his mother to repeatedly cross your boundaries?
Why are you letting him use the car while you’re left without independence?
And most importantly, why are you tolerating his addiction?
This is the real issue with many of our women: they endure unacceptable behaviour, enable it, and then spend years complaining instead of holding their husbands accountable and allowing real consequences to take place. Nothing changes because nothing is enforced.
I have attached a few links so you can read through and understand your rights as a Muslim woman, a wife, a mother, and the difference between the truth and how he is twisting the truth for his own benefit.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage-and-divorce/what-are-a-husbands-rights-over-his-wife/
https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/86406/not-compulsory-upon-the-wife-to-do-the-housework (there are many other questions asked, so it gives you a basic understanding of lots of other issues too)
https://www.themuslimnetwork.org/articles/the-rights-of-women-in-islam-a-complete-guide
He threatens to lock his cards if I wouldn’t contribute. There was a point where I had to order groceries and ask him to unlock the card because it got declined. He said he can provide basic needs for me but clothing is not need for me so if I want to get anything it would be with my own money. The car I got myself and I pay for it. His house hold chore is taking out the trash (he doesn’t do all of the trash and it’s twice a week??) and laundry (it’s about a block and a half away and it piles up because he waits two weeks). Meanwhile I cook and wash dishes, clean occasionally and take care of our son while he’s working.
Why haven’t you kept your money separate? If he refuses to give you money, then your money is only for you and your child. Buy your own groceries and let him take full financial responsibility for all other necessities.
That said, instead of dragging this out and getting caught up in petty arguments, I would take the following steps: • Separate. Move in with your parents, family, or friends. take your child and your car with you. • Secure your assets. Move all jewellery and valuables into a safe deposit box or leave them with your parents. • Protect your finances. Transfer all funds into a personal account in your name only. Change your salary payments so they go into that account and do not give him a penny. Also, don't make the mistake of mixing finances. Keep all your finances completely separate, even if you and your husband are in a good place.
Once you are separated, you can consider marriage counselling only if he genuinely wants to put in the effort to make the marriage work. At that point, set non-negotiable boundaries around: • finances • housing • household responsibilities • childcare • edibles
If he refuses to make real changes, then you need to seriously ask yourself whether this marriage is adding any value to your life or whether it’s just draining you emotionally, financially, and mentally. Sister, you deserve stability and respect not constant struggle.
We do have separate finances. I suggested to have a joint account yet he suggested that I just give him all my leftover money so he can save. But those are good suggestions. Thank you. I do think I need to have my assets moved to my parents house.
Absolutely not. Stop giving him your money to “save.” What’s to say he won’t spend it or walk away with it altogether, leaving you with nothing. You would be left with no savings in case of the worse case scenario. He has no right to your money, so please, please protect yourself financially.
I hope my suggestions help, and I pray that things work out between you and your husband, Insha'Allah 🤲🏽
[deleted]
He wonders why I’m not in a good mood. How can I be? I’m attached to him but don’t love him as much as he loves me. I fear he just wanted a wife. I have threatened to leave multiple times and he has said to go ahead.
This is really sad. There is no love. How could he treat the mother of his child like this? You deserve to be loved and cared for, your child is just two months old. You need to be held and cared for, your husband never knew how to truly love a girl. I learned it from my dad. He was such a gentle man. I really hope that you find true love one day.
When i thought it couldn’t get worse it did 😓