Allah has blessed me with a wealthy family, and for that I am truly grateful. I have never felt deprived or unthankful. However, this blessing also brings a challenge when it comes to marriage. It becomes difficult to find a wife, because once she meets my parents, our financial situation cannot be hidden.
Naturally, this creates a fear in my heart both for myself and for my parents that someone might be interested for the wrong reasons, such as wealth rather than sincerity. I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this matter in a way that stays within the boundaries of Islam
Look for someone who’s also from a wealthy family.
I know her wealth itself isn’t important but you do want someone who can mentally handle the lifestyle you have. It would make sense for someone who already grew up in that lifestyle.
Im not in the muslim weakthy circle as a revert ! But very good advice if I had the possebility
Why would you have to? You can find someone on your own
How ?
In public or through social media. Just like anyone else
Is that not haram ?
It can be halal if you make it halal.
Don't disclose your wealth?
You can only do this so far. The cats out of the bag as soon as the parents meet.
Why? You can tell the parents to not show wealth and to visit the bride's house?
Thats not how that works, at least not with responsible parents. Part of meeting is going to each other's homes at least once. Otherwise how are you going to know what kind of family you're walking into.
Exactly ! i'm a revert so my parents could not care less..
I mean it would be the same way a girl would be like I wouldn’t want a man to choose just because of my good looks you may not marry her just because of her looks but it’s a attractive trait same way your wealth is an attractive trait but wouldn’t be the only reason.
You might not be ready to hear this, but there are muslim girls out there who don’t care about your wealth. When a man proposes to a woman, he might think a lot about his financial image, because he thinks that’s all what a woman looks for in a man, which is wrong. The qualities a righteous woman would look for, no money can buy them ( Deen, good manners, compassion, flexibility, generosity, education…), how much money he makes is just a bonus and a blessing but not a necessity. My advice would be: Make Dua to find a righteous wife, and don’t show your wealth at first ( but don’t go too far you might look stingy and that’s a red flag).
Yes, the problem is my family company is 100% legal but 100% haram in islam.. so most pious girls would skip me
(im a revert)
Well, You need to find a Halal way to make money then.
This is not that easy right now
So its not even ur wealth its just ur parents, how does that make you wealthy
It is better to marry someone of the same socioeconomic background. That is encourged in the deen. Otherwise you are taking a BIG gamble.. Personally would not marry someone who has a different economic background if I was born into it. Some couples grow together and their rizk increases together that is different.
The problem is as a revert I don't reallt have this circle of islsmic people Alround me
Pre-nup 100%
Ok first, your inbox is about to blow up, all Gold diggers, don’t answer. Second, once you meet her dress humbly and meet her with a clunker car, be careful with the watch and the shoes. Once you’re sure she’s into you for you then you can tell her.
Hahahahaa
Haha 0 dm only people who give me good nasiah hmdl.
the problem is my fam im a revert even if I follow your advice the moment she meer my parents or see the place we live it's over
Why would you invite her to meet your parents before knowing if you want to marry her? Your chronological order isn’t right…
I mean my dad is my wali if im not mistaking right ?
I don’t know I’m a convert but I’m pretty sure you don’t bring her to your parents if you don’t like her. And in your case part of liking her is knowing she’s into you for you.
Im a convert too so but from my understanding my dad musr do the talk right
I hope someone else here can confirm I have no idea.
only the man must meet the woman’s wali for marriage the be valid. the man doesnt need a wali, he is responsible for himself.
You dont need a wali. And when you meet the family you would meet the girls side, they wouldnt come to your house. See her a few times outside ur house and it should be fine
In reality this is unlikely to happen. So I wouldn't put this at the top of your list of worries. You could, you know, actually get to know the person you want to marry before hand and watch for red flags like every other normal person does. You could also consider marrying someone who also comes from a wealthy family.
Where is this wealthy islam circle haha ? but all jokes a side im stuck
most pious fam would reject me (i already try) due the family company its haram als because im a revert they also not like that
and otherwise I must take a bit gambke
but prenup is the best option for me I guess
Its normal to be chosen for wealth its part of the fundamentals of when searching for someone in addition to other aspects like religious compatability and attraction.
I wouldn't be so stressed about that. If potentials father seeks you out for their daughter because of your wealth and security that can bring to their daughter I dont see the problem. If it bothers you so much marry someone else who is also rich
The problem is I'm not in those circles as a revert and most pious fam would reject me due the haram family company
Condition a strict pre-nup?
Not wealthy by any angle but settled alhamdulillah mA... I have personally resorted to keeping a lower profile (been badly burnt so extra careful now Allahul musta'an)
How would you incorporate a pre nup? Obviously this would stir around the pot for a lot of people.
The how-to part:... Depending on the area and the laws, consult a lawyer.
The social acceptance part:..do these people matter?... It's not their life. If the guy/girl readily accepts a strict pre-nup (provided that it is enforceable in that country) then OP has their answer...
But the top most thing is sincere Dua and due diligence... I would look into their own long term goals, their previous tendencies, their deen, emotional intelligence, financial intelligence, their self awareness, their outlook on different things etc etc... hasbunallahu wa nai'mal wakeel
I guess everything would tell it’s true form when this discussion is brought up. Sadly a lot of people view pre nup as a form of “insecurity” toward their partner, as in not trusting them. Idk how it aligns with Islam tbh, as long as the man provides, clothes, feeds and all the other necessary stuff then I can’t see whats wrong.
Yeah, not qualified or informed on the deeni part of it but I did learn not too long ago that it is unfair therefore unislamic for a spouse to take half the wealth of the husband just because... I guess it goes case by case (honestly no idea)... But since I have been taken advantage of so I would completely understand if a better off potential wants to safe guard his hard earned wealth via a prenup etc (of course while fulfilling his financial obligations towards wife and kids etc)... After all if I am not s gold digger I shouldn't be bothered by it
Sadly too many instances where the other half goes to flip the world upside down in divorce proceedings to bankrupt the person in anger, frustration and hatred.
Like they're gonna outrun Allah's grip after wronging someone
It depends where you live, in the UK prenups ups aren’t worth the paper they are written on
I feel like this is a bragging post and also a post that for some reason you want to get the attention. Real wealth moves in silence.
Absolute not my heart is clean Allah is my witness due the hardship finding a good spouse I rreach out
Just don’t tell her you’re wealthy until you’re sure she is with you for who you are
jzkhlair brothers and sisters for all the help ! it means much to me..
I have a very good idea now I def go for a prenup !
Is the wealth yours or your family? Honestly, coming from a woman's perspective, I would rather marry a man who is independently financially stable rather than one who comes from money.
The personality difference is huge between the two. I would rather marry a man who worked hard and has experienced adversity than someone who is used to being given everything in life. A good woman wants a man who can provide for her no matter what.
And if the money is your family’s, be very upfront that it is not your wealth and that you will only provide for your wife from your own income. That is a very appealing trait to most women.
I see this is very good advice ! I run a kind of start up my own company but ofc the same branch
Pre-nup + be careful of your DMs.
they will also ask for a big mehr
This also happen a couple of time..
This is like being gifted in athletics and then complaining that you want people to give you a spot on the team for your character, not how many points you can score for the team. Dude, you hit the lottery with being wealthy. Women looks for financial security as part of Marriage. Most young men who want to get married can’t because they need to go to school, get a degree, get a job and then build their career over years and years to get to a good pay. Oh ya, then there are those that have poor/ middle class families where they need to work during school / career just to keep their families going.
Stop hating on the barakah that Allah swt has provided for you and your family. Find a spouse and look for good character and other factors that you look for and go get married.
I don't agree with this. Not everyone is materialistic and superficial and his feelings of wanting to avoid a superficial woman who just likes him for his money rather than for himself is valid.
Users are people without good character. Whether it's a woman using a man for his money or a man who uses a woman for physical beauty. Some people look for a marriage which is more than surface level.
This is disingenuous. Do you think an average woman would choose a man that is broke/ homeless or a man that is wealthy(yes unrealistic scenario but trying to prove a point)? 100/100 times she would choose a man that is financially secure.
You said yourself it was unrealistic. Now compare a man who is a middle income earner but is a good loyal man vs a wealthy man who is unfaithful or has a wandering eye instead. Some women would still rather the wealthy one because he can buy them designer stuff and always go on vacations and they will sell their soul for the lifestyle. But I would rather the loyal one even if the lifestyle is not as great.
It's also like saying that men will always choose a beautiful woman over a plain or unattractive one. But there are literally men who have chosen to marry unattractive women who they loved and not because they didn't have another choice.
Would a woman want a broke/homeless hafiz or a wealthy Muslim man (no other details)?
As a man, he will usually choose a beautiful woman over an average or ugly looking woman (without any other details). Why is this even a question?
Homeless is extreme. But no your question cannot be answered because there always be details in real life! To say "no other details" would be like saying if men were robots created in a factory with no individual character and personality differences. Yes, if our choices were out of two "robot men" with "no other details" of rich or poor then I agree with you that we would always choose the "rich robot". But in the real world of real men there will always be "details" that factor in such as his character.
This is why in school, we learn humans has 5 fingers on each hand, they have two hands. They have two eyes, two ears and one mouth. Yes some are born with less or more fingers, they might not be able to see, speak, etc.
Yes, details matter but we can be objective and see things holistically. If a man has a proposal from an ugly woman vs beautiful woman, he’s gonna choose the beautiful one. If a woman get a proposal from a broke man vs a rich man, she’s gonna choose a rich man. This isn’t complex. Let’s establish a baseline. If we can’t even do this, then any further conversations are moot.
You assume that everyone thinks the same way as you. Yes many do but not everyone. See this buff guy - do you think that he doesn't get skinny women trying to get with him? Yet he chose to marry her because he loves and adores her.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CdtrOkfpPZY/?igsh=MW0zbWk3OGZjOGU0eA==
lol, you have lost your mind. If we can’t even get to a baseline, there is no point moving forward.
Yes there is no point of moving forward. Because people who don't live by your superficial world view have apparently "lost their mind". But don't worry, there is someone for everyone. You can meet someone just as superficial.
Wow. Where did the brother hate on his wealth?
Financially independent men are never financially secure it seems. There are plenty of women in poor families looking to get married but these struggling men would never glance their way, would they? Being wealthy isn’t the only criteria for women. Many women grew up without knowing wealth or materialism. As long as the guy can take care of her and provide her basic needs, she will be happy.
Men will only look at girls from wealthy rich families and complain that women only want wealthy men. Duh.
But would that same girl stick with him if Allah SWT took away the wealth? A wife needs to be someone who can support you during your good and bad times. I think his fear is that they may just be around now that times are good.
True, it really is a blessing but now as a revert it feels like a burden.
also the whole search according to islam everything I own is haram
so most pious girls will refuse me
how people explain it to me is thst nobody would marry you due the fam company only golddiggers or people who are not on deen.
If you have haram money, then go away from it. It’s really as simply as that. For example, if your parents own an alcohol company, then all that income is haram. Go out on your own two feet and go earn a living thats halal.
I agree, only im scared to take that step akh
inshAllah in the future