I know you’re making a snide comment and I don’t disagree, but as an addition: Societies began as matriarchal and the patriarchal society we have today was forged with violence and coercion. Patriarchy requires violence to exist.
This is why I'm a big fan of people creating a new last name at marriage (either just picking a name they both like, or merging parts of their original last names without a hyphen in whatever order they like the sound of best). If Armstrong and Bailey become the Armleys at marriage, and their child Armley marries a Chung, then the next generation can be the Angs or the Charms or for that matter the Diamonds or whatever other random name they feel like. The Arm- and the -ley in Armley are no longer separate entities, and any decision about which letters in Armley will be carried on should be based on how they combine best with Chung, and not on whether Armley's dad was Armstrong or Bailey and contributed either the Arm- or the -ley to Armley.
And if Armstrong and Bailey didn't like the sound of Armley, they could perfectly well have chosen instead to become the Bangs or the Strails or the Barmleys or whatever else sounded good to them. They could randomly become the Smiths if that's what they feel like doing.
Or even that some surnames are just like…unpleasant? Like if I end up married to a man with the last name Butts or Boner or whatever, I’ll at least be tempted to keep my cool German maiden name.
No joke, there is a family in my neighborhood whose last name is literally Hittler. Two t’s. I would rather have Butts and McFartbox or whatever other random bullshittery as my last name, over the absolute tragedy that is The Hittler’s.
My German maiden name on the other hand is impossible for people to spell or pronounce (not really sure why, German is phonetic but whatever) and I took my husbands name solely because I like it better
“Why do women always have to catastrophize everything?” He screams to the void as if a woman wanting to keep her own identity is the end of his world. Ironic, if her taking his last name is such a simple thing he already thought out, what’s stopping him from taking HER last name? Scratch that, I already know the answer why he’d never take a woman’s last name
He’s also so close to realizing women historically sacrifice a lot more personal freedoms and identity than the men do for family, but unfortunately the conclusion he came to was “they did it, so you should too”
I tried to do that, not the whole last name but to append my wife's last name to my middle name since she was (initially) going to keep her original last name in that same place. So we'd both use my last name and have her "maiden name" as our second middle name.
For her, the process would have been nearly automatic, maybe $20 extra and a simple form. For me, doing what amounted to a lesser name change would have required months of time, hundreds of dollars in court fees and required placement of the notice of name change in the local paper, and at least one visit to the courthouse. Mine was considered a full legal name change, akin to changing my first and last name to something completely random, while hers was put on a glide path.
We just decided to keep our original last names after all that. Busted patriarchal ass system.
This is the conversation I had with my boyfriend when I said if/when we get married I’d be keeping my name. He was minorly offended because it’s tradition, until I asked him why he didn’t just take mine instead and he said “because I like my name and I’ve had it for 50 years why would I want to change it…” then stopped, looked at me and said “ok I get it”.
Obviously that was written by someone who doesn't have any experience with a name change process - or likely even an address change.
I did change my name when I got married.
I've been married for 15 years.
I hold professional licenses for my career. I STILL have to jump through hoops when working in a new jurisdiction to prove that I am the same person and I legally changed my name since completing my education.
I have spent dozens of hours filing forms with the federal government (SSN, Passport, security clearances), local government (driver's license, tax assessor), my employer (tax forms, benefits, HR records), my financial institutions (mortgage, banks, credit cards, investment accounts), travel accounts (rental cars, hotels, airlines), and updating and maintaining my professional licenses.
I've spent hundreds of dollars.
I chose to change my name. It was my choice. But if anyone is on the fence about changing their own, I'm happy to tell them that it's a real pain in the butt, and they don't have to do it!
I'm not trying to take anything away from men. That's not even part of the equation.
It's simply fact that a name change puts a significant burden on a person. It's either ignorance or spite to minimize that effort and cost.
I worked at a bank, and one of the most frequent things we had to do was change women's names on their accounts after they got married. And, yes, they have to provide a ton of proof of their name change to do that.
I changed my name twice (marriage/divorce) and this was my exact experience. It was so much work, time, and money. If I were to get married again, I would keep my last name.
"I know you females want to take away everything from men"
Did he really write that right after telling women they should give up their own name for said men?
It's a bit funny he feels like something has been taken away from him in this situation, when it's in fact women who have had everything taken away from them since the dawn of time; their right to vote, to own property, to open back accounts, to get educated, to work, to choose who they marry and yes, the right to keep their very own name. But he's the victim here because women are now gaining their rights back? Lol so fucking fragile.
There's no way a "female" could have an reputation in her business or profession that's linked to her name, right? And there's no way a couple could decide for themselves which last name their child should have?
My daughter had published papers in her name before she got married, and she didn't want to lose momentum by changing names. Sheff they had a baby, they discussed what they wanted to do for his last name, and they simply put that surname on his birth certificate. It's really common for kids and parents to have different last names nowadays; no one gets confused by it.
The part about children carrying their father’s last name makes me lol. In a patriarchal society, yes, but my theory is this - it all started because men were desperate to slap their contribution sticker on the baby despite mum carrying it for 9 months and going through all the pain and repercussions associated with it. Even in hospitals now (or at least where I’m from) - before a baby is named and the name is officially registered by government entities, the baby is referred to as ‘child of <mother’s maiden name>’. I mean it’s obvious why, but interesting to think about. The woman has a lineage to carry too, surprisingly enough. :)
Anyways, men aren’t entitled to women’s names and women aren’t obliged to change their identities to fit the feelings of men. He can die mad about it. Lol.
I kept my daughter’s newborn sticker that was on her hospital bassinet, because it had her first name and my last name. I cherished it. I wish I wouldn’t have just acquiesced to giving her her father’s last name. :/
As a child, my brother chose to change his name to include our mother's surname as his middle name.
It adds a lifetime of wrangling all the administrative name change issues (as a child he wasn't thinking about all the future extra admin work it would create) but it's still bloody good that he recognised the importance of having his mother's family name.
He's a good boy 🥰👍
It's ridiculous that it wasn't included from the very beginning of his life.
Shame on his father (and all fathers) for being disrespectful to the mothers and making these egotistical, misogynistic child naming decisions while the mothers are at their most vulnerable and have no extra energy to advocate for themselves while going though pregnancy and childbirth.
It's lovely that you have your daughter’s newborn sticker from her hospital bassinet with her first name and your last name 🥰💕
Maybe get it framed so you can see it everyday.
If it were me, I'd send a photo of it to a print shop or an artist/crafter, maybe an embroiderer.
Could even do it yourself as a joint craft project with your daughter. It would be wonderful and empowering for you both to have the birth name sticker replicated as a pair of lovely embroidered artworks for you both to cherish. 🤗
I've been married twice and divorced twice. Both times I took the man's last name.
That's four names changes since I went back to my maiden name each time.
They are hell. Literal hell. I don't care my relationship status, I'm not changing my name ever again.
I still regularly have the old last names pop up unexpectedly. Like I literally went to the ER once, at a hospital I've been previously registered at with the correct name, went to look at my armband after they checked me in and it had my first husband's last name on it. It had been over 10 years at that point since I've used the name and I had never even used it in that town. But somehow it's floating out there and keeps popping up on my record once in awhile and nobody can get rid of it.
Last names are so intricate to our lives that really is just a giant mess to try to update it and good luck ever getting it perfectly changed everywhere.
My brother married a woman with the same first name as me, so now she has the name I had for the first 19 years of my life. Despite the fact that it hasn’t been my name for 30 years now, I still have to check my credit report annually, because her shit comes up on it, simply because we shared that name and lived in the same town 3 decades ago. We never even had the name at the same time; I married at 19 and changed mine, she married my brother 7 years later. It’s so stupid. I’ve gotten calls from collection agencies looking for her in the past!
Anyway, when I eventually divorced, I kept my married name. When I remarried, I kept my ex husband’s name. I didn’t want to go back to my maiden name, for multiple reasons, and I honestly just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of changing to my wife’s name (even though hers is way cooler than mine). It’s a lot of work, and just didn’t seem worth it for something so silly.
I did it twice (1 marriage and divorce) and that was enough for me. Never again! My sister did it 4 times too. I get my Disneyland key pass mail addressed to my ex husbands last name because there's no way for them to change it in the system. I've been divorced for 7 years and still get mail addressed to the old name and my old name pops up on random accounts. Until you do it, you have no idea how bad it is. 0/10, don't recommend.
Oh exactly, it sounds easy on the surface but your name is in so many places and as you said some systems they can't even change it. Before I switched internet providers, it was always under the wrong last name because there was a place in their system with it they couldn't change it.
The thought that a woman carries the pregnancy for 9 months, changing everything about her body and mind and then a man gets to stamp his name on all her hard work has never sat right with me. It's men who wish to take everything from women. They want credit for our every achievement.
Projection is often seen in conservatives; conservatives are more often men. I don't think it's a stretch, and most womens' lived experiences seem to tend toward agreement.
Personally I think deep down they know they are more like accessories to our lives, they hate that so they've worked very hard to decenter women and center themselves and now that we're shifting back they're losing their minds.
I was adopted at age 7. Took my dad’s name - went to court, got last name changed on my birth certificate, etc.
30 years later, I still have to carry an additional form with me for government paperwork that shows I had a legal name change. When I got married, I knew that A) I wanted to continue carrying on my dad’s family name, and B) I didn’t want to go through the hassle of a name change. It was a pain in the ass before I had to deal with shit like driver’s licenses, a mortgage, or credit cards. Fuck all the paperwork. My husband offered to change his name to match mine, but I told him the same - too much work.
When we were engaged I was asked by an acquaintance whether I would take my fiance's name when we got married and I said no.
She got all sarcastic about how I already had a man's name (my father's). I asked her how long a person has to have a name before it becomes theirs, because I'd had mine for 29 years already. She shut right up.
Right? They ALWAYS retired with the "yeah but it isn't truly her name is it? It is her father's"
Bro it's still HER identity, and I know big brain jump here.. But some wome' already have their mother's last names! So it's not even always true! (even when they answer that it's not truly her mother's either but her grandfather's...).
They truly don't understand thzt it does matter who's name it was previously, it now is hers, it's the name she was born under and who gets the right to demand she change it!? No one. It's hers and she can do what she wants with it.
And honestly if you get married and that already become such a big hassle? Rethink if you truly want that guy because my god it's super unimportant and someone who doesn't take your wishes into account and wants to buldoze you over THAT is probably not going to be any more reasonable when it truly matters...
That was the other thing — I was given my mother's surname when I was born and it was changed to my father's when they got married (I was a scandal, lol).
There's a couple that's relatively famous in one of my hobby fields, but she was definitely the better-known name. When they married, they both updated surnames to his name, then hers, with a space in between.
People get his name wrong so fucking often, using his unmarried name, and people generally get hers right. They are referred to by their catchy initials sometimes (KDR and CDR) and some folks still just can't adjust to his name update.
Not to mention the hassle it's become to get a driver's license in the US. I just renewed mine on Tuesday. I'm not sure if it's per state or countrywide, but I had to order a copy of my marriage license from the county because I haven't seen the thing since 2002.
In my province, changing to a husband's name is as easy as presenting your marriage certificate at the bank or wherever else you need to change your name. It is more convenient than hyphenating which does require going through the legal name change process. I don't care how convenient it is. I was never going to change my name.
I never changed my name because why should I? I'm not his property that he gets to claim by changing my name to his so everyone knows he owns me. I'm his wife not his slave.
Did my daughters carry his name? Yes but only because I have a common last name and his is more rare. He's an only child so we agreed they should have his last name.
I don’t change to my ex husbands name mainly because I didn’t want to go through that whole exhausting process. Also, I now realize I never wanted his name in the first place cuz he was a nightmare. Not worth the hassle. This guy sounds like a nightmare too, no wonder nobody wants his name.
This tweet from doughbvy: Asked my doctor why she practices with her maiden name and not her married name. Her response “cus my husband didn’t go to medical school”. DAMN SIS
I changed my name when I got married and it was a HUGE hassle. Never again. Took a few years to change everything over, as I kept finding my maiden name on things. I got divorced and changed it all back. Again, huge hassle and cost about $200. Credit card companies need notarized proof of the name change and you have to send in your original marriage/divorce certificates (not free, have to be ordered and picked up from the county you got married/divorced). I had moved out of state after my divorce and it was $50 to get my divorce decree mailed to me. I had to go into the electric company building to change my name (took over an hour just for that). It wasn't just a one and done, it takes months and years to do. I had to contact 1 of my credit card companies 3 times to get it changed. DMV and social security took about 3 hours. Took over a month to get an appointment with SS. I changed my name in at least 75 places, a minimum of 40 of them required me to physically go in or make 20+ minute long phone calls. It's not like you just edit your name everywhere, companies want proof. I still have my degree certificate in my married name. Another thing I have to request a new one for (also an expense).
I kept mine.don’t think his family was too happy but I didn’t marry them! But I used his name when kids were born and even now 40+ plus years still use it. But for anything legal, I’m me. But it’s also fun to
Have aliases 🤣
Also, the assumption by anglophones that all cultures change their names upon marriage... my part of french canada doesn't do that, hasn't in centuries. I mean, my grandmas and great grandmas kept their fucking names. But we moved to english provinces when I was a kid, and my parents both got bullied and mocked and sneered at for it all of my childhood. When people ask "what radicalized you"...
He is literally catastrophising women keeping their own names lol.
I kept mine. People do occasionally ask if there was a specific reason. I tell them the truth: never at a single point in my life has it ever crossed my mind to have any other name than my own lmao! Also my last name is cool and sounds good with my first one and my husband's wouldn't have anyway🤷🏼♀️
Yes, I handled changing my last name just fine - and my husband also handled changing his last name, because we merged our last names at marriage. (One syllable from each of our original last names, without a hyphen.)
Women know how to do these things, provided that they're what we want to do. Men also know how to do these things, and should be equally expected to.
The fact that it didn’t even occur to him that a woman might want to keep her own name because it’s part of her identity.🙄 Jesus Christ.
But his lineage!
Muh legacy!
Who is talking what away from who again??
Certainly the man couldn't take the last name of the female. That'd be against nature or something.
I know you’re making a snide comment and I don’t disagree, but as an addition: Societies began as matriarchal and the patriarchal society we have today was forged with violence and coercion. Patriarchy requires violence to exist.
Against the patriarchy.
I imagine this guy having a conniption at the thought of places that traditionally have people using both parents last names!
(but which one of their parents' names are they going to give their own kids?)
This is why I'm a big fan of people creating a new last name at marriage (either just picking a name they both like, or merging parts of their original last names without a hyphen in whatever order they like the sound of best). If Armstrong and Bailey become the Armleys at marriage, and their child Armley marries a Chung, then the next generation can be the Angs or the Charms or for that matter the Diamonds or whatever other random name they feel like. The Arm- and the -ley in Armley are no longer separate entities, and any decision about which letters in Armley will be carried on should be based on how they combine best with Chung, and not on whether Armley's dad was Armstrong or Bailey and contributed either the Arm- or the -ley to Armley.
And if Armstrong and Bailey didn't like the sound of Armley, they could perfectly well have chosen instead to become the Bangs or the Strails or the Barmleys or whatever else sounded good to them. They could randomly become the Smiths if that's what they feel like doing.
Or even that some surnames are just like…unpleasant? Like if I end up married to a man with the last name Butts or Boner or whatever, I’ll at least be tempted to keep my cool German maiden name.
No joke, there is a family in my neighborhood whose last name is literally Hittler. Two t’s. I would rather have Butts and McFartbox or whatever other random bullshittery as my last name, over the absolute tragedy that is The Hittler’s.
wow. that's interesting, have they considered a name change? do they ever go to Starbucks? "name" "oh yeah my name is john"
My German maiden name on the other hand is impossible for people to spell or pronounce (not really sure why, German is phonetic but whatever) and I took my husbands name solely because I like it better
My married name is German! 😆
“Why do women always have to catastrophize everything?” He screams to the void as if a woman wanting to keep her own identity is the end of his world. Ironic, if her taking his last name is such a simple thing he already thought out, what’s stopping him from taking HER last name? Scratch that, I already know the answer why he’d never take a woman’s last name
Right as he types hysterical paragraphs about the AUDACITY of a woman maybe wanting to keep her maiden name lmao 🤣🤣🤣. Totally not emotional about it.
He’s also so close to realizing women historically sacrifice a lot more personal freedoms and identity than the men do for family, but unfortunately the conclusion he came to was “they did it, so you should too”
I know a guy who took half his wife's name, since they made up a new name using half of each surname.
Their kid has the new surname too.
That's cool lol they started their very own lineage
I tried to do that, not the whole last name but to append my wife's last name to my middle name since she was (initially) going to keep her original last name in that same place. So we'd both use my last name and have her "maiden name" as our second middle name.
For her, the process would have been nearly automatic, maybe $20 extra and a simple form. For me, doing what amounted to a lesser name change would have required months of time, hundreds of dollars in court fees and required placement of the notice of name change in the local paper, and at least one visit to the courthouse. Mine was considered a full legal name change, akin to changing my first and last name to something completely random, while hers was put on a glide path.
We just decided to keep our original last names after all that. Busted patriarchal ass system.
This is the conversation I had with my boyfriend when I said if/when we get married I’d be keeping my name. He was minorly offended because it’s tradition, until I asked him why he didn’t just take mine instead and he said “because I like my name and I’ve had it for 50 years why would I want to change it…” then stopped, looked at me and said “ok I get it”.
Obviously that was written by someone who doesn't have any experience with a name change process - or likely even an address change.
I did change my name when I got married.
I've been married for 15 years.
I hold professional licenses for my career. I STILL have to jump through hoops when working in a new jurisdiction to prove that I am the same person and I legally changed my name since completing my education.
I have spent dozens of hours filing forms with the federal government (SSN, Passport, security clearances), local government (driver's license, tax assessor), my employer (tax forms, benefits, HR records), my financial institutions (mortgage, banks, credit cards, investment accounts), travel accounts (rental cars, hotels, airlines), and updating and maintaining my professional licenses.
I've spent hundreds of dollars.
I chose to change my name. It was my choice. But if anyone is on the fence about changing their own, I'm happy to tell them that it's a real pain in the butt, and they don't have to do it!
I'm not trying to take anything away from men. That's not even part of the equation.
It's simply fact that a name change puts a significant burden on a person. It's either ignorance or spite to minimize that effort and cost.
Same for me! It’s not a one-and-done task, it’s life admin that follows you forever.
I worked at a bank, and one of the most frequent things we had to do was change women's names on their accounts after they got married. And, yes, they have to provide a ton of proof of their name change to do that.
I have PhD family members who took the advice of other men and women in their fields and didn't take their husband's last names for this reason.
I changed my name twice (marriage/divorce) and this was my exact experience. It was so much work, time, and money. If I were to get married again, I would keep my last name.
"I know you females want to take away everything from men"
Did he really write that right after telling women they should give up their own name for said men?
It's a bit funny he feels like something has been taken away from him in this situation, when it's in fact women who have had everything taken away from them since the dawn of time; their right to vote, to own property, to open back accounts, to get educated, to work, to choose who they marry and yes, the right to keep their very own name. But he's the victim here because women are now gaining their rights back? Lol so fucking fragile.
This stood out to me too. I guess not allowing a man to take your name from you means that you are taking something from him?? Make it make sense!
We're taking away their right to own us. It's outrageous!!1!!
When you’re accustomed to and enjoy privilege, equality feels like oppression.
So no possiblity she just likes her name?
There's no way a "female" could have an reputation in her business or profession that's linked to her name, right? And there's no way a couple could decide for themselves which last name their child should have?
My daughter had published papers in her name before she got married, and she didn't want to lose momentum by changing names. Sheff they had a baby, they discussed what they wanted to do for his last name, and they simply put that surname on his birth certificate. It's really common for kids and parents to have different last names nowadays; no one gets confused by it.
The part about children carrying their father’s last name makes me lol. In a patriarchal society, yes, but my theory is this - it all started because men were desperate to slap their contribution sticker on the baby despite mum carrying it for 9 months and going through all the pain and repercussions associated with it. Even in hospitals now (or at least where I’m from) - before a baby is named and the name is officially registered by government entities, the baby is referred to as ‘child of <mother’s maiden name>’. I mean it’s obvious why, but interesting to think about. The woman has a lineage to carry too, surprisingly enough. :)
Anyways, men aren’t entitled to women’s names and women aren’t obliged to change their identities to fit the feelings of men. He can die mad about it. Lol.
I kept my daughter’s newborn sticker that was on her hospital bassinet, because it had her first name and my last name. I cherished it. I wish I wouldn’t have just acquiesced to giving her her father’s last name. :/
As a child, my brother chose to change his name to include our mother's surname as his middle name.
It adds a lifetime of wrangling all the administrative name change issues (as a child he wasn't thinking about all the future extra admin work it would create) but it's still bloody good that he recognised the importance of having his mother's family name.
He's a good boy 🥰👍
It's ridiculous that it wasn't included from the very beginning of his life.
Shame on his father (and all fathers) for being disrespectful to the mothers and making these egotistical, misogynistic child naming decisions while the mothers are at their most vulnerable and have no extra energy to advocate for themselves while going though pregnancy and childbirth.
It's lovely that you have your daughter’s newborn sticker from her hospital bassinet with her first name and your last name 🥰💕
Maybe get it framed so you can see it everyday.
If it were me, I'd send a photo of it to a print shop or an artist/crafter, maybe an embroiderer.
Could even do it yourself as a joint craft project with your daughter. It would be wonderful and empowering for you both to have the birth name sticker replicated as a pair of lovely embroidered artworks for you both to cherish. 🤗
I've been married twice and divorced twice. Both times I took the man's last name.
That's four names changes since I went back to my maiden name each time.
They are hell. Literal hell. I don't care my relationship status, I'm not changing my name ever again.
I still regularly have the old last names pop up unexpectedly. Like I literally went to the ER once, at a hospital I've been previously registered at with the correct name, went to look at my armband after they checked me in and it had my first husband's last name on it. It had been over 10 years at that point since I've used the name and I had never even used it in that town. But somehow it's floating out there and keeps popping up on my record once in awhile and nobody can get rid of it.
Last names are so intricate to our lives that really is just a giant mess to try to update it and good luck ever getting it perfectly changed everywhere.
Name changes should die on a fiery Hill.
My brother married a woman with the same first name as me, so now she has the name I had for the first 19 years of my life. Despite the fact that it hasn’t been my name for 30 years now, I still have to check my credit report annually, because her shit comes up on it, simply because we shared that name and lived in the same town 3 decades ago. We never even had the name at the same time; I married at 19 and changed mine, she married my brother 7 years later. It’s so stupid. I’ve gotten calls from collection agencies looking for her in the past!
Anyway, when I eventually divorced, I kept my married name. When I remarried, I kept my ex husband’s name. I didn’t want to go back to my maiden name, for multiple reasons, and I honestly just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of changing to my wife’s name (even though hers is way cooler than mine). It’s a lot of work, and just didn’t seem worth it for something so silly.
I did it twice (1 marriage and divorce) and that was enough for me. Never again! My sister did it 4 times too. I get my Disneyland key pass mail addressed to my ex husbands last name because there's no way for them to change it in the system. I've been divorced for 7 years and still get mail addressed to the old name and my old name pops up on random accounts. Until you do it, you have no idea how bad it is. 0/10, don't recommend.
Oh exactly, it sounds easy on the surface but your name is in so many places and as you said some systems they can't even change it. Before I switched internet providers, it was always under the wrong last name because there was a place in their system with it they couldn't change it.
Says a person who has never had to change their name.
I didn’t even want to do it again when I divorced OR when I remarried. I still have my first husband’s last name.
The thought that a woman carries the pregnancy for 9 months, changing everything about her body and mind and then a man gets to stamp his name on all her hard work has never sat right with me. It's men who wish to take everything from women. They want credit for our every achievement.
Every accusation is a confession.
Projection is often seen in conservatives; conservatives are more often men. I don't think it's a stretch, and most womens' lived experiences seem to tend toward agreement.
Personally I think deep down they know they are more like accessories to our lives, they hate that so they've worked very hard to decenter women and center themselves and now that we're shifting back they're losing their minds.
I know quite a few people who have their mother's surname.
They're in their 30's, 40's and 50's. It's not some 'Modern women!' Thing 😆
I was adopted at age 7. Took my dad’s name - went to court, got last name changed on my birth certificate, etc.
30 years later, I still have to carry an additional form with me for government paperwork that shows I had a legal name change. When I got married, I knew that A) I wanted to continue carrying on my dad’s family name, and B) I didn’t want to go through the hassle of a name change. It was a pain in the ass before I had to deal with shit like driver’s licenses, a mortgage, or credit cards. Fuck all the paperwork. My husband offered to change his name to match mine, but I told him the same - too much work.
If it's so trivial, why don't men do it, and take her name?
Dude can't let women have anything nice in life, can he.
What about MY lineage??? This girl’s got good genes!
Then he can change his name. 🤷♀️
I wish it was only $20 for a name change
Yep. Cost me over $200. It would have been more if I had replaced my passport. I think another $130. Plus my time and energy.
Stupid dingus. A man's last name isn't even his own.
When we were engaged I was asked by an acquaintance whether I would take my fiance's name when we got married and I said no.
She got all sarcastic about how I already had a man's name (my father's). I asked her how long a person has to have a name before it becomes theirs, because I'd had mine for 29 years already. She shut right up.
Right? They ALWAYS retired with the "yeah but it isn't truly her name is it? It is her father's"
Bro it's still HER identity, and I know big brain jump here.. But some wome' already have their mother's last names! So it's not even always true! (even when they answer that it's not truly her mother's either but her grandfather's...).
They truly don't understand thzt it does matter who's name it was previously, it now is hers, it's the name she was born under and who gets the right to demand she change it!? No one. It's hers and she can do what she wants with it.
And honestly if you get married and that already become such a big hassle? Rethink if you truly want that guy because my god it's super unimportant and someone who doesn't take your wishes into account and wants to buldoze you over THAT is probably not going to be any more reasonable when it truly matters...
That was the other thing — I was given my mother's surname when I was born and it was changed to my father's when they got married (I was a scandal, lol).
There's a couple that's relatively famous in one of my hobby fields, but she was definitely the better-known name. When they married, they both updated surnames to his name, then hers, with a space in between.
People get his name wrong so fucking often, using his unmarried name, and people generally get hers right. They are referred to by their catchy initials sometimes (KDR and CDR) and some folks still just can't adjust to his name update.
Not to mention the hassle it's become to get a driver's license in the US. I just renewed mine on Tuesday. I'm not sure if it's per state or countrywide, but I had to order a copy of my marriage license from the county because I haven't seen the thing since 2002.
My dad gave all his kids middle names that could be last names in case any of us wanted to change our names.
In my province, changing to a husband's name is as easy as presenting your marriage certificate at the bank or wherever else you need to change your name. It is more convenient than hyphenating which does require going through the legal name change process. I don't care how convenient it is. I was never going to change my name.
I never changed my name because why should I? I'm not his property that he gets to claim by changing my name to his so everyone knows he owns me. I'm his wife not his slave.
Did my daughters carry his name? Yes but only because I have a common last name and his is more rare. He's an only child so we agreed they should have his last name.
Holy meltdown
I don’t change to my ex husbands name mainly because I didn’t want to go through that whole exhausting process. Also, I now realize I never wanted his name in the first place cuz he was a nightmare. Not worth the hassle. This guy sounds like a nightmare too, no wonder nobody wants his name.
I've had this conversation with a bunch of men when I was younger and oooooooh, boy, did the truth came out of their filthy mouths!
"My identity will be erased if I take your name"
"I won't feel as connected to the children if they don't have my name"
"I'm not a woman"
"It's demeaning to take someone else's name"
"Tradition is important"
It was also impossible to make them understand that if they think it's demeaning to themselves, that means they want to demean their wives.
None of the arguments were "my name is prettier" or "we flipped a coin".
Like, they themselves viewed the name change as this demeaning act that was yucky.
This tweet from doughbvy: Asked my doctor why she practices with her maiden name and not her married name. Her response “cus my husband didn’t go to medical school”. DAMN SIS
I changed my name when I got married and it was a HUGE hassle. Never again. Took a few years to change everything over, as I kept finding my maiden name on things. I got divorced and changed it all back. Again, huge hassle and cost about $200. Credit card companies need notarized proof of the name change and you have to send in your original marriage/divorce certificates (not free, have to be ordered and picked up from the county you got married/divorced). I had moved out of state after my divorce and it was $50 to get my divorce decree mailed to me. I had to go into the electric company building to change my name (took over an hour just for that). It wasn't just a one and done, it takes months and years to do. I had to contact 1 of my credit card companies 3 times to get it changed. DMV and social security took about 3 hours. Took over a month to get an appointment with SS. I changed my name in at least 75 places, a minimum of 40 of them required me to physically go in or make 20+ minute long phone calls. It's not like you just edit your name everywhere, companies want proof. I still have my degree certificate in my married name. Another thing I have to request a new one for (also an expense).
I kept mine.don’t think his family was too happy but I didn’t marry them! But I used his name when kids were born and even now 40+ plus years still use it. But for anything legal, I’m me. But it’s also fun to Have aliases 🤣
I wonder what this guy thinks of naming customs in places where you get both parents surnames...
Also, the assumption by anglophones that all cultures change their names upon marriage... my part of french canada doesn't do that, hasn't in centuries. I mean, my grandmas and great grandmas kept their fucking names. But we moved to english provinces when I was a kid, and my parents both got bullied and mocked and sneered at for it all of my childhood. When people ask "what radicalized you"...
He is literally catastrophising women keeping their own names lol.
I kept mine. People do occasionally ask if there was a specific reason. I tell them the truth: never at a single point in my life has it ever crossed my mind to have any other name than my own lmao! Also my last name is cool and sounds good with my first one and my husband's wouldn't have anyway🤷🏼♀️
Yes, I handled changing my last name just fine - and my husband also handled changing his last name, because we merged our last names at marriage. (One syllable from each of our original last names, without a hyphen.)
Women know how to do these things, provided that they're what we want to do. Men also know how to do these things, and should be equally expected to.
There are many cultures where this is not true.
At all.
Some even give their children brand new last names.