Gahhh my MIL too long a story to write. Strap in for some waffle and ranting. Lately my partner has been expressing wanting to go no contact as his parents are just well, tone deaf to his wants/needs/feelings. It's tricky as we have the only grandchild and my partner doesn't want to jepodise what relationship our child has with MIL (which isn't much in my opinion). Now MIL thinks she's doing me a huge favor by coming by once a week to pick our child up from school when I go into the office. I also go into the office another day but this doesn't fit into her "schedule" ( I say this as she doesn't work and goes to the gym once a week for a class). Should she be busy on the designated day she never offers another day in the week. Our child isn't bothered by her and has even said to me why does she come over and they'd rather be in a school club. Telling no?
Anyways rambling on; Before Christmas I broke a finger that required surgery. I had no offers from her to come over and help with anything. Christmas we were away with my parents and it was lovely. My partner even kept saying how much he was looking forward to it. We then saw MIL on NYD at partners sibling's house. I had been fretting with what to get her for Christmas as I knew my partner wouldn't have bothered (I know why tf did I bother?! Because I'm too nice). And she's the type to moan if she doesn't get anything but heaven forbid you get her a voucher. So I found her some face cream from a well known high end brand that was a good deal and I know she likes their products. Anyways she opens it and says "well I don't know if I should be a offended?! Fine lines??" I merely responded it was the brand she liked and it was sincere, she did backtrack with a "oh yes thank you" but you know that tone of oh whoops my mask slipped.Annoyingly when I assess things in my mind later I come up with the sassier responses I should have said at the time " well you ain't no spring chicken and tbh how bloody rude , if you don't want it I'll take it back and give it to someone who does"
So roll on to last week and the context of the rambling earlier. She asks if she needs to come over and pick up grandchild from school because she doesn't know my schedule atm. She knows Im working from home and wasn't driving due to my injury. So politely said no I was off and not to worry this week. She then followed up with oh ok well I need to take my Christmas tree down anyway (like I care?!) she then asked if I had a follow up appt for my injury. Which I ignored . I didn't want to engage in conversation and tbh it's how she tries to fein interest. This week she's now messaged to ask about collecting again and saying she hasn't seen grandchild in 2 weeks. I haven't responded , she's then messaged me seperately as this was to our group chat. I've read the message and just left her stewing. I know a storm is brewing with me and her because my partner avoids confrontation like the plague. Just amazes me, not once has she reached out any other day to see her grandchild but wants the sympathy of it's been 2 weeks?! Give me a break. Her tone and emotional blackmail tactics piss me off. So im probably going to tell her I will be picking up my child as normal tomorrow, but going forward I'll be stopping her collecting our child because it doesn't benefit out child whilst she sits in our home watching whatever, our child is usually doing their own thing in their room. If she's that desperate to see them she can maybe step up and not rely on pick up.
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Not overreacting at all. Anyone would feel anxious and frustrated after all that history. No contact is about protecting yourself and your kids, and cookies don’t change that. Your feelings are 100% valid.
Tbh ignore her petty digs about gifts and tree drama u’ve got bigger fish to fry and self care matters
Follow your husband's lead! That way lies freedom.
If SO wants no contact, why not do that? Or phase them out. No scheduled weekly pickup, you stop responding to texts and calls, you stop reaching out, SO takes over all communication and conversations, and if he decides not to respond either, then maybe that’s for the best?
Wait a sec... so he wants you to be the meat shield that coordinates everything with MIL and your child while he steps out of it?
She's his monkey, not yours.
If LO has said specifically about wanting to join a club, that could be a priority. And a built in reason.
This!! A very good reason to be backing off if you're non confrontational. School clubs are great for socialization, learning, and hopefully if your kid makes more friends, you'll have other parents to trade having kids over etc. And if your DH doesn't want to deal with his mom, is he expecting you to facilitate your child's relationship with JNMIL and do the coordinating with his mom? That's his mom. Either he should handle her, or definitely you should both back off to LC. If he isn't happy that his kid doesn't see his family of origin much and he still doesn't want to facilitate that himself, or worse, if he is too intimidated or upset dealing with his mom, then he needs therapy to unpack what's going on there. It's a little worrisome that it sounds like he wants you to just take care of it while he stays out of it and doesn't stress. Maybe I'm misreading this. It almost sounds like he wants to go NC himself, but have you and your child as sacrifices to his mom so he doesn't have to deal with her. I have to wonder what growing up was like for him to be like this. If any of that is close to the mark, protect your child, get them in a club, and away from JNMIL. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! She sounds like a lot.