My mom is an narcissist according to several therapists I have gone to over the years Add being a mean drunk into the mix. She has never respected my boundaries. My husband was self employed and when he became terminally I'll we moved in with her for financial reasons. My husband passed away in February. Long story but 3 months after he passed away she evicted me from her house and got a PPO on top of that and I couldn't get my belongings out bc I would be arrested for going near her house. She contacted me recently and asked me over for dinner. I should not have gone over bc it would violate the PPO and if caught is a mandatory 6 months in jail. But I really needed to get clothes and other things I had to leave behind. She didn't give me time to pack anything. She has the police come into my bedroom it was early morning I was asleep. and they didn't let me put on a bra, find my glasses or take my purse. They said leave now or u are going to jail.
Anyways I went over yesterday.
I am devastated. I went up to my room which was my bedroom since childhood. All of my clothes were thrown away and all.my dressor drawers were empty. I had a special spot with keepsakes of my late husband. My Name badge I wore while he was in the ICU, a hair clipping, a print out of his EKG reading from his fatal heat rhythm to flatline the hospital put in a little bottle. All of his things basically. Old report cards, pictures of him. I am surprised that she didn't get rid of his ashes.
I am also not allowed to cry or say anything about it. When I cry over his death she says I am mentally ill and stop your blubbering.
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Cut her off.
Get what you can and get out of there and block her, cut her nasty, selfish, toxic, narcissistic, greedy, lying, piece of trash C word out of your life permanently. Don't ever speak to her again and never look at her again. She is not your mom she is your enemy. She is a jealous hater because you had a spouse who loved you and treated you good and he didn't leave you (he is with you forever now) your enemy is angry you had what she never did. Move on now.
This is abuse. Your mom is toxic.
This is psychotic behavior and she’s dangerous at least to you.
This made me cry. Holy smokes she’s evil. Run. Please. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Your husband has given you one last gift as the anniversary of his death approaches.
That gift is freedom from your abuser.
You have seen what she thinks of you. What she truly and genuinely feels about you. What she thought of the life you and your house built.
She thought it was worthless. So now you can walk away and never look back.
THIS— please take your memories of good with you and never return. This woman is hateful towards you.
Please protect yourself first: don’t go back in violation of the PPO, and only communicate in writing or through a third party if you have to. She’s shown she’ll use access to you as leverage, so the safest path is treating her like a hostile party and focusing on rebuilding your own support system.
U can't even do the 3rd party thing mI really have no family left. My husband passed, my grandma that raised me is gone. My dad was good to me but is dying of alzheimer's. I FaceTime him every day. Hold back tears are pretend my son and I are doing great. If I told him the truth he would want to help and become inconsolable for hours bc he really wants to by doesn't remember how
I’m so sorry for your loss everything you’ve gone through and for this evil act. I saw in the comments that you have a son. I hope she is never alone with him and never sees or talks to him. Please keep him safe from her. It’s never too late to go NC and prevent the abuse that she did on you to possibly him. Sending you a big virtual hug!
My son is with her. When she evicted me he didn't want to go to the homeless shelter and when I came to my Aunt's. The thing is my Aunt is just as toxic.
How old is your son? If he's a minor, he doesn't have a choice on where to go and she's probably love bombing him to keep him away from you emotionally. You need to get him away from her, as she will do to him what she did to you. How did she get a PPO granted and can you get it reversed? Also, sue her for your things. Hold her accountable, legally and CUT HER OFF FOR GOOD!
I am waiting on 6 different lawyer as to call me. It is not that expensive. 1k maybe 500. It is one thing to be mean to me. I am an adult . She set me up to let men used and abuse me. I believed her that I was ugly. I Am actually pretty. I look back at pictures of myself on my 20s. She shattered my self-esteem. It effect your whole life.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Both losses. I hope you are able to move far away and never see her again (if that’s what you want) I wish you good healing and peaceful times ❤️
This wasn't carelessness, it was a targeted act of psychological warfare. Destroying your husband's keepsakes was meant to annihilate the parr of you she could never control: your love for someone else.
She’s not a mother, she’s a monster. Her actions were calculatef, premeditated cruelty. You’re not crying over belongings, you’re grieving the final, violent severance of every remaining piece of your life and lovee
idk yeah, she's just heartless. can't believe someone would be that cruel, especially to their own kid. so sorry you're going through this
This is your sign to cut her out completely, if you were still waiting for one. She doesn't care about you at all, other than as to how she can hurt or manipulate you. Don't give her the power anymore. Simply disappear from her life. Honestly, a women's shelter would be better than that (and I say that from experience).
And to my son. His dad died and then she separated me from him.
She imvited you over with the sole purpose of hirting you. Cut the witch out of your life completely.
This is malicious behavior. Her behavior is why I believe in a hell. Setting you up like that served no purpose other than to hurt you.
I'm so sorry OP. You didn't deserve this.
I feel like she is demon possessed as well. I don't believe in hell anymore. But I never want to meet up with her soul in another life or in the afterlife.
Possessed by the Jezebel spirit
As a Catholic... you may be on to something.
Run and keep yourself safe
I’m really really sorry. The thing that really really helped me with my grandads death. Is I watched a documentary. About people that had positive experiences with heaven and the afterlife. And lived to tell the tale. It’s called surviving death. There’s some beautiful descriptions of heaven on there. Think it’s on Netflix. And it made me believe in heaven. Which I didn’t before hand. And have a different view of death. In the mean time, Take as much time as u need. I’m really really sorry u had to deal with that that. And I really really hope u are kind and compassionate with yourself in this time. And try to do a least , one thing each day that brings u joy
The book Heaven is For Real talks abiut this kind of thing too.
That's absolutely heartbreaking.
At least she's shown you that there's absolutely no reason to ever pick up any phone calls from her. She basically violated the PPO she got.
For your own peace of mind, if she ever does reach out again, don't answer. If she has flying monkeys to come after you, show them the POO, and explain that your mother erased you from her life by lying to get the PPO, and throw away ALL your belongings, including your late husband's things. And that you'll respect the PPO from now on, for the rest of your life.
She threw away any leverage she could still have to 'make you play nice'.
You're free from her now. Let her go, and leave her behind.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I would not feel relief or sadness in she passed.
That's fine. You don't owe her anything. You are free. Whether she lives or dies is none of your concern anymore. I hope you can find balance, and eventually, you get to know another older lady that can take on a motherly role in your life.
I loved my mom. She passed away 13 years ago (gosh, that sounds long. I had to count the years, in my head). My neighbor is only 10 years older than me. But she's a mother goose. If I ever have issues, or something I want to brag about, I go to her, and she gives me the warmth and the encouragement a mother would give.
There's plenty of ppl that would love you, if you let them. Your mother though.... she in incapable of love. And that's not your fault.
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Please stop trusting her. Never see her again. Change your number and move.
My gosh, it's hard to think of a relationship more toxic than this. I'm sorry it's like this with your mother. I wonder if you would be healthier, from an emotional and mental frame of mind without her in your life?
1000% It is hard to understand why it takes some of us so long to go no contact. It is your mother and the cycle of love bombing. She damaged me so badly as and child and I had no self esteem. The things she did and said to me as a child created a person that thought what she said was true.
I am currently in therapy. I am not ok mental health wise at all. I don't have any other family except my son now. I just wish I would die in my sleep so I can go to the afterlife with my husband and my grandma and other family members that loved me unconditionally. But I have to go on for my son
I’m sorry for your losses. I wish you peace and freedom from your pain and ability to cut contact completely with this person who enjoys hurting you.
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When someone is mentally abused and gaslighted their entire life. By the very person they are supposed to learn from and go to for support. They often second guess themselves. And give the person a second chance. And wonder if they somehow deserved the abuse. That’s what years of emotional abuse and toxic mental conditioning can do. Narcissistis often recruite and manipulate others. To join in and bully.So it can make the victim question themselves, and hate themselves even more. As well as feel more alone. This can affect mental health. Which often affects finances. And can leave the person dependant on their abuser. It’s a horrible cycle. And it’s so so hard to get out of. So unless u have lived this ladies life. U need to refrain from judging her. As she is already clearly emotionally fragile enough as it is.
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I can guarantee you that the person who made you snap out of it was not a stranger on the internet when you were grieving.
I don’t understand victim blaming in times of desperation. Do you really think she would have “put herself in her path” if she had another choice? Please learn some basic empathy.
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OP didn't ask for opinions. They asked for TLC. You're not stating the truth. You're stating your unwanted, rude opinion.
💯was not a nice thing to say at all.
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I’m sure she knows it. Which is why she made the post upset about. Don’t think ur smart saying that. I’m sure it’s very obvious to her and every single person reading this post. But it’s not the time to say it. When she’s talking about something that is extremely tragic and difficult. And her emotions are already up in the air.
that's heartbreaking. no one should have to deal with that kind of pain from their own mom. sending you all the strength ❤️
This is the Most disgusting evil Shit I read Today!
I saw that comment and it is sad how evil and shitty people are today. It used to be mostly on the Internet but it is spilling over into the real world.
It be your own family! I went no contact with my own mother and my life is more peaceful, not perfect but much more calm.
OP, I’m so sorry she did that, you don’t deserve to be treated that way (no one does). If you haven’t already, you might want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists
I’m so sorry. Please never interact with her again because this is unforgivable.
She did that on purpose to get a reaction from you. Any attention she gets from you is validating to her narcissism. The best thing you can do for yourself is cut her off for good.
That being said, I am SO sorry. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you’ve gone through and are going through again right now. I do know how much those things meant to you and how much it must hurt to lose them. You ARE allowed to cry and rage and fall apart and talk about it. Everything you feel is valid.
You are right. She enjoys seeing me react. I feel like she is so evil she has is demonic possession.
Block her and never contact her again. I did this with my mother and it's fantastic. Zero regrets. She's a huge, malignant piece of trash too. Trust me, it's in your best interest.
wow that's really awful, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. you deserve better and it's okay to feel everything you're feeling
For your sake go no contact.
I’m sooo sorry you’ve gone through all of this. I know some things can’t be replaced but contact the hospital. They just might have a copy of his EKG print out that you can get another copy of. I know it’s a long shot but if they do at least you’ll be able to have that back.
I will eventually get over it. People lose things in fires. I will call about the ekg
Yes we do but it’s much different when someone intentionally destroys the things we cherish the most, whether by fire or just throwing them away. It’s still heartbreaking either way because we’d never do that to them.
Never interact with this pos again - she did this on purpose to hurt you.
I just read your other post. You need to never speak to her ever again. She's a monster that doesn't deserve to have you in her life.
If you have his ashes, never (and I mean never) speak to her again.
Thankfully she didn't get rid of his ashes and I have them now.
Daaaayyyyyuuuummmm....what a bitch
I'm so so sorry for the loss of your husband
Great big hugs 🫂 to you
I'd go NC with her
*hugs*
I am so sorry that the loss of your husband has been compounded by the unbelievable cruelty of your egg donor.
The best thing that you can do for your own well being is to walk away from her and go No Contact.
Block her on everything, do not respond when she tries to reach out to manipulate you. And if she pushes, get a PPO of your own.
Build a life for yourself without a trace of her in it and do not allow her near it.
You deserve that.
She breached her own order by inviting you round. I’m so sorry she’s such an awful person.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.
That woman is no mother. She is a monster and should no longer be a part of your life.
That’s so awful. I’m sorry. 🫂
Hugs.
I'm so sorry.
You know she invited you over for exactly this reason - she wanted you to see that she'd erased you and your DH. She wanted to hurt you.
Now you know.
Now you know you owe her nothing. She's evil. She's cruel. Focus on your life and your self.
I have read childhood trauma causes narcissism but who knows. Lots of us have childhood trauma and are not monsters to people especially our own children. I still don't forgive her. I feel like she is possessed by a demon. Of course, she says I am a narcissist and need to turn to Jesus. She is so sick. I hope her drinking kills her soon. That's a horrible thing to say but she is horrible and I would be relieved she can never hurt me as again
Hugs. Just hugs.
It's ok to want the torment to end. We all get to protect ourselves.
Right now, you need to throw yourself into one priority - getting away from her.
I would also consider contacting the police as this is could be either theft or criminal damage (I'm thinking UK law, I don't know your local laws), she's either taken or destroyed your property that she has no right to. Personally, I'd be making her suffer. Probably cheaper than therapy.
Honestly, I would never contact your mom again.. she isnt your mother...she is an egg donor....a mother would never throw away something so priceless to hurt her own child. Im so sorry OP 😞
I’m sorry for your loss. Stay away from your mom.
Thank you