My parents in law are in their vacation home and have been asking us to come visit. I've been pushing it but I think we might have to soon because my husband also hasn't seen them for a few months which I feel bad about but I am dreading it. Does anyone have any tips on living with them for a week in close quarters where there is no room to just be by yourself? Even the bathroom is right by the living room so it's a week of not being able to go in peace lol. We'll also be working from home over there and I am not sure how that is going to work. I also don't know what to talk about while I am there. I've stopped telling them what I do because my MIL loves to insert herself in my hobbies. In the past year she has joined everything I do and even sends texts when I can't go saying it's too bad I can't she'll let me knows what happens which annoys me!! I'm sure when I'm there she'll talk about how exciting it is when she comes back so she can also rejoin these activities and there is only so much I can fake about how nice that is. Does anyone have any tips and also how to spend the time especially when I'm not telling them much about my life?
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Other posts from /u/JenniferB92:
MIL's gift is to come over, 3 months ago
How to prevent MIL from coming over so often?, 6 months ago
How to handle MIL wanting to join all my activities?, 7 months ago
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if you can't get away from her at all, and it's not because your husband is taking over full-time care of a seriously sick FIL, he is leaving you with MIL as a meat shield. if he wants time with her, he gets time with her - and if he doesn't, he certainly shouldn't be bringing you.
you actually don't have to go at all, if anything this should be understood as him trying to convince you to go.
first, don't agree to be his shield. refuse to go if he won't agree to staying with you, and disrupting excessive needling, and backing you up when she criticizes or tries to engulf you and your interests. oh, and anyone working remotely can expect their host to provide them with a quiet and uninterrupted work space, right? and your husband, who will be off work, will be cooking, correct?
ALL of the above needs to be an explicit conversation with your husband, plus an agreement that your household will pay for a hotel room if he cannot keep to his commitments. make sure to be precise about what's meant by backing you up.
if your husband starts telling you that you're overreacting or need a thicker skin - congrats! you can't make it! inform your husband that you will be having a case of anxious diarrhea and the only thing that can cure you is a week at home by yourself.
you are not his pet and you are not her doll nor her kitchen helper. pretend to be into something you're only marginally interested in and practice saying 'sorry MIL, i really need to focus on work for the next few hours'. you can do this!
Diarrhea. A really bad bout could take a person out for 3-4 days top.
I checked the "Rules of Life" book and there's nothing in there about having to stay a whole week when you visit in-laws. Give them a couple of days and call it good.
As for info dieting, just keep repeating yourself. Be the grayest of walls.
Send your husband. Stay home alone and enjoy the quiet!
Prescription drugs? Better living through chemistry, don't you know?
Don’t go. Just say you can’t take time off work. Let him go if he wants
Don't go. What are they gonna do, spank you? Your husband can go see his parents if he wants.
Assert Dominance by immediately pooping with the door open! S/ ☺️💩
[removed]
My first tip: poo-pouri. Candles and matches. Frequent trips to gas stations. Don't let this trip become a lasting case of constipation.
My second tip: learn some violent card games and bring a deck or cards. Every time the focus is on you, invite them to play. If you focus on slapjacks or spoons, they will spend less time with you. But hey, dealing them into gin every time they start asking you stuff should help avoid the conversation.
And of course, make sure to ask thrm questions about their life, or failing that, discuss how much BS it is that the Bears are advancing and the Packers aren't. If you need examples on how to derail conversations with football stats, any Packers fan with a TT account should have a few rants. Even if you live nowhere near this area and have never had an interest in football before, it should throw them for a loop or 2.
I remember your last post - your husband was pushing you into accepting that your MIL was joining all of your hobbies - gaslighting you and telling you that you shouldn't mind the intrusion.
In light of your previous posts, and your husband's gaslighting of you and using you as a meatshield, I strongly urge you to reconsider spending this time with her, on her turf, where you will have no escape, and your husband will continue to use you as meatshield against his incredibly demanding and irritating mother.
Do NOT GO! this is the perfect consequence to her intruding on your life and your husband telling you that you should like it. Let him see how he likes getting the full force of his mother without you there to protect him.
DO NOT GO.
you will regret it if you do.
completely agree with this.
i’m astonished at how similar this sounds to my situation lol. OP - i’d venture to guess that your husband is a people pleaser blessed with an overbearing, demanding mother. it sounds like he just told you to not mind her intruding on your hobbies because he doesn’t want to put his big boy pants on and tell her to knock it off. if he’s anything like my husband, he grew up in a household where whatever mommy wants, mommy gets. if i’m on the right track, I suggest you get to couples therapy asap. find someone who specializes in family dynamics and emotionally immature parents. your husband needs to understand that his mother cannot always get what she wants, and once in a while she will be disappointed when someone (hopefully you or DH) tells her the word no. her feelings are not your responsibility.
This!!! A million trillion times this!! Every time I read OP post my blood pressure goes up!! Tell him you need a break! If he misses them let him go have a week of quality time with them! He thinks having her up your ass 24/7 is great and should be appreciated so let HIM experience it! This you perfect chance to have some space from this woman. Don't do this to yourself.
Can you try to get them to play cards or do a puzzle together? That’s still spending time together.
And plan yourself a reward for after the trip. It gives you something to look forward to.
I would either insist on a separate place to stay in as they don’t have sufficient room or say you will drop by for a weekend and let your husband stay longer if he wants.
Send the husband alone and give MIL an information diet…
Make up an excuse about how you can't work from home that week due to a vendor meeting / meeting with boss / training a new employee. Do not put yourself through a week of WFH with your in-laws.
op should do both. minimize your MIL’s access to you significantly if not completely. you didn’t ask her to join you in your hobbies, she just inserted herself. if she can’t respect basic social etiquette, take her access to you away.
it’s crazy that you wrote this because I am currently experiencing the exact same thing lol. my in laws go to florida every year for a few months and even though we didn’t go down to visit the first few years, the past couple years all of a sudden it’s “when are you coming” and they buy our plane tickets. so we don’t have a choice. and it’s the same thing while we’re down there, we’re with them 24/7, doing whatever they want to do, stopping every 5 minutes to take pictures. I can’t stand it especially considering I can’t stomach my MIL for more than a couple hours. long story short, I told DH I am sitting it out this year. he’s going without me and is fine with my decision. he has to break the news to his mother and she’ll probably throw a tantrum but I don’t care. just remember that the only reason you feel obligated to go is to get approval from your in laws. here’s to no approval seeking in 2026.
Even if they buy you a plane ticket. You don't have to go. Also Months???
a lot of older folks in cold climates migrate to florida for the winter months. many just move there lol
I thought the poster had to also go for months. Which is bananas I know about snowbirds.
yes yes yes
the perfect consequence to her controlling and overstepping is for you not to go and for her to have to eat the cost of that plane ticket. (Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall when he tells her! ha!)
Can you just stay somewhere nearby so you can visit the vacation house, but also have personal space?
Don’t go, or go for a shorter length of time. You don’t need to have the same relationship with his parents that your husband does.
Don't go for a week. Go for a single overnight, especially if you are working. If husband wants to go longer, travel separately.
Grey rock, maybe some board games/card games. Go for a walk, etc. if it all starts feeling too much, tell them you have a headache and need to lie down quietly for awhile., etc.
I would send hubby by himself.
Don’t you have a huge “ work project” that you really need to concentrate on and you can’t get away right now? 😉
I just wouldn't go. Send husband on his own if he wants to go then buy all your favourite food and drinks, book yourself a spa day, maybe plan a dinner with friends ... maintain your peace
You know you don't have go, right? If husband wants to go he can obviously go.
If you're meant to be wfh then just do that. Routine is important when wfh. Not that you need reasons, not wanting to go is enough if you don't want to.
Weed. Tell her you're getting into the whole "gardening" aspect of it and also get really stoned the whole time. It's two-fold. She either does it and mellows out, or she doesn't and you have a whole thing to yourself plus being stoned around people I dislike makes them way more tolerable. And the things they do, wot bother me as much.
RIP me. 😂