But I also genuinely think she has no taste and just likes shopping for the sake of shopping. Yaaay consumerism!
I'm currently pregnant and she randomly bought me two belated Christmas gifts that arrived yesterday. A paper-thin tote bag coloring kit with a hideous drawing on it and 5 cheap markers, and a large rubber pig squeaky dog toy. .....WE DON'T HAVE A DOG?!
On the phone with husband, she said "OP likes art so I got her the art kit" ... Ma'am....? Like you think I went to university and studied the arts just to delight in some horrid art kit that's meant for 4 year olds? And no comment on the stupid pig.
Am I overreacting? Do these gifts come across as insulting, or do they come across as her just being genuinely dumb?
A bit of an additional rant: The only question she ever asks about my pregnancy is how much weight I've gained. I've gained exactly 1kg that isn't purely baby-related (baby, placenta, blood volume, etc) because the hospital is so damn strict. But ofc MIL loves to brag about how she "didn't gain any weight" and "bounced back fast" and "we'll see how OP does since she likes sweets" like - I hate her so much. She's not invited to see the baby. Luckily she lives on a different island and is far enough away that she can't come on a whim
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Ahh yes, this is like when my MIL got me a book about weight loss via raw veganism “because I know she likes to cook”.
The petty bitch in me says that next time she asks how much weight you have gained, say “X pounds… and you?”
i think you're probably the best judge of whether these are insulting, evidence of her being batty, or both. one of my grandmothers is steadily losing her ability to gauge what might be appropriate/fun as gifts & i've definitely had a wtf moment before realizing she's just missing the mark lol.
i would also gently caution you re: people understanding what's meant by being into art. my family still calls my illustrations and paintings 'your sketches', which drives me INSANE but they clearly just don't get what they mean. again you know best if that's the case for this MIL!
I'd tell her you gained 60 lbs. And then 70, 80, 100, etc. Start fucking with her with a completely straight face and don't break! If she starts laughing or getting flustered, just remain silent.
This year for Xmas my mom gave me a $30 coupon that expires in March and a sampler pack of face cream that she had clearly gotten for free when buying herself cosmetics.
Still processing … which is why I’m here:
My mom gifted me the same Avon ring FIVE times (5 separate Christmas's over a period of 7 years, and she's a rep so she gets them for free) 🙃 sending you big understanding hugs if you want them. It hurts to have a mom like this. I cried the last time and haven't been back five years now. 💔
She just sounds kinda dumb honestly. Based on this one post.
I appreciate this take. Thank you! I really have no proof that she has malicious intent so I'll try to let this one slide and just, keep my eyes open
Donate her crop to a dog shelter and daycare. Any time she gives and you don't like - donate or trash. Return her energy if you feel the need.
I plan on it! I'm debating on returning the energy, but that might sort itself out by simply not being invited to see the baby, ever.
Did she do something really terrible? If she's just annoying, why is she banned from visiting ever?
Because she stresses me out and I want to protect my peace ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I know she will cross boundaries and post pictures of the baby all over her public Instagram after explicitly being told not to.
At our wedding, she showed everyone photos of my husband from his modeling job at a destination wedding agency. Photo sets of him as a groom getting married on a beach to some other beautiful model. With the language barrier, it was hard to understand that it was a modeling gig, and it caused quite the commotion. She was trying to brag about her son as a way to get to know my side of family/friends... But is incapable of reading the room.
Just stuff like that. I don't trust her.
My SOs mother does this. She got an idea one year to do the “12 days of Christmas” where she drives to our house every single day before Christmas and ties a plastic bag to our door handle with CRAP in it. Like straight up dollar store garbage. We don’t have children and we are grown adults. Mardi Gras beads, ping pong paddles that say merry Christmas, her old mittens with dog hair all over them, an ornament containing herbs to make ranch dip. Christmas Day she gifted us cheap champagne flutes that she called wine glasses and said she bought for us. They were clearly something stored in her basement because I’m pretty sure Amazon doesn’t pack boxes with newspaper from 1986.
Omg my MIL used to give us a bunch of junk from dollar tree… and we basically would trash it all. My husband finally told her we would prefer one $20 gift to 20 $1 gifts. Thank goodness she finally stopped.
I snorted at the ornament with ranch dressing seasoning 😭😭😭😭😭
Yeah, and another one we got the next day was for fruit dip. I threw 90% of this shit out immediately. Another time this fall, she went into our garden, dug up one of our green onion plants and put it in a pot. I came home to dirt all over my counter tops and my sink. I couldn’t figure it out until I saw this fkn onion plant in a little pot. She came by unannounced and pointed out that she did that for us. I told her it was a bit bizarre. She said “well then just throw it out I guess!!!!!!” Like….how about you don’t come in our yard, dig up a perfectly healthy plant, and put it in our house acting like it’s a gift?
WHATTTTTT
Oh yeah. This is my daily because my SO just says oh she’s weird and old and it’s not hurting anyone. So I deal with it and then once a year a blow up happens. 2026 ——-it’s happening soon I can feel it. LOL
So, you're 'not anyone' ?
I didn’t even know that was a thing and next year my tree will have ranch seasoning filled ornaments 😂😂😂
Lol I cannot even begin to imagine where she found it. I also cannot begin to imagine who would decide that is a good business venture.
Ugh my MIL will buy literal children toys and goods. It’s not just me receiving them, she gave my husband a set of Lincoln logs one year, and a child’s scooter another year. For me there will also be the cheapest and most tacky socks, earrings meant for tween girls (that I’m allergic to), and once a spoon with the engraving “this is my ice cream spoon”. In the case of my MIL I think it’s a mix of trying to show love through mass quantity of gifts, but with an undercurrent of establishing dominance because we will always be “kids” in her eyes (we are in our upper 30s).
My MIL does not understand that trying to recreate my husbands Christmastime childhood traditions with us - two childfree adults in their 40s - is weird af. She literally filmed us making gingerbread houses! Like it’s cute and magical when kids do it, but we are adults
!!! Do we have the same MIL because this feels very on-brand, actually. The mass quantity of (questionable) gifts makes it impossible to say she didn't put effort in, but looking at each thing, it's like.... ?? Definitely makes it hard to tell if she's being malicious though right? Ugh.
Unless she is truly loosing her mind
There is for sure an element of that
How old is mil? Because i feel like people of a certain generation don’t know how to compare shop online and are trying to save money at the same time. This leads them to buy the cheapest garbage from amazon/temu without really looking at the photos and using their critical thinking skills. My mil gets this type of stuff for my kids. It’s generic trash at rock bottom prices. She means well, but is just not a skilled gift giver for kids.
I tried a new thing this year, I made a wishlist for everyone and then added a link for each person in a family chat. It worked wonderfully!
She's in her 60's. I believe she buys everything in person though. Usually at random gift stores that are filled with junk or Costco.
Sorry about the growing collection of cheap junk. This might be a similar situation with MIL though so thank you for the perspective
Lie and tell her you've actually lost weight from morning sickness. 😂
And just like that, MIL has categorized herself as the grandma your baby will barely see. Her passive aggressive behavior is doing her in and she is too self centered (and stupid) to care.
And she's gonna cry and say I'm keeping her from her grandkid, but she can eat bricks for all I care. Ages the personification of the stick in the bike meme
My ex MIL would go to yard sales and thrift stores and bring us boxes of just....crap. " I thought you guys would like these!" Stuff like clothes that didn't fit either of us, a weird religious journal (I'm not religious), a candle holder that looked like a 5 year old made it, and other such things. This woman thought that these gifts made up for her being a shit person. Your MIL seems like she may think she's doing something halfway good, but failing miserably. You know her more than us, though
That's the thing - I really can't tell what her intentions are, because I can't necessarily prove that she's being a bitch, you know? And my husband thinks she's innocent and dumb, but I find it hard to believe.
So strange about the boxes of crap you received.
Regift it back to her, blame pregnancy brain. Oops!
You could answer, baby isn't born yet and will be too young for markers.
She really could be that dumb about the gifts but I highly doubt it. The sweets comment gives her away. The squeaky pig toy is definitely the next jab after that comment, meant to continue the theme.
Ugh.
Yeah, double ugh. You can definitely tell the difference. Hubby’s a musician and you can’t believe how many little piano ornaments, piano pencil boxes, piano scarves, etc that his non-musician extended family would buy him when we were getting our undergrads (piano is not his main instrument, lol). But to them, it was like “Piano = music. He is getting a degree in music. He will like this!” That’s just people doing their best.
That must have been sooo annoying 😭 it's like running with the bare minimum of information they know about someone without asking for any details. It's hard not to be offended by the lack of care
Lolz, no, it was actually people who knew absolutely nothing about music but still trying to buy what they thought he would like. They truly thought they were getting him cool stuff and they really hoped he would like it. He did wear the scarf for a number of years, so that was fine 🙂. But they were genuine gifts with genuine feelings behind them, even if they missed the mark.
Seems like she's out of touch and cheap at that. She's telling you the thought behind her gifts, they just suck.
My Mil over the years has gotten me as ‘gifts’- Diet shakes, cleavage covers, a moustache trimmer and various other pointed gifts I’ve forgotten about. For some reason they are very crafty at throwing shade like this imo 😂
I got a vacuum cleaner as a wedding gift I cannot even pretend it was intended for DH also
Oh for sure. When I turned 20 I received skin care for "aging skin". My mil is the type to then play innocent and how she just didn't know.
Now I'm the petty type but if you usually gift her at her birthday etc I'd also give her something with a pig, like some ugly cheap thrifted decoration and say that you know that she just likes pigs so much.
Or something with a stereotypical witch or old lady on it. You know, for fun.
"This reminded me of you" ✨🫶🏼
!!!! Question for you!!! Do the men in the family fall for the innocent simpleton act? Because my husband and FIL believe she is an innocent simpleton. They don't respect her at all but never suspect malicious intent because they don't think she's capable of it. I've never talked to FIL about much at all, but it's clear in the way he talks to/about MIL that he feels this way.
Husband defends me but also gets upset thinking I'm "assuming the worst" about his mom and swears that she means well. I don't buy it.
She's actually into a very niche but somewhat expensive hobby. And if I feel petty, I may just go and find the most offensive, childish DIY kit for her. 🥰
Also fuck that about the aging skin care kit omg
Omg. That is such a good observation. My hubs and his SIL say “she means well but….” I don’t think she means well. I think she’s both dumb and malicious.
My question is always "does she do that to other people?" Like does she buy perfect gifts for DH but get you a dog toy? Same thing with someone who is always late because they "get confused" about the time. Those people are never accidentally early and DH may not ever have to say "she meant well" about presents she gets for others.
But even if she is always like that, no one has to be happy about receiving crap. She could have asked him for ideas.
I love this way of questioning, thank you.
This feels really off to me because I thought we were actually getting along for the first time in the last 6 months. Then pulls this? She usually sends a bunch of random seasonal decor shit, a nice clothing item for each of us (the Merino wool knit t-shirt she sent last year is objectively nice due to fabric, but the style is very... Not me. I took this as a "she tried".)
This year she sent me a hoodie I explicitly said I don't need due to having too many hoodies, the DIY tote and dog toy. Husband got nice work pants and a refrigerated box of what appear to be New Year's leftovers.
The first time she met my mom, she brought a big bag of Hawaiian themed knick knacks. Which made no sense at all.
Maybe she's genuinely stupid
So in the past my partner definitely believed that his mom didn't have any malicious intent and that she was just difficult, bad socially and that it was all coincidences. Like every single little dig or micro aggression was just interpreted wrong or a coincidence.
Now that he's done therapy he fully agrees that she's doing it all on purpose and that she has underlying malicious intentions. When you start to unravel one thing you notice everything else that she's also done. He fully sees the underlying intentions now. One thing he mentioned that opened his eyes, was that he realized that not every single incident can be due to cluelessness or misinterpretation. When there's one thing after another you can't believe that anymore.
I feel for you because it's so difficult to deal with someone that uses micro aggressions that you can't really prove. Before my partner opened his eyes to her toxicity I felt like I was going insane. Like how I saw all these micro aggressions but no one else did. Today he fully sees it himself and holds her accountable which is great.
Oh keep the squeaky pig so if she comes to visit after you have your baby you can use it to call her to bring you things when your resting or busy with your baby or use it to call your husband- chances are he will put it in the bin pretty quickly.
LOL I LOVE IT
Oh I’m sooo petty. Take a photo of the pig and send it in a card with just the words “this makes me think of you” and when she gets mad just say “but it was a lovely present 😇”
Act innocent as hell.
Paint some lipstick on it with the markers first..
Ok, don't actually do this. To be fair, I know of a similar dog toy my husband had been dying to buy even before we got our dog because it makes funny sounds. It was good for a laugh. Obviously, if your MIL does not know you that well and makes weight comments, it's a bad present. Maybe ask her what she meant by it and go from there.
I did actually almost buy a sibling a dog toy by accident once. In my defense, I was in high school, and it was misshelved, I just thought it was cute. At some point while walking around the store I had a better look at the tag and it was Hartz or something lol.
I don’t think you are overreacting. If my MIL had given me a squeaky pig dog toy when I was pregnant and I didn’t have a dog I’d be upset. Especially since she has made weight gain comments.
Thank you! I'm debating if I should ignore it or get my husband to ask her why she bought it. 🙃
What was his explanation for that? I don’t see how he could be like “this is innocent, she’s just dumb” She poked at your weight, tried to imply it was a moral failing due to you liking sweets and then bought you not only a dog toy for Christmas but an actual pig. It does not come more pointed than that imo.
Just a thought: you could record the squeaky pig sound and use it as a ringtone for MIL...
🤣🤣 I would if she wasn't blocked
Blocked is even better!
I would go with the "genuinely dumb" choice.
She soubds like a horrible person. Start lowering contact as much as possible and start grey rocking her.
On a side note, my daughter has a squeaky pig dog toy. She got it before we had a dog. She loves it
Yeah we already don't talk and all communication goes through husband. It's been peaceful! I can just hear her when they talk on speakerphone.
As for the toy, I'm going to donate it along with the stupid tote