Has anyone else had this ridiculous and annoying comment said to them by their MIL before?
My MIL loves to say this to me when she is trying to convince me that my unborn baby should stay alone with her while I go back to work. She is so not a safe or reliable caregiver for children. In fact, my entire in-laws are just so blind to basic safety. She let her 9 month old nephew crawl up to the top of the staircase where he fell down from all because she was too busy on her phone chatting to one of her friends (not to mention, she had actually left oil heating up in a pan and gone into the other room beforehand). Like how reckless can you get? We only realised this had happened because we heard the poor baby’s thudding down the steps and then we came running out to see what had happened as she came casually strolling out the room still on the phone. And this isn’t the only thing, she used to let her (at the time) 9 year old son run around swinging her 9 month old nephew around and holding him upside down and wouldn’t stop him.
And then, she has the audacity to say ‘grandparents love their grandchildren more than their own kids’ and that’s why I am ‘forbidden’ from sending my child to nursery because she wants to look after him.
That’s absolutely not ever happening and I wouldn’t trust this woman with a pot plant let alone my child.
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In your case- she doesn’t get to forbid squat. “MIL, I have no idea why you think that’s your decision to make.” She wants fight about it- “MIL nephew fell down the stairs on your watch. That won’t happen at daycare so the choice is obvious.” Then disengage, any further back and forth implies that you’re trying to get her see it your way and you don’t need to, your way is the way. Mine decided she was watching our oldest full time, never actually bothered to confirm this with us but was so confident that she felt she didn’t need to (we heard about it from others), and we didn’t feel obligated to correct her as it was entirely our decision and had nothing to do with her. The Friday before I went back to work she finally got around to figuring out details with us, asking what time we’d be dropping him off Monday. We won’t be. But but but!!! Yeah well, it wasn’t your decision. Sounds like your mil could use that kind of a show of who’s actually in charge here. Disengage, make your plans, her input is not required.
How the heck did we all survive with this generation as parents 😂
My MIL’s partner also has the catch phrase ‘grandfathers are just like fathers, but without rules’.. like no, that’s not how it works
That’s where you just reply “that’s really sad. But it explains a lot.”
Not sure who said it, but
"Why do kids and grandparents get along so well? They have a common enemy..."
Oh hell no
No, but "mother lovers her sons more than her daughters" was my everyday cup of tea. And also " it's our right as grandparents to spoil our granchildren however we see it fit". Utter bs. 🙄
Oh hell nooooo
Just yesterday my MIL announced that our son was more important to her than my husband.
Like.. You gotta just roll with it at this point, I am gonna lose my mind otherwise.
(Eta, this was after she blatantly ignored our instructions to not take him out of his cot on the first cry, and to soothe him back to sleep in said cot. Instead, she proceeded to immediately take him out the moment he made a noise, then rocked him to sleep in her arms while watching TV, and then wanted to put him to bed with a double folded full adult size blanket because "he was cold". Reader, he was very much not cold. There's a reason we never want to leave him alone with her and I guess we now learned we can't even do so after he's put down for bed for the night..)
She sounds absolutely dangerous
Not to toot my own horn, but my mother said something similar to me. It’s important to note that she had interiorized A LOT of misogyny and childhood trauma without even realizing, and that her only grandchildren were my sons.
In the end, I had already come to terms with our slightly toxic family dynamic (my brother being her golden child and me being my father’s favourite), so I was just happy that she loved my kids as much and as well as they deserved.
As a grandparent i would say its definitely a different kind of love u feel for your grandkids, but I wouldn't say or ever feel more love for my grandson than I do my daughter who is his mamma.
That would be weird to love him more than I love my daughter. Its just a different relationship and role, so of course the love u feel for your grandkids is gonna be different. I adore my grandson because hes my babies baby and I get actual joy from watching my daughter thrive as a mummy. My grandson is a happy and healthy little boy because of my daughter and her husband's parenting and I'm there in the background for love and support for them both as parents and fellow humans, and I take every opportunity i'm offered to spend time with them as a family (dont get me started on grandparents needing alone time with baby to bond coz that's just bs).
They may love that they don’t change the diapers or have to sit up with the fever or wrangle homework and bedtimes, but that doesn’t mean they treat grandkids better than the kids. Those type usually only want kids because kids have no power or authority or know about autonomy and they will discard grandkids as soon as the grandkids make boundaries. And they usually also have upped their manipulation game.
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idk, Right? If she can’t multitask safely, she definitely shouldn’t be in charge of a baby! Priorities, folks!!
MIL, I wouldn’t trust you with a pet rock, much less my child!
Hell I wouldn’t trust this woman with a stuffed animal.
Hell, I wouldn’t let her watch my kids on TV, much less IRL!
Pot plants need almost as much care as infants. Wouldn’t trust her with a cactus.
Don’t leave baby alone with this nut job. Way too casual and careless.
My MIL has said something to this effect to me.
Like ma'am you don't love your kids well at all, they're props for your ego and perfect family narrative and only get positive attention when they stay in line, so it's not saying a whole lot that you love my kids more or something.
My own mom, who isn’t a just no at all, told me when my first was very young that she loved me and my brother so much that she didn’t think she could love anyone more, until she became a grandma. I’ve heard some of the older ladies at work say similar things.
What she never said was that she would be taking my child, bathing my child, stealing my child, raising my child or insisting on overnights or baby hogging, like too many of the batshit crazy MILs on this sub.
My father said this to me too, but I thought he was full of bs because he's a narcissist and I thought it was just a narcissistic and controlling thing to say so that he could have continued access. I was wondering how could you possibly love a child that is not yours, more than your own child? But I suppose based on what you've overheard here, it might be possible.
Two things can be true! You know your dad best ◡̈
Oh, “you’re forbidden to place your own child in nursery school?”
Let her know that she is not the parent, YOU are. And she has absolutely zero right to tell you how to raise your child.
Tell her that you will do what you believe is the best and safest thing for YOUR child.
Don’t ever leave her with your child, and to be honest, I wouldn’t allow her to even be around your child because she will absolutely be toxic and do anything she can to bulldoze boundaries.
Also, when you do place your child in nursery school, and later on school, make sure that the schools know that she is absolutely never allowed to pick your child up from them.
As a mom and a grandmother, I kind of get this. As a parent, you do ALL the work, bear ALL the responsibility. As a grandma, it’s not that you love the grandkids more, it’s that it’s easier when you’re not responsible for everything.
It’s really hard for me as a mom to believe anyone loves my kids more than me. Actually I know they don’t. Now I think when it’s said in a joking matter it’s one thing but with Just Nos, we know it’s not a joke
Yep. My daughter swears I love her kids more than I loved her. I think she's joking, but I'm not sure
My mom, at an airport being asked what the reason was for her visit, chirped excitedly that she was going to see her young grandkids. The border patrol officer raised an eyebrow and asked jokingly, "And presumably your child?" My mom responded with, "Oh yeah, her too."
Ha! She’s deluded. My advice - drop the rope forever. She’s not worth your time.
Every time she calls and you don’t answer, every time she stages a photo op and ooops baby has chocolate all over his outfit, every time she shows up and you find your hands are full and just can’t answer the door, every time she plans a get together with DH and oops instead of getting baby ready you’ve taken him on a playdate…I hope you smile.
You have all the power. Use it.
Sure have and if love means hate, then yes it makes complete sense. This creature lived with my kids their whole lives until a few months ago and never cared about their milestones or well-being.. she would put the wrong age in their birthday card, and lie/make up complete nonsense constantly to try to make them hate me and their dad. She would offer to sit for me when I had work or appointments & then flake out. They are just fine without that kind of "love"
I have no doubt my Mum loves her grandchildren more than me but that's not the point and certainly doesn't make her a very good grandmother.
I mean the basic premise is not ridiculous. It’s something that’s been studied and some people theorize there is less stress when you aren’t responsible for discipline and raising them, hence more perceived connection, so while it is refutable, it’s not outlandish to think that.
Her behavior is a different matter though. She seems incredibly careless.
No, it might be the case - I’ve seen it with my own grandparents, but her saying that and then acting how she acts is so ridiculous. If you loved someone, you’d keep them safe. Surely she loves her nephews too but she can’t even get off the damn phone to look after them.
You would definitely keep them safe and be super careful especially if they are not yours.
I suspect she thinks love is an attitude, not an action. She doesn't think of herself as endangering a child with her inattention "because I love him!"
I get nervous just driving my daughter's friends home because I know how precious they are to their families. (Although this could be because the traffic where I live is nuts too...)