More details are in my post history, but in summary a year ago Mil threw her toys out the pram because DH tried to explain to her that for now we were not comfortable with her babysitting/taking our toddler off unsupervised. Her response was she wouldn't bother having a relationship with our LO if she can't take them off on her own. She also questioned whether we were decent parents and has admitted that she believes she can do whatever she likes when it comes to her grandchildren. I decided I wouldn't be in contact with Mil until she apologised and agreed to be respectful of our parenting choices, which she will not do, she'd rather rug sweep.
LO2 was born four weeks ago. DH tells me his mother is asking to meet our newborn. I asked what his reply was & he told her he'd ask me (eye roll). I said "why does she want to meet the new baby when she hasn't made an effort with our old baby" (as in our now 3yo). I told him if he really wants to do that he can take the baby & meet Mil at the local coffee shop as I dont want her in our home.
DH's granddad recently passed away so eventhough he was LC with his mother & then eventually NC with her for the last few month they had been communicating in regards to the funeral arrangements.
I know DH has a lot to figure out & I'm sure the passing of his grandad has altered his perspective a bit. But I know Mil is likely thinking this is a great chance to rug sweep and also get her photo op with her new grandchild so she doesn't look bad to family and friends when they ask about the new arrival.
I wish DH would have more conviction and tell his mother no, as she doesn't respect him and is not supportive of him at all. Her entitlement & the way she has spoken to him in the past year has been disgusting.
Ive told DH he can have whatever relationship he wants with his mother but I will not engage with her & our children wont be around her unless the issues are discussed and she apologises.
I do feel like i've maybe given in too easily, But I'm pissed off and tired because sometimes it feels like im the only one holding the line when it comes to Mil because DH has been conditioned to just accept her behaviour and move on without question.
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Other posts from /u/craftyExplorer_82:
Temporary wobble/Mil still wants to send gifts., 2 months ago
Seeing MIL after 8months NC. Update, 3 months ago
Wish me luck! Possibly seeing MIL after 8months of NC., 3 months ago
MIL love bombing? Again?, 5 months ago
How did your NC JNMIL react to finding out about pregnancy?, 5 months ago
Mil turned up unannounced., 6 months ago
Mil is a hypocrite., 7 months ago
Pregnancy announcements when NC or VVLC?, 8 months ago
Gift arrived from mil, 9 months ago
Mil wants to send gifts after saying she didn't want anything to do with our LO, 9 months ago
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She will lose interest in LO2 when she wants to take them off on her own and you say no again. Also it will be very hurtful for your first born to know that MIL has given up on a relationship with them but it trying with the newborn. The only fair way to do this if you really believe she should have another chance (but honestly I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t) is to allow her to spend time to meet baby IF she starts making and effort to see your older child again on your terms. You can always say to her what’s the point in you wanting to meet the baby if soon you’ll drop contact because we won’t let you take them out alone.
Also your DH needs to grow a back bone and not shift blame for these things onto you as if you are the sole decision maker. It just makes it easier for MIL to act like the victim. Tell him he needs to word things different in the future, rather than ‘I’ll ask OP’ it needs to be ‘We need to discuss things first’ or even simply ‘Give me time to think’. You make decisions together not for eachother.
No . Why reward bad behavior. She has not apologized, learned from her mistakes, or made any attempt to do better. You are rewarding whining. Your hubs needs to grow a backbone and so do you. Have him do funeral arrangements. When funeral comes have a sitter and go to support him. No access to children. If you can not treat a spouse right no access to kiddos period.
We call what she is doing the drip system at our house. Just like a drip hose that waters plants. You ask. You ask. You ask. You ask. Drip. Drip. Drip. Eventually they cave and you get what you want. Shut down her drip. Boundaries without consequence is merely a suguestion. Drip Drip. Drip.
It does a new baby no good to be away from their mama as they only bond with parents for the first 4-5 months, so if you don't feel comfortable with it, make that the excuse. She hasn't taken any accountability, apologised or been proactive in changing her behaviour so DH is just rewarding her bad behaviour by taking LO. I understand this first hand - my MIL still hasn't met my second born who is now almost 2!
What do you do mean they only bond with parents the first 4-5 months?
... and I would also insist that DH has therapy with someone who specialises in empowering him to set boundaries
Why would you want your 4-week-old newborn around a bunch of people in a coffee shop when we're headed into cold and flu season? Especially to appease her? Especially after your DH passed the buck to where now you get to be the villain for holding the line like he should have but will now get off scot-free either way?
No is no is no.
This is problematic. He is framing MIL's lack of contact as OP's decision when it should be framed as OUR decision.
I would suggest couples counselling to get him on the same page as you.
You are right, I didn't realise how problematic it was at first but im not too fussed about looking like the bad guy as most people that know me well, know im a very reasonable and unproblematic person.
Im definitely going to bring this up with him today! We definitely do need couples counselling.
Yes because he threw you under the bus here. It's both of you parenting and your jobs (both) is to protect the family. He should protect you too. 4 weeks old I would not let my baby out of my sight, even with my husband and he is a very capable caring person that respects me. I didn't even take my baby out until 2 month unless it was a must like a doctors appointment. And my mother in law and mother both understood and respected that I was caring for my baby and they are grown women that can wait. Hold your ground here mama you are doing great!
So your DH can make whatever decisions he wants as long as he is being mindful of you and your children, but it doesn’t make sense for him to take your LO when you are NC. YOU carried and birthed the baby, so this makes it feel like you are an incubator that she can just disrespect then ignore. She doesn’t care if she doesn’t have access to you, CLEARLY. The real boundary/consequence is access to the sparkly brand new baby!
Honestly I've always felt like she isn't really that bothered with me or even her son. I feel like she only made conversation with me over the years because DH kept her at arms length and would never tell her about anything we were doing. She would only find things out about DH's life through me.
Now we've had kids she knows she has to have contact with me to know anything about the kids or see them as DH would never update her or send pics. Now I refuse to have anything to do with her she wont be around much because DH will never want to see her on a regular basis as they dont get on well. But yes her focus is her relationship with our kids, she wants to be the fun grandma who spoils the kids and basically buys their love, probably to fill some sort of hole or insecurity she has.
Lol my MIL is the same way. My husband doesn’t tell her anything because she has a tendency to get anxious and over-worry (and nag him), so she tries to “innocently” ask me. I always answer, “Oh, I don’t know, you’d have to ask DH.” Or give her a vague, insignificant insight.
Yeah, so we’re all saying don’t even bother with your DH taking your baby to see her. Let her continue to face the consequences of her actions! Letting her have this one is betraying your own NC. Your DH can definitely reiterate the conditions of reestablishing contact though! She can jump through hoops if she wants the shiny Best Grandma FB photo!
One possible suggestion is for him to record the conversation so you know he's not telling her one thing and her another. Also, call me paranoid, but I'd figure out a way to put a tracker on her.
A tracker on the baby? Or Mil? Lol I trust that he wouldn't go far with our newborn or allow his mother to go off alone with our baby. She cant even be responsible with her older grandson, DH would never leave her alone with our newborn!
I've probably been on this sub for too long. Lol. I've heard some things girlie...I've been shocked at some of the things these rabid MILs do! But you are the best judge of it. We aren't there. I hope it went well!!!
So why let him take the baby to the coffee shop?
You are right, I can only say I must have been in a postpartum haze and was caught of guard because the next day I was confused as to why I said he can meet her at the coffee shop with the baby and im now trying to figure out how I can backtrack without looking like the bad guy.
Be the bad guy. It's empowering. And he already threw you under the bus.
I get it. I’d probably say something like “hey, I thought about what I said some more and I don’t feel comfortable with you taking our baby to the coffee shop without me, especially since our LO doesn’t have all the vaccines yet.” Might be worth it to add that you expect your MIL to make a genuine apology before she can meet the kids at all, but you know your husband best. You got this 💪
Bc DH wants MIL to meet the baby & OP wants him to have that choice.
It’s tough, I can see why OP would have conflicted feelings either way. There isn’t a guide for handling these type of situations & some of it is trial and error. Maybe MIL will see the light, maybe open her eyes & apologize?🤷♂️💡
You're right, its a difficult situation to navigate. I want DH to feel like he can make informed choices when it comes to our little family and its not me being a dictator when it comes to our kids. I doubt she'll apologise, but maybe that is what DH is hoping for. Maybe he's hoping it's a step forward for Mil wanting to make up with us. Tbf I really just need to sit down with DH and ask what his expectations are with this meeting as I wasnt I a place to discuss it further when he first asked.
May I suggest that MIL is allowed to see the baby, but she is not allowed to hold the baby AT ALL. Because the baby has not had vaccinations and there are all sorts of diseases that are active now, and you cannot trust MIL to tell the truth if she has sick symptoms. And she is not allowed pictures.
Or, you could go and sit a couple of tables away, and YOU hold the baby. She can see baby from a distance, but if she tries to approach, you get up and leave.
Yeah no way she will ever apologize if she just gets what she wants (time with new baby without OP) without doing it.
I’m pretty convinced that 99% of the time, people like that are simply incapable of genuinely seeing that what they did was wrong, but they might at least fake it if they see that there’s no other way to get what they want.
In our family, MIL is not allowed to have a relationship with me and DH’s child if she cannot respect both of the child’s parents. We want to model to our children that we are a team and disrespect to one parent is disrespect to both, and we are not okay with each other being treated poorly. I hope she grows up to expect her partner to do the same for her if she is ever in my situation.
You’ve got two separate issues here, an overbearing MiL (who thinks her actions shouldn’t have consequences) and the death of a beloved (guessing) relative.
Don’t let your MiL use grandpa’s passing to get her way. You and DH are the parents, and are responsible for these children. Life’s events doesn’t change that.
Finally, granddad’s funeral is not MiL’s opportunity to show off the grandchildren that she barely knows. Don’t let her turn it into a circus or a photo op. He deserves more respect.
I wouldn't let her meet the newborn. Why does she even want to? She doesn't get that privilege if she has no relationship with the mother of the child.
Right? I wish DH had told her this on speakerphone- for OP and DH to gauge her reaction!
I wouldn’t give her what she wants; 1v1 with your husband and your newborn without you there. She shouldn’t get access to any of your children while refusing to apologize to you.
“Can I babysit?”- reliving the olden days back when they had a baby, no mom or dad around to say they don’t like something or don’t do something.
Big fat NO in my book.
Please look up Issendai's missing missing reasons. You and your husband should read it to understand why any effort with her is doomed to fail. It explains very clearly how people like her "think".
“…Her response was she wouldn't bother having a relationship with our LO if she can't take them off on her own…”
Nobody NEEDS to be alone with someone else’s child. She is creepy.
AGREED! My SD told me about how when she’d be over her grandparents they would try to make her racist and force Catholicism on her
She made it an all or nothing choice, so she got nothing. She should continue to get nothing.
Your husband needs to be on the same page as regard his mother because the fact he is even contemplating allowing his mother to see your newborn is disgusting after the way you've been treated.
His Monster deserves NOTHING from you as being a Grandparent is a **privilege* not a right and this child-like adult basically threw her rights to be a Grandparent away when she had her tantrum and her refusal to discuss the situation would have been the final nail in her coffin in regards to seeing your children.
Your husband is not supporting you like he should as he should have shut his mother down straight away so in you position I would take the decision from him and refuse to allow your MIL the chance to see your newborn. She's already dismissed one of your children so this should then apply to ALL your children (though I presume your Stepsons mom has the final say on whether he sees her or not).
I really hope you can get your husband back on the same page as you because your MIL will never change and she will always feel entitled to more than you are willing to give
I wouldn't let her in the same room as the baby. She did nothing to resolve the issues she caused and a death in the family is no excuse to just rugsweep such egregious behavior. Tell your husband his mother has no relationship with you and has threatened the safety and security of the children too many times to be trusted anywhere near them That the fact he even asked shows he is wavering and cannot be trusted to supervise her therefore she gets no access until she repairs the relationships she's broken and until then she is just SOL.
Hold the line. No apology, no access. DH can have whatever relationship he wants, but you and the kids are off the table until she respects you as parents. Your offer of a public, supervised visit is more than generous.
I think you’re seeing the writing on the wall - she wants to rug sweep due to a death in the family and your DH is wavering. Should this meeting take place, be prepared for him to expect your boundaries to further erode. She will likely guilt trip him with her impending death and endless talk of the important of familyyyy. Therapy would probably help, if he’s isn’t attending already.
Exactly my thoughts! I agree he needs therapy. He attended a few sessions couple of years ago & the therapist told him a lot of things in his childhood were not normal, but this was before we started to have proper issues with Mil as he's always kept her at arms length as an adult.
For the love of all that is good show your DH your post history!!!! I just read it all - I thought my MIL was bad….. man…… she is next level!
Sometimes I wonder if im just overreacting. My own mother said to me I should just allow Mil to come round to our house and see our kids as DH is her only child and these are her only granddaughters. (My mother has her own issues as her own mother is a narcissist but my mother still makes an effort to visit her twice a week so she is clearly willing to put up with this kind of toxic behaviour...but I'm not!)
When I see the other set of grandparents saying things like this, I always suspect it’s because they worry that it could happen to them too. I know that’s the case with my mom because she explicitly said so. To which I explained that she’s absolutely right. It would happen to her too if she behaved the same way, but I’d also have no hesitation addressing issues with her. She also wouldn’t pull the crap my MIL has and would course correct immediately if she did do something that upset us.
I agree, my mother did say to me a while back that she hopes I don't think she's like my Mil . I told her shes not and that I wouldn't treat her the same way as she is respectful and listens when it comes to my kids. She is also reasonable & responsible and tries to be as supportive as possible to me and my siblings so she has nothing to worry about. Mil is the complete opposite!
It’s one thing for an adult to put up with it with their own parent. It’s another thing to involve innocent children. They have no say right now, therefore, they rely on their parents to protect them!
I'd be asking her, what do you need to do to my child alone that you can't do in front of me?
Exactly! She can't be trusted! She's the kind of grandparent who will spoil a child excessively eg allowed her older grandson to have so much ice cream/dessert that he was sick.
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He definitely can see it. It's like as time goes on he forgets what they argued about or why shes not in our lives. But I think that's just how she conditioned him growing up, to just accept her bad behaviour without any apology or real resolution.
They dont even have a close relationship, hes kept her at arms length his whole adult life because he doesn't like the way she interferes or treats him like a child & puts him down but for some reason he feels he still has pacify her.
She definitely has a hold on him that I can't understand.
I would really recommend individual and couples therapy for DH. I have a MIL that is similar, serial boundary stomper, refuses to apologize, raging narcissist. For years my husband knew she was awful and we would go LC for a while then she would start the cycle again roping us/him in, be nice, then freak the fuck out on us. I pointed out the cycle, told him I was tired, etc…
However once he got into therapy and his therapist also told him the same things about his mother being mental and suggesting going no contact fully. It was different, now it wasn’t just his wife not getting along with his mother, it was a professional saying that his mother is a psycho. Over the next months he talked to her more about various things and we did some couples sessions which helped him see things from new perspectives. Finally right before our daughter’s first birthday he cut the cord and has been no contact since.
He’s now realizing how peaceful his life is without her. He has seen her at family events but doesn’t interact with her. She has continued harassing him via text so he blocked her a few months ago. Now she harasses everyone else about it. It really opened his eyes and he really sees the abuse now.
That's what I'm worried about, the cycle repeating itself. Even if she sees our kids the rules still stand, she cannot be unsupervised with them and isn't entitled to do whatever she pleases just because shes a grandparent. So when we remind her of our rules and boundaries surely she's just going to have a massive toddler tantrum again and I don't want that nonsense around my children! And I refuse to deal with such entitled and childish behaviour.
Im tired of her already, but i truly think this is just the beginning of her trying to assert herself & have control over us & our kids.
Honestly, a therapist already told him certain aspects of his childhood were not normal, but this was a couple of years ago before we had real issues with Mil. It's funny how certain aspects of Mils personality reared their ugly head once we had a child!
Yeah this is the exact reason I put my foot down. I did not want a grown adult to put her feelings on a literal infant. I didn’t want her narcissistic issues to affect my daughter.
When my husband went NC she was still invited to our daughter’s first birthday (he went NC like 2 weeks before the party). I told him I was really worried about her treating LO differently at the party. Not that she would remember but I don’t want to set a standard that, that behavior is okay. He was adamant that she wouldn’t do that, “she would never treat LO differently just because we are in a fight”. Lo and behold at the party she was cold, distant, refused to interact with LO even though she came up to her on her own. My husband noticed and couldn’t believe I was right.
I think this was one of the main reasons he has fully stayed NC. He saw with his own eyes the blatant disregard for his daughter’s feelings.
In our couples therapy we more so talked about the here and now. Like why the boundary stomping was taking a toll on me. Why I was overwhelmed. Why I wasn’t okay what was happening. The cycle I was watching is repeat. Rather than his past trauma. Before that he didn’t understand how much of a toll it took on me and it was having on our relationship. After that therapy session I agreed to give her one more chance, and he thought that was reasonable. Then when she did her cycle again she doomed herself.
Argh! Im sorry that she treated your daughter that way, it's disgusting! But I'm glad your husband saw her behaviour and realised you were right to feel the way you did and acted accordingly!
The problem with my Mil is that she will say all these things and trash DH's parenting and then a week later try to pretend nothing happened! She said she didn't want to bother with our oldest this time last year, then in December was asking what our daughter wanted for Christmas!!?? The child she wanted nothing to do with! It made no sense!
She honestly just wants to love bomb our kids and look like Grandma of the year to the outside world so she would never openly treat our LO horribly but its her subtle, passive aggressive comments, entitlement and guilt tripping that are dangerous and trying to basically put down her son infront of his kids so she looks good.
I do think couples therapy would help us. I have thought about giving her one last chance but why should I if she can't even apologise for all the atrocious things she has said!
I'd have told dh he's welcome to see his mom but not the kids. Mom and the kids are a package deal. Respect mom and the boundaries then she can see the kids under supervision. And taking a newborn out to stores etc is not a good idea until the baby has all its vaccines and etc. Immune system are so low for those babies.
This is a DH problem. He threw you under the bus to his mom, making you responsible for saying yes or no. He is being disrespectful to your 3 year old and he is offering your baby up to his entitled mother to pacify her grief.
Why isnt she begging to see the 3 year old, too? Because she wants to play mommy and use your infants to meet her emotional needs.
I have a 2 yo and am due in 2 months with our second. My MILs mom passed recently and she fully tried to leverage her loss to get WEEKLY visits out of my husband with our son who has been NC for a year with me. My husband was disappointed in her manipulation. AND she acts like her being in contact with her grandchild is important, but has not checked in on my husband once about how he is handling the loss of HIS GRANDMA!
Your MIL had years to reconcile with you as a family unit and chose to do nothing. Your husband needs to recognize he is enabling her and he needs to priorize you and the kids over her. If she is grieving, she can get therapy.
Exactly, I'm upset he basically threw me under the bus like he doesn't have a mouth or mind of his own to tell her yes or no. The ridiculous thing is that DH is and extrovert and more assertive than me and usually has no issues cussing out his mother. So it mist be the passing of his grandad that is confusing his brain. It definitely goes back to him not wanting to rock the boat and I've been happy to look like the bad guy for the past year so I honestly dont know what came over me to agree to her seeing the baby, clearly postpartum lack of judgement lol
She's had a year to apologise, we even said we were happy to sit down and talk about any issues but according to her, there are no issues.
I just need to try and speak to DH in a way that doesn't come across angry or like I hate his mother so he gets it through his brain again as to why she isn't welcome here!
What I've found that helps is not talking about opinion or about MIL. Focus on facts/behavior and impact-strain on the relationship, how it makes you feel, and anything that has transpired. Also start the conversation by framing it. "I want to talk to you about this sudden push to have your mom meet our LO and I want to make sure we are on the same page for what is best for our children and nuclear family long term. I want to make sure we are united and not making decisions out of fear, obligation, or guilt."
That gets you on the same team working towards a common goal.
Thank you, that's really good wording! I've been quiet about the matter for a few days because i dont want to approach the conversation while im feeling frustrated and annoyed as i know he will sense that & likely become defensive. I will try this and see how it goes!
Good luck! It's hard not to focus on MIL but she is not the issue. The issue is being in different pages. Focus on what you and your children need and give him thr chance to priorize you and protect you from her drama and control issues
What a shame the new baby can't go to the coffee shop with DH and meet Grandma because he's got an upset tummy, but maybe DH could show her some photos?
I don't get why grandmas do that. I read countless stories here about GMs who want to play with the baby like a toy, isolate the baby to do who knows what, take a million selfies just to post like they just bought a new accessory and want to show off, but then if parents set reasonable boundaries they prefer to go NC with said baby. That's not love. Wtf.
You're right. it's not love at all! Im not even sure Mil sees her grandkids as actual human beings with minds and personalities of their own!
Why rewarding someone who still doesn't respect you, still didn't take accountability, apologize or try to make amend to you ?
Allowing her to see your new LO is basically sending the wrong message .Allowing her to see LO without you is not only a reward but a bonus for her.
Hubby can see her alone. Do not let your babies near her .
Should have just said no.
Now you’re going to send your 4 week old baby off without you so she can go play grandma of the year in public. Doing whatever she likes with your newborn since DH can’t tell her no…?
Really?!
Once you open the door a crack it’s harder to close it back up. Do not open that door to visits without you - you’d simply be rewarding her bad behaviour.
Your DH may be conditioned to accept her shitty behaviour, but your don’t have to. I wouldn’t bother let her meet your newborn - why? So she can repeat her BS behaviour again? Nope. She obviously is only interested in getting her way & you don’t have to play her stupid game.
Perhaps advise DH that whilst everyone is so emotional with the loss of grandfather that now is not the time to be discussing visits with the baby etc. Focus on the funeral and down the track we can revisit this discussion when the grief you are going thru is not so raw. Grief is hard enough to deal with, coupled with having to communicate his mother, DH needs to not add additional stress for him to manage.
So I am saying this gently. Yes DH effed up and should have had a backbone. However you are guilty of not holding the line, by saying he can meet MIL in a coffee shop. You probably should have told husband that no MIL can’t see the baby until she apologizes. You also caved to MIL’s wants.
He's enmeshed with his mother (google "enmeshed family dynamic") it's not going to get any better without ongoing therapy and a change of behavior from her and your husband growing a pair and enforcing boundaries
No she doesn’t get a do-over with this new baby. She hasn’t tried with older baby means she doesn’t get access to this one since she can’t even admit her faults and apologize. New baby isn’t a shiny new toy for her to have photo ops with.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this freshly postpartum! Congrats on your LO 🤍
My MIL decided to throw a fit around the birth of her first grandchild and my partner had a very hard time navigating being a new parent and being in between his mother and me. Firstly I was not strong enough to stand up for myself but I would have regular breakdowns because of crazy things she did when it came to LO’s and my wellbeing. Eventually she showed her true colors by freaking out once we started incorporating boundaries because my partner saw how crazy her behavior was and how it affected both LO and me very badly. I think it took him a little longer to figure out she was a bad influence because ofcourse it’s his mom and also because he is not the one that is full of postpartum hormones/recovering.
Along the way I have contemplated going NC with my MIL while my partner could visit her and eventually I even thought of leaving my partner. What helped me was to show my emotions to him. Let him see and explain how MILs behavior affect both you and LO. For example: if you’re BFing, explain that stress is bad for your production.
My partner needed some time but I was patient and eventually he stood up for our family. He offered going NC. My MIL is now trying her best but we are still very LC and I avoid her wherever I can, because I know it’s best for my mental health.
I hope this helps! Sending solidarity 🩷 Don’t let MIL ruin this precious time with your newborn. Try to enjoy and if you ever need to vent, you can always send me a chat message!
I wouldn't even let her meet baby. Your MIL decided it was her way or no way. That was her choice. She now has to deal with the consequences. She didn't even ask to see your 3 year old... What does she think is going to happen here ?
That's why I refuse to have any contact with Mil. She can't accept that she does not run the show when It comes to her son and grandkids. She's basically said she doesn't care what DH wants for his kids, she will do what she likes.
But him asking me about her seeing the baby caught me off guard and in the moment I didn't want to seem like an evil b*tch by saying no. Now Im kicking myself because I've been so good at keeping the boundaries in place for the past year & I know my postpartum hormones and tiredness just got the best of me in that moment!
Rescind your offer of letting him take the baby to meet her. Tell him you were caught off guard and you she should not be allowed to meet the baby since she has not made any effort to apologize or change her terrible ways.
MIL asked because she knows his granddad passing probably softened him. Him asking you instead of turning her request down immediately proves it. Agreeing to this is opening the door for her to waltz back into your lives and he’s not going to be able to stand up to her.
I think you're right. Im also considering that deep down DH might be hoping his grandfather's passing has softened his mother too. Maybe he's hoping for some sort of apology or that she will finally see the importance of having a good relationship with her only child and decide to be reasonable and respectful. I doubt it, though. I really don't think she's capable of self reflection and only cares about herself. But i know its hard for anyone to accept their parent isn't exactly a loving and caring one.
Then tell him you've thought about it and that you've changed your mind. That it's also not fait of him to bring up his mother asking to see either kids. She made her bed, she can sleep on it now.
Throw in the bit about new LO not having vaccines yet, so shouldn't be getting passed around for a while. That is to say, NO KISSING!