I'm the middle child. I have two brothers, one who is currently 22 and one who is 11. My elder brother is a horrible person and I'd like to get some things of my chest. I'm sorry in advance that this will get long.

My father was brutally punching my brother before I was born. That is a major reason he probably turned out how he is. Another reason is because he was spoiled, as my family had more money when they had to care for only one child and had better jobs. He also has severe ADHD.

When I was born, I immediately wanted to be an only child. I found it tiring to be brothers with him, as he was treating me harshly. He would always threaten to hurt me if I did not keep my mouth shut. He always seemed to want to prove his superiority, by suffocating me with pillows, or throwing stuff at me (seriously everything you can imagine, oranges, clocks, lamps, soccer balls, etc). His usual method of hurting me was to throw me to the ground and either completely stand on me or kick me. I never understood why he was treating me so violently. It may have been because I was a quite emotional and girly child and he was disgusted to be around me.

It continued like that for years. He would just shut himself in his room, never letting anybody inside. I tried to talk to him about anything, like card games, cats, my books or some of my horse figures. He never listened to anything I had to say and would get violent whenever we were alone at home. I kept trying however, as my mother blamed my wanting to be an only child for the reason my brother behaved this way and wanted me to get along with him. For her, I tried my best, but it wasn't enough. That all was when I was in grade school.

When I was in middle school, he moved to Germany for University. My mother said I'd miss him when he was gone, yet I never did. When I wanted to visit my grandparents, who also were living there, I promised her that I'd try to get along with him. We went out twice those two weeks, once when he told me we would go out to eat. He fought with my mother on the phone that day and said he wasn't in the mood and drove me home and stole all the money my grandmother gave me for that day. Then when I called him multiple times each day, he never answered the phone until two weeks later, one day before I'd be leaving Germany. I went to his apartment for an hour, after about 20 minutes I went to the restroom and then he violently came banging at the door, trying to open it, shouting, calling me names and trying to get me out. I don't understand why he couldn't let me pee in peace. He didn't talk to me for the remaining time, because I somehow "had provoked him and got what I deserved". He literally refused to talk to me for the rest of that day, until he told me that he had to go to a party meeting that day and he drove me home. I later found out that he was lying to just get me to leave.

I tried again next year, and invited every time we went out with grandma. But the only thing he talked about was about how he wanted to move out. He asked for extremely large sums of money and I had to go with grandma to his flat to clean and pick up all the things that he wouldn't with him. He never inquired about anything, he only asked us to do the dirty work. I also learned that he had extremely abused my grandmother, never allowing her to enter his flat and often smashing the door in her face, stealing thousands of euros from her, and only talking to her when he need favours. He embarrassed my poor grandmother by lying to her, tricking her to give money and talking stuff from the apartment that was supposed to be bought by the renters. She did everything she could to help him move out and to get the flat ready for renting. She did fricking everything!

That is not all. He threatened to sue my grandmother, my stepgrandfather and my father for a theft and an assault that never happened. He was already at the cops when my grandmother told him that if he sued, she wouldn't provide backup money for his apartment and he'd be homeless, and that's the only reason he didn't sue. That's when my grandparents cut ties with him.

Meanwhile, when he would come to visit, he would spend his time abusing the little one or threatening to kill me because I seemed too gay for his liking. My mum would always say that I was at fault, as I never wanted brothers and thought ill of him. He would also demand to get his room back, robbing me of every ounce of privacy I had in that pathetic excuse of a home, which was too small to fit so many people.

All the things lead to me bottling up a lot of emotion inside. The issue is he would never inform anybody except mother for his plans, not me or my father, so what he was doing the whole time was a secret, as my idiotic mother would just tell us to mind our business. That's why we never knew how long he would stay for visits. He came home from Germany on Christmas Eve and had canceled three flights back to Germany in January. My mother claimed he was lonely because he didn't have any friends there (jeez I wonder why) and as such wanted to stay. By February I had gotten tired of the apartment being as loud as a stadium. That's when everything escalated.

One day I was talking to my psychologist over the phone and everybody in the house was screaming like it was the apocalypse. She asked me what was so noisy the whole time and said to me to complain, so that I may have a moment of peace. That's when I went to my mother and brother to complain.

I said they were being loud and they just continued whatever they f they were doing. I said that they were disrupting my therapy session and that they should stop shouting. Then my brother told me. My voice was annoying and I should shut up. I told him aggressively that he had no right to say that after not letting me talk on the phone in peace. Then he said that I should go to my room and shout as much as I want but not in front of him. I shouted there anyway, just to spite him because I surely was feeling like shit that day. Then he stood up from the bed and it seemed he was ready to jump at me, I don't know whether he wanted to, but it sure as hell seemed like it. I didn't want to let him hurt me so I quickly bit his upper arm. I bit him hard I wanted him to know that I would not tolerate anything from him any longer. My mother asked me to stop and after a while, I did. Then he wanted to find things to throw at me like TV remotes, alarm clocks, and everything else that was on the commode. I pushed him against the door so that he would not throw anything and he started punching me on the back until my mother could get him out of the room. He tried to force his way in but I was holding the door. He took a metal vacuum cleaner and broke a hole in the door. My parents then started to come between us, but he still managed to hit me on the back with the vacuum cleaner. My mother then pulled him back, my father pulled me back and I never stopped trying to defend myself and kept trying to hit him and charge him. He was doing the same, after all. He then exclaimed that if I ever got close to him again he'd kill me by slitting my throat open and I told him I'd call the cops and I'd never in my life let him hurt me again. He then said roughly translated to English: "Come! I dare you! Show me that you are a man! But you ain't no man! You're a f@g! You're a fairy!" Afterwards he continued to scream the slurs at least another ten times each. Again and again and again. My mother managed to get him to the living room, said then to me that it was my fault for biting him first, even though he was ready to charge me. I went to my room, called my psychologist, but she was busy. I called my best friend, she picked up and I told her everything. She offered to take me in for a few days. And that's what I did.

Before going however I talked to my parents. My mother told me both of us were at fault. She said he should not have been homophobic (at the very least), but she told me he just defended himself, even though he had many chances to stop it, but he chose to break the door down and force his way inside. I also told her "What about all the times he threatened and beat me? Does that not matter?". She denied that anything ever happened. All the pain and the suffering, all my tries to bond with him and all the money he stole, it all got erased in that moment. I just asked her to keep my brother out of the apartment while I was there and she told me that it was his home too and she could not keep him out. I just told her that his home is in Germany, so he should move his ass up there again. And I called her an a-hole. Then she could mad that I called her an a-hole even though she just defended my brother who had just done so many bad things. My father on the other hand agrees with me about everything that is wrong with my brother. He is a bad person, but at least I thought I had his support here. But I didn't. He didn't have the balls to defend me and stand up to my mother because he is an effing wimp when a woman intimidates him. The only thing he told me is "Be happy he didn't kill you! You know it was close!".

I asked when my brother would leave, Mother said he didn't know, maybe March but most likely in April. To that my father told me to just go to my grandparents to Germany in the meantime, so that I could be by myself. So first of all I left for my friend and stayed there for 5 days. It was really great, but I was anxious to go back. I'm really thankful that a friend of mine would protect me like that. I love her extraordinarily much. We spend some snowy days together, including Valentine's Day. When I returned, I immediately asked my grandmother to book a ticket for Germany. My family can't afford one, so I had to depend on her buying one for me. That's what she did. Just before going I confronted my mother for the reason she was always defending my brother. There are two. First of all, she feels guilty for not protecting my brother from my father and tries to make up for it by supporting him unconditionally. Secondly, she hates my grandmother with all her might, and I'm her favorite, while grandma hates my brother (which is understandable considering all that he has done). Mum thinks by supporting my brother she is hurting my grandma. She denied everything again, claiming she never witnessed anything violent by my brother. That's when I took my bags and left.

What hurts the most is that my mother throws a temper tantrum each time I dye my hair or paint my nails, saying I somehow betrayed her and that I am a selfish son who doesn't love her and listen to her. Then she starts crying and not talking to me for days and calling me ugly and a clown. But every single time my brother hurts me in any way, she tells him at most a "That was a bit harsh, don't you think?". And 90% of the time she doesn't even say that, she just tells me that it's my fault for not trying harder.

Last weekend, I arrived in Germany (with all the safety measures and I also got tested and everything) and I'm eager to spend a bit of quarantine with the beautiful architecture and nature. I am truly happy to be here and spend some time with my grandmother and stepgrandfather. I'm very lucky to have been able to get out of that apartment. It was dangerous there.

So, what I'm glad about are many things. I'm happy my friend supported me! I'm happy I came to Germany! But what I'm most glad about is that for the first time in my life, I stood up to my brother. I showed him that a "f@g" can cause him pain and I'm sure that he won't underestimate one again so soon! I showed him that I won't ever let him lay a finger on me again! And I realized that my relationship with my brother is beyond repair and dead forever! I just want to see him suffer, like he made me suffer!and then I want him to leave this world. He caused enough pain already.

Thanks if you made it this far.