Some incels believe that if you miss the "developmental milestone" of experiencing sex in your teenage years, you are permanently a stunted and damaged person and will never become a normal adult, even if you manage to drown in pussy for example after your 25th or 30th birthday.
For Jake Davison, a 22-year-old British incel, the internalization of this belief is what was the final trigger for him to kill his own mother, then various people on the street with a shotgun before turning the gun against himself when the police showed up.
Since you can't rewind time to your teenage years to act differently back then, this is the ultimate Blackpill belief to which there is no solution and usually the final "excuse" incels bring up about why they are the way they are.
It's really sad how they glorify defeatism by targeting only things that are impossible to change- the past, your height, your genes and bone structure- to completely negate any need for personal growth and accountability and make it okay to just give up, blame others and wallow in hate. It's easy, it's safe, it's convenient and comfortable instead of difficult, painful and scary the way self-reflection and actual change are, so it's no wonder it appeals to those who just want easy answers and something other than themselves to blame. And this sort of thing is the result- hate, violence and ruined lives instead of a person who could have eventually had a normal happy life.
If they admitted they could change and grow they wouldn't be incels.
They glorify a past that never existed and how great their lives would be if unchangeable things could be changed. It gives them an internalized excuse for why they can never improve their own lives and how it's everyone else's fault that they're miserable.
Fucking Danny Devito is universally loved and respected, and is loaded, due to his own hard work overcoming any perceived disadvantage.
Danny DeVito is my favourite actor of all time. He’s the best, and he’s probably significantly shorter and ‘uglier’ (although he’s charismatic as hell) than 99% of the incels who get posted here.
Dude is, what, 4’11”? Didn’t let that stop him at all, and now we have incels claiming it’s ’over’ for anyone shorter than 6’0”.
Well if they admitted they could change and grow they would still be incels cause they would still be not getting laid
I vaguely remember having these thoughts for like a week when I was 15-16 (boohoo I’m ugly I’ll die alone)That was 20 years ago. I think it’s kinda normal… but it’s supposed to pass pretty fast. These guys are living that week I had their whole lives
Being a teenager is hard; everything feels like the end of the world and it's hard to put things in perspective and see how minor and temporary they are in the grand scheme. Which is why it's even more reprehensible that online grifters play on that outsized insecurity in these guys to foster hate.
And glorifying childhood sexual activity. Not that teenagers don’t have sex, but the whole concept of “you have to lose your virginity before 18” is gross. It stems from the pedophilic tradition of child marriage. I remember feeling that pressure when I was in highschool, but it wasn’t actually “normal” for the kids around me to be sexually active.
There were a few people we knew of, but looking back on it now, a lot of those kids were also early drug users, or from tumultuous households. **Not to shame any of them AT ALL (i’d be a hypocrite lmao), and this is purely anecdotal, but I think it’s a trend of these kids being “adultified”, and feeling pressure to “not be a kid” around adult things. It’s not that they’re wrong for having sex, but it’s the expectation and culture around it.
I do think, 9 times out of 10, teens who’re having sex before 18, are doing it out of societal pressure, or a trauma response. It rarely looks like two secure partners just casually, and comfortably having sex. Highschool relationships are usually shaky and fragile.
I actually don’t think i know anyone who had a good sexual experience as a teenager. At best it’s mediocre, but it’s never actually good. It’s awkward, and kids are so weird about everything, they’ll make it embarrassing if you’re a girl, and a badge of honour if you’re a boy. Adding unnecessary emotions and associations to an already vulnerable moment.
Usually people that had sex before 18 can tell you, it was the worst, most nervous, unsatisfying sex they had 😭.
I doubt movies like ‘American Pie’ helped things at all, but a) people should be able to tell the difference between a comedy and real life, and b) I feel ancient acknowledging that movie came out well before many of the current crop of incels were even born.
You haven't been to The Philippines.
Wow I knew it was bad but this is worse than I thought
A while ago I made a post about a creator who defended incels because "they won't ever get access to a woman or people to cause harm". I so badly want her, and the people who think like her, to react to this horrifying news and explain how incels aren't increasingly becoming the harmful ones.
One of the things I find so ridiculous about this claim is that there are millions and millions and millions of perfectly normal adults who didn't have sex as a teen for religious, social, etc. reasons.
I'm one! I was raised extremely religious, and avoided sex until after college. It's fine.
For real. I didn't have sex until I was 27 because I was just a weird introvert. My life didn't collapse.
I think sex education as a whole needs to change. We treat male sexuality like an unstoppable biological need when it's no different than female sexuality. Man (and masculinity in general) is kept on a constant pedestal, "if you have lots of sex or have sex at an early age you're a real man" nope, it means you're sexually active. On top of this, years and years of misinformation around sexuality has degraded many minds. Hell I also used to believe if you didn't have sex as a teen you'll be an abnormal adult, it actually scared me and it's frightening how sex-related misinformation has influenced and keeps influencing millions of people.
Not only that, but it reduces a sacred act to an excretory function.
if isn't an ''unstoppable biological need'' why normies rather hook up without condom than ruin the mood? why unwanted pregnancy rate is so high despite so many birth control methods available?
Sitting on my couch eating chips and watching a nice comfy OSRS video on YouTube Dang, guess I’ll never be normal adult or whatever. How shall I live? Goes back to eating chips and watching the comfy video
Reddit moment
Half of all people haven't had sex by the time they graduate high school. Not all those that have had it had positive experiences. Plenty will also lie about having done it to sound cooler and more mature.
Obviously, half of all people aren't "doomed."
Tgen we have a lot of people walking around as ticking time bombs.
I knew plenty of people in college who hadn't had sex. They were fine.
The glorification of a physical act is ridiculous.
Of a lot of their talking points, this is one of the ones that pisses me off the most because I’m living proof they’re idiots. I was the tiny, super quiet and awkward nerdy teen that never went on any dates. I easily fell in the target audience for incel recruitment had they been a more prominent thing in the late 00’s.
While I was upset about it and yes sometimes resentful I blamed myself, not the rest of the world. I didn’t go on my first date until I was 19, and lost my virginity at 20. Neither of those magically fixed me, and neither happened without me growing as a person so I could actually socialize with people. And I’ve only kept getting better with that since then, had multiple long term relationships in my 20s, now married with a kid at 32.
Just because you don’t have sex at 16 or whatever doesn’t mean the world is over. Sure I guess it sucks that there’s an experience you missed out on that media glamorizes way too much, but most people don’t get to experience most things in life. It falls in the same bucket as like, never seeing a band play live before they break up or something. You missed out on it, then move on with life because missing one “fun” experience isn’t the end of the universe.
"Since you didn't experience sex as a teen, you will never become a normal adult."
No one:
Literally no one:
Teens who grew up in conservative abstinence societies who become normal healthy functioning adults:
Adulthood leaves less time for carefree exploration and mindless “anything goes” that’s true. But it’s not the whole truth.
When you’re young, you might only have homework and then plenty of free time to fool around, to “play doctor” with your girlfriend, to drift through life without much weight on your shoulders. But in the end, what you really missed is just one thing: fun. That’s it.
Someone born in a poorer or more unlucky part of the world has far more regrets about their youth than even an incel in a wealthy country.
The deeper truth is that we only ever live here and now.
If you are in a meaningful relationship, you have it now, and "in the now", life is always worth living.
So maybe you were an incel and you feel you lost some beautiful years.
Then help others not lose theirs. Turn even your darkest experiences into something that inspires. Because to live is to be inspired.
Teen love is nothing but a big ball of pointless drama and actual trauma. The incels have missed nothing truly important: on the contrary, they missed something that leaves a lot of people with scars. And so naturally they squandered that advantage by being jealous.
Every coin has two sides. Indeed.
Oh yeah, having sex in your teens totally makes you a normal adult. I had sex at 14 and I’m so well adjusted. It’s completely normal for an adult to physically recoil from people who touch them without announcing the action beforehand, right? Totally normal. And it’s normal to completely freeze with your partner during intimacy to the point where they have to stop and ask if you’re ok because apparently you have a deer on the headlights expression on your face? That’s run of the mill, huh?
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I think it's a completely different experience having sex in your teens as a woman than as a man. That's why so many men crave it while almost every woman I know wished she had either waited a bit or had more guidance and care so she would've made better decisions.
Even if it wasn't traumatic, teen sex genuinely isn't good. Nobody knows what they are doing and boys aren't mature enough to prioritise their partner's pleasure yet. And everyone is too hormonal and horny to be a respectful partner or communicative about sex.
And there's the thing nobody wants to talk about: the fact that teen girls are often having sex with men much older than them. Or even if not, they are still in the stage of immaturity where they want to people please and tolerate horrible things [abuse and other such things] to feel wanted.
I didn't have [consensual] sex until my adulthood. And I am very happy I waited because I know all of my baggage and previous sexual trauma would've put me in horrible situations. This still ended up happening in my 20s, but at least I was now mature enough to handle it.
I didn’t have sex till I was 20. Even by the time I was 25 I had maybe had a handful of sexual experiences, most of them bad. That didn’t stop me from trying, and from 25-30 I slept with around 40 people. Now I’m engaged.
Did those teenage year affect me? Probably. Did I turn out fine? I wouldn’t have had it any other way tbh.
Both sad and scary. But more sad. I hate them giving up but hate even more what they adopt as a cope.
What the fuck even is a normal adult anyway. Who cares. I'm just me, normal or not.
Jake Davidson was not "triggered" by not having sex in his teenage years. What happened was that the local police ignored the red flags, gave him his shotgun back, and then he had a bad argument with his mother, and impulsively decided to shoot her, and figured that since he'd already killed one person, he should kill some more before ending himself.
I remember his last post on .is. Something about how he had just had a physical and his doctor and his mother were the only people who had ever seen him naked. A mild enough post for the .is board but scary that the next day he went out and killed his mother and some bystanders including a little girl.
As an aside, I know that "drowning in pussy" is a common enough expression among men but it gives me the ick. Why do they talk the way they do?
Just... do the last part first.
Well if you do have a lot of sex as a teenager you are likely to form impressions early. That doesn’t seem like a good way to start your life. What I’m trying to say is that waiting is probably better in the long run.
I'm from Plymouth and still live there, he was murdering people maybe five minutes from my parents house, I had family sheltering in my house while this was ongoing. What you didn't mention as well is that during his spree he murdered a man and his 3 year old daughter. No matter how bad your life is, no matter what your mental state is or whether or not you got fucked in your teens, nothing justifies murdering a child who was barely even talking. This shooting ripped our city apart, everyone knows at least one of the victims, and it's been utterly horrific.
Im not gonna defend him or his actions. But you cannot tell me that people do not see those people as creeps.
‘Those people?’
Lol, as if total strangers can tell by one look at you whether or not you had sex before your 20th birthday.
If they don't have a creep mentality, then no?
Is there something wrong with seeing creeps as creeps?
See. You agree with me.
You seem to think this is a problem. That is where we differ.
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Try developing social skills now then. It's not something that gets blocked after you become an adult. There are books, advice and all the recourses you need online. It can be hard, but social skills are very important
Well, for one, I would suggest that finding a new hobby might be a better solution than shooting your mother and some strangers.
I didn't have sex til I was married at 24, and I get that there are experiences I've missed out on, but I also recognize that not everyone's life path looks the same, and that's okay!
Then you go and make a effort to meet women? They don't come flying to you out of nowhere. You have to put in effort if you want to meet people wether it's sexual, platonic or romantically
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So what? Honestly...
Yes attractive people get more attention.
And rich people get to vacation in the Maldives.
What does that matter? Life has never been, and never will be, "fair".
I'm an average looking short guy, if I spent my time wishing I was "Chad" I'd be fucking miserable... do I don't, because thats pointless and won't change my situation.
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Yeah being ugly sucks. It makes things more difficult. Hardly impossible though. I see ugly people in relationships everywhere.
Moping about it isn't going to fix anything. The self pity isn't going to fix anything. Getting strangers to agree that it sucks to be ugly isn't going to fix anything.
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Go to Walmart on a Saturday afternoon. You'll see even uglier.
…And?