I’m so sorry Rain. Losing Harpo is heartbreaking and it hurts so deeply. You gave him a safe, loving home and a special gift to the world. That’s what he knew, and carried with him. And still does. I’m sending you so much love and comfort. 💖
I'm so sorry this happened Rain. It's not your fault; it was a misunderstanding. I know it hurts, but it's truly not your fault. Harpo loved you and knew you loved him; I promise you he didn't think you abandoned him. Not after all you two went through together. You are an incredibly kind and loving person; I know it's hard but please don't beat yourself up over an honest mistake. You intended to be there with him, you didn't abandon him, and he would never think you had abandoned him. You gave Harpo a wonderful life, and you did all you could for him.
Harpo knew he was loved, specifically by you. You can hear it in every proud little shout. 'Mom, look what I brought you!!!'
He heard every single time you thanked him.
I guarantee that the last thing he heard wasn't how awful you were, but about how selfless you were to put his pain first.
I'm so sorry you didn't get to send him on the way you wanted to. That is a loss all on its own, and will need to be mourned like one. You deserved to have that and so did he.
Harpo became a consistent bright spot during the breakdown and end of my marriage. I've been on my own for two years, and my Harpo mug and t shirt still bring a smile to my face regularly. I might be a complete internet stranger, but I want you to know your videos made, and still make, a difference in my life.
Harpo is a toss that rainbow bridge telling all our little ones what an amazing human he has and that he’s going to tell you himself someday when you two are together again.
Best part of that meeting is there will never ever be another goodbye. He knows he is loved, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up. He wouldn’t want that from the human who gave him and amazing life.
First, re gum disease, strong saltwater rinse every night before bed (recommended by Stanford dental prof and also by Harvard Health.) I'm also disabled and have kept healthy teeth and gums for 20 years with minimal dentistry (which I can't afford, and have trouble getting out to) with this.
Second, Harpo had a lifetime of your love. I feel sure he was ok, and being so sick, it was probably easy for him to just let go. I hope you can give yourself some grace. I'm betting Harpo would.
I have also had minimal dentistry, I’ve been maybe four or five times in my adult life. I thought I would make it to senior citizenship before my first cavity and missed by only a few weeks. He said my teeth were in excellent shape for someone my age, but the gum recession is a problem, as it was for my father.
Rinses aren’t going to fix gums that have receded almost to the root in the lower front. He said I needed to have a deep cleaning and use that rinse for at least a couple months before having the surgery. Once I am safely on the other side of that, we will talk about doing a gum graft.
Holy shit, holy shit, have you told us this before? I definitely haven't seen it. Just reading your story of it made me sick to my stomach, how did they misunderstand that without confirming?!?! How?! How do you blame yourself? I would have never forgiven them!!! This is so upsetting, it's no wonder you're struggling so much on top of losing him.
Logically we all know the life and the days are what matter. Cats tend to have the instincts to die alone anyway. I wondered if that was why when Wazzy was dying and drugged up, she would sit at the window all night. Combo of drugs and maybe wanting to be away from us? To keep us healthy and spare us.
Losing one of them while I wasn't there would traumatize me more than I can say, so this breaks my heart for you. But to them, how much does it matter?
Idk if we can say. In some ways I wish I didnt have had to see wazzy after. That I never knew her that way. She was 5. She was a baby. I miss her and I miss hapro and I miss harpo for you
I like to think theres no time after, so there last moments with the dmt effects have them remembering every moment with us all seemingly endlessly
Yeah that's something I would find hard to ever bring up due to the pain, i can't imagine how hard that is. I am glad that you shared it. I don't know, maybe like group heartbreak can help hold just even a tiny microbit of your pain. My dog saved my life and I often feel like I'd failed her in so many ways its hard to even think about.
I've never said im so sorry on the internet and meant it more than i do right now
You don't have to have blame for anger, but that certainly is the more peaceful option. It sounds like they saved him before so of course a mistake doesnt undo that care
It’s actually not uncommon for cats to seek a solitary place if they know they’re passing. I don’t think they see being alone as inherently bad. Harpo knew you loved him and he carried that with him. That’s the important part.
I will say, even cuddly and sociable cats sometimes go off by themselves in the end. I think they definitely know that we love them, and maybe that’s what they need.
I am so sorry that this happened. I had no idea! I completely understand how you are heartbroken, but as others have said, he was ready to let go and would not want this extended guilt for you.
I've been pondering this situation, and I can't quite come up with the solution, but I'm wondering if there's a way you could channel this terrible grief to share the information so that this doesn't happen to others. It was a misunderstanding that never should have happened. Any time I've had to say goodbye to an animal, the vet has been very, very clear on what would happen and there was a special room for it where I could spend as much time as needed. There were even forms to sign first and an option to donate the carrier so that I didn't have to bring it back home (damn that one made me sob but in a grateful way). Given that, I'm also recognizing that my experience has been a privilege with excellent vets. Through friends, I'm also aware of vets that are good, but just don't have the excellent front desk support and processes in place that mine did.
As to the vet's office thinking you were just that owner that didn't want to come in - please put that out of your mind. Everyone deals with the euthanasia of a pet very differently. While I've opted to be there, I've had friends who sobbed because they knew they couldn't be in the room. They loved their pets dearly. Vet offices are accustomed to all of this. I once had an emergency office surprised that I came to get my elderly cat as she was going downhill so quickly, but I wanted her to be at her regular vet, who she really quite liked. The emergency vet may handle all of this a little differently or accidentally more flippantly given what they are dealing with (like situations where the family can't get there in time).
I'm rambling a bit and people here smarter than me might have a better answer. But I'm wondering if you put something out there that lets vet offices know that they need to be really, really clear about arrangements (because the grieving owner is not going to have their best logic brain on duty), then that might help with the grief as sweet Harpo will still be helping others. It might help you to just tell this vet office. Let them know how to deal with people and their pets in a better way. You can also just completely ignore all this if you find it unhelpful or insensitive in the moment.
I will tell you this. I beat the shit out of myself with guilt when I wasn't at the nursing home when one of my parents died. I was supposed to go that evening but I didn't because I was exhausted. I'd been going almost every day and working full time and I started to feel like I would collapse. I couldn't believe that I'd let myself take this break and wasn't there holding their hand. Instead, I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.
Luckily, I had friends who smacked me out of it and reminded me of all the times I was there. I had even followed the hospice book which recommended that you let your ill family member know that you are going to be ok and you love them, even if they may not hear you. I had done that two days earlier. That act may even sometimes release them from this world and give them peace. I'll bet you told Harpo tons of times that you loved him, and even if it wasn't verbal, he knew it from all the years of attention and the latest extra special care he was getting from you. For all we know, he was ready when he went into the hospital and gave goodbye love to you then. I'm sorry it wasn't final the way it would have helped the most, but he absolutely knew you loved him.
My mom waited till I left the house for the first time in 2 weeks before letting herself go. I am convinced of this. Within half an hour of me leaving she died. We can't control everything & it is not nice learning this. But the lifetime of love you shared previously means there should be no regrets. I'd drown in them if I let myself. But I refuse. They are a waste of my time & energy that my loved ones would rather I put into saving others.
They are not going to be sat at the bridge or in heaven or wherever they go, frowning down at me like "you weren't there for that one split second! Never mind the life of love we shared, that cancelled it all out!" Of course they are not. I will not insult them by thinking otherwise. The dying know more than we do.
I will try to answer this more properly later, but for now, I will just say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with how they handled this.
I know very well that there is a special room devoted to that, because that is the room they were kind enough to let me wait in during COVID, when I wasn’t supposed to be inside at all. But I didn’t have a car to wait in and it was very cold outside.
I am so sorry. Harpo was so special! I can understand how the misunderstanding happened, and the heartbreak.I love seeing the videos of him bringing you things and you thanking him every time. I am certain Harpo knew how much you loved him to the very end.
I’m so sorry Rain. As another cat parent with an IBD baby on long term steroids, I know how stressful and worrying it is to try and balance symptom management with the side effects of prednisolone, especially as they get older. Graham hasn’t gotten to a state of weakening (yet), but I’m trying to do all the research I can with some help from a big support group on Facebook to find alternatives if the needed dosage gets too high.
As for the vet…I have no words. At least, none that haven’t already been said. Cats have a long memory of things that made them happy, whether it’s that ONE time you left the pantry unlocked and they helped themselves to a huge late-night meal, or that time you threw a toy they loved at just the right spot in the dining room for a perfect game of fetch. For Harpo on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, I’m sure his happy memory is the piles of plushies, paper, and decor, and all the thanks.
I’ve never heard of that one, probably for that reason. 😔 The drugs I hear used most often are pred, budesonide, and chlorambucil, which is a chemo drug for the cases where IBD is actually lymphoma.
Chlorambucil is also used for IBD in the absence of lymphoma. Dexamethasone is used as well; the internist who gave it to Harpo in the hospital said they were clinically identical. Since his diarrhea stopped in the hospital, only to begin again when he came home and went back to prednisolone, I asked if we could switch.
She and Harpo's oncologist both went on vacation the same week, right as he came out of the hospital in October. Otherwise, I would have been able to have an in-depth conversation along the lines of, "if they are IDENTICAL, than why does dex seem to stop his diarrhea better than the pred," and it probably would have come up.
The fact that dex is more prone to causing wasting is probably not widely known among vets yet. People don't always stay current on every bit of research, the effect is small, and I had to dig for it.
It drives me nuts to think that Harpo may well have taken a low dose of pred for five years for nothing. Everyone was surprised when the endoscopy and fine needle aspirations of multiple organs turned up NO cancer cells at ALL. But I can't fault his oncologist for that, because that is almost unheard of, and his ultrasounds did show a thickened intestinal wall. The only way to know for sure would be to do those procedures that were done years later, but the risk of anesthesia didn't seem worth it. But I am kicking myself that I never thought to ask her to do it when he had to go under to get those little mast cell tumors taken off his legs.
That’s the insidious thing about IBD in cats… and even in humans. Finding an exact cause is so difficult, you often just end up trialing different steroids and hope for the best without ever identifying the underlying issue.
My parents cat had this same thing happen with the wasting and she had gotten to the point of skin and bones and they had taken her to the vet to likely be put down and out of her misery. Our vet suggested a chemo drug that is a last ditch effort because many cats it ends up making things worse but for some reason seems to work on other cats. It worked on my parents cat and she has since more than doubled (almost tripled) her body weight and seems like a perfectly healthy cat again.
I'm not a vet, and obviously don't know what other people's situation is, or what they have tried. But I just wanted to pass along that info in case anyone else is in that last ditch effort place and wanted to ask their vet. Apparently it isn't considered standard care anymore because many cats respond poorly to it.
Yeah, my specialist recommended chlorambucil, a chemo drug, if Graham gets retested and found to have lymphoma. I want to try budesonide first if needed. It’s a steroid like prednisolone, but stronger and localized just to the intestines, not the whole body.
Thank you. Graham’s only real symptom is vomiting within 5 minutes of a meal, but splitting his servings in 12 a day and having to supervise nearly every one isn’t practical for a full time working adult. I’m hoping putting him back on probiotics will help his current 4x per week vomiting. (We had to stop for a few months due to financial strain.)
I’m so sorry thats awful. It’s not your fault and hapro know you loved him don’t ever think that he didn’t🥰
I had something like that happen to me also. I Left my cat Harley to get an ultrasound cause she was breathing funny and they thought it might be her heart she was only 5 and had never had heart issues before. I didn’t want to leave her but had to she was so scared. She was always a bit of a scaredy-cat.
So I left and went home to wait for a call to see when I need to come back in. and ended up getting a call a little later that she had died while they were getting her prepped.
I was devastated. I felt like I had betrayed her because I wasn’t there with her and felt like she had died alone. I know how scared she was and I felt so bad not being with her. But I know they did everything they could for her and I like to think she went peacefully.
Each year it gets a little bit easier but it’s still going to be hard sometimes.
Sending love and hugs to you the cat fam🥰🥰
I’m so sorry, Rain. I know the pain of not being next to your baby when they pass. Thank you for sharing this; sometimes I feel like a big piece of crap again for not being there to say goodbye to my guinea pigs. In your case, this was not your fault but I understand that doesn’t make it any less painful. I don’t know how to stop that pain, all I do when my guilt comes back is try to focus on the good things I gave my fur babies vs the life they had before we met, or the life they could have had. And of course I hug my current fur babies dearly. They really do so much for us and I’m pawsitive Harpo knew that you did everything for him and that he was your heart. Kitties are intuitive af. We love you, Rain.
Oh my god. I am so sorry Rain. You are so strong. I don’t know how you kept this inside for a year without breaking down. But more importantly, it isn’t your fault! PLEASE don’t keep beating on yourself for them misunderstanding you.
You’ve always spoken very positively of that ER, so I know they would have treated him with the care and respect they always did, regardless of if you were there with him. He was a very, very special boy and they all knew it.
If it helps, cats generally like to be alone when they pass (it's very common for them to remove themselves to a private place to pass away) and I almost wonder if Harpo held on to do the same thing.
Sometimes folks won’t go when you are there. They wait and wait, you try to be there around the clock, they go when you finally duck home for a shower. Some folks hang in until you arrive but others are the opposite. Hospice nurses know this well.
It's not your fault Rain. Harpo knew how much you loved him, and he loved you just as much. He wouldn't want you thinking like that. He knew you did everything to help him and i know he's watching over you wishing he could help in some way.
I really feel the pain in your voice and am sorry you’re suffering so much. I’ve loved cats and know the pain. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself as nobody in that situation thinks clearly. It’s not possible.
He was without you at the hospital but he wasn’t alone, and I’m sure they were very loving with him. That’s why you felt safe with them, I’m sure. Consciously or not, you chose the right place in case of something like that. For him, he just fell asleep with people holding him but his consciousness was with you the moment he was free of his old body. You were together before he passed onward. I’m sure of it.
this is so horrible. i don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said but thank you to you and harpo for brightening my days. what happened wasn’t your fault if anything it’s the vet’s fault. i hope you can find peace, and that harpo is waiting for you with plushies in the afterlife
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost three cats and a dog and every one hurt and every one was different. I read something once that ultimately in the end we are all alone facing whatever is next and that being there with those we love as they leave us is for us and not them. There’s no way Harpo doesn’t you love him deeply and completely. He will live on with you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
What a wonderful uplifting video… with such a heart breaking message. I’m so sad that this happened to you.
Harpo was such an amazing cat - and you gave him the love and space to let his personality flourish. Please, please don’t let this ending overshadow the love that you had. I wish you love, strength and healing 🖤🤍❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Aww sweet Harpo (he's on my predictive text) please be kind to yourself op. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The good and the bad. Wishing you all the best with your operation. And thanks again for sharing him with us
I’m so sorry Rain. Losing Harpo is heartbreaking and it hurts so deeply. You gave him a safe, loving home and a special gift to the world. That’s what he knew, and carried with him. And still does. I’m sending you so much love and comfort. 💖
I'm so sorry this happened Rain. It's not your fault; it was a misunderstanding. I know it hurts, but it's truly not your fault. Harpo loved you and knew you loved him; I promise you he didn't think you abandoned him. Not after all you two went through together. You are an incredibly kind and loving person; I know it's hard but please don't beat yourself up over an honest mistake. You intended to be there with him, you didn't abandon him, and he would never think you had abandoned him. You gave Harpo a wonderful life, and you did all you could for him.
Harpo knew he was loved, specifically by you. You can hear it in every proud little shout. 'Mom, look what I brought you!!!'
He heard every single time you thanked him.
I guarantee that the last thing he heard wasn't how awful you were, but about how selfless you were to put his pain first.
I'm so sorry you didn't get to send him on the way you wanted to. That is a loss all on its own, and will need to be mourned like one. You deserved to have that and so did he.
Harpo became a consistent bright spot during the breakdown and end of my marriage. I've been on my own for two years, and my Harpo mug and t shirt still bring a smile to my face regularly. I might be a complete internet stranger, but I want you to know your videos made, and still make, a difference in my life.
I’m not in the least bit religious but I truly believe Harpo was a higher power.
Harpo is a toss that rainbow bridge telling all our little ones what an amazing human he has and that he’s going to tell you himself someday when you two are together again.
Best part of that meeting is there will never ever be another goodbye. He knows he is loved, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up. He wouldn’t want that from the human who gave him and amazing life.
🫂
First, re gum disease, strong saltwater rinse every night before bed (recommended by Stanford dental prof and also by Harvard Health.) I'm also disabled and have kept healthy teeth and gums for 20 years with minimal dentistry (which I can't afford, and have trouble getting out to) with this.
Second, Harpo had a lifetime of your love. I feel sure he was ok, and being so sick, it was probably easy for him to just let go. I hope you can give yourself some grace. I'm betting Harpo would.
I have a prescription rinse.
I have also had minimal dentistry, I’ve been maybe four or five times in my adult life. I thought I would make it to senior citizenship before my first cavity and missed by only a few weeks. He said my teeth were in excellent shape for someone my age, but the gum recession is a problem, as it was for my father.
Rinses aren’t going to fix gums that have receded almost to the root in the lower front. He said I needed to have a deep cleaning and use that rinse for at least a couple months before having the surgery. Once I am safely on the other side of that, we will talk about doing a gum graft.
Ah, more serious than just a few larger pockets. Hope it works out ok.
Holy shit, holy shit, have you told us this before? I definitely haven't seen it. Just reading your story of it made me sick to my stomach, how did they misunderstand that without confirming?!?! How?! How do you blame yourself? I would have never forgiven them!!! This is so upsetting, it's no wonder you're struggling so much on top of losing him.
Logically we all know the life and the days are what matter. Cats tend to have the instincts to die alone anyway. I wondered if that was why when Wazzy was dying and drugged up, she would sit at the window all night. Combo of drugs and maybe wanting to be away from us? To keep us healthy and spare us.
Losing one of them while I wasn't there would traumatize me more than I can say, so this breaks my heart for you. But to them, how much does it matter?
Idk if we can say. In some ways I wish I didnt have had to see wazzy after. That I never knew her that way. She was 5. She was a baby. I miss her and I miss hapro and I miss harpo for you
I like to think theres no time after, so there last moments with the dmt effects have them remembering every moment with us all seemingly endlessly
Idk
No, I only told one person.
Yeah that's something I would find hard to ever bring up due to the pain, i can't imagine how hard that is. I am glad that you shared it. I don't know, maybe like group heartbreak can help hold just even a tiny microbit of your pain. My dog saved my life and I often feel like I'd failed her in so many ways its hard to even think about.
I've never said im so sorry on the internet and meant it more than i do right now
I do not blame the hospital, nor should anyone else.
You don't have to have blame for anger, but that certainly is the more peaceful option. It sounds like they saved him before so of course a mistake doesnt undo that care
I am so sorry Rain. I'm sure Harpo knew how much you loved him. It's so evident in every video that he knew he was loved by you.
It’s actually not uncommon for cats to seek a solitary place if they know they’re passing. I don’t think they see being alone as inherently bad. Harpo knew you loved him and he carried that with him. That’s the important part.
Harpo did not like being alone. They wanted to see him walk at the hospital and he walked across the room and climbed into my lap.
I will say, even cuddly and sociable cats sometimes go off by themselves in the end. I think they definitely know that we love them, and maybe that’s what they need.
I am so sorry that this happened. I had no idea! I completely understand how you are heartbroken, but as others have said, he was ready to let go and would not want this extended guilt for you.
I've been pondering this situation, and I can't quite come up with the solution, but I'm wondering if there's a way you could channel this terrible grief to share the information so that this doesn't happen to others. It was a misunderstanding that never should have happened. Any time I've had to say goodbye to an animal, the vet has been very, very clear on what would happen and there was a special room for it where I could spend as much time as needed. There were even forms to sign first and an option to donate the carrier so that I didn't have to bring it back home (damn that one made me sob but in a grateful way). Given that, I'm also recognizing that my experience has been a privilege with excellent vets. Through friends, I'm also aware of vets that are good, but just don't have the excellent front desk support and processes in place that mine did.
As to the vet's office thinking you were just that owner that didn't want to come in - please put that out of your mind. Everyone deals with the euthanasia of a pet very differently. While I've opted to be there, I've had friends who sobbed because they knew they couldn't be in the room. They loved their pets dearly. Vet offices are accustomed to all of this. I once had an emergency office surprised that I came to get my elderly cat as she was going downhill so quickly, but I wanted her to be at her regular vet, who she really quite liked. The emergency vet may handle all of this a little differently or accidentally more flippantly given what they are dealing with (like situations where the family can't get there in time).
I'm rambling a bit and people here smarter than me might have a better answer. But I'm wondering if you put something out there that lets vet offices know that they need to be really, really clear about arrangements (because the grieving owner is not going to have their best logic brain on duty), then that might help with the grief as sweet Harpo will still be helping others. It might help you to just tell this vet office. Let them know how to deal with people and their pets in a better way. You can also just completely ignore all this if you find it unhelpful or insensitive in the moment.
I will tell you this. I beat the shit out of myself with guilt when I wasn't at the nursing home when one of my parents died. I was supposed to go that evening but I didn't because I was exhausted. I'd been going almost every day and working full time and I started to feel like I would collapse. I couldn't believe that I'd let myself take this break and wasn't there holding their hand. Instead, I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.
Luckily, I had friends who smacked me out of it and reminded me of all the times I was there. I had even followed the hospice book which recommended that you let your ill family member know that you are going to be ok and you love them, even if they may not hear you. I had done that two days earlier. That act may even sometimes release them from this world and give them peace. I'll bet you told Harpo tons of times that you loved him, and even if it wasn't verbal, he knew it from all the years of attention and the latest extra special care he was getting from you. For all we know, he was ready when he went into the hospital and gave goodbye love to you then. I'm sorry it wasn't final the way it would have helped the most, but he absolutely knew you loved him.
My mom waited till I left the house for the first time in 2 weeks before letting herself go. I am convinced of this. Within half an hour of me leaving she died. We can't control everything & it is not nice learning this. But the lifetime of love you shared previously means there should be no regrets. I'd drown in them if I let myself. But I refuse. They are a waste of my time & energy that my loved ones would rather I put into saving others.
They are not going to be sat at the bridge or in heaven or wherever they go, frowning down at me like "you weren't there for that one split second! Never mind the life of love we shared, that cancelled it all out!" Of course they are not. I will not insult them by thinking otherwise. The dying know more than we do.
I will try to answer this more properly later, but for now, I will just say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with how they handled this.
I know very well that there is a special room devoted to that, because that is the room they were kind enough to let me wait in during COVID, when I wasn’t supposed to be inside at all. But I didn’t have a car to wait in and it was very cold outside.
I am so sorry. Harpo was so special! I can understand how the misunderstanding happened, and the heartbreak.I love seeing the videos of him bringing you things and you thanking him every time. I am certain Harpo knew how much you loved him to the very end.
I’m so sorry Rain. As another cat parent with an IBD baby on long term steroids, I know how stressful and worrying it is to try and balance symptom management with the side effects of prednisolone, especially as they get older. Graham hasn’t gotten to a state of weakening (yet), but I’m trying to do all the research I can with some help from a big support group on Facebook to find alternatives if the needed dosage gets too high.
As for the vet…I have no words. At least, none that haven’t already been said. Cats have a long memory of things that made them happy, whether it’s that ONE time you left the pantry unlocked and they helped themselves to a huge late-night meal, or that time you threw a toy they loved at just the right spot in the dining room for a perfect game of fetch. For Harpo on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, I’m sure his happy memory is the piles of plushies, paper, and decor, and all the thanks.
He might have made it had I switched him back to prednisolone. He was on dexamethasone, which I now know is more prone to causing wasting.
I’ve never heard of that one, probably for that reason. 😔 The drugs I hear used most often are pred, budesonide, and chlorambucil, which is a chemo drug for the cases where IBD is actually lymphoma.
Chlorambucil is also used for IBD in the absence of lymphoma. Dexamethasone is used as well; the internist who gave it to Harpo in the hospital said they were clinically identical. Since his diarrhea stopped in the hospital, only to begin again when he came home and went back to prednisolone, I asked if we could switch.
She and Harpo's oncologist both went on vacation the same week, right as he came out of the hospital in October. Otherwise, I would have been able to have an in-depth conversation along the lines of, "if they are IDENTICAL, than why does dex seem to stop his diarrhea better than the pred," and it probably would have come up.
The fact that dex is more prone to causing wasting is probably not widely known among vets yet. People don't always stay current on every bit of research, the effect is small, and I had to dig for it.
It drives me nuts to think that Harpo may well have taken a low dose of pred for five years for nothing. Everyone was surprised when the endoscopy and fine needle aspirations of multiple organs turned up NO cancer cells at ALL. But I can't fault his oncologist for that, because that is almost unheard of, and his ultrasounds did show a thickened intestinal wall. The only way to know for sure would be to do those procedures that were done years later, but the risk of anesthesia didn't seem worth it. But I am kicking myself that I never thought to ask her to do it when he had to go under to get those little mast cell tumors taken off his legs.
That’s the insidious thing about IBD in cats… and even in humans. Finding an exact cause is so difficult, you often just end up trialing different steroids and hope for the best without ever identifying the underlying issue.
Oh, we had no problem whatsoever finding the cause. It was the goddamned diet change.
My parents cat had this same thing happen with the wasting and she had gotten to the point of skin and bones and they had taken her to the vet to likely be put down and out of her misery. Our vet suggested a chemo drug that is a last ditch effort because many cats it ends up making things worse but for some reason seems to work on other cats. It worked on my parents cat and she has since more than doubled (almost tripled) her body weight and seems like a perfectly healthy cat again.
I'm not a vet, and obviously don't know what other people's situation is, or what they have tried. But I just wanted to pass along that info in case anyone else is in that last ditch effort place and wanted to ask their vet. Apparently it isn't considered standard care anymore because many cats respond poorly to it.
Yeah, my specialist recommended chlorambucil, a chemo drug, if Graham gets retested and found to have lymphoma. I want to try budesonide first if needed. It’s a steroid like prednisolone, but stronger and localized just to the intestines, not the whole body.
Well I hope that you and your kitty find something that works. It is so hard to see them struggle and not have a way to help.
Thank you. Graham’s only real symptom is vomiting within 5 minutes of a meal, but splitting his servings in 12 a day and having to supervise nearly every one isn’t practical for a full time working adult. I’m hoping putting him back on probiotics will help his current 4x per week vomiting. (We had to stop for a few months due to financial strain.)
I’m so sorry thats awful. It’s not your fault and hapro know you loved him don’t ever think that he didn’t🥰
I had something like that happen to me also. I Left my cat Harley to get an ultrasound cause she was breathing funny and they thought it might be her heart she was only 5 and had never had heart issues before. I didn’t want to leave her but had to she was so scared. She was always a bit of a scaredy-cat. So I left and went home to wait for a call to see when I need to come back in. and ended up getting a call a little later that she had died while they were getting her prepped. I was devastated. I felt like I had betrayed her because I wasn’t there with her and felt like she had died alone. I know how scared she was and I felt so bad not being with her. But I know they did everything they could for her and I like to think she went peacefully. Each year it gets a little bit easier but it’s still going to be hard sometimes. Sending love and hugs to you the cat fam🥰🥰
I’m so sorry, Rain. I know the pain of not being next to your baby when they pass. Thank you for sharing this; sometimes I feel like a big piece of crap again for not being there to say goodbye to my guinea pigs. In your case, this was not your fault but I understand that doesn’t make it any less painful. I don’t know how to stop that pain, all I do when my guilt comes back is try to focus on the good things I gave my fur babies vs the life they had before we met, or the life they could have had. And of course I hug my current fur babies dearly. They really do so much for us and I’m pawsitive Harpo knew that you did everything for him and that he was your heart. Kitties are intuitive af. We love you, Rain.
Harpo knows how much you love him. What happened isn't your fault. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sending you love. Please do not blame yourself.
Oh my god. I am so sorry Rain. You are so strong. I don’t know how you kept this inside for a year without breaking down. But more importantly, it isn’t your fault! PLEASE don’t keep beating on yourself for them misunderstanding you.
You’ve always spoken very positively of that ER, so I know they would have treated him with the care and respect they always did, regardless of if you were there with him. He was a very, very special boy and they all knew it.
If it helps, cats generally like to be alone when they pass (it's very common for them to remove themselves to a private place to pass away) and I almost wonder if Harpo held on to do the same thing.
https://www.petcarerx.com/article/why-do-cats-run-away-before-dying/5152
Sometimes folks won’t go when you are there. They wait and wait, you try to be there around the clock, they go when you finally duck home for a shower. Some folks hang in until you arrive but others are the opposite. Hospice nurses know this well.
🫂❤️🩹🌈🫶🏽💛
🫂♥️
(((hugs)))
harpo knew he was so loved, and he loved you too. sending so many hugs xx
It's not your fault Rain. Harpo knew how much you loved him, and he loved you just as much. He wouldn't want you thinking like that. He knew you did everything to help him and i know he's watching over you wishing he could help in some way.
👆So much TRUUTH here!!!
🫂 Harpo knew how much you loved him. And he would want you to know that, as well as how much he loved you. 💜
I really feel the pain in your voice and am sorry you’re suffering so much. I’ve loved cats and know the pain. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself as nobody in that situation thinks clearly. It’s not possible.
He was without you at the hospital but he wasn’t alone, and I’m sure they were very loving with him. That’s why you felt safe with them, I’m sure. Consciously or not, you chose the right place in case of something like that. For him, he just fell asleep with people holding him but his consciousness was with you the moment he was free of his old body. You were together before he passed onward. I’m sure of it.
I’m so sorry Rain. I totally get it. Hugs 🫂
this is so horrible. i don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said but thank you to you and harpo for brightening my days. what happened wasn’t your fault if anything it’s the vet’s fault. i hope you can find peace, and that harpo is waiting for you with plushies in the afterlife
💔💔💙💕💕
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost three cats and a dog and every one hurt and every one was different. I read something once that ultimately in the end we are all alone facing whatever is next and that being there with those we love as they leave us is for us and not them. There’s no way Harpo doesn’t you love him deeply and completely. He will live on with you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Big hugs hun! He knew you loved him! 🖤🤍❤️🩹
I loved Harpo so much. You gave him his best life. He knew how loved he was. Give yourself grace. Best wishes for your health journey. 😻❤️
What a wonderful uplifting video… with such a heart breaking message. I’m so sad that this happened to you.
Harpo was such an amazing cat - and you gave him the love and space to let his personality flourish. Please, please don’t let this ending overshadow the love that you had. I wish you love, strength and healing 🖤🤍❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Aww sweet Harpo (he's on my predictive text) please be kind to yourself op. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. The good and the bad. Wishing you all the best with your operation. And thanks again for sharing him with us