The security team stared at me, mangled, broken, shivering while lying in the hospital bed. They looked at me. I looked back at them through the bruises.

"The human said... 'Oops...' And then... Snow... Everywhere." I said.

The two shared a glance and nodded. "We are going to need more than that..."

"How's he doing? He was caught in that avalanche too." I asked with a shiver.

"Two broken legs and a punctured lung. He's awake and flirting with the nurses, but he's almost as screwed as you are." One remarked casually.

"I would be even more mangled and broken than I already am were it not for his quick thinking, but then again it was his fault. I think. I am unsure of why." I said between pains.

"Then talk us through it. Maybe we can figure it out." The other asked.

It all started when we were on a corporate holiday from our company. We decided to do this in winter. For some reason. Jerry said the bracing air would be good for us. I did nothing but freeze my scales off. But the truth was, the trip was fun. It was entertaining until the dangerously large quantity of snow bashed me in the face.

We arrived on the outskirts of the snowy winter planet known as 'Gnome' which was a joke, a play on words with a place in Alaska on their homeworld apparently. There was even a giant statue of a thing they called a 'garden gnome' at the starport entrance. Our entire department, six men from one of the different empires all working in the same office. Ragnarth, Kolb, Canith, Kath'Harn Jerry and myself. Ragnarth immediately wrapped himself in three layers and shivered in annoyance. Kolb seemed unphased and carried on pretending the sidewalk was interesting. Canith and Kath'Harn had never seen snow before so were playing with it. I was wrapped in two layers but was comfortable and Jerry simply hailed a shuttle bus.

We all piled into the vehicle and headed towards the Lodge, the fancy hotel the company paid for to host this little holiday. It was actually more a holiday than anything else. The next day first thing we would be at the local convention centre to attend some business seminars and programming language classes. There's apparently some new hardware out and we need to be sure we can work with it in case the company decides to upgrade. The lodge... By the Ancestors, 'cosy' doesn't even begin to describe the place.

Ragnarth instantly calmed down and headed straight for the house coffee shack, with Canith hot on his scales. Kolb and Kath'Harn headed to their suites on the upper floors and I gravitated towards the oversized wood burning fireplace. I ignored my room for now. The roaring fire and snow made all this seem... dreamlike? I think. I had no real words. It was strangely calming. If there is anything I can say about humans, they know how to make anywhere feel like home. We all checked in after getting settled and wandered about. We had some minor issues with the locals, in that this place was almost entirely humans and we were the only aliens most people here ever saw.

Humans are after all still relatively new to the galaxy. So the first thing that happened was we were swarmed by curious onlookers and barraged with a thousand questions. Some of which were... only mildly offensive. Jerry was there to calm the crowds down and eventually make them leave us in peace. I still remember that crackling warm fire... You often forget the simple things when you live the way most people do. Anyway, to the next day. A good evening's sleep followed by a day full of corporate lawyers, silly slogans and politic-speak bullcrap that's infamous among the corporate world. You know the type. They use words like 'synergy' and 'optimisation'. Strange creatures...

The day eventually ended but we all gravitated towards that roaring fire and cosy coffee shop. Ragnarth and Canith had to be dragged away from it at the end of the day because they were getting the shakes. Then this morning arrived... Jerry dragged us to the slopes to 'enjoy' some winter activities. Said it was a big part of the entire resort to hit the slopes. Whatever that meant. As it turned out winter activities were things called skiing, snowboarding, ice skating and snowball wars. Or whatever they were called, among other things.

Ragnarth bailed on us immediately and went back to the coffee shop, citing the freezing temperatures. We didn't hold it against him to be honest, Daktharians aren't known for their resilience to cold. Kolb and Canith decided to go try out the ice rink for that skating activity. turns out the ice rink was just a frozen lake demarcated for the task by authorities. When we got there we were mesmerised by something incredible... A human female spinning in a perfect point on the ice at absurd speeds.

She was standing at exactly one point, her body tight in and rotating at dozens of revolutions a minute, faster than any organism ever should, nothing but the tip of the blade of one of her 'skate' shoe things touching the ice. Then, like a phantom she just stopped her spin and using the momentum, catapulted herself with unimaginable grace backwards towards other sections of the ice to join other skaters. This convinced Kolb and Canith to try their own hands at the sport almost instantly and before we knew it, they were at the beginners' area learning how to stand on their skates. Not easy. Especially for Canith, who has four legs.

Kolb however had a very easy time of it. The tail... It gives balance you see. He still fell on his ass a dozen times over but he still got it eventually. Eventually. Jerry, Kath'Harn and myself went up to the slopes. The ride up there was nice and calming, strangely enough. They have this dedicated lift device thingy that does the job. Can just put on skis or snowboard and just sit down as it approaches, then it carries you towards the top of the slope. Genius. Have you seen how those things even work? Superb machines!

Back to the tale. I went with Jerry to the beginners slope and we sat through a forty minute safety lecture. I should have listened. I should have. Jerry made sure we were okay and went to the other slope. I had no idea why but the sight of so many people just gliding down those fluffy freezing mounds of snow was something mesmerizingly beautiful. I wondered how it felt. Probably explains why I got mangled, I was too hypnotized to pay attention to the lecture. Eventually I went back to reality and received my first lesson. It wasn't easy but I learned, eventually.

So many things to know about just putting a plank of wood under one's feet and gliding on the snow. Do you have any idea how intricate this sport is!? Apparently for some its a form of legitimate competition. I need to be here next year for the so-called 'Winter Games'. Some people do this professionally apparently. I wonder what they do... Anyway, I ramble again. As stated I should have been paying attention to the safety lecture and I did not. By the time I was ready for my first time on the slope, Jerry had returned and was gearing up for another go.

This is where it all went wrong. I started to slide. I got hit by the excitement. Then I started picking up speed. It felt better than I could have imagined as I felt the cold air flow over me. Then I picked up more speed. Then I started to get a bit scared and tried to do that thing the instructor taught about how to stop. Then I remembered, I didn't hear that bit. Like a WadRat, I wasn't paying attention and missed the 'how to stop' part of the safety lecture. I thought I saw a safety barrier or something, or maybe a passage to a softer slope that would give me more time to figure it out.

As it turned out it was in fact a break in the treeline that led into an area that had been cordoned off for avalanche safety... Jerry miraculously spotted me and cut into the clearing as well to intercept me. I remember flailing about and trying everything to stop or slow down, nothing worked. I screamed for help. The slope was steep, far too steep, and I was picking up a truly terrifying amount of speed. So much speed in fact I could feel parts of my skin start to melt off despite the cold. I couldn't move beyond screaming for help. The force of the wind hitting me was also stopping me from flailing about. I had no strength for this task.

The terror really hit me. I began to panic as I noticed a rather inconveniently growing tree directly in my path, and I was heading straight for it at bone shatteringly high speed. I then felt a thump, and seconds later I started to slow down. I looked and there was Jerry, using his own skill and bulk to slow us both down. He redirected us away from the tree, its branches smacked against us, giving me that strange cut on my upper head. We slowed down and came to an eventual stop, gently fluffing the snow into a drift in front of us as we came to a slow halt, then plopped down.

I slowly stopped screaming and started to laugh hysterically along with Jerry as we sat in the snow coming down from the strange high I was feeling. It was... Magnificent! Exhilarating! Incredible! The speed, the snow, the cold chill. I felt... Alive! More alive than I had in two centuries! I don't know if Jerry was excited too or if he was just laughing to stop me from biting him or something, I don't know, I can't remember. We started standing up and making our way towards the other slope.

I saw instructors and observers at the edge of the treeline watching us. I remember apologising to Jerry when I heard an... ominous rumble. Someone screamed a word I had never heard before. "AVALANCHE!!!" Then I saw the spectators nearby scramble away from the edge of the treeline. Jerry started to panic and drag me towards a small rocky outcrop nearby. We didn't quite get there in time. I looked up at the cliff above us and there was a wall of powdery white heading straight for us.

Jerry said "Oops!" as he lost his grip on me and slipped a bit down the slope.

Then... Snow... Everywhere. Just... Snow... I felt bones break, skin snap, and my head roll into freezing snow before I could respond to anything else. The world went dark, I felt like I was upside down and left side right all at the same time. I just saw darkness, every move was pain. I started yelling for help. It came quickly and the first thing I saw was Jerry's face as he started digging me out of the snow. I can't remember the rest. It happened too fast and I apparently passed out just as I was put in the ambulance. Jerry was also hauled off to the hospital. As tough as humans are, he still got tumbled about like a twig thanks to the snow and was hurt too.

I finished recounting my tale to the officers, now thoroughly bored but attentive.

"So... Does that mean you want to press charges or file a complaint against the establishment or anything? You are entitled to that if you recall under the Cultural Exchange Act of-"

"OH HELL NO!" I bellowed loudly.

They both looked at me with shock in their eyes. "You don't...?"

"I want to heal up and get ready for the retreat next year! I WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN!" I yelled happily, annoying the nurse.

I was glared at like I was insane. They shrugged, and left.