I saw one of these posts and thought it would also be good to get some HENRY insight.
Current Job:
- Senior Vice President at a company with about 50 employees 15 years experience in my industry and turning 40 years-old next year
- Hybrid manager-individual contributor. Lead team with 2 employees, up to 3 consultants, and special projects from time to time.
- Compensation: $237,000 base + $23,000 bonus = $260,000
- WLB: 40 hrs/week, 50% in-person 50% WFH. Things can get intense and I have to work a weekend maybe 1-2 times per year. Otherwise, WLB is very good. I feel like I have a lot of time to be present with my kids.
Been here for 6 years. Hired as VP. Promoted by year 2. It seems I’m maxing out at where I’m at right now until someone retires and I can move up the chain. There's no equity potential. There are potential lateral or upward moves, but there's little movement in my industry in SoCal so it would probably be years away.
Potential Opportunity:
- Director or Senior Director at S&P 500 company. Market cap is $26 billion.
- Individual contributor role, but could manage outside consultants
- Direct report to legal, but exposure to executive team since my work product would be included in their Form 10Ks.
- Compensation: $300,000 base + $75,000 annual bonus + $125,000-$150,000 annualized RSUs. Total average annual comp is about $500,000.
- Company will pay for relocation and signing bonus.
- WLB: 50 hrs/week full-time in office. 10-20% travel necessary. I don’t mind the in office situation, but I do get more facetime with the kids right now.
I would be building out a new function from the ground-up. They are pretty conservative with the rollout, so the Director/Sr. Director title is there way of seeing how I do. I’d like to be on a VP/SVP track sooner. Also my function is starting out in Legal, but it would probably function better as a standalone. If things go smoothly and I can provide a lot of value, then I would propose to make my function a standalone business unit. It seems there might be more upward mobility and at least I could have major resume building experience.
Personal life considerations
Current:
VHCOL area (SoCal) with 2 kids, ages 6 and 3. We live in one of the best school districts in the country. Spouse earns $218K base with about $50K in annualized stock. About $528K total HHI when we cash out RSUs, so $478K total HHI conservatively. Her company was recently acquired, so she doesn’t know where she fits in the organization anymore and they haven’t given out bonuses or issued new RSUs. We have family close by for support, but our friends are all over the country. 3% mortgage with a monthly payment of $3,160.
Potential situation:
HCOL (DC Metro/Arlington area) - It’s a big move. I worked in DC in my early career, but it's different now that I have a family. The suburbs of DC/Arlington don't seem as expensive as CA, but we’d likely be getting more house. We’ll rent in the range of $5K-$6K/month if we're just on my salary. We plan on renting out our current house at about $5-$5.6K and net about $1K (after property taxes and other expenses). The schools in Arlington seem to be rated similarly to where we are. Spouse can likely move to the DC office, but she’s worried about moving the kids this young so she likely wants to be SAHM for a bit before restarting her career in DC. My father-in-law could stay with us a few months to get us established. We have some family in NYC and friends with kids a little older than ours in DC. I would likely have less time with the kids in my first year and I tell myself that I will need to be present when I’m actually around them, but it’s a lingering concern. My wife being SAHM would help mitigate that a bit, but I've appreciated having more facetime with the kids that my current job allows. Kids and I also do a lot of winter sports, so the ice coast doesn’t sound too appealing unless we trek up to Vermont or spend our two weeks vacation at the end of the year in Colorado where I also have family. In SoCal, I typically drive up to Big Bear and ride with my 6 yo like every other week during the snow season.
Total HHI if my spouse continues to work would be $768K. Otherwise, $500K with just my compensation. It seems like we could make it work.
A large part of me says I need to take on the challenge of building this company’s new program. I’m turning 40 soon, so additional earning potential would help accelerate a lot of things for my family including retirement. Wife is ok with slowing down in her career (to focus on kids and manage real estate) and letting me progress in mine. Our fallback is that we are keeping the house in SoCal. The relocation, signing bonus, and vesting schedule will mitigate much of the risk. I have an excellent relationship with my current employer and there have been at least two other boomerang employees. I would also anticipate that if I can make it to 4 years (fully vested), then I’ve built up my resume for the bigger jobs I’m eyeing here in SoCal.
I’m already leaning one way, but would appreciate any HENRY insight. Extra points for anyone who has experience raising a family in the Arlington area.
My husband and I moved from San Diego to Northern Virginia last year for his career, and we are miserable. We also kept our house and are renting it out, and plan to move back in 6 months when his relocation contract ends. I also worked in DC and lived in Arlington after college, so I thought it would be ok. But we learned that the lifestyle we had in SD is unmatched in VA and really can’t compare. We will take a pay hit to move back, but we are comfortable and it’s worth it to us. I would suggest taking a trip to the area to see if it feels right; we didn’t do that because we had a baby at the time but if we did I think we wouldn’t have moved.
First off: well written post. Thanks for all the details
You mentioned living in DC early in your career: how did you like it? Job aside, those are very different climates and SoCal is arguably one of the most enjoyable places to live in the world. I’d certainly try and find a way to quantify the value of beautiful weather, beaches, and access to nature. DC may pale in comparison. Your comment about hitting Big Bear frequently sounds like a really good thing, for example.
I’m also curious how you feel about hitching your wagon to the Legal function at the new opportunity. Does this align with your career goals, if you can’t make it a standalone function? That could be a specialization that could be great, but if you’re not into it, you could accidentally pigeon hole yourself into the legal adjacent world.
Personally, I would coast if I didn’t need the extra money. That’s just me.
If you’re excited about the challenge and additional stress that may come with it, go for it. I don’t think there’s a WRONG move, just one that aligns with your values more than the other.
This comes down to whether you are a career grinder type or more interested in your life outside of work, as well as how much you like your life and situation in CA.
It sounds like you have it pretty well made where you are. 50% WFH, very few weekends and it sounds like little work travel are very nice when you have young kids. Plus good school district. I'd bee very leery to give that up. But I'm not the career climber type and viewed work as a means to an end.
All I will add is the DC you left is not the same as the one today. Moved a few years ago and from when I got there in 2015 to 2023 it changed markedly. Still there quite a bit for work and it’s gotten much worse since due to politics. It’s a place that COVID changed completely. It’s not a crime filled hell hole or anything it’s just a changed place for a variety of reasons.
If nothing else spend a week in DC as it currently is and see for yourself before jumping.
I am similar age with a similar individual and HHI. Life is comfortable and with each passing year, I get more and more resistant to change.
Personally, I’m not sure the increase in HHI would be enough to pull me all the way across the country and degrade my work/life balance. If I were 30, I’d do it. At 40 with a couple of kids, probably not.
I guess it just depends on your motivation level and appetite to climb. If I change nothing and maintain my current role, I’ll be in a place to retire or throttle way back at 50’ish. This position, while desirable, has really killed my level of ambition.
Not even close, stay in CA.
I don’t have much to add on the overall picture but I will say this: a director-level job at a large company is going to feel very different from a senior management position at a 50-person one. You will feel much more cog-in-wheel and out of the loop. You will likely feel less trusted and more micromanaged - even if they are giving you a lot of freedom relative to their own benchmarks it will be much less than you’re used to now.
It’s a large bump in comp, and the advancement opportunities may well be much better, but I think you should be mentally preparing yourself for a grind in a new kind of workplace until you get your feet set.
40 is a tough age to make the call but your kids are still pretty young. Nearly doubling TC and if your wife keeps working I’d say that would make it worth it. You sound like you want to keep growing professionally, so you may kick yourself for not taking it.
I grew up in SoCal and have lived on East Coast but would jump at the chance to move back to SoCal. It just seems (San Diego especially) that comp doesn’t scale with cost of living like it does in other HCOL+ areas, thus making it very hard to move back after being away.
Yea changing coasts was the hard part for me/my family as well - we lived on the west coast and made a move to the east coast for my job years back. It was a 40% bump in total comp and a big promotion at a Fortune 100. It did wonders for my experience and career, but we hated the east coast and are happy to be back on the west coast now.
Seems like the kids are the perfect age for a move like this, and with family help (+ increased income potential for hired help around the house and/or with the kids), it seems like a no brainer to make the move.
Take the forward progress in your career while it’s available— it’s a big step up. I’d advise for your wife NOT to take a step back immediately. Have her transfer offices immediately, maintain the dual income, and then see if some form of sabbatical or unpaid leave is possible 6-12 months in if she feels she wants the time away after she’s re-established herself in the DC office.
I’m all for keeping the momentum going and increasing optionally in the future (which could include retiring early). Best of luck to you both as you make the decision.
I get the appeal — but you are SERIOUSLY underestimating the WLFB impact. New job, new function for the company — they are going to own you for the next 2-3yrs. If you are okay with that, then go for it, but wouldn’t be worth it for me. You are already pulling in $500K+ — you are fine — you don’t get the years back with your kids. Maybe if your kids were in HS but the young ages are too valuable to miss
Stay put. Quality of life in So Cal >>>>>> NOVA and it is not even debatable. Everything is better here. We had to live in NOVA for 4 years due to military orders and it was the worst 4 years of my life. And the schools sucked too, FWIW. My kids were 5 and 7 when we moved there and they hated it too. They hated the weather, the lack of outdoor activities, the limited "fun" things to do (museums get boring once you've done them all) and as a SAHM, it was very hard to make friends there.
You already make plenty of money, considering your VERY reasonable housing payment, so I imagine money isn't the real motivator here. As someone whose HHI is around $300k as a renter paying close to $5k/month in So Cal, there is honestly NO amount of money that would get me to consider moving back to NOVA.
Your kids are at a good age for this. Since they are in school, your wife will be able to build a network easily and keep busy. It seems like you have a good support system too.
what does "fully vested" mean if you don't have equity in the current role?
how close are you to FIRE? if you're already well on your way, i wouldn't take the new role assuming you and your family like socal
nvm, reread the vesting part, i get it.
Your highest point of leverage is now. You can negotiate into your contract specific milestones that get you to that next title now vs “we’ll see how you do” which is just dangling the carrot and locking you into a lower pay band.
If I were you I’d push harder for all of the following:
Milestone for a clear path to that next title, since that’s what you want
Ask for more rsus
Ask for more LTIP (accelerators/kickers, milestone payments)
Ask for travel preferences (ie biz class)
sign on bonus / relocation stipend
Key advice: bundle all your asks into a single doc vs piecemealing it.
Sounds like a huge step up in career and compensation. If being an IC is your thing this sounds like a great opportunity. For me personally 50 hours per week in the office would be a deal breaker but you seem ok with it.
I live in the DC area. Arlington (I'm assuming you mean North Arlington which is a lot different than South Arlington) is one of the most expensive housing markets in the country (maybe the world). Like really absurd, $2-3M for a 1200-1500 square foot house, 1BR apartments renting for $3-4k/mo. Townhouses go for the same amount. If you work in Arlington you don't necessarily need to live in Arlington there are a bunch of adjacent towns some with commutes on metro so I'd leave yourself some options there. But renting a house big enough for kids for $5-6k/mo is actually not a bad deal around here. The schools in Arlington and adjacent counties like Fairfax County (different than Fairfax City) are among the best in the country. With comp of $500k you'll be fine, where people struggle is at the $200-250k level which sounds like a lot but most of your comp goes to housing.
Child care is also crazy expensive like $1-2k per kid per month so your wife staying home with the kids at least for a few years might make sense.
There is not a lot of skiing or winter sports around here, there is some skiing but very small compared to other parts of the country. But there are tons and tons of things to do and travel is easy with 2 major airports and easy access to the train up the Philly/NYC/Boston corridor, lots of activities for the kids, you'll quickly build a community of like minded people.
I would also take a hard look at whether or not you want to keep your house in California. Maybe you want to keep the house as a fallback plan so you can move back and the $1000/mo of passive income sounds nice, but you probably have many $100k's tied up in that house which could be equity in a new house and being a landlord is either a hassle or expensive or both. You'll probably pay a company 8-10% of rent to take care of everything. You could sell your house and just buy a different house if you ever move back.
I'd pass on it, you're already making crazy good money and family would be my focus.
Now if you're looking for a reason to get away from where you are or who you're by then certainly it's a great excuse to go start over somewhere new.
I guess it depends on what you want in life. This is a question I’ve really struggled with as I consider why I put so much thought and effort into career growth when I don’t really need much more. Yes you can always make more money, but you can never get back time with your kids that you will miss. If you were in a situation where you were struggling, and this was a way of really making your life more stable or solving a problem then I would say go for it, but you are in an income realm where the happiness gains are really marginal. You’re not going to feel particularly different at 700 K then you would at 500 K.
I had a kind of similar situation in the past year, where I felt I’d really maxed out where I could go at my current company. I had the opportunity to relocate the family for a very senior level job where I would’ve made around 800K and upwards from there, but I turned it down because it would’ve meant a lot of travel and being away from my kids, and I just couldn’t justify that for an extra 150 K.
That being said, I went for a local job which was similar to yours in that it was building something new from the ground up, and it’s been a disaster so far. There is real risk in changing jobs, particularly for some kind of new initiative or transformation… that’s not to say you shouldn’t do it, but there is a non-0 chance that it just doesn’t work out. I’ve seen people moving into new companies and be gone within a year, when the company real realize the role just didn’t make sense. Really take that into consideration when deciding to make such a big lifestyle move.
Also, don’t underestimate how much the weather on the East Coast fucking sucks. I’m in the New York area and it is miserable right now. I’m not being flippant when I say that, climate can have a real effect on lifestyle and mood
I really appreciate your perspective
Take the job. It’ll open more doors for you career-wise, and the extra income will give your family more security and other benefits. I understand the concern about less time with the kids but you’re in your peak earning years and there’s something to be said for striking while the iron’s hot.
More personal preference here but I love the Arlington area and think relocating could be an enriching experience for your kids. Schools in Arlington will also likely be better. My kids are around the same age and I consistently hear feedback that good schools in CA (we’re in the Bay Area) really don’t hold a candle to good schools in the east coast hot spots like the DC area.
I don’t agree at all with your last comment. Schools like Castilleja, Nueva, Paly, Gunn are some of the best in the entire country.
They’re good but they still aren’t as good as the top tier schools in the east coast. I’ve met a lot of parents who chose private schools over even Palo Alto public schools, and even when you compare private schools like Nueva vs Philips Exeter results aren’t as strong. My close friends and spouse grew up attending public schools in New England so it’s a frequent topic of conversation.
But obviously a comparison doesn’t mean Bay Area schools aren’t good in general; the feedback is they are not quite as good as in other areas of the country. Whether that means anything to someone on a practical level is up to them. I’m still in the Bay Area, still planning to send my kids to school here.
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I would move but I’m bias because I love the Dc/nova area. The dc metro has some of the best public schools in the country. The kids are at a great age to make the move. You can have a great house in the area based on your comp, I’m not sure that’s the case in California.
Some things to be aware of. There is a yearly car tax based on the value of your car (the current governor was trying to get rid of it but I’m not sure he succeeded) and they are implementing a new tax on dining starting in 2026.
For an extra 200k HHI and less wlb (going from 500k-700k), I wouldn’t uproot my family if I already have a strong base.
You got 2 kids at the age that they love spending time with you. You got plenty of time to find other opportunities that come your way.
Also, depending on your ethnic background, socal is either a lot better or worse than DC, so that’s another factor to consider.
The DMV area is fairly ethnically diverse, as someone who lives in it.
DMV is a lot better if you’re black, SoCal is a lot better if you’re Hispanic or Asian.
Both areas are diverse, but the QOL is very different.
I'm Asian so...
I truly do not believe you. Centreville/Annandale/Falls Church have huge Asian populations.
How secure is the industry you're in, and how hard would it be to find another role in the DC area? I relocated for work when I was in my twenties (to SoCal), but I'd be hesitant to do it again. I've seen too many people relocate their lives only to be laid off mere months (or weeks) later. I'd be pretty upset if I moved just to be shown the door soon.
Both jobs are very similar and essentially recession proof. My current job more so and it thrives on uncertainty. The potential new job is a publicly traded company, so yes there is quarterly earnings pressure but they weathered the last recession and COVID very well. Also the company is not dependent on government funding even though they are based in Arlington.
I wouldn’t leave San Diego for DC. It sounds like you have a great situation already.
Does your spouse work from home?
One way to look at this is you're currently working around 80 hours combined and this would allow working 50 hours for the same income. It allows your spouse to be a SAHM for free and if you wanted more money they could, at some point, choose to work again. The downside is it reduces your specific time away from work.
Do you want to be an IC or a manager? From what I've seen if you are a manager and choose to go back to IC that tends to close that door.
The nearest resorts to DC are absolutely atrocious. They're basically learning hills and there's pretty much nothing weekend drive able that has even West cost blue level terrain.
FWIW, we have comparable income and career levels and made the opposite move (DC>CA) a few years ago.
We were able to keep our jobs (hugely important detail) and made the move so that our kids could be closer to wife's parents and extended family. In retrospect, it was the best decision of my life and I will never go back.
Cost of living between the two areas is honestly a wash, especially if you target desirable DC communities. Quality of life is significantly higher in CA, especially weather and recreation. I grew up in DC and think it's great, but if you have the means to live comfortably in California you have won the lottery.
To me the wild card here is your comment about proximity to family; can't put a price tag on that, especially for your kids.
I think it’s time to evaluate your goals long term. The complicating factor is your spouses career given the future may be a bit murky. Your post also seems to really focus on WLB and a move will impact that negatively (no WFH, commute in DC area sucks), but does the financial aspect it offset it enough? Can you negotiate WFH or working remote a few weeks a year so you can ski elsewhere? As a skier, I moved to an area without any hills and it really sucks that we need to take vacation time to ski- to the point of it being a discussion of maybe leaving my job in the future because of it. The quality of life in socal is heads and shoulders above DC IMHO.
It’s a good move on paper.
Reality is 3 big stress points, big move, new SAHM, less WLB
Easy to absorb 1, possible 2, but all 3 the cost will be high.
I’d explore a different path personally where you aren’t taking on all 3 at once, because the happy outcome there is an exception not the rule.
Edit: not sure why I’m getting downvoted. I was effectively raised with a single parent and it was amazing with all the freedom I was given. For my parents, since that was already happening, might as well optimize for career. If my parents prioritized their marriage and spending time with me more, my college wouldn’t have been paid for and I argue that I would’ve ended up in a worse place.
I’m very young compared to you and don’t have kids, but speaking as someone who’s parents gave up their higher career ceiling for me: I hate it and I don’t understand why my mom didn’t divorce my dad for the sake of advancing her career (it’s complicated, but it has to do with gov policies in China). My dad was the one taking care of me and his career was more stagnant anyways, and he was also using me as an excuse to coast.
The (lack of) winter sports thing after moving would be annoying, especially if they were good enough that it’s possible that their future college apps would benefit from this.
I don’t see why you wouldn’t take the opportunity when it’s lying in front of you. I think your kids would be happier with a dad who has more connections and money especially as they get older, plus it sounds like it’s mostly busy-ness in only the first year? It also sounds like you have family and friend support in both regions.
Here's some unsolicited feedback from someone whose perspective has been radically altered by the transition to parenthood: it's impossible for you to understand or contextualize decisions made by parents until you become one yourself. Have you considered that your parents stayed together and sacrificed career advancement for your sake?
They didn’t. I barely talked to my mom since she lived over seas (we talked maybe once every week, and way less by the time I hit hs). My parents saw each other maybe 2 weeks in a year, and I saw my mom about 3-4 weeks at best every year. My parents had a 20+ year long distance marriage starting before I was born and my dad cheated on my mom twice, one of which I was around and conscious for (the other was shortly after I was born).
I just don’t see how your parents staying together helps you as a child?
I figured out a plan for high school and college and post grad by myself. I didn’t have chats with them about careers or colleges or life, and that’s fine. I didn’t really talk with them much growing up either since they had their own interests or work or movies. That doesn’t change the fact that I’ll try to be there for them when they get older.
I actually truly enjoyed how much freedom my parents gave me so believe me, I’m really not complaining about the job they did with respect to that. I think their off hand approach is the right way to go honestly. But using your child as an excuse for coasting and retiring really screws with you.
Thinking more about it, I’m more convinced that the few discussions I had with them ended up them leading me towards the wrong directions (which I generally resisted)
I really think that kids in general know more than what we give them credit for… I’m sure in a few years, my views will end up outdated in some way too.
I genuinely think that optimizing for money and career will do my future kids more good than spending (excessive) time with them. I’m not saying spending 0 time with them, and obviously OP isn’t going to do that. When they’re grown, they’ll get a nice nest egg to do whatever they want, and they’ll be happier than spending 2 hours a day with mom as a kid lol.