Im at my wits fucking end. Everything is always my fault. I get blamed for everything. She makes me out to be some dictator asshole monster. She gets very drunk and then just berated me. I cant do this anymore without speaking to someone. I dont want to do this to a friend or family because if we salvage things I dont want their opinion skewed. Im currently sitting in my car in a Marriott parking lot debating getting a hotel for the night crying.
If you like r/GuyCry and what we stand for, please:
GuyCry Team
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Therapist...
Seconded. The boys are always good for a vent when you need it, but you need help with your situation I think
Definitely lean on your friends for support, but a therapist can give you the tools to handle this situation better. You got this.
A therapist, 100%. They’re neutral, confidential, and won’t poison your relationships if things improve.
For right now though, getting that hotel room and giving yourself space sounds like a healthy move. You don’t deserve to be berated, especially when alcohol is involved.
Yep, that's what therapists are for.
For real. A therapist can give you a neutral space to vent and figure things out without any judgment…
I have a good guy friend. Been friends forever. We trade notes on what dumb shit got said to each other recently
My best friend who I’m very lucky to have had since we were 5. Also, therapy
If she’s got that bad of a drinking problem and refuses to take accountability, what’s left to work on? You already know the answer, because you don’t want your loved ones to hear the truth.
If the people who love you would never forgive her if they knew what goes on behind closed doors, and you don’t want them to know how poorly you’re being treated when you go back for more… it’s time to be done.
You’ll be free from this misery, with a whole new life, and she’ll finally have no one else to blame and might finally hit rock bottom. It’s right for the both of you. Let this be the Christmas where you reclaimed your happiness.
If you need it, my DMs are open. We could all use a vent session every now and then.
I will say that I never thought it was right to air the problems in my relationship with friends because, for the most part, they were couple friends. Well, my wife left me and I can tell you... do NOT do what I did. I am stuck. Alone. She preemptively got her side of the story out to the friends that she wanted to keep (often to the wives, knowing full well that I would then be unable to reach out to the husbands) and when she moved out today? I stared at my phone and didn't know who I could call. So just, don't do what I did.
The messages about finding a therapist are spot on. And don't worry if the first therapist doesn't work. Maybe the next one will. You have to find a good fit so you can stay all the stuff that is bouncing around your brain out loud. Because that is what you need right now. Keeping it all bottled up won't do you any good at all.
We don’t know each other and I’m not a therapist, but I’m happy to listen. Send me a message.
I made the mistake of telling everyone and anyone. Bad idea. To do it all over again I'd just tell a relationship counselor.
You can always post here. I'm sorry things are tough for you.
If you and your partner can't communicate there is nothing to save. I am now 50 and have been with my girl for 16 years. My ex wife? We couldn't communicate. My daughter? We communicate, although I would like more, but I understand she is in her mid 20's and busy with life.
Your SO should be your go to for just about everything, if they aren't, why are you with them? We just got done bagging up the Sunday gravy for use in the next few months. It wasn't her job to do it or the dishes. It wasn't my job to make the gravy, but she doesn't know the recipe. We share everything. We don't assign who does what.
We share obligations, we don't blame each other when something doesn't get done. We certainly don't blame if a mistake is made. We are a team, we watch out for each other. We make excuses for each other if one of us fails at something.
This is what you do when you are on the same team. You don't point a finger, because three are pointed back at you. We made a mess tonight, bagging up the leftovers for later. We laughed, we kissed and had a good time working together.
We will enjoy the extra for weeks. She has an easy to make meal on any random meal we ever need. I know I made that possible. It varies, sometimes she goes all out putting a meal together, sometimes I do.
If you are dealing with a one way street, confront it. All this "pill" thing is exhausting, you are either on the same team or you are just out for what you can get. It isn't a gender thing. It is a character thing.
Therapist. This is from someone (me) that has just had 4 sessions a month for 9 months for the same reason (kinda) that you have listed. It took several sessions to find one I clicked with (the first was not someone I could have opened up to, the second had a really annoying voice) but the third is a gem) Being able to say EXACTLY how you feel with ZERO chance of it getting out becomes very cathartic.
Join a men’s circle or men’s group.
I have a couple of friends I talk to about everything.
Their opinion won’t be skewed. They’ll have the full picture and I trust them to not bring it up at a bad time.
Hiding this from them actually gives them a skewed impression of your spouse.
I can't afford a therapist so...anything with fur or the bottom of a bottle. Preferably the former.
If it's so bad you don't want to tell your friends and family you should not try to salvage it. truly please break up.
Al anon may help
My spouse… Your spouse should be your safe space…
I have a really solid “personality” programmed into ChatGPT. When I know it’s too late in the evening to holler at my therapist, ChatGPT it is.
How did you do that
[removed]
Rule 2: Respect the purpose of the subreddit.
AI listens well.