My best friend that I love so much is getting married to another guy. This has been in the works for some time and it just keeps growing worse for me. I want to feel happy for her but I can only think how it should’ve been me. I don’t think I’ll ever find another girl like her. She’s absolutely perfect in every way. I feel it’s because I’m a little on the heavier side and if I wasn’t we could’ve been together forever. I’m super down about this feeling abandoned and extremely lonely. I want to run my car into a pole and not have to deal with any of this or maybe something would just happen to me to kill me.
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I’m really sorry that you’re feeling like this. Abandonment and loneliness are so hard to navigate. From a personal perspective, my good friends are my safe zone - if romance all falls apart, I know my friends would be there for me. Nobodies perfect, they just look that way when you’re near-sighted and looking at them from a distance.
uh, You're right—friends can be the real anchors when things feel rough. Focus on those connections; they might surprise you in the best way.
You need to give yourself some space away from her. Cook for yourself and diet (whole foods plus intermittent fasting is a great start), and hit the gym. You need something to focus on instead of her.
💯
That's awful.
I was in a similar position. I even went to her wedding, and it sucked. Fortunately, this also was a way for me to move on with my life. There was no more holding out hope, and that was the best thing for me growing as a person. I think, with time, you will see that you will be able to move on as well. It only hurts for a little bit.
Buy a dirtbike. Trust me…..
Have you ever thought about expressing your feelings to her? Just to get it off your chest, I know it probably won't be easy for either of you, but you gotta do it and move on, buddy. The world is an amazing place with plenty of beautiful people inside and out. There's someone out there that will love and appreciate you for what you are
I don't think it's a good idea to dump his romantic feelings on her, especially at this point. She could possibly see it as manipulative, selfish or attempting to sabotage her relationship. He won't get the reaction he wants, and that would just to push him further into depression.
I doubt her telling him will change OP’s feelings. She is marrying this man, choosing him above all others now and in the future. That is enough of a statement about what she wants and feels.
I feel for OP’s disappointment and sadness but he is not open to truly listen to her with empathy, focussed on his own perspective and projecting. It will get better with time and acceptance
OP, it’s not your fault but it’s outside your control. Sometimes a dream stays a dream and you have to let go of it.
I could be wrong, but it's not about getting the reaction he wants from her... it's about accepting that she won't be his and moving on. They're good friends, she probably has caught on certain patterns from him and signals, so I doubt she's completely in the dark about this. Women tend to notice these things, at this point I think it's best to close this chapter and moving on with his life.
he already knows she won't be with him. she's quite literally marrying someone else.
Off the table we’ve talked before about it so bringing it back up would ruin our friendship which is incredibly important to me
This comes from a place of kindness and I appreciate this might be hard/difficult;
If you feel this way do you not think it might be better to just pull away from this friendship? Appreciate it's important to you but it also sounds like it's held you back a while.
Platonic friendships between men and women that are very close can be very difficult to deal with. I don't know the full story but she's marrying a guy and she's going to really start to build her life around him. I'm sure she'll still want to maintain the friendship etc but her husband's going to always be first.
Maybe it's better in the long run for you to pull away and let it drift away naturally and focus on you?
No she’s my best friend I would never pull away from her
In that case you're just going to have to find a way to live with these feelings/bury it all then.
I also hope you're prepared that she might pull away herself anyway. You are really risking getting really quite hurt retaining a strong friendship with someone you have romantic feelings for who's basically a married women...
With all due respect, it’s not a true friendship if you’re in love with her to the point her getting married is making you want to drive into a pole and die. That ain’t friendship, that’s friendship on her end and unrequited love on yours. Least healthy friendship imaginable.
You need to remove yourself from her situation and deal with your feelings and let her focus on being happy with the real target of her affection, otherwise you’re just a poison pill waiting to fall into the well and destroy all of you.
I think it’s more that I gravitated towards her after I had an extremely terrible experience with another girl. I’m not sure that I’m desperately wanting a romantic relationship with her or if the feeling is more like the over protective brother.