Hi guys, I just need to vent a little anonymously online.

So basically, on Monday we went to the doctors regular check up... My wife had been at home the two weeks prior by doctor's orders because she has a uterine fibroid (is like a benign fiber tumor that grows and can be painful) and honestly, she manage to recover from the pain quite good. We were happy, cheerful even, when we went to the doctors office because we were going to see our baby once more... They didn't found a heartbeat, it was there floating. Two different professionals went and check with two different machines and the results were same. The fetus was on the 15th week.

She never experience any bleeding nor pain but the baby has been dead for a week according to the doctors. I cried my eyes out with my wife and we started to mourn, we already knew the gender (it was a girl) and selected a name for her (Olivia)... I cried so much that afternoon... Shit, I still cry a lot, depending on how you catch me on the day.

On tuesday my wife was admitted to the hospital to be induce an abortion and it was the most brutal experience... Because it was out first pregnancy ever, the doctor did not wanted to go and made procedure so instead proceed they give her a pill (I honestly don't remember the name and we live in Uruguay, so I don't think you guys would know the name either) and basically the pill induce labor contractions in order to make the expulsion of the fetus "as natural as possible"... That shit lasted 3 fucking days, she was discharge this morning (a couple hours ago).

She suffered so much during the process and we are immigrants here, so our circle of friends is not that big and our family is all back in our home country and well... I was there, basically alone being serene and calm in the middle of a shit storm, without any sleep, feeling a hole in the chest, holding my wife as tight as I could while watching her scream in pain and bleeding a lot. Honesty I didn't know I had it in me... This kind of "warrior mindset" to endure so much with no end on sight, that's the only silverlining that give me some solace at the moment, that we manage to survive this and that I didn't crack in the middle of it.

I believe in God and all that... But I don't know what is the lesson here. The hospital had a psycologist assigned to us and she did her best she could, she offered us to create a memento from the baby, that is basically a card with a tiny hand and a tiny feet print from our Olivia. At some point, I order some food and we I got down to the lobby to pick it up I saw another couple leaving the hospital with their baby... Then I saw my wife and myself leaving with a box. I asked myself "why?" and yeah... That question is still unanswered and most likely it will remain like that forever.

The only thing I wanted to say with all this guys... Is that we can endure this kind of things... No, sorry, let me correct that... We MUST endure this kind of thing, as chaotic as they come, as irrational, as unjust as they feel... We can and, again, we MUST. For ourselves, for our families, for the memory of our unborn babies or for whatever reason you may find in your hearts. That is all. Thank you for reading.