We've had some tricky conversations here at r/GuyCry over the past few weeks and for the most part they've gone impressively well, however a few people have raised concerns that they are 'out of place' here.
We are of the belief here that a space can be an effective vulnerable space and simultaneously have those important, tricky conversations. No one is obligated to engage with any conversation here that they don't feel like they are in an adequate mental space to deal with.
The cases of male on female sexual assault and Manosphere mentality are obviously extremely harmful to women and thus women's issues - however they are also men's issues. Not just because men should care about women's issues, and they should, but because they create negative consequences for men too.
The failure of our society to adequately deal with male on female sexual assault means men who have done nothing wrong may face intense distrust by default or even assumptions of being predators. That's a men's issue.
We've seen right here the damage the Manosphere is doing to men in the form of men developing severe obsessive compulsive thinking and/or intense body dysmorphia. That's a men's issue.
It is not 'anti-men' for discussions of these topics to happen.
Furthermore, while we try to enforce a 'men only' rule for who is allowed to post here, anyone of any gender may comment and this is something that will not be changing. We've seen how spaces that are kept entirely single gender often devolve from a genuine effort of single gender discussions of experiences and vulnerability to flat out toxicity and poison.
That said, everyone is obligated to follow our rules, regardless of gender. If you see someone who is acting out of turn and breaking our rules, please feel free to report them and, if it is determined that they are indeed breaking our rules, they will be dealt with.
We hope you will all continue to participate in good faith and make r/GuyCry a space where both important conversations and true healing can happen.
Glad to be part of the community. It helps me see I’m not alone. It helps me reach out to other men and let them know they’re not alone. We need this place. We need ALL voices. Thanks to all my brothers who share their stories. I love all of us
I agree whole heartedly. We all have women in our lives too, and if they are hurt by someone, it hurts us too. If women are made to feel scared or alienated because of predatory men, that directly harms the rest of us too.
But there's another big element I think - the rate of men being victims of sexual assault is actually only a little bit lower than for women. The most reliable rates I've seen suggest around 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 5 men (with the big caveat that it's incredibly hard to accurately count). And while there are obviously important differences, there's also a lot of similarities in the way these things happen and affect us. There's a lot of similarity amongst the people who target men and the people who target women.
It's a men's issue not just because it's often perpetrated by men, not just because it indirectly affects men when women are victims, but because it directly affects male victims. I say this as someone who unfortunately experienced it. There's shockingly few resources of any kind for male victims, and shockingly little discussion of the topic. (Don't worry, it was a long ass time ago and I've been overwhelmingly lucky in terms of the support I've received)
I think there's a similar and important discussion to be had about non-sexual physical violence and abuse too. It's a men's problem not just because most perpetrators are male, but also because, in the case of general physical violence, most victims are male.
An excellent point, sexual assault wherein the victim is male is not handled any better by our society and is an important topic of discussion as well. I'm very sorry you've had first hand experience with it.
Likewise, your point about the importance of discussion of nonsexual violence stands just as true.
Is there a “guys input only” flair here? I’ve seen it in other communities, and thought it could be helpful here too.
Not currently, the idea has been knocked around a few times though. I'm just now sure how it could be effectively enforced unless we enforced a mandatory gender flair for our users. I'm also still not sure it won't cause similar issues to making all posts 'male only commenters'.
All versus some is a big difference. I’m in several women’s communities that have “women only input” flairs, and the moderators are on top of it (which creates more work, I know) but also people are pretty chill about it.
Just a thought that I kept meaning to ask about. There are many posts here that I see and know my input won’t (*edited) be helpful/kind, so I upvote and move on.
I'll certainly give it some more thought and run it by the other mods again, thanks for bringing it up.
I found this community from old closed post how deal friend moving away.,
Maybe I can help others if possible