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Hey. Late 30s Millennial guy here.

The picture they painted about life in their head didn’t become a reality.

Read that again.

That’s why they’re mad. Point blank.

Because 38-43 is pretty much when you have to accept this if the life you're living.

Sure you can make your life better but it's too late for some things. Sometimes it's the choices you've made in life up to this point. The window is starting to close.

A lot of people have regrets and it eats away at them and they take it out on others.

The boomers have moved to acceptance in their old age

it's a difficult age for a lot of women for obvious reasons.

It's not really a millennial thing. It's a menopause/premenopause a thing. Theres lots of hormonal things going on with middle aged women.

A thread thick with projection

I’m a baby millennial and my theory is that the older millenials came into being at peak “mean girls” culture, where conspicuous consumption took precedent in a lot of ways, in addition to coming into being during an era of unique sexism that realllllllllllllyyy pitted other women against eachother so I kinda think that the ones that are very unkind are still expressing similar/conditioned behaviors. Plus I think they’re the last generation of workers that had been busting their ass off where as baby millenialsand older gen z see how much of a scam the corporate career oriented environment it. Suffice to say, they’re hella jaded:/

Real talk Millennials are jaded for having to deal with stupidity en mass in the generations before and after, and some of them struggle with that.

Almost 38 year old woman here.

Honestly, life is serious and sucks.  We’re burned out at work and at home, we never have enough money or time, and are exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone.

I always try to be polite out in public, but I’m exhausted and generally don’t enjoy life.  I look forward to the release that death provides.  Plus, I’m an introvert; I do the basic pleasantries and don’t try to cause drama (that’s not who I am and I don’t have the energy for that), but I don’t have much extra energy to be chatty.

Stress, busy, tired, etc

I know what your saying. Im a waitress and the women I serve and work with that are in that age range are so catty, like they never grew up out of their mean girl HS/College years. They think they can do whatever they want and sometimes (my least favorite!) play stupid, like they've never been in public before. For some, I swear these women have never worked a day in their lives, which I fond baffling and unrealistic. They face-time or speaker call while in the middle of a rush, they play games on their phones, they give everyone attitude, they are condescending to their tables, they come in late all the time, they say something is an emergency to managers and its them scheduling nail or hair appointments or are texting and ex-bf/weird situationship like their teenagers.

Its kind of disturbing

I’m an elder millennial. Class of ‘02.

I admit — I have hardcore boomer exhaustion. I give it right back to them and am out of fucks to give. I’m confident in myself, and match energy 🤷‍♀️

Drama and gossip are the last thing I want to involve myself in. Sounds like a coincidence of unhappy women you are experiencing. Don’t make hasty generalizations.

Most of my coworkers that age have young kids so maybe they’re just tired? I wouldn’t take it personal  

Idk they're nice to me.

Maybe because a lot of elder millennial women had to deal with narcissistic boomer parents for 18 years or more. And found out society lied to them completely about the life they are going to have in the future. Elder millennials were told since they were kids, their adult life is going to be the same as the adult life of boomers but the second they finished their education, all they were offered was low paying jobs and an extremely high cost of living. And houses that cost too much. So unlike their parents, they couldn't just get any kind of job and then buy all the things they wanted in their 20s. This tends to make people very angry and bitchy. It's like being the victim of a bait and switch scam. People like that should be keeping it to themselves instead of making innocent people like you deal with that shit but they can't help it. There's a lot of miserable and broken people in this shitty world because this world is very cruel to so many people. I know Gen Z has been fucked in the ass. But Millennials were fucked in the ass first. And the bitterness from that gets worse as you age. Being young naturally helps you suppress bitterness but when you are like 40, it's harder to suppress it.

Only privileged Millennials today are doing better than most Gen Z by the way. Like nepo babies or Millennials who are extremely gifted so they were able to impress the right people or Millennials who have parents who helped them out a lot in the past. A lot of Millennials who are 40 years old are just as poor as most Gen Zers and it's a horrible feeling for them because society conditioned everyone to think, the older you are, the more successful you should be. And being more successful than younger people helps you cope with growing old too. So a lot of Millennials have nothing to help them cope with growing old. Gen Xers were the last generation of people to become adults before the world started sabotaging young adults by not providing good enough jobs, by not offering affordable property to purchase and by price gouging with basic necessities.

EDIT: I can't believe I almost forgot about the student loans. Elder millennial Americans were encouraged to take out massive student loans with high interest by being told it was worth it because any degree would guarantee them a good job. So they'd be able to pay it all back quickly. But then after they got their degree, all they could find was minimum wage jobs. This is not just something Gen Zers have had to deal with. So yeah, that has made many elder millennial women very bitter too. Having all this insane debt that keeps increase even when they are paying it back due to the high interest. Society especially parents and teachers completely set them up for failure with all these bullshit lies. In 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, college and university was put on such a massive pedestal. People were told, any degree would guarantee them a good job right away. This was a complete lie. Because for example, most jobs in 2007 or 2008 or 2009 were minimum wage or slightly more. And in the 2000s, the cost of food didn't really skyrocket. That mostly happened around 2020. But the cost of housing and rents did. The cost of housing and rent tripled in the 2000s compared to the 90s.

I’m a woman, I just turned 28 and I have issues with elder millennial and Gen X women, usually women 40-55. They are so unbelievably nasty. I’m dealing with a situation at work now with a few coworkers who are making my life miserable with high school bullshit. It’s bizarre. The “leader” is 51. I can’t imagine being in my 50s and basically bullying a woman so much younger. She’s only two years younger than my mom, which makes it weirder for me.

I’m guessing you’re hot and in shape, other women my age (I’m 38) who didn’t take care of themselves are starting to realize it ain’t coming back - I see them being nasty all the time to both me and my gen z kid

I'm not there but perimenopause sounds absolutely BRUTAL

This is something that isnt generational but happiness based. A lot of people whose own life sucks and they have little personal power, will treat service workers terribly because they are the only people they can treat that way without consequences.

Perimenopause! It can start in your late 30’s early 40’s and can last 7-10 years before you hit menopause. It’s the craziest thing. I am 42 and have been dealing with this since I was 36. The rage, moodiness and overall lack of giving a crap are real. It’s not an excuse for people to be assholes but it’s a very real thing and I have truly been humbled by it.

As a 28F who works in salons, I can confirm I’ve had the same experience with this demographic of women.

Menopause+$+ mental issues

You see it with men at the gym

I (27) have worked with women of all ages.
My last job was 95% women, and I always had positive interactions with them. Most of them were between the ages of 20 and 30.

At my first job, I only had negative experiences with a few of the older women. I was barely 21 and trying to get used to being independent. One of the older supervisors often targeted me and wanted to get me in trouble for things I didn’t do. Her “proof” was gossip from other coworkers. I’ll never regret resigning from a job with such a toxic environment.

All the death glares and rude comments used to bother me, but I don’t take them personally anymore. At the end of the day, I’m going to go home and live my best life.

Maybe perimenopausal.

The hormone shifts that start around 40 are diabolical! Not an excuse for bad behaviour but I think that’s where a lot of problems come from

Start of the mid-life crisis age.

Also hot take, but I find I get along well with elder millennials the least. I find they're inflexible in their thinking and don't hold that much of a positive outlook on life. Everyone else is pretty chill and/or relatable.

My sister was born in 1989 and I was born in 1997.

She bullied me BADLY. It wasn’t ever that physical… but, I’m glad to be no contact with her and my family as an adult.

She was a total dreamer and always thought she would be a big success. I always knew life was doomed.

There’s a big difference in our attitudes/ entitlement.

im elder millenial/xennial, just guessing here but a lot of us have young kids at this age, its a tiring pocket of your life...maybe they are stressed out, under slept and dysregulated? might not be it though, theres lovely people and a-holes in all generations and you might have just had a run of a-holes.

Because millennials are the gatekeepers now. Younger women are seen as competition. Burnout is real even in a spa setting. Insecurity in a lot of different ways. The time periods they lived through thus far were harsher than other generations. I suffered so you should too mentality. Aggression becomes passive: gossip, exclusion, tone, favoritism. It isn’t so much generational but structural and they’re in the thick of that hierarchy right now.

Two thoughts, and maybe a solution, as a youngish/mid-millennial woman...

TL;DR in bold

1. They are stressed AF.

Women often carry way more of both the mental and physical load in a family. So, in addition to their full-time job, they are likely carrying all, or a lot of, the child care, the household stuff (of which there is a LOT more if you own a house) the relationships (birthdays, anniversaries, baby showers, etc...), and so much more. On top of all that, they're at the age when their parents are going to start needing care. Which is basically like adding 2-4 more children, except these children are even more demanding and less willing to cooperate.

And yes, some of this does probably include some anger at their situation and grieving for dreams lost. You might represent a path they wish they'd taken, and that's hard.

2. Hormones are a bitch, and doctors don't care

Technically, I'm too young for perimenopause (pre-menopause, which usually starts happening around 35-45) but my body apparently didn't get that memo. And HOLY CANOLI it is not a fun time, and I'm barely scratching the edge of it. All your period symptoms go wonky (more pain, not predictable, longer pms), your body goes wonky (hot flashes, itchy ears, weird hair, joint pain, bone loss, weight changes)...I used to get cranky about 3 days before my period, but now it's like 7-10 days before and it's not crankiness, it's Rage™ that pops up without warning and makes me want shish-kabob the people I love.

It's basically puberty 2.0. but their parents didn't talk about it. There were no classes to prepare them. And most doctors won't treat it (with the extremely limited options that there are). I've only started hearing about it more recently, and it's all coming from elder millennial women who are like, "WTF nobody told me about this so now I'm telling you."

3. My solution, as someone who has repeatedly won over "difficult" managers and coworkers (often older women). Be competent. Be kind.

See what needs doing without them having to tell you, then do it, consistently, the right way, and the first time. This doesn't mean ask them what they need help with. It means watching what they do and figuring out how to help, in a way that doesn't make more work for them. And be kind. If they get a little snappy with you, try not to take it too seriously. Don't escalate it by getting mad back or getting super defensive. If you can't deescalate with a joke just give them some space.

I've had jobs where people repeatedly warned me about a manager like they were a three headed dragon... Only to invariably find an older, overworked, woman with knee pain who was just tired of people's shit.

CAVEAT: this may not apply if they're just an entitled 'mean girl' who likes to make drama and look down on others. There are those people in every gender and age range, and my only advice for them is: set firm boundaries and don't sink to their level.

I’m a bubbly, goofy elder millennial gal (not sure why this post showed up on my feed) who works with these kind of angry, awful elder millennial women as coworkers. I actually stopped talking to them and just converse with my other coworkers, which is weird for a small department but I couldn’t take it anymore. They’re the kind of people where you can feel them suck the energy out of you. Absolute vampires. They love to ruin someone else’s day/vibe/joy.

ETA: Not to insult vampires…

As an elder millennial woman myself, I think it might depend on how they were raised and their life situations. I'm often mistaken to be younger than my age and tend people find me pleasant (I also make sure to not be a dick to people because wtf). Working at a library allows me to see all sorts of generations from entering information for library cards. There have been many times I have been shocked that the person in front of me is the same age I am. They look more like they're pushing 50 instead of 40 and tend to be very disagreeable or just vocal about being upset about something(s).

40yo woman here. Not all of us are like this. I am conscientiously extra nice to service folks. I am one. I’ve spent my whole life doing some sort of customer service, hospitality and food service. I am also on the spectrum, AuDHD. I will fully admit that I don’t often get along with women my own age because they tend to be too mean and shallow for my taste. I’m embarrassed when people talk about the attitude of 40 somethings women. I’m sorry they can be like that.

This type of behavior might be over-indexing in the population that can afford to regularly go to high end day spas. They are probably so bored and so entitled they are making their own drama.

It’s also possible that they’re new money and still learning how to conduct themselves in these environments. “Day spa” indicates they’re not working during the day. Maybe hubby finally got that big promotion or made partner. And they literally don’t know how to act since it was never modeled for them. Regardless, no excuses for rude behavior. Assholes can be any age.

PS All of our comments are just projections of our stereotypes about rich people, mean people, and rich mean people.

Are there any actual gen z on this fkin sub anymore

Women in their late 30s are always angry. The only ones that don't are those with stable family but those with a broken one aren't even angry they are worse of.

Maybe its a biological thing. I still have nearly two decades to that point so who knows but I see a clear pattern. Being childfree and single can't be that cool. They are all miserable

We. Are. Mad.

Menopause

My boss is 38 and she’s a very cold person to me, there’s always so much tension in our 1:1’s…

I’m 43 and also work at a high end day spa. The age range is similar to yours. I have one other coworker who is close to my age. We are definitely not the drama starters, we’ve actually been the ones to shut down drama and cattiness while being friends with everyone. Thinking back over 5 years, the worst coworkers have all been very early 30s. I also have had many clients in the age range you describe (I suppose you’d call them my peers) and I haven’t experienced this? Not sure if they look at me as a peer and are nicer, or it’s from the culture at your spa or in your region? I’m in the upper Midwest USA.

I'm Gen X and in my 50s now. In hindsight, I think what you're describing is more about that age range and less about generation. I'm sure my generation was the same, and yours will be as well. It's a busy, stressful time. A large number of women that age are just juggling a LOT between work, kids, maybe realizing their partner is a man baby, some realizing their life isn't as fabulous as they thought it would be, some feel like they've lost their identity, etc.. That age can just be a lot. It can be a real mindfuck.

As an elder millennial woman, I’m so sad to hear that’s been your experience. I’d like to think maybe those are just two shitty people who happened to be born in the early 80s and not indicative of a generational fault.

It’s because all of the shows about drama and gossip were popular in the early 00s when they were teens/young adults then they never grew the fuck up.

Your sample is also biased by women presumably who are higher earners and who have had to deal with some serious and repeated nonsense from gen x and boomers to succeed. Also they are burned out and tired of needing to perform acts of public female friendliness so perhaps if you try to have a little more subdued energy with these clients you may notice less friction. 

God bless, you work at a spa. I imagine a lot of your clientele acts entitled with their disposible income. I am sorry they are not polite to such a hard worker.

You got your initial descriptions wrong. "GenX Karens" is a misnomer. "Older Millennials" ARE the Karens of this world. The Karen phenomenon started with them, not GenX. They are like that because they are Karens.

What made older Millennials Karens? is the real question.

It's funny that the question geared towards millennials is in a GenZ subreddit, which is the correct place to ask this because so many go here.