Volusia County deputies busted a Florida man with a wild story after he allegedly nicked a BMW, crashed it spectacularly, then insisted he hadn’t stolen it at all—he’d just teleported into the driver’s seat moments before impact. Talk about a bizarre alibi.

Here’s how it went down: The convertible’s owner had ducked out of Bicentennial Park for a quick dog walk, figuring his ride was safe. Big mistake. He’d left the thing unlocked, keys stashed in the cupholder. By the time he strolled back, the Beemer had ghosted.

Then—boom. Minutes later, chaos erupted near U.S. Route 1 and Plantation Oaks Boulevard. Witnesses swore the stolen car was flying past 100 mph when it plowed into the intersection, wrecking itself good. Lucky for the dude behind the wheel (not so lucky for the car), a few quick-thinking Samaritans yanked him from the mangled mess before first responders showed up.

Enter Calvin Curtis Johnson, 36, now starring in his own Florida Man headline. Deputies say he swiped the BMW, tore off down the road, and biffed it hard. But when grilled at the scene and later in the hospital? Dude stuck to his story like gum on hot pavement: No theft here, folks. Just a rogue teleportation incident. Sure, buddy.

After patching him up, cops hauled Johnson to the Volusia County slammer, where he’s now cooling his heels on charges of grand theft auto and driving on a suspended license. The whole saga—snatch, crash, absurd excuse—went down in a blink. Miraculously, no one else got hurt, though the BMW? Severely damaged.