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Agreed! OP will be fine. One thing is for sure, I'm jealous that they can even consider houses at such a young age. The previous two generations waited till their 30s and still now 40s to buy their first house.
How long ago did your parents buy? Mine bought their first home for 14k in 1959/1960. Our first home was 235k. Can’t compare yourself to them. You’ll drive yourself crazy.
Don’t compare to your parents. Also, don’t think if you don’t have that center colonial for 200k, 2k mortgage means you are a failure. Also don’t think that to be successful you must have a beautiful house that you own. You need a home for you three. Your post sounds more like stress from being with parents and in a basement and perhaps comparing to others. Doesn’t matter. Put your head down, ask your husband to put his head down too, go rent or save massively living in that basement, RENT for a few. That alone will make you feel a bit better. Forget about lining bankers pockets with front loaded interests that many do. That is NOT the sign of success. Success is many things but you are worried about the wrong thing. You will own a house one day buy today you focus on your little one, save money and think about renting (when you find the right one). Unless parents are asking you to leave I would be digging this opportunity to save! Finally you son won’t remember much if he had the perfect rocking chair mom rocked him on in his own bedroom his own play area, that Target or HGTV baby room is another push to get you to spend. Save when you can. You have many years ahead to buy a house. Your son will only complain about mom always being angry or disappointed never about not having his own room. Cheers!
In 36, living with my parents again with my 1.5yr old son. Don’t feel bad! Before I moved in my sister was here with her 8 yr old son! (She bought a house last Christmas after being with them for 2+ yrs I think). Boomer parents in this age are experiencing this, and adult kids everywhere are experiencing this. Keep taking the opportunity to save more and be grateful you have parents that let you move back in!! Some young adults aren’t so lucky :(
How would you go about not comparing ourselves to our parents? The comparison has already been made for a lot of us and it’s hard to ignore when some of us feel like we can’t give our kids even half of what we had growing up.
Because we are playing the game in entirely different economies. Our parents played the game on "Very Easy" while our settings are set to "Hard." Hopefully we don't speed run to "Very Hard" or "Death March" anytime soon.
More importantly, it took them 28+ years before they could afford the house they're living in. OP shouldn't expect this same thing immediately, just like their parents didn't
I’m 10 yrs older than you and finally bought my first house. Keep saving. Your child will be fine, just don’t keep him in front of the tv, make sure he gets to play with other kids.
Keep looking and set an attainable goal. My husband and I moved into my parents house and our goal was to only stay 1 year. In that year. We fixed our credits, saved and looked. 350k was way out of our budget so we looked for 200k and we stayed patient. 1 month after the year mark, we found a townhome in our price range. Keep looking and don’t give up. Make it your 2026 goal. You got this!
Btw, I’m 33 and hubby is 40 so I know exactly how you feel, keep your head up 💕
You and everyone else your age feel the same way about houses. Inventory is low for everyone. But at least you have family nearby, a lot of people don't and still don't have a house.
Don't let yourself drown in it. We are (or were) in our late 30's. Living downstairs in the modded garage in my mom's house. Four of us, me, wife and two kids.
Flood happened about 2 years back just as we finally got comfortable, made a little nest, and could finally start saving.
I was mad at the world, mad at my mom (for related and unrelated reasons), mad at myself for not having made it, mad because I couldn't give my family a piece of the world.
Persevere, and think outside the box and keep your options open and RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH.
Just a month ago, the pieces just started to fall in place for me again, just keep your head up.
In the same boat except houses where I'm at are going for 800k+. Fixer uppers are being sold for 650 to 750k and you still need to put at least 80k in fixing it up
You aren't a failure. What our parents had is a far cry from what we have now. My mom was able to pay rent and pay her way through college by working at a gas station. She loved to tell me all about it when I worked 30+ hours a week in retail and was a full-time college student. She couldn't fathom why I would be financially struggling. Luckily she's gotten her head out of her ass in recent years and understands that the financial climate is WAY different now.
I'm 37 and only just was able to afford a place this past year with my five year old. It's not even a house with a yard, it's a 762 sq ft condo. But it's mine, it's a stone's throw from his school and my work, and he still gets a big lawn and playground to play in. Look into your local housing authority and see if there's any grants that can help with down payment assistance or something along those lines. They don't exist everywhere but it's always worth a shot to research. I only learned through my mortgage broker about the one in my neck of the woods.
My daughter, her husband and their two little ones lived with me while. Now my almost 26 old old son is here. It happens.
Where is the message coming from? What is this “deserve”?? A two-year “deserves” a whole play room?? Separate from their own bedroom? That sounds like some social conditioning talking. Maybe it’s time to talk to someone to work through the negative thinking.
You don’t need to buy a house to be a good parent. Find a suitable rental for your family if living there makes you unhappy.
Please check out my comment here where I describe my experience using NACA. No down payment, no closing costs, no mortgage insurance. I was able to buy my $347k home in July 2025 as a single mom with two kids (6 & 12 at the time). Rates are lower now than they were when I purchased and my mortgage is $2447.60 with property taxes and homeowners insurance included. Highly suggest you check it out as an option! It made a world of a difference to me when I felt like I would never be able to buy.
Thank you for the tip! Keep spreading it. How was the process for you, was it difficult? I checked out their web site. The amazing thing to me is the best interest rates go to “priority” members—those with the most need *lower earners, poor credit), and higher-earners with better credit (less need) are deemed “non-priority” and pay 1% higher rate!
Housing is unaffordable now, unless you have dual income with two good salaries. We were 35 when we bought our first house with dual income over 175k and no kids. I would work on increasing your salaries and maybe consider a 2 bedroom condo for your first home. You can buy a single family home later in life after building equity and selling a condo.
Are you venting or do you want advice? I don't mean this in a negative way, just figuring out how to approach the topic. It is more a personal finance question you are asking. Are you paying rent to the parents?
Assuming you and your boyfriend both make a median income, you should be able to afford a 350k home. So what other debts or expenses exist to not make that possible for you? If you do not make a median income, what are you doing to increase it to be able to afford it? What can you cut back on to not have as high expenses? If one of you two were able to go deliver packages for UPS, which is a job that exists almost everywhere in the USA, that one income can easily bring in over $100k up to around $150k with overtime which can afford the $350k home with no problem. It is fair to say you or your partner do not want the hours or labor that comes with that job, but wanting an easier job comes with sacrifices like not being a home owner.
They just want to vent. They're intentionally not providing salary or location information.
She was told by the loan officer that she doesn't make enough money 3 years ago. Loan officer said she needed a co-signer.
She doesn't want a starter house, she wants to jump straight to the nice house (350k+). Learned nothing from her early 20s when she took out a 32k car loan, rather than buying a cheaper used car.
I know who this is now. 😊 I dug a little lol Initials RR. Hope all is well! I have no ill will/intentions towards you. Thank you for helping along the way. The reason I switched was because my aunts best friend wanted to help me in further areas and our contract had expired. I never had a loan officer tell me I needed a co-signer so you might have that confused with a previous client.
Hmm. Sounds like you know a little of my information.. kind of creepy. My car is paid off btw. And my payments were $410/mo which considering these days is as much as you pay for a used one. Saying I have “learned nothing” is a stretch from reality. I came on here to vent when I felt vulnerable and inside my own head. Luckily most of these comments had made me feel better. Also, I was never told by a loan officer that I do not make enough money, nor was I ever told I needed a co-signer. So unsure where you got that information from.
You guys are doing fine. Me and my wife stayed in tiny ass apartments with our son for ten years before we could afford a house. You’re not a failure if you’re both saving up and taking care of what you can take care of. When your kid is older what they’ll remember is the love that you and your husband showed them, not the conditions that they lived in.
With you and your boyfriend working, surely you can save enough to at least rent your own apartment. Start setting up a budget and see where your money is going.
You’re not a failure, you are on your own oath. Not your parents, not your best friend’s path, but your own. This moment in time is temporary and you will get that house. Keep saving, keep dreaming and fight for it.
Look into state run programs that help with down payments and closing costs. You could even qualify for affordable housing.
My wife and I are childfree, but we were in the same boat. We both lived with our own parents until I was 30, then I moved in to the basement at her parents' house. We lived like that for four years.
I didn't get my first decent-oaying job until I was about 33. I bought my house just before turning 35. I wouldn't have been able to do that without without all of those years of living with my parents and my in-laws first.
It's rough and unfair for reaching adulthood and feeling stuck. But from my experience, doors opened up extremely quickly after I got to around age 30. I have no idea why people view the artificial age gap from late-20s to early-30s as significant, but you are approaching the tail end of it.
You haven’t failed the housing market over the last few years has quadrupled in price we had people from big cities bidding on houses in our small town that weren’t worth 200k yet bids were just under a million I had my realtor look at a property that’s been vacant for 3 years now and she said the people bought the house are now upside down on it as the house isn’t worth what they paid and they overbid every other bid on the properly by 300k
Choose to think about it differently. Your child is in a multi generational home with people who love them. Many kids don’t have extended families or two parents who care for them daily.
I know it feels hard because it’s not what, where you think it should be, embrace what it is. A loving home. Keep saving and one day you will get there. Most of us are not where we want to be in some aspects of our lives. Focus on the good and what you can do until you can make changes. You are not a failure, you’re a good mom doing your best. Best of luck!
You're not a failure. At all. Just focus on loving your child, caring for him, and getting out of the apartment for trips to the park or library to keep his stimulation going for growth. I know this feeling you have. We've been living as a low income yet working family all of my child's life and we just make the best of what we've got. The future is bright. Keep on. You're very young in the span of a long life - you've got this.
Kids find any place happy if they are with their parents and experience joy and nurturing. This is a chance for you to teach your kiddo through your attitude and actions. When you have less than what you want, how do you find fun and gratitude? I was a single parent for years and lived in a tiny place for a long time but it created some of our happiest memories.
Hopefully a shift in our government in the next coming few years will create opportunities. I got my first house via FHA with first time buyer program and a good lender. Got an older house than I wanted but it’s been good. Refinanced into a better loan a couple years later paying same as I would have rent. Don’t lose hope!
My husband and I are in our 40s with one 12 year old son and we haven’t bought a house. At this point I’m open to being lifelong renters. No shame in it. It’s okay to have more accessible short-term goals in addition to long-term ones. There is no reason you should do anything. As long as your son has a safe space with his needs met, he’s not going to care whether you own your house or not.
At your age I too was living in a basement. I had three kids and felt the same way. Eventually I ended up where I am now, purchasing my home a year ago at 37. It’s a slow and daunting process, but it will all work out. Keep your head up and utilize the help you have for now
I get it. My spouse and I are in our 30s, with a 2 year old, and living in my parents’ basement. We’ve already been living here for way longer than we planned. We’re actually under contract for a house, but we found out last week that there’s a very good chance my spouse will lose their job in January. I cannot afford the mortgage payment on my own. We’d have to back out of our contract, lose the house, and continue our basement dwelling. It honestly just feels like we can’t win. I feel like a failure too. But I try to find the positives. My kid gets to see their grandparents every day, I get to spend time with them after being in a different state for several years. Kid’s doing great, happy, healthy, thriving. I may not be very happy, but I’m attempting to make the best of it. No advice, just sympathy and understanding.
I appreciated this comment. I also try to be grateful for what I do have, but some nights like last night, I get into my head too much. I over compare, overthink, until I feel down and out. And I really just wanted to vent my hurt and frustrations. I’m in a better mindset this morning. I want to make a new game plan and deep dive into my finances and budget better. My son is happy, loved, and I know he loves living with his Mimi who adores him. He is healthy and happy and safe, and I need to remind myself that. I want to give him what I had growing up, which is why I talk about his own room/play area. I had that. But my parents bought this house back in 1989 for $99k. If they were to sell it now its estimate is at $550k. That’s a large JUMP. So I know I can not/should not compare to what my parents had.
I get like that too. Some days I’m fine, others I’m really down about our situation. And yes! Definitely can’t compare to our parents! It’s hard but everything is so different from when they were our ages. My parents got the house I grew up in, in 1993 for $75k brand new. They actually have 2 houses now, my brother lives in the old one, and their mortgages for both homes combined is less than what I would pay. It’s nuts. It’s hard not to compare to parents or friends, but I try to remember that we’re running our own race. It’s not a competition! For now, we should be grateful that our kids get this time with their grandparents. And that we have parents who are willing to help us out. We’ll both get there, whether sooner or later!
We didn't buy our home until we were almost 30. We didn't get to live with parents.
Hubby and I worked as much as possible and would work opposite schedules to avoid childcare costs.
Hang in there, our son is still young and doesn't know the difference, plus he gets to see his grandparents a lot more than if you didn't live with them.
40M, I just bought a house. Lived with my mom for 2 years between 2016-2018, with 2 kids. Rented crappy places in between, never felt comfortable and felt a lot of shame. Basically sacrificed social settings at home because of how I felt about the situation. I finally made it though. Don’t ever give up.
Be patient and thankful for the opportunity to live with your parent and save money. Focus on raising your income and be patient. The market will eventually sort itself out and as long as you are doing everything you can, you should be fine. For ref. I am 34 and I just purchased my first home. It took time and patience and we weren’t fortunate enough to have parents that can help us save.
Reframe this a bit. You’re providing for your son. Y any means necessary. That’s really what’s happening here. Not owning a home at 20, or any other age, isn’t a mark against you. Life happens and we roll with the punches.
I can see the benefits of owning a home and with time, that can happen for you. And if it doesn’t, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You’re not failing just because you don’t have a home (and subsequently, likely a massive debt to repay).
One step at a time. Save and prepare for when the time is right for you. Not for when “the time is right”. Do it when it’s right for you.
35 year old here, married with 4 kids. Learn from me I got the $350K starter home $2,700 a month. Came from a really good rental situation where we were month to month and never in 4 years had an increase. All i wanted was a place to call our home for our kids to know that. But the mortgage hurts every month when it hits the bank account and it doesn’t really feel any different. Don’t force it you aren’t failing anyone I feel like i am now because I bit off more than I can chew and have to work 2 jobs now. Make the best of what you have now and don’t ever show or let them think otherwise. They will remember the memories made the location is secondary, my kids say all the time “I miss the rental”.
I'm 34, I've been searching for 2 years now. I'm employed by one of the largest employers in my area. I'm single living with my parents. I still can't afford to buy a home on my own. The homes for sale in my price range where I'm looking are: dilapidated and needing repairs I can't afford, mobile home, located in dangerous parts of towns, 1+ hour commutes to and from work. It isn't your fault. It is this market that has blown up in costs, yet our wages don't keep up no matter how hard you work or how much you save.
It'll happen for you and your family, and it's so hard to compare yourself to friends and family in different situations than you are. Just stay determined, and stay firm about your goals. You can do this.
The situation is completely different for people around our age now. A majority of us aren't going to be in a position to buy a proper home until our mid 30s. The important thing right now is to keep saving and looking after your son. There's still hope for us and we will all buy our first homes eventually, it's just going to be happening on a different timeline. The average first-time homebuyer's age is now 38. If you buy before 38, you're above average. You're not alone in this struggle.
Multigenerational housing shouldn’t be a failure. I’m currently with my in laws in their basement with my fiance. It sucks some days but I look at the bigger picture and think of the $$ we’re saving and the memories we’re making with his parents. They’re getting older and we do help out.
Don’t feel ashamed OP, I’m 34 and my husband is 38 and literally 99% of people we know in our age range live with their parents or have multiple roommates. It’s depressing! Our generation and future generations are being royally screwed. My husband and I own land and live in our RV. We want to eventually build a small 500 sq ft house but don’t know when we will. It’s all so bleak.
Its the boomer generation that failed you with their policies. Dont be ashamed of staying with your parents. Have a financial plan regardless of the situation on the goals yoi want to attain and stick to it. Get rid of the guilt on staying with your parents.
You don't need to feel guilty at all things are awful right now. There are lots of people that are in your, or similar situations. People in their 20s don't really, in general, get to follow the old path of college --->good paying job --->house anymore. The most important thing is that you do have a safe place to live for your kid, and I've learned that kids, especially young kids, don't really care where they live if they have stable family life, that is the most important thing. Try to save anything you can (i know that's really hard right now), things will get better eventually.
If it makes you feel better, we lived with my im laws for 10 years until we finally bought our home (this year!). Just try your best to keep saving for a big down payment and saving for repairs (you are going to need it 🫠). I'm 36 yo.
No shame. Do right by your kid with the cards you've been dealt. There will always be families in better AND worse positions than yours, don't despair over comparison. Don't be consumed by the idea of failure, it will bring you down further.
Even when you find a better living situation there will be so many moments in parenthood that you'll wish you had handled better. Push through.
There are rich kids out there with seemingly ideal lives who's folks don't really love them. So love your kid, teach your kid to love, teach your kid to be grateful, and keep your head up.
Save as much as you can, and help your folks as much as you are able. Cherish the time and make new memories. The housing market is terrible and it’s nothing you did. Maybe you’ll hear through the grapevine on something that might become available too. Best of luck to you !
Last year I was in the same situation but my partner and I caved and now rent. Between rent and $1400 in childcare we’re basically stuck. Our only option now is to use a VA loan with $0 down but I’m hesitant about it because of how expensive a house in a decent town is even one that needs work is still around $300k but I just keep looking and hoping for a deal that probably doesn’t exist anymore lol
Hey there! First off, happy holidays! I think we have all felt like that at some point in our lives. You just have to start somewhere. The best thing to do is to plan out your next step(s). I usually use excel (windows) or numbers (apple) to track and budget my finances. That will help you clear some of the stress off and visualize it. Find out how much more you need and where you can cut off some unnecessary expenses to save up. From there, if you do find a house that you like, negotiate closing costs and credits. As of now, it is a buyers market and easier to ask for a seller credit. Take the opportunity that you have to save :) hope it helps.
I think I’m going to do this. It would be so much easier for me to visualize and see debt/income on a spreadsheet. Maybe I can see if there’s any unnecessary spending and start budgeting better.
Don’t feel like a failure. That is an insane price even if it’s below the national average. I got lucky and found a decent home for 187k. The only way I was able to pull it off was through a county grant through the Redevelopment Authority. They have a first time home buyer assistance program. If you fall within the income parameters like we did, you get funds that help with down payment, gap financing, and closing costs. We got approved for 26k toward our down payment and closing costs. Our cost to move in is around $600 plus moving expenses. Communities have incentive grants. It’s definitely worth looking into. We would not be able to purchase our house without it. There is assistance out there!
Keep your head up and stay present for your kid. Set tiny money goals, find extra work and in a few years you can put a down payment on something reasonable. I know how you feel. What do you do for a living?
Can you go down to a condo and try to build equity for 3 years or more? They take it out for a home. You are not the only one in this situation. I thought I would never buy a home but there are ways. You just have to maneuver differently.
these are last years of speculative investment. Houses will be different and affordable again. I am 62 and i feel your pain. My parents amd before them , they all had big nice houses.
get the worst house in the best neighborhood and diy what you can and pay to do what you can’t. in a couple of years sell for a bigger place and that sweat equity will pay off big time. hgtv has made the world think everyone must have granite countertops and open floor plans from day 1 and it just doesn’t work like that. you’ve got a great opportunity to save up and get a good downpayment and pay for renovation. you’re doing great.
50 years old, still renting, paying $3000/month in rent, zero kids, and I make $145k/year.
I had almost $100k saved up for a down payment in 2019 back when houses were half the price they are today and interest rates were 2-3%. I was getting ready to start house searching in early 2020, but then covid hit. We know what happened after that!
So I am 50, a renter, paying more to rent than a mortgage would cost, paying double in rent than what my mortgage would have been on a house in 2019, and I have no kids.
At least you have a kid and are only 28. You have plenty of time to buy a house. Wait for interest rates to go down a bit more and hopefully prices to lower some, then look to buy.
In the meantime, it sounds more like you just need a bigger place that you can call your own, even if you are renting it and don't own it. Look for a small house or a good-sized apartment, get out of the small basement in your parents' house, and continue to save for buying in the future. It used to be the average age to buy a home was like 26, where today it's more like 35-40. You just need more space right now and a separate room for your kid. That you can do now, then plan to buy your own house by age 35.
I’ve looked into trailers/modules and half of them you couldn’t even tell the difference. It’s definitely something I’ve gone back/forth on. But some of the trailer parks out where I live aren’t in the safest areas/locations, and other ones are always the 55+ adult communities 😭
The state of the real estate market is not your failure. I am a low income senior. I somehow managed to qualify for a house in early 2020, house payments are only $1420 with the senior discount on property taxes. If I tried to qualify for the same house now, I could not. Interest rates are too high. They are starting to inch down slowly, but not fast enough.
This is a time to pull back, save and hold. Review in one more year.
There is also one more option: Look for a DEAL, not a specific house.
In Craigslist (for instance), I go to “Real Estate For Sale” and type in the word Owner. Owner Finance, Owner Carry, Owner Terms. Other words like “Desperate” might bring up something. What you’re looking for is an owner that will let you either “take over payments” (another good search term) for as little cash outlay as possible. Start to build equity. Any equity is better than a savings account. Deals like that are out there. I got my name on a deed once for $1,600.
Some of the ones I see want a down payment and state they will carry the contract for X years or until interest rates go down some, those include a balloon. The ones that are desperate for someone to take over payments might have property tax or mortgage arrears, but those are the best. No balloon and usually low interest.
When you find a deal like that, you do what’s called a “wraparound” mortgage. No bank, no qualifying, no appraisal, just you and the seller—and ESCROW. You will pay escrow the payments who in turn pays their mortgage. They charge a small handling fee but this is a very real way to buy a house—which is getting your name on the deed.
Doable but very seriously scary. I'm going to try to explain the problems trying to assume (take over payments) of someone else's mortgage.
The mortgage would be a VA (VETERANS MORTGAGE) mortgage. First, let's call the sales price $100,000. The mortgage balance is $80,000. You will need $20,000 cash down to cover the sale price, so you are assuming the mortgage balance $80,000 + $20,000. In addition you will be paying closing costs. Finally, you will need to be approved for the loan by the VA.
Conventional loans are generally not assumable. Some conventional adjustable mortgages can be assumed but subject as above. Pay the difference between the mortgage balance and sales price in cash. You will have to qualify for this loan also and pay closing costs.
FHA loans used to be assumable but I'd have to check to be sure. I believe they stopped that. But if it is assumable you will still need to pay the cash difference between mortgage balance and sales price, qualify for the loan and pay closing costs.
Any loan with a "due on sale" clause must be paid off at the time of settlement. The "Wrap Around Mortgage" described above suggests that you can purchase a property without paying off the mortgage but the deed is held in escrow (not recorded). If the deed is not recorded, attempting to avoid triggering the due on sale clause, you don't really have ownership of the property. For instance, the seller stops making the payments. The bank will foreclose on your house. He fails to pay taxes. The county will take the house. Judgments and liens against your seller will still attach to your property.
In my opinion, assumable mortgages do have a place and can be used effectively but they are not for someone with low cash reserves.
If you have any questions, I'd be happy to try to help. I'm retired so I'm not looking for new business.
Nope, the deed was recorded when I did it. I paid escrow who paid the mortgage. Sure, if the lender figures it out there's a due on sale clause, but that is rare. In practice, it is usually discovered by the insurance company. I was warned about that and was ready to refinance.
I have an easy solution for you. Pick 2: great location, great price, great house attributes
Once you pick two, it will become really easy. Like...you want a huge house at a great price? easy! get a house an hour away from work. Want a great location at a great price? Easy! find that 1br at your dream location.
We've all been where you've been. You'll be fine. We're all rooting for you. That said, I'm jealous that you are starting to look at houses at such a young age. The previous two generations waited till their 30s and still now in their 40s
You have to understand that this is not the same America we grew up in. You can't compare to our parents. Multigenerational living is how most people will make it happen. Just save as much money while you are living with your parents. Live like you are paying 3000 a month on a mortgage already!
See if you can use Naca you might be able to buy better homes less mortgage with no pmi. Look at local savings match programs. Many cities have down payment assistance. With these you might be able to get 10-30K if combine. I think the prices would go down in 2026. Looking also. My parents made min wage in the 90s and yet their home value (old home sold) now worth 300-400K per zillow. I plan on buying s fixer upper in good area if I can find a deal. Im in the same boat most of the homes I can afford are in areas people tell me to avoid. Look for upcoming areas. Thats what I plan to.do next if cant find fixer uppet. Find an upcoming area that's affordable perferably close to a desired area.
You'd quite literally need to earn 2 dollars for every 1 dollar that your parents earned in 1997 to afford the same lifestyle today.
Frankly, I could only make it work by buying a dilapidated house outside of town. I wasn't willing to wait longer and couldn't afford a house 300k or more to live in the town I grew up in. At 28 you're at an age where a fixer upper is beyond advantageous and possible. Don't get me wrong the shit ain't easy but truly it's worth considering. We genuinely need far fewer creatures comforts than we think, I grew up with central heat and AC, in a larger house, on city utilities, in a more mild climate. These days I've got portable ACs for summers, natural gas furnace non ducted, well water, and house is 1000 sqft.
Furnace parts are seldom more than 100 bucks to replace, a newer well means that my "water bill" just gets added to my rainy day fund, a smaller home means my combine utilities almost never excess 100 bucks a month, and sweat equity is approaching over 100k in positive value creation. I knew nothing about residential work beyond watching "this old house" and using "righty righty lefty loosey" from when I did basic vehicle maintenance. Every project will take you longer than it will a contractor, but paying only the coet of materials and taking your time gets you 80% the results a pro can get.
This isn't my dream home by any means, a single floor post war house is far from the art deco place I dreamed of. However with the skills and equity I've built in the 2 years since I've bought it I am positive this is actually a starter home and not something I'm going to fighting against price wise.
Not for everyone but at 28 it's totally worth considering. You don't have to go too extreme, but often homes are plain filthy, need floors refinished, and repainted with new trim not truly dilapidated. Even if it has undertaken serious damage, sticking to an architecturally simple home makes things like floor joists and roof repairs diy friendly with proper PPE. The land under the house often is the brunt of the value anyway.
I think you should take the opportunity of getting help from your parents, to do something with your life. It’d be the perfect time to go to school for something. Maybe consider a trade? What’s your boyfriend do for a living? Maybe he can try a trade. Let’s come up with ways to make it so you and your boyfriend can make good money to support you guys and your son. Sitting there being sad about things doesn’t change anything. It’s getting out there and doing something about it that will change things.
For the next 3 years forget about it.No your not a failure I see people buying homes and loosing them within 6 months of them buying .You are doing just fine
We were in the same situation living in a super small 1br apartment with a newborn. we spent almost 2 years house hunting dealing with the same issues. We continued to save for a bigger down payment while we were looking and finally a month before my sons 2nd birthday we found a wonderful home in a terrific neighborhood for 330k it was definitely at the very top of our budget but we decided to pull the trigger and stop the endless house hunting and prepare to do what we needed to do financially to have a home for our son. No regrets. Things are tight but my son is the happiest he has ever been and that’s totally worth it to us. Don’t give up hope just keep attacking this with a goal and have faith it will all work out.
If you can't afford what you want, then look at how you can earn more.
28 would be incredibly young to buy a house. Just because you had a baby much earlier than most doesn't mean you'll be able to afford a house much earlier than most.
I'm 51 now and just got my house 6yrs ago. No kids, single. For the longest time I was renting with roommates. I lived in San Francisco and I was never going to be able to afford anything there so I bought outside and happily love my house now. If I were to buy today perhaps I wouldn't be able to either. Perhaps I will still be living with roommates. You just need to work hard for your child and save a lot of money. If a house only have a few problems and it's fixable and located in a good enough area then just take it. Don't get discouraged.
I work in the industry and I see this frustration daily. One thing to consider: your current living situation actually opens up a huge opportunity with Renovation Loans (like the FHA 203k).
Most people can't use these because they can't afford rent AND a mortgage while the house is being fixed. But you can finance the mortgage payments into the loan during the renovation phase. This lets you buy the 'ugly' house in the good neighborhood and make it new.
Also, look at New Construction—builders are giving away crazy interest rate incentives right now that resale sellers just can't match. You might find a $350k new build has a cheaper monthly payment than a $320k resale home because of the rate difference.
Just wanted to make you feel less alone! I am 29, husband is 31 and we are living in my MIL’s 1bedroom basement with our newborn son. I feel so defeated and depressed about this. We have 800 credit scores, no debt, 80k for a down payment and 15k emergency fund ontop of that, looking at 200k-300k houses but are seemingly trapped down here for now. We will find a way 😭
It is so common and basically one of the only ways to save for a down payment. Make sure you are using this as an opportunity to save the down payment and don’t feel too bad about it. Everyone is going through this.
This isn’t the mentality to have. And you definitely don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. Times are different. Village mentality is what we need to get back to.
Hey we are 38 we still don’t own a home! We have two kids and I also feel like having a beautiful home with a basement and kids room but I am currently without employment and even when I was employed the mortgage was enforceable because we had no help!!! It amazing you have parents who are letting you stay in their basement even!!! But I see your point too!! Maybe 2026 is our year
Hey we are 38 we still don’t own a home! We have two kids and I also feel like having a beautiful home with a basement and kids room but I am currently without employment and even when I was employed the mortgage was enforceable because we had no help!!! It amazing you have parents who are letting you stay in their basement even!!! But I see your point too!! Maybe 2026 is our year
Don't feel ashamed. I recently bought a house and qualified as a 1st time homebuyer even though we previously owned a home. Why? Because when we sold our previous one at a loss during the financial crisis of 2008-9, we didn't have the money to buy another and had to rent. We got trapped in renting, being able to afford the payment, but never having enough for a down payment or closing costs.
There are programs out there that can help you. Speak to a lending agent at a major bank, they will know. Look up "down payment assistance programs for homebuyers" on Google. Or if you'd like, DM me and I can get you in touch with the mortgage guy I worked with. He was wonderful and got us into a home of our own with very little out of pocket.
Keep your chin up!
Yeah that’s why I didn’t have a baby at 28 but choosing to have a baby at 34 instead when I can afford a house.
But there’s a price for that, now my body isn’t the same way it used to be. My back hurts and if I wait one more year my pregnancy would have been a geriatric pregnancy.
So everything has a price, either waiting to be more stable or having a child at 28.
I know it’s nuts, we shouldn’t have to wait till we’re almost in our mid 30s to be able to afford things and have a baby. Housing prices are just too crazy.
I feel like this every day. My parents moved from one nice home to another one while I was growing up, and all on a single income. I can't seem to make any of it work out the way it did during my childhood.
Norman Vincent Peale has a quote, "Change your thoughts and you change your world" 2026 is just around the corner, you have to start somewhere and learn to walk before you can run. Might want to at least consider one of those "dilapidated" houses and make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
I remember when federal minimum wage was raised to $7.25/hr. I was working a minimum wage job at the time in 2009. Federal minimum wage is still at $7.25/hr. Pathetic!
My state's minimum wage is also $15.00. However, there are a bunch of people not living in Illinois who are currently paid pretty close to the federal minimum wage. The wage that has not increased since 2009.
You’re not a horrible parent! The world has a way of kicking your butt sometimes.
If you’re in the US, have you heard of the USDA loan? If you find a home in a more rural area it can help pay for 100% of it, including down payment. You have to qualify financially, though.
the older generations before us could basically dawdle through life and a house would just happen without really specifically trying. thats the difference between our generations. We have to specifically structure our life in a way that we excel above others just to be able to afford to purchase normal housing.
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there are many people feeling the way you do… you haven’t failed, society has changed (and not for the better). keep your head up 🩷
Agreed! OP will be fine. One thing is for sure, I'm jealous that they can even consider houses at such a young age. The previous two generations waited till their 30s and still now 40s to buy their first house.
Yep. We were mid 30’s when we got our first home.
Yep. 38 is now the average age of first time home buyers.
Closing at 38 on the 9th. 397k. I hate that im paying this much for a house and my parents got theirs for the cost of a renovation
How long ago did your parents buy? Mine bought their first home for 14k in 1959/1960. Our first home was 235k. Can’t compare yourself to them. You’ll drive yourself crazy.
Don’t compare to your parents. Also, don’t think if you don’t have that center colonial for 200k, 2k mortgage means you are a failure. Also don’t think that to be successful you must have a beautiful house that you own. You need a home for you three. Your post sounds more like stress from being with parents and in a basement and perhaps comparing to others. Doesn’t matter. Put your head down, ask your husband to put his head down too, go rent or save massively living in that basement, RENT for a few. That alone will make you feel a bit better. Forget about lining bankers pockets with front loaded interests that many do. That is NOT the sign of success. Success is many things but you are worried about the wrong thing. You will own a house one day buy today you focus on your little one, save money and think about renting (when you find the right one). Unless parents are asking you to leave I would be digging this opportunity to save! Finally you son won’t remember much if he had the perfect rocking chair mom rocked him on in his own bedroom his own play area, that Target or HGTV baby room is another push to get you to spend. Save when you can. You have many years ahead to buy a house. Your son will only complain about mom always being angry or disappointed never about not having his own room. Cheers!
In 36, living with my parents again with my 1.5yr old son. Don’t feel bad! Before I moved in my sister was here with her 8 yr old son! (She bought a house last Christmas after being with them for 2+ yrs I think). Boomer parents in this age are experiencing this, and adult kids everywhere are experiencing this. Keep taking the opportunity to save more and be grateful you have parents that let you move back in!! Some young adults aren’t so lucky :(
It's very common right now. Do not compare yourself to your parents, who probably bought a home on a single income and raised kids.
How would you go about not comparing ourselves to our parents? The comparison has already been made for a lot of us and it’s hard to ignore when some of us feel like we can’t give our kids even half of what we had growing up.
Because we are playing the game in entirely different economies. Our parents played the game on "Very Easy" while our settings are set to "Hard." Hopefully we don't speed run to "Very Hard" or "Death March" anytime soon.
I agree with this. But is that itself not a comparison?
More importantly, it took them 28+ years before they could afford the house they're living in. OP shouldn't expect this same thing immediately, just like their parents didn't
I’m 10 yrs older than you and finally bought my first house. Keep saving. Your child will be fine, just don’t keep him in front of the tv, make sure he gets to play with other kids.
I bought my first home at 42. My kids had to share a room more than once. You are not a failure.
Bought at 43. I got my own bedroom for the first time at 18.
Keep looking and set an attainable goal. My husband and I moved into my parents house and our goal was to only stay 1 year. In that year. We fixed our credits, saved and looked. 350k was way out of our budget so we looked for 200k and we stayed patient. 1 month after the year mark, we found a townhome in our price range. Keep looking and don’t give up. Make it your 2026 goal. You got this!
Btw, I’m 33 and hubby is 40 so I know exactly how you feel, keep your head up 💕
You and everyone else your age feel the same way about houses. Inventory is low for everyone. But at least you have family nearby, a lot of people don't and still don't have a house.
Yea so far renting an apartment is the best option for me. Even if I do save to do a decent down payment the monthly cost and interest is crazy now
I'm in your shoes.
Don't let yourself drown in it. We are (or were) in our late 30's. Living downstairs in the modded garage in my mom's house. Four of us, me, wife and two kids.
Flood happened about 2 years back just as we finally got comfortable, made a little nest, and could finally start saving.
I was mad at the world, mad at my mom (for related and unrelated reasons), mad at myself for not having made it, mad because I couldn't give my family a piece of the world.
Persevere, and think outside the box and keep your options open and RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH.
Just a month ago, the pieces just started to fall in place for me again, just keep your head up.
eh, join the club lol
In the same boat except houses where I'm at are going for 800k+. Fixer uppers are being sold for 650 to 750k and you still need to put at least 80k in fixing it up
You aren't a failure. What our parents had is a far cry from what we have now. My mom was able to pay rent and pay her way through college by working at a gas station. She loved to tell me all about it when I worked 30+ hours a week in retail and was a full-time college student. She couldn't fathom why I would be financially struggling. Luckily she's gotten her head out of her ass in recent years and understands that the financial climate is WAY different now.
I'm 37 and only just was able to afford a place this past year with my five year old. It's not even a house with a yard, it's a 762 sq ft condo. But it's mine, it's a stone's throw from his school and my work, and he still gets a big lawn and playground to play in. Look into your local housing authority and see if there's any grants that can help with down payment assistance or something along those lines. They don't exist everywhere but it's always worth a shot to research. I only learned through my mortgage broker about the one in my neck of the woods.
My daughter, her husband and their two little ones lived with me while. Now my almost 26 old old son is here. It happens.
Where is the message coming from? What is this “deserve”?? A two-year “deserves” a whole play room?? Separate from their own bedroom? That sounds like some social conditioning talking. Maybe it’s time to talk to someone to work through the negative thinking.
You don’t need to buy a house to be a good parent. Find a suitable rental for your family if living there makes you unhappy.
Yeah I think I have a hard time “comparing” myself to what I see on social media to be honest. I know I need to stop doing that.
Please check out my comment here where I describe my experience using NACA. No down payment, no closing costs, no mortgage insurance. I was able to buy my $347k home in July 2025 as a single mom with two kids (6 & 12 at the time). Rates are lower now than they were when I purchased and my mortgage is $2447.60 with property taxes and homeowners insurance included. Highly suggest you check it out as an option! It made a world of a difference to me when I felt like I would never be able to buy.
Thank you for the tip! Keep spreading it. How was the process for you, was it difficult? I checked out their web site. The amazing thing to me is the best interest rates go to “priority” members—those with the most need *lower earners, poor credit), and higher-earners with better credit (less need) are deemed “non-priority” and pay 1% higher rate!
When I was your age I was living in my parents basement as a single parent. I’m a homeowner now
Renting will be amazing until you get a house. I would live with my parents right now if I could. Well maybe in an adu ha.
Bright side, you have a whole child. Not half a child. :)
This made me laugh, thank you 😂
Housing is unaffordable now, unless you have dual income with two good salaries. We were 35 when we bought our first house with dual income over 175k and no kids. I would work on increasing your salaries and maybe consider a 2 bedroom condo for your first home. You can buy a single family home later in life after building equity and selling a condo.
Are you venting or do you want advice? I don't mean this in a negative way, just figuring out how to approach the topic. It is more a personal finance question you are asking. Are you paying rent to the parents?
Assuming you and your boyfriend both make a median income, you should be able to afford a 350k home. So what other debts or expenses exist to not make that possible for you? If you do not make a median income, what are you doing to increase it to be able to afford it? What can you cut back on to not have as high expenses? If one of you two were able to go deliver packages for UPS, which is a job that exists almost everywhere in the USA, that one income can easily bring in over $100k up to around $150k with overtime which can afford the $350k home with no problem. It is fair to say you or your partner do not want the hours or labor that comes with that job, but wanting an easier job comes with sacrifices like not being a home owner.
They just want to vent. They're intentionally not providing salary or location information.
She was told by the loan officer that she doesn't make enough money 3 years ago. Loan officer said she needed a co-signer.
She doesn't want a starter house, she wants to jump straight to the nice house (350k+). Learned nothing from her early 20s when she took out a 32k car loan, rather than buying a cheaper used car.
32k car loan is crazy
I know who this is now. 😊 I dug a little lol Initials RR. Hope all is well! I have no ill will/intentions towards you. Thank you for helping along the way. The reason I switched was because my aunts best friend wanted to help me in further areas and our contract had expired. I never had a loan officer tell me I needed a co-signer so you might have that confused with a previous client.
Hmm. Sounds like you know a little of my information.. kind of creepy. My car is paid off btw. And my payments were $410/mo which considering these days is as much as you pay for a used one. Saying I have “learned nothing” is a stretch from reality. I came on here to vent when I felt vulnerable and inside my own head. Luckily most of these comments had made me feel better. Also, I was never told by a loan officer that I do not make enough money, nor was I ever told I needed a co-signer. So unsure where you got that information from.
My 33 year old sibling in law is living at her dads house with 3 kids and a boyfriend
You guys are doing fine. Me and my wife stayed in tiny ass apartments with our son for ten years before we could afford a house. You’re not a failure if you’re both saving up and taking care of what you can take care of. When your kid is older what they’ll remember is the love that you and your husband showed them, not the conditions that they lived in.
With you and your boyfriend working, surely you can save enough to at least rent your own apartment. Start setting up a budget and see where your money is going.
You’re not a failure, you are on your own oath. Not your parents, not your best friend’s path, but your own. This moment in time is temporary and you will get that house. Keep saving, keep dreaming and fight for it.
Look into state run programs that help with down payments and closing costs. You could even qualify for affordable housing.
I have kids your age. Wages have not kept up with housing prices, for the most part.
My wife and I are childfree, but we were in the same boat. We both lived with our own parents until I was 30, then I moved in to the basement at her parents' house. We lived like that for four years.
I didn't get my first decent-oaying job until I was about 33. I bought my house just before turning 35. I wouldn't have been able to do that without without all of those years of living with my parents and my in-laws first.
It's rough and unfair for reaching adulthood and feeling stuck. But from my experience, doors opened up extremely quickly after I got to around age 30. I have no idea why people view the artificial age gap from late-20s to early-30s as significant, but you are approaching the tail end of it.
You haven’t failed the housing market over the last few years has quadrupled in price we had people from big cities bidding on houses in our small town that weren’t worth 200k yet bids were just under a million I had my realtor look at a property that’s been vacant for 3 years now and she said the people bought the house are now upside down on it as the house isn’t worth what they paid and they overbid every other bid on the properly by 300k
Choose to think about it differently. Your child is in a multi generational home with people who love them. Many kids don’t have extended families or two parents who care for them daily. I know it feels hard because it’s not what, where you think it should be, embrace what it is. A loving home. Keep saving and one day you will get there. Most of us are not where we want to be in some aspects of our lives. Focus on the good and what you can do until you can make changes. You are not a failure, you’re a good mom doing your best. Best of luck!
You're not a failure. At all. Just focus on loving your child, caring for him, and getting out of the apartment for trips to the park or library to keep his stimulation going for growth. I know this feeling you have. We've been living as a low income yet working family all of my child's life and we just make the best of what we've got. The future is bright. Keep on. You're very young in the span of a long life - you've got this.
Kids find any place happy if they are with their parents and experience joy and nurturing. This is a chance for you to teach your kiddo through your attitude and actions. When you have less than what you want, how do you find fun and gratitude? I was a single parent for years and lived in a tiny place for a long time but it created some of our happiest memories.
Hopefully a shift in our government in the next coming few years will create opportunities. I got my first house via FHA with first time buyer program and a good lender. Got an older house than I wanted but it’s been good. Refinanced into a better loan a couple years later paying same as I would have rent. Don’t lose hope!
We didn’t buy our home until our son was 4 and after our daughter was born.
We are immigrants, rented 14 year’s before buying
My husband and I are in our 40s with one 12 year old son and we haven’t bought a house. At this point I’m open to being lifelong renters. No shame in it. It’s okay to have more accessible short-term goals in addition to long-term ones. There is no reason you should do anything. As long as your son has a safe space with his needs met, he’s not going to care whether you own your house or not.
At your age I too was living in a basement. I had three kids and felt the same way. Eventually I ended up where I am now, purchasing my home a year ago at 37. It’s a slow and daunting process, but it will all work out. Keep your head up and utilize the help you have for now
You have no choice but to lower your standards. Dramatically. 90% of society has had to do just that.
I get it. My spouse and I are in our 30s, with a 2 year old, and living in my parents’ basement. We’ve already been living here for way longer than we planned. We’re actually under contract for a house, but we found out last week that there’s a very good chance my spouse will lose their job in January. I cannot afford the mortgage payment on my own. We’d have to back out of our contract, lose the house, and continue our basement dwelling. It honestly just feels like we can’t win. I feel like a failure too. But I try to find the positives. My kid gets to see their grandparents every day, I get to spend time with them after being in a different state for several years. Kid’s doing great, happy, healthy, thriving. I may not be very happy, but I’m attempting to make the best of it. No advice, just sympathy and understanding.
I appreciated this comment. I also try to be grateful for what I do have, but some nights like last night, I get into my head too much. I over compare, overthink, until I feel down and out. And I really just wanted to vent my hurt and frustrations. I’m in a better mindset this morning. I want to make a new game plan and deep dive into my finances and budget better. My son is happy, loved, and I know he loves living with his Mimi who adores him. He is healthy and happy and safe, and I need to remind myself that. I want to give him what I had growing up, which is why I talk about his own room/play area. I had that. But my parents bought this house back in 1989 for $99k. If they were to sell it now its estimate is at $550k. That’s a large JUMP. So I know I can not/should not compare to what my parents had.
I get like that too. Some days I’m fine, others I’m really down about our situation. And yes! Definitely can’t compare to our parents! It’s hard but everything is so different from when they were our ages. My parents got the house I grew up in, in 1993 for $75k brand new. They actually have 2 houses now, my brother lives in the old one, and their mortgages for both homes combined is less than what I would pay. It’s nuts. It’s hard not to compare to parents or friends, but I try to remember that we’re running our own race. It’s not a competition! For now, we should be grateful that our kids get this time with their grandparents. And that we have parents who are willing to help us out. We’ll both get there, whether sooner or later!
We didn't buy our home until we were almost 30. We didn't get to live with parents.
Hubby and I worked as much as possible and would work opposite schedules to avoid childcare costs.
Hang in there, our son is still young and doesn't know the difference, plus he gets to see his grandparents a lot more than if you didn't live with them.
Your future home is out there.
I mean can you not afford a 3k mortgage cause you’re drinking and smoking it all away? Or betting on the ponies?
Or is the economy and capitalism fucked?
Well I don’t drink or smoke. And I certainly don’t watch horse races so 🤣😅
40M, I just bought a house. Lived with my mom for 2 years between 2016-2018, with 2 kids. Rented crappy places in between, never felt comfortable and felt a lot of shame. Basically sacrificed social settings at home because of how I felt about the situation. I finally made it though. Don’t ever give up.
Get a condo.
Be patient and thankful for the opportunity to live with your parent and save money. Focus on raising your income and be patient. The market will eventually sort itself out and as long as you are doing everything you can, you should be fine. For ref. I am 34 and I just purchased my first home. It took time and patience and we weren’t fortunate enough to have parents that can help us save.
Honestly, if they are letting you stay there rent free or discount - do it and save all you can. It's the best thing you can do for your future.
Reframe this a bit. You’re providing for your son. Y any means necessary. That’s really what’s happening here. Not owning a home at 20, or any other age, isn’t a mark against you. Life happens and we roll with the punches.
I can see the benefits of owning a home and with time, that can happen for you. And if it doesn’t, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You’re not failing just because you don’t have a home (and subsequently, likely a massive debt to repay).
One step at a time. Save and prepare for when the time is right for you. Not for when “the time is right”. Do it when it’s right for you.
I'm 40 and finally closing on a property. I felt that way at 28....I felt that way at 38. I hope the feeling goes away on closing day.
35 year old here, married with 4 kids. Learn from me I got the $350K starter home $2,700 a month. Came from a really good rental situation where we were month to month and never in 4 years had an increase. All i wanted was a place to call our home for our kids to know that. But the mortgage hurts every month when it hits the bank account and it doesn’t really feel any different. Don’t force it you aren’t failing anyone I feel like i am now because I bit off more than I can chew and have to work 2 jobs now. Make the best of what you have now and don’t ever show or let them think otherwise. They will remember the memories made the location is secondary, my kids say all the time “I miss the rental”.
I'm 34, I've been searching for 2 years now. I'm employed by one of the largest employers in my area. I'm single living with my parents. I still can't afford to buy a home on my own. The homes for sale in my price range where I'm looking are: dilapidated and needing repairs I can't afford, mobile home, located in dangerous parts of towns, 1+ hour commutes to and from work. It isn't your fault. It is this market that has blown up in costs, yet our wages don't keep up no matter how hard you work or how much you save.
It'll happen for you and your family, and it's so hard to compare yourself to friends and family in different situations than you are. Just stay determined, and stay firm about your goals. You can do this.
The situation is completely different for people around our age now. A majority of us aren't going to be in a position to buy a proper home until our mid 30s. The important thing right now is to keep saving and looking after your son. There's still hope for us and we will all buy our first homes eventually, it's just going to be happening on a different timeline. The average first-time homebuyer's age is now 38. If you buy before 38, you're above average. You're not alone in this struggle.
Multigenerational housing shouldn’t be a failure. I’m currently with my in laws in their basement with my fiance. It sucks some days but I look at the bigger picture and think of the $$ we’re saving and the memories we’re making with his parents. They’re getting older and we do help out.
Don’t feel ashamed OP, I’m 34 and my husband is 38 and literally 99% of people we know in our age range live with their parents or have multiple roommates. It’s depressing! Our generation and future generations are being royally screwed. My husband and I own land and live in our RV. We want to eventually build a small 500 sq ft house but don’t know when we will. It’s all so bleak.
Its the boomer generation that failed you with their policies. Dont be ashamed of staying with your parents. Have a financial plan regardless of the situation on the goals yoi want to attain and stick to it. Get rid of the guilt on staying with your parents.
You don't need to feel guilty at all things are awful right now. There are lots of people that are in your, or similar situations. People in their 20s don't really, in general, get to follow the old path of college --->good paying job --->house anymore. The most important thing is that you do have a safe place to live for your kid, and I've learned that kids, especially young kids, don't really care where they live if they have stable family life, that is the most important thing. Try to save anything you can (i know that's really hard right now), things will get better eventually.
If it makes you feel better, we lived with my im laws for 10 years until we finally bought our home (this year!). Just try your best to keep saving for a big down payment and saving for repairs (you are going to need it 🫠). I'm 36 yo.
No shame. Do right by your kid with the cards you've been dealt. There will always be families in better AND worse positions than yours, don't despair over comparison. Don't be consumed by the idea of failure, it will bring you down further.
Even when you find a better living situation there will be so many moments in parenthood that you'll wish you had handled better. Push through.
There are rich kids out there with seemingly ideal lives who's folks don't really love them. So love your kid, teach your kid to love, teach your kid to be grateful, and keep your head up.
Don’t beat yourself up. My parents lived with my grandparents to save enough money to buy their own house and they had 3 kids.
If you can get over the guilt and embarrassment you feel, stick it out and sock away every last time for another year or so.
Save as much as you can, and help your folks as much as you are able. Cherish the time and make new memories. The housing market is terrible and it’s nothing you did. Maybe you’ll hear through the grapevine on something that might become available too. Best of luck to you !
Last year I was in the same situation but my partner and I caved and now rent. Between rent and $1400 in childcare we’re basically stuck. Our only option now is to use a VA loan with $0 down but I’m hesitant about it because of how expensive a house in a decent town is even one that needs work is still around $300k but I just keep looking and hoping for a deal that probably doesn’t exist anymore lol
Hey there! First off, happy holidays! I think we have all felt like that at some point in our lives. You just have to start somewhere. The best thing to do is to plan out your next step(s). I usually use excel (windows) or numbers (apple) to track and budget my finances. That will help you clear some of the stress off and visualize it. Find out how much more you need and where you can cut off some unnecessary expenses to save up. From there, if you do find a house that you like, negotiate closing costs and credits. As of now, it is a buyers market and easier to ask for a seller credit. Take the opportunity that you have to save :) hope it helps.
I think I’m going to do this. It would be so much easier for me to visualize and see debt/income on a spreadsheet. Maybe I can see if there’s any unnecessary spending and start budgeting better.
Don’t feel like a failure. That is an insane price even if it’s below the national average. I got lucky and found a decent home for 187k. The only way I was able to pull it off was through a county grant through the Redevelopment Authority. They have a first time home buyer assistance program. If you fall within the income parameters like we did, you get funds that help with down payment, gap financing, and closing costs. We got approved for 26k toward our down payment and closing costs. Our cost to move in is around $600 plus moving expenses. Communities have incentive grants. It’s definitely worth looking into. We would not be able to purchase our house without it. There is assistance out there!
Keep your head up and stay present for your kid. Set tiny money goals, find extra work and in a few years you can put a down payment on something reasonable. I know how you feel. What do you do for a living?
Can you go down to a condo and try to build equity for 3 years or more? They take it out for a home. You are not the only one in this situation. I thought I would never buy a home but there are ways. You just have to maneuver differently.
these are last years of speculative investment. Houses will be different and affordable again. I am 62 and i feel your pain. My parents amd before them , they all had big nice houses.
You’re doing your best don’t be hard on yourself.
get the worst house in the best neighborhood and diy what you can and pay to do what you can’t. in a couple of years sell for a bigger place and that sweat equity will pay off big time. hgtv has made the world think everyone must have granite countertops and open floor plans from day 1 and it just doesn’t work like that. you’ve got a great opportunity to save up and get a good downpayment and pay for renovation. you’re doing great.
50 years old, still renting, paying $3000/month in rent, zero kids, and I make $145k/year.
I had almost $100k saved up for a down payment in 2019 back when houses were half the price they are today and interest rates were 2-3%. I was getting ready to start house searching in early 2020, but then covid hit. We know what happened after that!
So I am 50, a renter, paying more to rent than a mortgage would cost, paying double in rent than what my mortgage would have been on a house in 2019, and I have no kids.
At least you have a kid and are only 28. You have plenty of time to buy a house. Wait for interest rates to go down a bit more and hopefully prices to lower some, then look to buy.
In the meantime, it sounds more like you just need a bigger place that you can call your own, even if you are renting it and don't own it. Look for a small house or a good-sized apartment, get out of the small basement in your parents' house, and continue to save for buying in the future. It used to be the average age to buy a home was like 26, where today it's more like 35-40. You just need more space right now and a separate room for your kid. That you can do now, then plan to buy your own house by age 35.
It it makes you feel better, I live in a trailer with my husband, son and pets
I’ve looked into trailers/modules and half of them you couldn’t even tell the difference. It’s definitely something I’ve gone back/forth on. But some of the trailer parks out where I live aren’t in the safest areas/locations, and other ones are always the 55+ adult communities 😭
We joined a county program where we live at the county park and take care of it for free hookups
The state of the real estate market is not your failure. I am a low income senior. I somehow managed to qualify for a house in early 2020, house payments are only $1420 with the senior discount on property taxes. If I tried to qualify for the same house now, I could not. Interest rates are too high. They are starting to inch down slowly, but not fast enough.
This is a time to pull back, save and hold. Review in one more year.
There is also one more option: Look for a DEAL, not a specific house.
In Craigslist (for instance), I go to “Real Estate For Sale” and type in the word Owner. Owner Finance, Owner Carry, Owner Terms. Other words like “Desperate” might bring up something. What you’re looking for is an owner that will let you either “take over payments” (another good search term) for as little cash outlay as possible. Start to build equity. Any equity is better than a savings account. Deals like that are out there. I got my name on a deed once for $1,600.
Some of the ones I see want a down payment and state they will carry the contract for X years or until interest rates go down some, those include a balloon. The ones that are desperate for someone to take over payments might have property tax or mortgage arrears, but those are the best. No balloon and usually low interest.
When you find a deal like that, you do what’s called a “wraparound” mortgage. No bank, no qualifying, no appraisal, just you and the seller—and ESCROW. You will pay escrow the payments who in turn pays their mortgage. They charge a small handling fee but this is a very real way to buy a house—which is getting your name on the deed.
Doable but very seriously scary. I'm going to try to explain the problems trying to assume (take over payments) of someone else's mortgage.
The mortgage would be a VA (VETERANS MORTGAGE) mortgage. First, let's call the sales price $100,000. The mortgage balance is $80,000. You will need $20,000 cash down to cover the sale price, so you are assuming the mortgage balance $80,000 + $20,000. In addition you will be paying closing costs. Finally, you will need to be approved for the loan by the VA.
Conventional loans are generally not assumable. Some conventional adjustable mortgages can be assumed but subject as above. Pay the difference between the mortgage balance and sales price in cash. You will have to qualify for this loan also and pay closing costs.
FHA loans used to be assumable but I'd have to check to be sure. I believe they stopped that. But if it is assumable you will still need to pay the cash difference between mortgage balance and sales price, qualify for the loan and pay closing costs.
Any loan with a "due on sale" clause must be paid off at the time of settlement. The "Wrap Around Mortgage" described above suggests that you can purchase a property without paying off the mortgage but the deed is held in escrow (not recorded). If the deed is not recorded, attempting to avoid triggering the due on sale clause, you don't really have ownership of the property. For instance, the seller stops making the payments. The bank will foreclose on your house. He fails to pay taxes. The county will take the house. Judgments and liens against your seller will still attach to your property.
In my opinion, assumable mortgages do have a place and can be used effectively but they are not for someone with low cash reserves.
If you have any questions, I'd be happy to try to help. I'm retired so I'm not looking for new business.
Nope, the deed was recorded when I did it. I paid escrow who paid the mortgage. Sure, if the lender figures it out there's a due on sale clause, but that is rare. In practice, it is usually discovered by the insurance company. I was warned about that and was ready to refinance.
I have an easy solution for you. Pick 2: great location, great price, great house attributes
Once you pick two, it will become really easy. Like...you want a huge house at a great price? easy! get a house an hour away from work. Want a great location at a great price? Easy! find that 1br at your dream location.
We've all been where you've been. You'll be fine. We're all rooting for you. That said, I'm jealous that you are starting to look at houses at such a young age. The previous two generations waited till their 30s and still now in their 40s
You have to understand that this is not the same America we grew up in. You can't compare to our parents. Multigenerational living is how most people will make it happen. Just save as much money while you are living with your parents. Live like you are paying 3000 a month on a mortgage already!
You're 28 , that's really young. Don't be so harsh on yourself. The average first time home buyer age is 40 years old. You have some time
See if you can use Naca you might be able to buy better homes less mortgage with no pmi. Look at local savings match programs. Many cities have down payment assistance. With these you might be able to get 10-30K if combine. I think the prices would go down in 2026. Looking also. My parents made min wage in the 90s and yet their home value (old home sold) now worth 300-400K per zillow. I plan on buying s fixer upper in good area if I can find a deal. Im in the same boat most of the homes I can afford are in areas people tell me to avoid. Look for upcoming areas. Thats what I plan to.do next if cant find fixer uppet. Find an upcoming area that's affordable perferably close to a desired area.
You'd quite literally need to earn 2 dollars for every 1 dollar that your parents earned in 1997 to afford the same lifestyle today.
Frankly, I could only make it work by buying a dilapidated house outside of town. I wasn't willing to wait longer and couldn't afford a house 300k or more to live in the town I grew up in. At 28 you're at an age where a fixer upper is beyond advantageous and possible. Don't get me wrong the shit ain't easy but truly it's worth considering. We genuinely need far fewer creatures comforts than we think, I grew up with central heat and AC, in a larger house, on city utilities, in a more mild climate. These days I've got portable ACs for summers, natural gas furnace non ducted, well water, and house is 1000 sqft.
Furnace parts are seldom more than 100 bucks to replace, a newer well means that my "water bill" just gets added to my rainy day fund, a smaller home means my combine utilities almost never excess 100 bucks a month, and sweat equity is approaching over 100k in positive value creation. I knew nothing about residential work beyond watching "this old house" and using "righty righty lefty loosey" from when I did basic vehicle maintenance. Every project will take you longer than it will a contractor, but paying only the coet of materials and taking your time gets you 80% the results a pro can get.
This isn't my dream home by any means, a single floor post war house is far from the art deco place I dreamed of. However with the skills and equity I've built in the 2 years since I've bought it I am positive this is actually a starter home and not something I'm going to fighting against price wise.
Not for everyone but at 28 it's totally worth considering. You don't have to go too extreme, but often homes are plain filthy, need floors refinished, and repainted with new trim not truly dilapidated. Even if it has undertaken serious damage, sticking to an architecturally simple home makes things like floor joists and roof repairs diy friendly with proper PPE. The land under the house often is the brunt of the value anyway.
I think you should take the opportunity of getting help from your parents, to do something with your life. It’d be the perfect time to go to school for something. Maybe consider a trade? What’s your boyfriend do for a living? Maybe he can try a trade. Let’s come up with ways to make it so you and your boyfriend can make good money to support you guys and your son. Sitting there being sad about things doesn’t change anything. It’s getting out there and doing something about it that will change things.
Anything is possible! Success does not come overnight keep working hard.
For the next 3 years forget about it.No your not a failure I see people buying homes and loosing them within 6 months of them buying .You are doing just fine
We were in the same situation living in a super small 1br apartment with a newborn. we spent almost 2 years house hunting dealing with the same issues. We continued to save for a bigger down payment while we were looking and finally a month before my sons 2nd birthday we found a wonderful home in a terrific neighborhood for 330k it was definitely at the very top of our budget but we decided to pull the trigger and stop the endless house hunting and prepare to do what we needed to do financially to have a home for our son. No regrets. Things are tight but my son is the happiest he has ever been and that’s totally worth it to us. Don’t give up hope just keep attacking this with a goal and have faith it will all work out.
If you can't afford what you want, then look at how you can earn more.
28 would be incredibly young to buy a house. Just because you had a baby much earlier than most doesn't mean you'll be able to afford a house much earlier than most.
I'm 51 now and just got my house 6yrs ago. No kids, single. For the longest time I was renting with roommates. I lived in San Francisco and I was never going to be able to afford anything there so I bought outside and happily love my house now. If I were to buy today perhaps I wouldn't be able to either. Perhaps I will still be living with roommates. You just need to work hard for your child and save a lot of money. If a house only have a few problems and it's fixable and located in a good enough area then just take it. Don't get discouraged.
I work in the industry and I see this frustration daily. One thing to consider: your current living situation actually opens up a huge opportunity with Renovation Loans (like the FHA 203k).
Most people can't use these because they can't afford rent AND a mortgage while the house is being fixed. But you can finance the mortgage payments into the loan during the renovation phase. This lets you buy the 'ugly' house in the good neighborhood and make it new.
Also, look at New Construction—builders are giving away crazy interest rate incentives right now that resale sellers just can't match. You might find a $350k new build has a cheaper monthly payment than a $320k resale home because of the rate difference.
Keep things simple and fun for you and your little family, and (of course) use birth control! 🤷♀️😬👍
Just wanted to make you feel less alone! I am 29, husband is 31 and we are living in my MIL’s 1bedroom basement with our newborn son. I feel so defeated and depressed about this. We have 800 credit scores, no debt, 80k for a down payment and 15k emergency fund ontop of that, looking at 200k-300k houses but are seemingly trapped down here for now. We will find a way 😭
It is so common and basically one of the only ways to save for a down payment. Make sure you are using this as an opportunity to save the down payment and don’t feel too bad about it. Everyone is going through this.
This isn’t the mentality to have. And you definitely don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. Times are different. Village mentality is what we need to get back to.
Hey we are 38 we still don’t own a home! We have two kids and I also feel like having a beautiful home with a basement and kids room but I am currently without employment and even when I was employed the mortgage was enforceable because we had no help!!! It amazing you have parents who are letting you stay in their basement even!!! But I see your point too!! Maybe 2026 is our year
Hey we are 38 we still don’t own a home! We have two kids and I also feel like having a beautiful home with a basement and kids room but I am currently without employment and even when I was employed the mortgage was enforceable because we had no help!!! It amazing you have parents who are letting you stay in their basement even!!! But I see your point too!! Maybe 2026 is our year
Don't feel ashamed. I recently bought a house and qualified as a 1st time homebuyer even though we previously owned a home. Why? Because when we sold our previous one at a loss during the financial crisis of 2008-9, we didn't have the money to buy another and had to rent. We got trapped in renting, being able to afford the payment, but never having enough for a down payment or closing costs.
There are programs out there that can help you. Speak to a lending agent at a major bank, they will know. Look up "down payment assistance programs for homebuyers" on Google. Or if you'd like, DM me and I can get you in touch with the mortgage guy I worked with. He was wonderful and got us into a home of our own with very little out of pocket. Keep your chin up!
Yeah that’s why I didn’t have a baby at 28 but choosing to have a baby at 34 instead when I can afford a house. But there’s a price for that, now my body isn’t the same way it used to be. My back hurts and if I wait one more year my pregnancy would have been a geriatric pregnancy. So everything has a price, either waiting to be more stable or having a child at 28. I know it’s nuts, we shouldn’t have to wait till we’re almost in our mid 30s to be able to afford things and have a baby. Housing prices are just too crazy.
I feel like this every day. My parents moved from one nice home to another one while I was growing up, and all on a single income. I can't seem to make any of it work out the way it did during my childhood.
Norman Vincent Peale has a quote, "Change your thoughts and you change your world" 2026 is just around the corner, you have to start somewhere and learn to walk before you can run. Might want to at least consider one of those "dilapidated" houses and make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Houses used to be like $500 back in the days. Our generation has it harder than boomers
As a boomer, we were so excited when hubby got his 1st real job at $15K a year.
His sister bought an $80K home with an 17% interest rate. They were earning about $25K a year.
We didn't buy a home until we were almost 30 and hubby's job was paying him $50K a year.
Gosh, i remember when min wage went up to $3.35 an hour.
I remember when federal minimum wage was raised to $7.25/hr. I was working a minimum wage job at the time in 2009. Federal minimum wage is still at $7.25/hr. Pathetic!
I got bumped up as the wages were raised. I left a job in 2008 earning $22/hr.
I believe our state wage is at least $15/hr.
My state's minimum wage is also $15.00. However, there are a bunch of people not living in Illinois who are currently paid pretty close to the federal minimum wage. The wage that has not increased since 2009.
Need to make sacrifices and better choices.
You’re not a horrible parent! The world has a way of kicking your butt sometimes.
If you’re in the US, have you heard of the USDA loan? If you find a home in a more rural area it can help pay for 100% of it, including down payment. You have to qualify financially, though.
Ask your parents about buying THEIR house
the older generations before us could basically dawdle through life and a house would just happen without really specifically trying. thats the difference between our generations. We have to specifically structure our life in a way that we excel above others just to be able to afford to purchase normal housing.