When I first started fighting forest fires 17 years ago, we used (and still use) a technique call "Cold Trailing" which is sticking your fingers into ground you suspect is hot to feel if there's burning material or not. One of the best quotes I ever heard for determining whether a hotspot was out or not was, "Would you put your dick in it?" And some of them were a burning root 2 feet down. And others were a hot as fuck rock buried in nice warm clay... Me being my genius 17 year old self said "Maybe?"
I would like to proclaim the hypothesis that the judgment of 17 year olds about what to do with their genitalia should generally be considered with extreme caution.
17 year old classmate of mine was caught by a sheriff's deputy, in a pumpkin patch, in the middle of the night, having... relations with a pumpkin. When asked what the hell he was doing, he looked around, then yelled, "Dammit! Is it midnight already?!?"
This is some cowboy engineering super efficient machine. Works great. You need to posses common sense and be able to respect the hell out of this tool to not get hurt. So it should absolutely be outlawed considering people today.
Seeing the operator try and stuff 4 branches in at once that obviously aren’t going fit makes me think they don’t respect the hell out of how dangerous it is
The only thing wrong with this is no guard over the top. And given the clear ability of the constructor a simple sheet steel cover would have been trivial. Maybe there is one and it was removed to show the machine in operation clearly.
I got into a car accident and the imminent threat of homelessness and starvation caused me to go to work the same day. I called in and said I'd be late, they were shocked I still came in and that I had an actual police report. (This is like 2 weeks into the job) The next day my neck hurt like fuck but I took Tylenol and ibuprofen and went in. I was on a cherry picker forklift and when I looked all the way up (maybe 20 minutes into my shift) the muscles in my neck were so swollen they cut off the blood to my brain. I almost passed out and in an effort to keep from falling I pulled backwards on the forklift controls. When I stumbled out of the forklift my foot came off the switch and it stopped. Had the switch not been there I would've been run over. Nobody showed up for about 4 minutes after that, so even if it was just a leg or two I would have bled to death.
Whoever died for that switch to become common place saved my life.
Yeah I should've just seen a doctor the next day but I thought I could tough it out.
We do need better laws but we also need to eliminate the term "cost of living" because then I would have just been able to go to a doctor and come back when I was healthy.
A lot of times the story is that you used a machine with a dead man switch for ten years and never got hurt or killed. There a good chance you wouldn't even know how close you got.
this is one of those instances I'd actually recommend against gloves lol if I had to use this I'd be naked and without gloves with my head shaved so there nothing that a branch can catch and drag me in
That actually wouldn't even be that hard to redneck-engineer. Just need to put a big-ass-fuck-you flywheel between the motor and the cutting wheel, controlled by a belt clutch on a handle on the OUTPUT end of the cutter. So that the cutting tool is only connected to the torque when the operator tightens a belt.
Any junkyard could get you an appropriate flywheel. A truck tire/wheel would do, and the hub mounts and bearings are easy to source.
Or, a momentary switch on the electric motor would work too. Hold down the switch to make the tool move. Put the switch out of reach of the material going in.
man I think I would be throwing the branches and still pushing them with another stick... also im def not wearing sleeves or gloves or anything that could get snagged
Pretty much how I run chippers that do have all the safety mechanisms in good order.
Looser fitting leather gloves (I find that one size up to XL is the best, as they are still snug enough not to catch on stuff, but will slide off with relative ease) and whenever possible, just yeet the material into the drum.
I almost got pulled into one of those road side diesel wood chippers when I was working with a fire crew in California..
I was normally part of a BLM wild lands crew from Nevada but these dudes needed some help felling and chipping some trees on the Cali side of reno so I volunteered and my sleeve got stuck on a branch and man it pulled me on quick.. I was doing everything I could to unstick my sleeve but..
I was about 3-4 inches from that same blade before someone finally hit the emergency stop... I didn't volunteer ever again after that day.. haha!
I work with full size chippers pretty often, and I’ve gotten clothing/gloves/my whole body (bittersweet vines, go figure) snagged before, but you learn a few tricks along the way that all but guarantee you won’t get sucked in. It all pretty much boils down to keeping a good center of balance and strong legs so whatever gets snagged will rip, instead of pulling you in. I always put myself to the left side of the opening and brace against the reverse bar if I have to, so any vines or branches would just snap. And just being careful is the main one. Stay aware, watch for trip hazards which build up pretty quickly by the mouth of the chipper, make sure the guy behind you doesn’t try to throw a 20 foot tree in there without making sure you were out of the way first (Fucking Andy, I swear to god he’s lucky I never saw him again)
Had a branch hook my hardhat once and pulled that motherfucker right into the chipper. Foreman thought I died when pieces of my hardhat were flying out the other end 🤣🤣
That’s the kind of prank that you pull on your foreman when it’s your last day of work. And by that, I mean that if you pull that prank on your foreman, it will be your last day at work.
Yeah. Maybe two pedals and need to be standing on both for it to activate. Full stop as soon as you lose your balance and come off of one of the pedals. Maybe then I’ll give it a go.
There's a few companies that make branch loggers with actual guards and safety features. Some of the bigger ones claim to chunk up an 8" log. Best looking ones I've seen up close are from Arpal. They always look like they'll shake themselves to death within a few hours though
I worked for a tree trimmer for a summer, and the number of times people hang a glove or a sleeve on brush going into the hopper surprised me. That handle got pulled more times than I would've expected - to keep somebody from going prosthetic shopping. I can't fathom free ballin like this yahoo.
This was my thought too. You’d have to be super vigilant and treat it like it has a mind of its own and wants to kill you but damn is it super effective.
Bold as fuck to wear gloves and long sleeves. I’ll take the cuts to my hands in order to avoid getting snagged on a branch that is getting sucked into a death trap
Awesome, but absolutely fuck that. I've been to dark corners of the internet, and I intend to stay on this side of those interactions. Aint nobody watching me go through one of these cuz I wont be 100 feet from it.
Get the glove or arm of your shirt stuck in a twig and suddenly this thing eats your arm all the way to your shoulder. Should have a big emergency stop button.
Yea that looks incredibly dangerous. You would hope that your arm rips out at the shoulder if you get caught, because I've seen some fucking awful lathe videos that turn entire humans into meat rugs. This would not be as quick, and therefore an unimaginably horrifying way to die. Maybe slightly better than being disemboweled and eaten alive by an apex predator. The best you could hope for is that the engine stalls when it gets to your torso, but honestly I think at that point I'd rather be dead.
Sorry what I said is so gruesome, but this machine shouldn't exist.
Ahhh yes the "under no circumstances touch that thing while it's running" machine
I’ll remember that as soon as I put on my wood chipping scarf.
Don't forget a variety of watches, rings and dangly things!
Anyone who runs something like this definitely has a chain wallet.
Mine is stained red havent had time to clean it. Amazing, never knew you could use it for small trees and bush.
Poetry!
Pony tail for the win.
Oh nice. I have that same scarf. Matches my cape.
They bring out your eyes
I use the stihl kevlar scarf. For safety.
Is yours reinforced with barbed wire also? Keeps me so warm
Don’t forget to tie it tightly around your neck! Gotta stay warm out there
He had on his wood chipping gloves in lieu of his scarf.
I always wear my neck tie when checking my fan belt
Do not put your dick in there.
Never put your dick anywhere you wouldn't put your finger, and never put your finger anywhere you wouldn't put your dick.
Words to live by
My pappy told me this many moons ago. Still got all 11 fingers
Two, Ten, Eleven.
Eyes, Fingers, Toes.
When I first started fighting forest fires 17 years ago, we used (and still use) a technique call "Cold Trailing" which is sticking your fingers into ground you suspect is hot to feel if there's burning material or not. One of the best quotes I ever heard for determining whether a hotspot was out or not was, "Would you put your dick in it?" And some of them were a burning root 2 feet down. And others were a hot as fuck rock buried in nice warm clay... Me being my genius 17 year old self said "Maybe?"
I would like to proclaim the hypothesis that the judgment of 17 year olds about what to do with their genitalia should generally be considered with extreme caution.
17 year old classmate of mine was caught by a sheriff's deputy, in a pumpkin patch, in the middle of the night, having... relations with a pumpkin. When asked what the hell he was doing, he looked around, then yelled, "Dammit! Is it midnight already?!?"
Don't listen to this guy. Clearly he subscribes to the r/dontputyourdickinthat philosophy. And we all know how those redditors turn out......
Is it best to just keep your fingers and your dick in the same place then?
That's my weekly safety speech to my team
Sorry, bud, the cylinder is gonna get harmed.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Lorena Bobbitt has 3 of these at her house.
You can once.
This is some cowboy engineering super efficient machine. Works great. You need to posses common sense and be able to respect the hell out of this tool to not get hurt. So it should absolutely be outlawed considering people today.
People of yesterday would have sufficiently been culled by this machine by the age of 12.
Seeing the operator try and stuff 4 branches in at once that obviously aren’t going fit makes me think they don’t respect the hell out of how dangerous it is
The only thing wrong with this is no guard over the top. And given the clear ability of the constructor a simple sheet steel cover would have been trivial. Maybe there is one and it was removed to show the machine in operation clearly.
It's the first machine that looks almost as dangerous as this...death machine: https://youtu.be/3ks_lbtgJSw?si=Mb7xfKHgAeS_rjke&t=109
Same mechanism that’s in the ryobi home version in Australia
Would be pretty safe with a foot pressure kill switch but we ain't doing that.
Just put a stump on the pressure switch so we don’t have to muck around with it and be more Efficient
You mean the stump maker?
Stumps of all sizes! Finger sized, wrist sized, elbow sized...
Here kiddo, try feeding this little branch in...cool right?...kiddo...kiddo??...
Holy death trap. But very functional
It needs a dead man’s switch, a big red button that only spins the blades when it’s actively being pressed down
Absolutely. With that switch located >1 body length from the blade.
The distance this guy is feeding from is absolutely bonkers.
Just do the branches one by one, from the far end of each branch. I'm certain his time isn't so valuable he has to throw in handfuls at a time.
A Deadman switch saved my life. They should be on basically everything.
Story?
I got into a car accident and the imminent threat of homelessness and starvation caused me to go to work the same day. I called in and said I'd be late, they were shocked I still came in and that I had an actual police report. (This is like 2 weeks into the job) The next day my neck hurt like fuck but I took Tylenol and ibuprofen and went in. I was on a cherry picker forklift and when I looked all the way up (maybe 20 minutes into my shift) the muscles in my neck were so swollen they cut off the blood to my brain. I almost passed out and in an effort to keep from falling I pulled backwards on the forklift controls. When I stumbled out of the forklift my foot came off the switch and it stopped. Had the switch not been there I would've been run over. Nobody showed up for about 4 minutes after that, so even if it was just a leg or two I would have bled to death.
Whoever died for that switch to become common place saved my life.
Gratz on living. Beats legless and bleeding out.
Thanks. Life definitely takes twists and turns, but you can't follow them and learn to flourish if you die in a freezer warehouse
Fuckin’ sage
Lol
Kudos to you for making the best of a shitty situation.
And holy hell do we need better worker protection/labor laws.
Yeah I should've just seen a doctor the next day but I thought I could tough it out.
We do need better laws but we also need to eliminate the term "cost of living" because then I would have just been able to go to a doctor and come back when I was healthy.
A lot of times the story is that you used a machine with a dead man switch for ten years and never got hurt or killed. There a good chance you wouldn't even know how close you got.
But how will I clear stuck branches while it’s running?
That's what your 6 year old is for, of course!
I don't think he'd fit
The children yearn for the mulchers
this is one of those instances I'd actually recommend against gloves lol if I had to use this I'd be naked and without gloves with my head shaved so there nothing that a branch can catch and drag me in
That actually wouldn't even be that hard to redneck-engineer. Just need to put a big-ass-fuck-you flywheel between the motor and the cutting wheel, controlled by a belt clutch on a handle on the OUTPUT end of the cutter. So that the cutting tool is only connected to the torque when the operator tightens a belt.
Any junkyard could get you an appropriate flywheel. A truck tire/wheel would do, and the hub mounts and bearings are easy to source.
Or, a momentary switch on the electric motor would work too. Hold down the switch to make the tool move. Put the switch out of reach of the material going in.
My first idea is more fun to think about, though.
I feel like a bigass rednecked flywheel and open belts is just going to relocate the mortal peril slightly.
I didn't say I wanted to be around the rednecked version, but I want video.
I see absolutely no safety hazards here. Inspection passed!
The safety inspector
my crew wouldn't last a half day..
No cover, nothing to stop the machine once you inevitably get sucked in. This is chipping gone wild
It’s not chipping, though, is it? I’d call it chunking, and it scares me more than the chipper we used at my last arborist gig ever did.
Relevant but only a lil, our single tech was missing two fingers on his dominant hand. I didn’t work for the company long lolol
I wouldn't keep it, but I also wouldn't sell it.
"I would hoard the fuck outta that thing!"
Serious "Russian Lathe" vibes.
Lmao…
Never know when you'll need to mulch a body
Definitely a “catapult it into the sun” scenario.
https://preview.redd.it/dku0yd9nua5g1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bef5624afa1d385097c27f762ee3eca49912697f
The first time a branch hooks your glove or sleeve you're f'ed.
I almost lost it with that one. I would be shoving branches in with another branch from afar if I had to use this thing for some reason
man I think I would be throwing the branches and still pushing them with another stick... also im def not wearing sleeves or gloves or anything that could get snagged
coed naked chipping team represent ✊
Pretty much how I run chippers that do have all the safety mechanisms in good order.
Looser fitting leather gloves (I find that one size up to XL is the best, as they are still snug enough not to catch on stuff, but will slide off with relative ease) and whenever possible, just yeet the material into the drum.
Yeah, same. It would also be simple for this to be modified with a foot switch on a long cord that has to be depressed full time for it to run.
I wouldn't touch that with a 10' branch!
What are ya worried about, they’re cut proof gloves…
I almost got pulled into one of those road side diesel wood chippers when I was working with a fire crew in California..
I was normally part of a BLM wild lands crew from Nevada but these dudes needed some help felling and chipping some trees on the Cali side of reno so I volunteered and my sleeve got stuck on a branch and man it pulled me on quick.. I was doing everything I could to unstick my sleeve but..
I was about 3-4 inches from that same blade before someone finally hit the emergency stop... I didn't volunteer ever again after that day.. haha!
I work with full size chippers pretty often, and I’ve gotten clothing/gloves/my whole body (bittersweet vines, go figure) snagged before, but you learn a few tricks along the way that all but guarantee you won’t get sucked in. It all pretty much boils down to keeping a good center of balance and strong legs so whatever gets snagged will rip, instead of pulling you in. I always put myself to the left side of the opening and brace against the reverse bar if I have to, so any vines or branches would just snap. And just being careful is the main one. Stay aware, watch for trip hazards which build up pretty quickly by the mouth of the chipper, make sure the guy behind you doesn’t try to throw a 20 foot tree in there without making sure you were out of the way first (Fucking Andy, I swear to god he’s lucky I never saw him again)
Fuck Andy! 🤣
This is why I only use them in the buff
Oh hey you were working in my neck of the woods. Thank you for your time fighting fires, we appreciate you.
That’s why he has that tiny, hard to throw switch off to the side…
Had a branch hook my hardhat once and pulled that motherfucker right into the chipper. Foreman thought I died when pieces of my hardhat were flying out the other end 🤣🤣
That’s the kind of prank that you pull on your foreman when it’s your last day of work. And by that, I mean that if you pull that prank on your foreman, it will be your last day at work.
Idiot hands yearn for the chipper
I initially read your comment as "fed" and, yep, that works too.
I read this as “fed” as in fed to the machine: and it made sense.
Dude probably shouldn’t be using gloves to begin with. Same reason you don’t use gloves while using a drill press
You don't wear gloves with this type of machine for that reason. Takes a finger tip not your entire torso.
I’m a big fan of all the innovation around safety guards.
safety is for ten fingered wimps
My 8 fingered father says that all the time
Sawstop installed. We good.
Who needs arms anyways
that’s why we got two of em
It's been a doozy of a day officer, these college kids just showed up and threw themselves into my wood chipper
Damnit what’s that from?? Tucker and Dale?
Indeed
Classic.
"Showed up and started killing themselves all over my property!"
Gotta be one of the funniest lines in cinema ever.
Dudes hand was waaaaaay too close on the second load
Just make a fist and you'll be fine
It needs an e-stop right on top of the motor or near the blade at least
Discount circumcisions available upon request.
Do not put your dick near that
r/dontputyourdickinthat
At least half off!
Kill switch on lanyard attached to your shirt
The white thing might be
OSHA would like a word…
OSHA!!?? Nobody from OSHA ever comes back from THIS job site. Nobody knows where they go!
Has anybody seen my buddy Steve? Last name Bushemi?
All this video is missing is a dude with sandals .
Should have a foot pedal control.
Yeah. Maybe two pedals and need to be standing on both for it to activate. Full stop as soon as you lose your balance and come off of one of the pedals. Maybe then I’ll give it a go.
Is that your friend in the wood chipper
They were kinda funny looking
Was posted on r/oddlysatisfying - more like r/oddlyterrifying
r/amputationgonewild
I'm so fucked up I clicked it..
This makes me flaccid
I need one of these.
I know I’m going to get downvoted, but it’s cheap and gets the job done.
I would weld a 8 foot box on it. So there is about 3.5 feet on the front and back. So some dumb ass does not stick their arm in there.
There's a few companies that make branch loggers with actual guards and safety features. Some of the bigger ones claim to chunk up an 8" log. Best looking ones I've seen up close are from Arpal. They always look like they'll shake themselves to death within a few hours though
Keep your hands and feet away from the apparatus.
Most stupidly dangerous contraption I’ve seen in a long time
What do I think? I think it’s f’ing awesome but should only be used with no kids around.
Or people
Nah I would use that all the time
Agreed - I want one. But I would feed from further back than in the video.
Murphy’s law is a bitch…..
"Safe" wood chippers have an absurdly high number of injuries. This one had to have been made for a scene of Final Destination 32
Looks more like a Saw contraption to me.
If I showed up to help a buddy and he broke out The Amputator here I'd unapologetically Nope out of that place.
I've done sketchy stuff, but I'm not about to do that.
I worked for a tree trimmer for a summer, and the number of times people hang a glove or a sleeve on brush going into the hopper surprised me. That handle got pulled more times than I would've expected - to keep somebody from going prosthetic shopping. I can't fathom free ballin like this yahoo.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
you beat me by a minute
Safety is not an option on this machine.
This was my thought too. You’d have to be super vigilant and treat it like it has a mind of its own and wants to kill you but damn is it super effective.
Also, spiral out 🌀
Bold as fuck to wear gloves and long sleeves. I’ll take the cuts to my hands in order to avoid getting snagged on a branch that is getting sucked into a death trap
My first thought was “wow, that’s terrifying”
My second thought was, “I wonder where I can get one”
What happens when a thorn snags your lower tricep or your shirt snags on a snapped branch
Fucking terrifying
This video has a very high pucker factor - I have broken out in a sweat.
Oh good! I was looking for a way to make a wood chipper MORE dangerous!
could do serious work on some chives
Everything reminds me of her. Sigh.
Y’all have never been around dangerous equipment and it shows lol
I for one, will be making one of these as soon as I get some time off!
Anyone else watch this on mute and fill in cookie monster noises without realizing it?
I feel unsafe being this close to it
Keep your hands further back!
Awesome, but absolutely fuck that. I've been to dark corners of the internet, and I intend to stay on this side of those interactions. Aint nobody watching me go through one of these cuz I wont be 100 feet from it.
This is so dangerous that id rather not even have one or have a friend have one. Regardless of any useful attributes
Some folks'll never lose a hand but then again some folks'll...
OSHA NOT approved
Just needs a conveyor belt at the back, and it's perfect.
seemslikeanoshaviolation
I love it. I need one of these bastards. Hell yeah.
Sketchy.
I see you dangerous wood chipper and raise you this dangerous firewood splitter
https://youtu.be/3ks_lbtgJSw?si=z-LKnujtDbxxM4xT
Nope
The brief second the gloved hand enters the frame of the camera made me nervous af.
His hands got about 16 feet too close to that.
They made a sequel to "The Mangler"?
My uncle Stumpy made one of those
Holy Fargo
DONTPUTYOURDICKINTHAT
Bro, save some safety features for the rest of us.
“Jimmy was supposed to bring the cover for this thing, but he died in a mysterious “body was ground into hamburger” accident…”
Perfect time to wear my wood cutting cape!
Don’t worry, he has on his safety gloves
Holy crap my sphincter could finally chill when the time reached 0:00. Posted in this sub I was sure something horrific was going to happen.
No way I would get my hands close, like the operator did. But I would really love to have it.
Needs googly eyes
Perfect for pedos
Finger, fingers, hand, wrist, forearm chop, chop!!!
Take it from Bob, the one armed wood chipper salesman.
So this is what we’re missing out on because of shackles like consumer lawsuits, insurance safety regulations and standards. One can dream.
The final destination writers taking furious notes
Combination de-limber* and woodchipper!
*De-limbing function only applies to humans, not lumber
The Widow Maker 5000
Almost a chipper, more like a chopper
Get the glove or arm of your shirt stuck in a twig and suddenly this thing eats your arm all the way to your shoulder. Should have a big emergency stop button.
Someone weld some googly eyes on this thing.
That your partner there in the wood chipper?
As effective as it is dangerous.
I'd like to see someone put a pig's or cow's leg into that.
“I find your lack of safety mechanisms disturbing!”
If the Ukrainians mounted these to their ground-based drone dogs, the war would be over in a week!
“Clever girl!”
Should only run on a dead man switch, this is absolutely bonkers
Yea that looks incredibly dangerous. You would hope that your arm rips out at the shoulder if you get caught, because I've seen some fucking awful lathe videos that turn entire humans into meat rugs. This would not be as quick, and therefore an unimaginably horrifying way to die. Maybe slightly better than being disemboweled and eaten alive by an apex predator. The best you could hope for is that the engine stalls when it gets to your torso, but honestly I think at that point I'd rather be dead.
Sorry what I said is so gruesome, but this machine shouldn't exist.