Just wanted to chime in and say these responses are fantastic...thank you all for contributing your experiences, advice, suggestions, etc. Powerful shit!

OP, there's nothing I can say any better than the stuff already floating around here but to share a little. I have read about trips, taken plenty of them (years back) and abused alcohol for most of my adolescent-adult life (nearly 2 years sober now, 35ish...um...pretty not). Your situation is intriguing. I've just never heard of one quite like it, but I truly feel for ya. Bottom line: shake the booze and watch your life reassemble. It's not overnight, but it's apparent, ongoing and deeply rewarding.

If you have any lingering interest in psychedelics after this (not sure I would honestly...a second hand bad trip seems even more daunting than the real thing in some respects), enter it gradually and formulate your own experiences. You can't deep dive another's inner framework, let alone access their portal to a vast, perhaps limitless universe through their words alone...like, not at all. It just doesn't work that way. As it sounds like you've learned the incredibly hard way.

The awareness of existence you're terrified of isn't yours. No wonder it feels terrifying.

I really do suspect the night and day shift you'll feel by shaking the alcohol will put you squarely on the path to finding yourself again. Reevaluate your interest (or lack thereof) in trip at that point.

*Edit - Just feel like I should point out, I don't go around doing the, "I had to quit drinking, so everybody else should too shit." I'm very much, to each their own...live and let live. It had stunted my growth and development as a human. From your post, I fear it's doing that to you too. I don't want that for you dude.

Feel better soon man. You've got this.

I honestly think you would benefit from a DMT trip at this point, homie. Not salvia, but at least some mushrooms. Damn. Get outside. It ain't that bad. I don't know where you are but if you're near some mountains or something just go out, go on an adventure and embrace this wild ride. Yeah existence is a trip but we're in it and we might as well enjoy it. You do have creative and manifesting abilities so if you manifest this dystopian prison planet existential crisis constantly in your mind, that's what it's going to feel like day in and day out. You may be B and D vitamin deficient too, you need sun, you need air.. get out, man...

And maybe I take that back, you don't need a DMT trip.. I have been in that space and honestly it is terrifying, and you see the layers of reality in ways most people never do or will.. I wouldn't recommend it in your headspace. But I would say, instead of reading trip reports - do deep dives on reality itself, ancient history, texts, megaliths... hidden and suppressed knowledge (Thoth, gnostic texts, Dead Sea scrolls, the Vedic texts like the mahabaratta etc.).. don't get too sucked into conspiracy or mindf*ck material, but embrace the journey of curiosity and discovery because you're living in a VERY interesting universe and you absolutely are creating your own reality.. you can make it your own personal heaven, take the good with the bad and the unsettling.. or you can create your own hell of your own making.. which do you want? Set your intent, and ask for higher spiritual guidance.. a lot of us were EXACTLY where you are now and it's all part of the journey..

As for alcohol.. that's a tough one. I would say, make it your mission to cut down and ultimately quick. That stuff is poison. Speaking as a former alcoholic, severe, listerine drinking alcoholic who followed that poison to the streets... I've been through the darkness and emerged, still have my own challenges but it's nothing like it was. If you can make it through this, things will begin to clear up and you can start your real purpose, and more will be revealed.. just work on healing YOU now.. ask spirit to remove that which does not serve you, and heal that which needs to be healed.. You might need detox, man.. For real... I don't know you but if that's something you decide you're serious about quitting, I am always around to help walk you through it and tell you what I did.. all I got is my own experience, but this is your journey, I'm just here to tell you that you CAN overcome this mindf*ck and things can and will make more sense one day...

Enjoy the ride.. First things first, get off the sauce.. make a vision for your life, and get after it.. and best believe, there's help in the unseen realms waiting for you to ask for it.

Create your own reality! Everything you’ve read about others trips were just that, OTHERS trips. Not your reality. Watch comedies! Focus your mind on whatever you love to do that is positive to for you. Things are never as good or as bad as we think they are. And step away from “Social” media for a bit!

Have you actually tripped yourself? If not, maybe you need to give it a shot and see for yourself what's what. There's also ways of using certain psychedelics to treat addictions like alcohol. Ibogaine is one of them. Look into it and see if that might help you.

Start by getting sober in AA.

You need to pull yourself together! Before you became aware, everything was fine, right? Now that you have new information, which is actually quite good, why go completely crazy like most people who claim to be aware? You need to pull yourself together, become smarter, and adapt to the new information! In any case, you're never going to die! But what if you lose it and go crazy? You'll be erased like all those people who are afraid of their own nature! 👽

If you dont mind me sharing my limited understanding of what you have posed to all of us:

Its important to recognize that the things people say about their experience WILL be:

1) fundamentally based on their preconceived notions of reality (a Christian who takes mushrooms is 99% of the time going to come out the other end as more christian- they most likely will not see "the matrix"

2) you are trying to wrap your head around something that is completely impossible to understand by the fact that everything all of us do is subjective. When we try to explain these places we go while tripping (especially DMT) its damn impossible to share a comprehensive view.

So, I suggest you start listening to the many podcast Dr. Andrew Gallimore has started doing after releasing his new book "Death by Astonishment". It is an amazing book so far where he details how we found DMT and extracted it, its origins in the jungle of South America, and what he, as a neuroscientist, has studied and expounded upon as to what the substance is, and what it does to your experience. He brings it back from the whole "meta-hyperexestential" "god conciousness" thing, to something MUCH stranger. But in a way that actually makes sense to me through my experiences. I have one on one of my posts awhile ago, and it changed my whole life view. Fucking wild, and im grateful for the things I experienced. But an outsider reading what I wrote would potentially be quite scared, shocked, all that. What needs to be put into context though, is that you have no experience of my life, so you can not understand what the experience actually meant to me.

Alcohol depresses and detaches you, but it doesn't actually take those feelings away. And that is what I have come to face when I quit slamming a handle of vodka a day, 2 years ago, and even tonight I took a benzo due to a stressful week, but the thing is that while it helps the physical response a good bit, it doesn't stop my heart from beating, and sending electrical signals that hit my brain and body and say "hey, something is bothering me". Until I allow those feelings I wish to suppress, to express themselves in a way that treats and heals me, I will do what I have done many times, get higher and higher hoping that the next one will finally give me the relief or time I need. But it won't.

I will leave this here, but will not say anymore about it because it is a very personal decision: psychedelics are not as scary as they seem, the true fear for me comes from the fact that I will almost unquestionably be confronted with the things I care about most, and the things I choose to hide from the world. Which means that I can learn from the medicine, which is how these things can be treated, and when they are done so in that context, they have been on the list of the most meaningful times of my life. All alone, electronics turned off in the middle of the night, and the love of the universe sharing itself with me. Forgiving me, and telling me "It's gonna be okay, but, bitch right now you're gonna see and understand what you have been doing, I love you still. Stop it."

I think ontological shock isn't the root cause I think it's alcohol

Did you ever have any luck trying absurdism? In essence, even if the world is fake, a giant play with many masks of the same entity, or a similar framing, you can still define your own meaning within it.

I went through this too. Same exact feeling although for a different reason. My OCD triggered severe shock and panic and I could not function. I started the lowest dose of Zoloft after resisting for so long. I’m alive again. Zoloft helps with rumination and OCD. I was resistant to medications for various reasons but I needed to do this to become myself again and that’s worth the most.

Will offer some advice but follow it only if it resonates with you. Be still and breathe deeply and slowly into your heart as often as you can. In the morning when you wake up and at night before sleep is good. Try to get a bit of time to do it around midday also. It doesn't have to be long. If you can spare a few minutes for it, that is still good. Consistency is more important than long sessions.

Lighten your diet and uncomplicate it as much as you can. Eat only that which makes you feel expanded and in a good state of being. Consider leaving meat behind but that is a completely personal decision.

Drink lots of clean water, as much as you need.

Whenever you feel tired, rest without guilt. As much as you need whenever you need.

Spend time in nature. Walk barefoot on soil and grass. Touch trees and mentally greet them and ask for their support. Sit with them for a while if you're up to it.

Spend time with animals if you're up to it. Treat them lovingly and respectfully.

Spend time with the sun. Open yourself up to it's light and mentally ask for her guidance. Be open hearted about it.

Live and speak your truth as often as you can.

Be as loving and compassionate and supportive of others as you can.

These are some practices that build inner alignment and heart-mind-body coherence.

You carry a lot of fear patterns built-up from this life and most likely previous ones. This is why you have a fearful interpretation of information as you awaken. People with less fear patterns would see this same information in a positive way.

Your patterns will pass with time. You just need to let your awakening unfold and pass through these necessary stages. The alignment practices help.

Please take the advice of checking into a hospital. Walk in tell them you are suicidal and don't want to be alone.

They will or should take great care of you. Don't even need to talk about it. Don't worry about anything but the NOW. Stop thinking about the future for a while. Focus on eating, sleeping, and exercising. Most of us here have been right where you are now. Please just ride it out.

No shame whatsoever going into the "spa" for help, my friend. I've done it, and it saved my life. You did nothing wrong, so ask for help, and you will get it. Please, there is a very beautiful and exciting life that we have yet to discover. Don't give up!

Ontological shock to this degree might have triggered some psychosis for you. OCD can trigger episodes like this, I hope you will consider seeking some support. I believe and have experienced things similar to the trip reports you read, and I even believe that this realm is meant to hold and recycle our consciousness against our will.

That doesn’t stop me from living life to the best of my ability. I think that if you’re struggling this much it has caused you clinical disassociation or depersonalization. You deserve to feel safe and happy again, and I’m sorry that it’s difficult for you to accept that reality differed from the material existence we have been trained to believe in

Also, many mental illnesses can be triggered around 30, it’s possible you may be having a manic or schizophrenic episode triggered by your ontological shock.

You need help from a Dr. This can get better.

Here’s my opinion- I don’t understand why in the world people think doing drugs ( that cause you to HALLUCINATE ) show you more about your soul, let’s you figure out the secrets to life/universe or even meet God… is ridiculous to me.

People see dinosaurs chasing them when on acid. That doesn’t mean that dinosaurs are really chasing them or there is some deeper meaning to be found. Nope, it’s your mind reacting to drugs.

All these people who have went on these “trips” that end up telling them the “truth” about existence….they have done the same thing as you- they have listened or read about other peoples experiences. When you do that, it’s stuck in your mind and it’s going to reflect itself in whatever trip a person takes. So they all see similar things. Point- people hear about other people’s drug induced hallucinations and have similar experiences. You are taking that as “well many people have said so…. It must be the TRUTH.” You have OCD. You need a psychiatrist and a therapist. This can get better. To do so though, you need to get off the internet and groups like this one here. You need real help from someone who has the education, experience and ABILITY to actually HELP you for a mental health issue. You can get better. But, you’ve got to quit taking people’s drug induced hallucinations as facts. It’s hurting you. You got this. You can get better.

I really hope that the moderators here don’t hate on me and erase this- thinking I’m a non believer. That’s not true. But this person needs medical help and needs it from a professional.

A lot of great advice in this thread. One thing I have to say specifically is that if you are a “daily drinker” alcoholic, DO NOT try to stop cold turkey, and if you start stepping down gradually, look into what those plans entail. Alcohol detox is hard on the body and kills MANY people, but if you can go to a hospital or ER, they can help assist so you do it safely and under supervision. You don’t have to share details about the trip reports, all you have to say is “I’m an alcoholic, I drink X amount per day, and I really want to stop.” They will make sure you stay hydrated, don’t have a seizure, etc.

And even if all the trip reports are true and reality is not what you thought, it can still be good and beautiful. It can all still be okay. I say this as someone who had a complete break from reality and came back. Sending you lots of love. 💜✨

Hi, I'm really sorry about your experience and I sincerely hope you find your inner peace. When I read about these things I am relieved there is more than this physical existence. There is more than living in a world stuffed with corporate greed and corruption.

I've also done a lot of psychedelics myself, so I take the reports a little differently when I read them. My personal experiences have been eye opening and not scary at all. More like unlocking secrets we weren't supposed to find. I am drawn to the beauty in nature now.

I also don't hear a lot of people talk about Salvia or its effects, and it is one of the most powerful psychedelics I've ever taken. (I haven't tried DMT yet). The last salvia trip I had has left me wondering if I experienced a past life or alternate reality. Can you refer me to a place where I can read more about salvia experiencers?

(For me, it was LSD that gave me the 'behind the curtains' of reality)

Ontological shock is real and its a bitch. You can come out the other side of it though. I suggest getting medical help. Medications helped me and therapy. God speed.

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What you're describing sounds like derealization, and it's a defense mechanism that kicks in when you're experiencing a lot of anxiety or depression. I went through that myself, and now I'm much better. I recommend connecting with things that bring you joy, enjoyment, and love. Little by little, reality will feel more real.

I think we live in a kind of holographic simulation, but that doesn't mean the world, experience, and existence aren't real; it just means reality is much broader. I wish you all the best, and alcohol makes things worse—I'm telling you this from my own experience. Hang in there!

You need to go to rehab to get off the alcohol. And then, stay off the fucking internet. Please.

This is depersonalization/derealization disorder. You are feeling dissociated and anxious and hyper fixating on these philosophical ideas and it makes the dissociation worse. You feel like your inner sense of self is like lagged behind reality a little bit, and the real world seems almost far away or hazy like a dream. This feeling triggers physical panic attacks and you start ruminating about how you aren't real/nothing is real. İt's not inherently related to OCD even though it might feel similar.

This happened to me after i smoked weed as a teenager. You are probably right to avoid weed in particular. İt lasted about a year, getting better towards the end. People who have this happen to them usually have it resolve on their own. Psychiatrists know about this disorder.

Nothing about what you described is unique to your experience, even though you are probably very much in your own head right now.

The best thing to do is to spend your time around people and staying as busy as possible. Things that really stimulate your physical senses help your brain to dissociate less. Going out and having fun will help this to resolve faster. Sometimes when it was really bad I would eat hot peppers because the pain would sometimes make me feel a little more real if that makes sense. İt only kinda worked.

Alcohol helps because it kills anxiety but in the long term it will make it worse when it comes to if you get addicted, also alcohol causes rebound anxiety so be aware. No judgement i have been known to have a drinking problem myself.

Look up depersonalization/derealization disorder on wikipedia. You can get help for this and it will probably go away on its own over time. İ am guessing you may have had something traumatic happen to you in your life and it puts the brain into the perfect mode to do this shit if it feels stressed or something. İt's supposed to be a defense mechanism but instead you are like living in like a mental purgatory of philosophical ruminating and having anxiety attacks.

A lot of people are suggesting trying DMT yourself, or psilocybin or other psychedelics - this is probably the worst thing you could do in the state that you’re in. I’ve had bad trips and they are Hell. Literally. There’s some suggestion of microdosing which I’ve also tried but it didn’t resolve anything for me. I started using drugs and drinking as a young teenager and while I did have brief stretches of sobriety, I didn’t fully stop drinking until 6 years ago. My last drug use was 22 months back.

Out of everything I’ve used - and I was a heroin addict - alcohol is the most damaging, and the hardest to quit. It destroys your body and mind faster than any other substance. People have said this but I have to reiterate - everything you’re going through is massively magnified by the drink. It changes the structure of your brain and prevents you from absorbing the nutrients and vitamins that allow your brain to function normally. If you stop early enough, the damage is reversible. And it is without a doubt contributing in a large way to your anxiety and panic. Alcohol can cause psychosis even without underlying mental health issues. The searing fear I’d get each morning before I’d got enough drink in me was immense - because intense anxiety is part of the withdrawal symptoms. And it’s one of the first withdrawal symptoms that show up.

Stopping cold can be dangerous if you’ve been drinking daily for a long time. You need a reduction plan, or to check into a detox centre. And you do need a plan, with a support system. It can take up to two years for the body to fully recover from alcohol addiction.

You should see a psychiatrist. They can help you. Your ocd maybe out of control because of anxiety.

Hey OP,

I've been where you are, before. I have been diagnosed with OCD, Autism, ADHD, C-PTSD, and Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I struggled with alcoholism when I was in my 20s. It was my escape from the reality I found to be hellish.

You can learn to manage these and have a better quality of life. It takes work, but its possible to have a healthier and happier life.

Firstly, OCD, C-PTSD, etc, are anxiety disorders. Alcohol gives you anxiety. By drinking you are fuelling the anxiety. Quitting is difficult, but once you have stopped drinking for a while, you'll realise alcohol can cause and enhance anxiety especially if you suffer with anxiety disorders. Please stop drinking. It will be hard but its an important first step to beating this.

Second, I've done DMT, LSD, and mushrooms. Many times, and been around many people who have done them. Everyone's experience differs. I would suggest reading about happy/good experiences and avoiding the ones that cause anxiety. I could tell you many stories of things that have happened. In one evening I moved through the cosmos, witnessing the stars and the planets birth and die, whilst my friend saw a circus and spoke with a jester. We did the same thing in the same room. Peoples experiences vary.

If you can afford it, therapy will do wonders for you. If you can not afford it, you can do other things for yourself. If you can't go outside, sit in your doorway and watch the birds and the bees, look at the way the clouds filter the sunlight, admire how the light plays in the trees. After a few days, try sitting one or two steps outside and doing this. Every so often, go a little further. If you have someone who can do it with you, have them do that. You will need to push yourself a little and it will be scary at first, but its worth it.

Gradually reintroduce yourself to this wonderful world. My anxiety made me agoraphobic at one stage. I was unable to open my front door without someone standing with me. Now, I have a relatively normal life where I take my dog out regularly to parks and just sit in nature.

I believe in you OP. Don't let the anxiety beat you down and take your life away. Fight it and create a life you love and that you feel is worth living. Peace and strength to you 🤍

Sounds like someone needs to try a little psilocybin. Seriously, it’ll help you put those other reports together in a somewhat coherent manner. And put your existence into perspective. For the love of god, quit drinking, it’s doing the exact opposite of what we need you for.

Look up the channel coming home on YouTube.. it’s about people’s near death experiences. You’re welcome

I think you need closure doing a trip might help fix your loop of negativity but you need to actively do other things also .. !

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think it’s less important to try to rationalize and stress over figuring out what reality is, and more important to stabilize. It sounds like you are experiencing some pretty heavy anxiety.

There are many ways to begin improving your mental health. IMO it’s safest to reach out to a doctor or therapist who can meet with you regularly and help you find solid ground. You don’t have to take my advice, but medication has helped me so much.

Regardless of what the truth of the world is, you are still literally a human and you are struggling and your brain and body are asking for help. Give yourself the love and attention you need and reach out for an ally in this.

I have had similar issues/loops with my OCD and it caused me to isolate so I could ruminate and try to "solve" my thoughts which caused me fear/panic because I could not. A loop that never comes to a conclusion. You cannot come to a "final" conclusion about reality and God etc. Any final conclusion one has claimed to know on drugs or not, is simply their own thought. It is NOT the ultimate answer or truth. Just because their state was altered doesn't mean they found out the absolute truth about existence. It's all still filtered through a human mind. We don't know ultimate truths because we're not supposed to in this reality. What ultimately helped me was zoloft. It somehow stopped the panic cycle and made it nearly impossible to panic when thinking about things that used to cause me to pretty much disassociate. My OCD fes itself on the fear and panic. Without them, the matrix of the thought/fear/panic/try to solve it loop ended. The fear is what keeps it going. Also, saying "so what" Or " I don't know and that's ok" helps. And lastly, realizing that people experience ALL kinds of shit tripping. It does not mean it's the final be all end all truth of truths. It was an experience they had via their own himan filter. Usually highly distorted because of our limited ability to understand such vast concepts. Find some help for your OCD. SSRI's are highly effective.

Just because someone said some shit on the internet DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE bro! Quit drinking you’re destroying your brain, your nervous system & your ability to be happy & feel fulfilled. Go outside, help others, get off the internet and stop believing everything you read especially dumb shit people hallucinate on drugs. Best wishes ❤️

Try dmt then

Go volunteer in your community for people in need. Find some purpose in your week that is outside of yourself. You have so much more power than you’re giving yourself credit for. Read books to senior citizens, walk a neighbors dog, volunteer at a food pantry. Sometimes we become so insular in these topics that we forget that- real or false- this life is good and we can do good with it. Power up ✌️

Is there any chance you have autism as well as OCD? I also do this and I’m autistic. I’m not sure why I do it but I think the trip reports more just confirm how I felt about reality already. That everything has something very systematic and almost mechanic underlying just beneath the surface.

Edit: Again, I could have written this, especially in my 20s. Never touched salvia in my life but have been obsessed with trip reports about it. People living entire other lives, becoming inanimate objects, the wheel, conveyor belts, doors, etc!

Dude..It aint that brutal...Life is not a puzzle to figure out..Life is YOU..putting yourself Out there..(As scary as thit may be)...and Forging Ahead...Fuck those that dis respect those of us, that are different. But just know,.. you must keep "Inserting yourself into humanity.

THAT is growth..

.But above all..develope respect for all of those that are not on your path...........we are all...on our own path.

in the "In between"..all will be clear...

just hang in,and do the best you can.

Happy xmas and be GREAT! for your new year..

Bad times will pass..Count on it.

Stop tripping and reading about tripping..its a fricken DEAD END..trust me.I know.

you're probably not gonna like hearing this, and i know because i've struggled and still struggle with addiction myself, but you need to stop hitting the sauce so hard. if you have any kind of mental health condition (which by your admission, you do), heavy substance abuse is going to make it worse long-term. in my own experience i get intense rebound anxiety from alcohol, and with you already having OCD you could just be creating a vicious cycle of giving yourself anxiety by drinking, drinking more to relieve that anxiety, and so on. don't quit cold turkey though, as unlike most other drugs sudden withdrawal from GABAergics like alcohol can be deadly

I’m sorry to hear how you’re suffering. There is some truth to what you are saying. But the key that I believe you’re missing is that you create your own reality. Existence with free will is choose your own adventure. You are choosing to live your life the way you’re living it. Perhaps it’s time to imagine your “Heaven on earth” and start creating that. What have you always wanted? What would be your perfect reality? I would also suggest meditation, since you seemed to be overwhelmed by the prospect of the simulation. Meditation, when practiced extensively, allows you to log out so to speak, the goal being pure presence, and the unified oneness with all. I would also suggest quitting alcohol, as it has been sold and normalized for the masses to lower frequency, in which these heightened states of peace, calmness, and bliss are practically unattainable. I would begin to explore your realizations with curiosity, though trust me, I understand the terror one can feel when awakening. Your mind can either be a garden or a prison. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to pursue a heaven state or hell state within it.

It's all about perception. If you were able to fully control your dreams, what would you do?

Now, if you believe that this is the fake world created by entities on the other side, why not live out your dreams here?

did it ever occur to you that the salvia reports of reality and the dmt reports of reality are in contradiction to each other? so at least one of those versions of reality is nonsense, maybe both

Therapy might help, if you are able to afford it please look into it. I am well aware of these things as well, but it was done in a gradual way. Not everybody is fit to know these things, especially in a short time span. I think that's why psychedelics were heavily regulated in the past, it's not smart to let children realize these things when they are not ready. I used to be an alcoholic, it doesn't help, trust me. It is a depressant, it will only magnify your fears and anxiety. Cold turkey won't be the way for you, but having hobbies is a great way of taking your mind off these things and or slowly decrease your alcoholic consumption.

So what if none of this is real? You know you're a god, then why not see that aspect of the situation? We have the ability to manifest anything, albeit it can take years to come into your physical life. We are able to manipulate energy, use this for good. Just because it isn't real doesn't make it any less beautiful. Yes, there's so much horror going on in the world BUT there is also beauty- you just gotta look.

I know it's scary and depressing. But if you knew there was more to all this, especially good things, wouldn't you want to keep going? I think being a human is one of the hardest things a god can be, you forget who you are and you get to go through life trying to find yourself only to realize that you've always been enough. It's a fucked up game of hide and seek. Don't focus on the dark side of things, you gotta see the other side of the coin. You seem to be very into learning, that's a beautiful thing. Look into Spirituality, that basically tells you the same thing but with ways to ground yourself and see things in a different light.

Dear friend, listen please. I promise you, you have not fucked up your life or sanity from reading these things. These substances never permanently alter you. They only open up doors of understanding, aka, help you see things in a new way. That, in an of itself, does not mean you are fucked up forever or insane.

My girlfriend used to have extreme anxiety too. I assure you; there is a cure and it's very simple. I hear you that you are experiencing many negative emotions, BUT, and it's a big butt: you are assuming emotions = truth, which they do not. If that were true, then that would mean hatred and anger are true. You know they are not.

Let's break this down for you. Where do emotions come from? Here is the pecking order of things.

What you THINK comes from what you FEEL.

What you FEEL comes from what you BELIEVE.

And what you BELIEVE comes from what you CHOOSE.

Belief is a choice. Belief is meaning you choose to assign. So all of these negative emotions you are feeling, are actually just indicators that you are CHOOSING to BELIEVE in things that are negative and do not serve you. These negative beliefs are causing you to feel anxiety, and to feel broken and sad. But remember, emotions are not true, so you are not actually broken and sad. Emotions are only indicators in what you believe. So if an emotion feels wrong, that means you have a belief that's wrong.

The issue is this: you are not actually robbed of your 20s, YOU ARE ONLY BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE ROBBED OF YOUR 20s. Difference. You're only making bad choices in your beliefs.

Here's a negative belief you are displaying in your post: "I believe I am powerless". You genuinely believe this. Wholeheartedly. And yet the only reason you believe it, is because you have chosen to.

Let me ask you honestly, what do you get from believing that you are powerless? What will choosing to believe in that make you think and feel about yourself? Just list the answers honestly. Don't be afraid. You will be okay. But list and answer honestly.

You will find, that believing you are powerless will never serve you or benefit you under any circumstances. So..... how does that make you feel about that belief? How does it make you feel, knowing you are choosing to believe in something that holds you back and doesn't serve you or benefit you? How does it feel to know that you choose to believe you are powerless because you think it benefits you?

I hope your mind is starting to question this now. Because, if you truly process that you are choosing to believe you are powerless because you think it benefits you, you will immediately hear the contradiction in that. There is no benefit from believing you are powerless.

So, don't.

Just say you won't, and move on. Replace it with a version of the belief that is true, that does benefit you. Probably something along the lines of "I believe nothing overpowers me because I can always choose to be powerful".

And if you think it can't be that simple, well, guess what; that's another negative belief. "I believe it can't be easy to fix these things." See what you need to do going forward?

You're only in the way of yourself. Get out of the way, and you'll find that life is beautiful and you are beautiful.

With love. You're fine.

Mental health issues can be contagious like a germ 🦠 , and if one person kicks off in an asylum the rest can too imo, why asylums aren’t that great.

Apply yourself to a hobby.

Hey, I totally get this. Alcohol is not helping fyi. It's something I have experienced as well but doing my own internal work and can be shocking, however, it's dangerous to do on your own. I suggest getting some mental health support. Your brain is on high alert and it can be hard to reason with that at times. Be gentle to yourself.

Yeah, I feel like we're not supposed to know. Our chemical brains are just not designed to understand reality at a higher level. Some people can handle it, but I can not, even though it fascinates me. I always gotta back off whenever I start getting weirded out, and just go touch grass or something.

If I was you, I'd think about getting on an anti-anxiety med. You gotta get your body feeling good. If you get the right chemicals going in your brain telling you everything is ok, this awareness you have will not feel as overwhelming, and it'll give you time to process it.

I hear you and I'm praying for you because I care and I want you to be happy.

Alcohol is having more of an i.pact on your life than you realize. Also, having visions and being stoned is two separate things.

When you're high, you're high and those aren't visions or truth. When it comes to meditation, clarity is the number one driver of staying grounded and knowing when something is good for you.

When you are stoned or whatever it can really mess you up.

Please consider checking into an inpatient psychiatric facility. There are some really good ones and it’s not like the movies at all OP. Psychiatric care could help you regain control of your life.

The problem is your thoughts. You have a mental program that's fixated on the simulation being what it is. But you're outside the simulation, and this life is just a game, an illusion full of plots and storylines. Just fuck it. But you can't, because you have a program that keeps your brain in a constant mental loop. I used to be like that too, but I changed my thinking habits. I control my mind.

The brain is a lot more changeable and "plasticene" than people know.. especially for empaths. I stopped reading that stuff after a certain point

Time to go on your own trip...I personally think they will help you overcome this addiction and learn to get past what your going through. What ever you choose to do , I hope you get the help you desire and uou find the strength to move foward. Good luck in your choosing and in your life...

I recommend EMDR therapy. And sobriety. Recognize you have severe OCD and you are experiencing distorted thinking. There is nothing to fear.

I know it sounds isolating and feels like you’re the only “crazy person letting this affect them,” but the entire reason I clicked on your post is that I could already tell it was OCD from the title, so I wanted to read it and let you know this was classic OCD if the post checked out.

So congratulations, you have OCD, but you knew that. No worries—SO many people have OCD and don’t know it, because it presents as depression, anxiety, alcoholism, etc., and most clinicians aren’t trained enough in the disorder to recognize it, which is crazy to me, but I digress.

OCD has been described as “an intolerance of uncertainty” and that sounds like what you’re going through.

The most important thing is that you accept—and FULLY EMBRACE that the life is WEIRD AS FUCK for anyone and anyTHING that has ever existed, or WILL ever exist.

There’s no “Oh, shit’s bizarre as fuck, but if I just numb myself out with booze or drugs, or kill myself, or badly cope in any other infinite number of ways, then I can avoid how fucked everything is”

NOPE. Every permutation of existence is real weird. And by drinking it away and staying in bed, you’re signaling to your brain, and also to the universe that you are resisting evolving and elevating your little piece of the hologram, so when this human experience of yours finishes, however it finishes, my guess is that you’ll just have to come back and try it again.

Maybe as you, maybe as something else. Idk I just work here 🤷

In fact, I would argue the weirdness interesting as fuck, and literal magic. And experiencing it is where much of the beauty of the human experience lies—knowing that it is fragile and uncertain and bizarre, but making yourself vulnerable and curious and doing it anyway.

A life locked away from possible risk isn’t really a life. That’s not what you’re here for. You’re supposed to wake up (to the wonder of the universe) and be enthralled, not paralyzed and terrified.

Think of it like this: you don’t go look at a beautiful sunset, knowing a little about science, and start freaking out, screaming “HOLY FUCK THERE IS A GIANT BALL OF FIRE IN THE SKY WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO CALM ABOUT THIS” like Tim Robinson

So stop doing it about everything else. Everything is weird as absolute fuck-all.

Ok end of part 1 lol. Part 2 is to address the OCD and alcoholism. you really need to stop drinking. r/stopdrinking is a hella supportive place so maybe check that out to start.

And basically the “cure” for OCD is to re-wire your brain by resolving to stop directing attention to those ruminative thoughts, even if they seem like the most important thing in the world, or a moral imperative, even.

Witness some OCD spirals you’ve had—they seem insurmountable, and that you can never move on with your life or deserve to be happy or content until you’ve resolved something, or figured something out—observe how that “thing” you were obsessed with will disappear once some bigger, seemingly more important thing comes along to be obsessed with.

Check out the work of Dr. Michael Greenberg. I would start by listening to his appearance on the OCD Stories Podcast ep. 252 Rumination is a Compulsion. This was the game-changer for me. He has a lot of free articles on his site, such as How to Stop Ruminating but I think the podcast does much better job of getting his ideas across.

That podcast changed my life in an hour.

Start there. Do it now :)

Calm down and see that it is all in your head. And you can change your mind anytime- always- now.

Your choices are either to take the plunge - mushrooms specifically - and hopefully get the medicine part of it (not alone, hire a sitter if you have to). This could help with OCD, anxiety, and alcoholism. Mushrooms basically cured my anxiety and took my OCD symptoms from moderate to minor.

Or you have to convince yourself all this is crazy nonsense and you have to study science and materialist debunks of this stuff and obsess over them until you believe them 

Or you can just relax into the alleged fakeness of it all. Why take it so seriously if you think it's all fake - just have fun.

Stop drinking. Try salvia if you want to see; it’s interesting but nothing it shows you should make you fall to pieces like that, start smoking if anything, whether everything is “real” or “unreal” ultimately doesn’t matter as it’s all the same to us experiencing it. Try to enjoy yourself mate, this is just a ride.

Listen to a band called Papadosio - look for a song called Oracle Theme. Let their jams wash over you. Let their words meet yours.

It's unconventional advice for an unconventional issue. At the very least I hope it helps. This sounds rough friend.

I would give yourself time but EVENTUALLY a light trip in a controlled environment MIGHT be a way to break free of the negative of it. Like a micro dose. I only say this because it sounds like you have only experienced the negative and dark side of the trip and certainly have only internalized those bits from what you've read. You can also try to meditate with bineural beats or something like that if you don't already.

I say this but do be careful no matter what you do as your mind is a precarious thing to do work with.

I smoked DMT last time in 2021 and yeah I totally understand why you have ontological shock, let me tell you. ITS GONNA GET CRAZIER, but we are not alone so don’t be afraid, every thing happens for a reason.

You're not powerless of anything. If your mind and body got you here in this shitty place, it can get you out again. What I've learned is there are multiple ways to exist in this paradigm. You can stay in the dregs of low vibratory thoughts (which is what "evil" desires) or You can elevate your awareness by practicing thoughts of love. 

 One truth is just a truth, and there are many on this planet. We humans have the choice to choose our truths, although we are taught and believe the opposite, and don't understand how much power we truly have. 

My advice if you'd like:

Start asking yourself so what? So what if reality is not "real"? So what if machines are controlling earth blah blah? So what if you're agoraphobic right now? Worrying about it is getting you nowhere. 

At the end of the day, we want to be loved and want to receive love. Start practicing love for yourself.  Let go of the need to egocially be god for now, your foundation is not ready.

If you can practice love for yourself first, and then love for the little things, your thoughts will evolve, and truer understandings will present itself. Right now, you only have one piece of the puzzle and it's the ugly piece, but it's not the totality. Find one thing you can love, your circulatory system for example, and just say I love that about myself. Your life is not over, it is just beginning. 

The only way to root your consciousness in coherence is to first root your body in coherence, do some grounding. Existence is not the problem, alcohol is. (I don’t say this with judgment, I enjoy craft beer myself.) This reality is not fake, even though the 4D universe is indeed a projection from higher dimensions. It is nevertheless real. Decoherence and polarity is more prolific on the lower dimensions. But you can build a bridge to the higher dimensions, specifically your higher self. But you have to ground your body, stabilize your root chakra. You have to build a firm foundation for the higher chakras and your higher dimensional awareness.

See I look at this as total freedom now. I’ve gone through some absolutely real-in my face experiences-and I’m sober through it all. This phenomenon has given me the worst and best. I became homeless. Without friends or family.

But I bounced back

I like having zero purpose. I just exist. I work for some pay to buy only essentials and rent a room. Most of my time is just concentrating on fun. It’s alone fun and I’m happier that way. I go on rock finds, hike, watch birds and take pics of them while naming each one. Why? Because I can. I’ve released the dumb and fun side of myself without judgement. I answer to no one. Last night at midnight I just went outside and watched the sky for no reason

Reach out to AA. There are meetings on line. I don’t want to hang out with people anymore. So I just don’t

Get into AA and start doing the most basic and easy exercises and progress when able. It doesn’t matter if life is real or fake, you are stuck in your body until otherwise noted, so take care of it.

If you work your body hard your brain may not have as much energy to put into your obsessive thoughts.

So stop doing that and live the life right in front of you.

Secondhand bad trip?

Hang on there. It will pass when you find happiness doing simple things, and when you understand that you can live your life ”normallly” in this matrix of things. You don’t have to understand everything.  And try to cut off the booze, it will bring your feelings down.

I'd try meditation. Even if its only 10 minutes before getting out of bed and before sleep. I remember the first time I realized that im more than the physical body. For years everytime I'd entertain the idea or a concept of a greater reality my knees used to get weak and I'd feel like im going to fall through the floor. This used to happen a lot but ever since I started to meditate It has stopped. Now I voluntarily seek this falling sensation every night. At first meditating felt uncomfortable to me but now its where I find comfort.

Maybe try the drugs yourself. It's kinda like the whole issue I have, of the anxiety of anticipating something is far worse than doing it.

Keep in mind that not everyone who takes psychedelics has these types of experiences. For many it's just a fun thing to do, and not spiritual or life changing. The experiences people have on drugs have everything to do with that person as an individual, and how their mind works, and who they are. It might feel like they're connecting to some greater level of existence, but there is no evidence to actually prove that's what's happening, or to prove they actually experienced the same things (as similar as some stories sound). Many people are religious so they have a religious experience. Many people believe in the supernatural. Many don't. Many are full of shit. So please don't believe everything you read on the internet. Get sober. Excercise. Catch up on sleep. Spend time with loved ones that support you. Find your own truths, and seek real medical and professional help if needed.

Ditch the alcohol. MDMA and/or mushrooms would probably be helpful. This is all a projection of your consciousness. Seriously, the alcohol is Not helping.

🎶Row row your boat…. Life is but a dream

You haven’t learned anything new. It’s been known for generations. It’s just most people don’t want to know the truth

It’s important to remember that the trip reports are just that—accounts while someone is on drugs.

They’re chemically inducing themselves to an alternate reality.

But let me ask you—do these test subjects ever interact with each other on the other plane telepathically? To me, that’s everything I need to know. My assumption is no…when we enter this state, we’re not aware of others. While we’re tripping, we can’t “mentally” find another person who’s tripping and on the same mental engagement as us.

That’s what make the earthly experience so special. We can connect, create and share.

You're 26.

You grew up with video games all around you.

This is a video game... An unparalleled virtual experience.

How fucking bummed are you going to be when it's over that you decided to take that gift and closet yourself in a room and drink yourself to death?

Sure, the knowledge that it's a game can trigger a solid dose of existential crises... But it can also free you to realize that YOU get to decide why you're here.

YOU get to decide what aspects of this existence you want to explore.

YOU get to choose how your character develops their skills and abilities.

Just because this shit ain't real doesn't mean it's not important...

I don't say this to be all condescending and "you're doing it wrong!!11" or any of that kind of holier than thou bullshit... So I truly apologize if it comes off that way.

I say this in the hopes that it might let you embrace things, rather than trying to hide from them; I don't think that "I'd like to see what drinking myself to death feels like" is why your higher self chose to be here.

I hope you make it though this, brother.

I understand. I went through this before. It lasted almost 10 years. It caused me to go into a suicidal spiral for years because I was afraid of my own thoughts. I have never even done psychedelics because of it. I switched my focus from people’s spiritual experiences to spiritual philosophy. Specifically solipsism. I found power in it because it is empowering to be the god of your reality. Look into solipsism/law of assumption/neville Goddard. It honestly saved my life and I’m so super content with the way I perceive the world now. You’ll find your way. ❤️ I thought I never would.

Sorry to hear that, I hope you get help for the obsession, maybe hypnosis can help.

I’m really sorry this happened to you and you’re feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I had a similar experience but luckily it passed over time.

What helped me was honestly just meditation not on anything and just like kind of having an attitude of bring on the pain let me feel it. Which was hard at first but then liberating.

I’ve never done any psychedelics and have come to things on my own. I would recommend you stay away from them unless you feel a bit more grounded. The alcohol is really working against you as you know. I’m sorry you’re having trouble with it it’s such a painful addiction to have.

Also the fact that you were so drawn to reading the reports in the past shows you have an innate curiosity that outweighs the fear and I think that’s beautiful. But do be careful validating other experiences of what life is above your own because they’ve reported things you haven’t yet felt. It’s all timing no one is above anyone else.

It’s okay if you never feel stable on what life is, it’s okay to go through a period of turmoil trying to chase it. You’re doing much better than it feels and give yourself some slack and self care

This post sounds more like something that you’d find @ the EPP sub than @ Experiencers (not that I’m advocating or pushing this theory in anyway… I just want to try to give you some helpful advice based on the issues you raised in your OP).

I’m going to try to give you one small tip that may lead to positive change in your life….

You said you’ve been sleeping a lot and basically just focused on the next time you can sleep. Have you tried doing any Lucid Dreaming / OBE practice techniques?

Not only would that give you something to actually feel betting working on / looking forward to, but many people who believe the same thing ontologically as you currently do also believe that mastering this skill is the #1 key to “winning”/escaping the very afterlife-related fate you are seemingly most worried about.

Specifically, you can try things like Dream Journaling and/or the Monroe Institute tapes (someone should be able to link you a good copy of these online if you are interested).

It may be hard to believe, but it does get better. Some time after fully embracing the “black pill”, you should find yourself leveled-up and “clear pilled” (acceptance of the negative, cessation of the constant caring / worrying about it - a sort of zen-like state). Many have been through what you are currently going through & it does get better. Try cutting out the drinking & finding one productive thing to work toward. Merely changing the way you feel about the things you believe is key to mastering your emotions and “winning”. Look at Gujardeff’s (don’t know how to spell this) Food for the Moon & how developing this emotional control is key to beating the system and not becoming food for the moon.

It must have been really hard keeping this all to yourself for so long and constantly dwelling on it. You did the right thing by saying something. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help

You’ve got to get to rehab and a good psychiatrist. The trip reports may not even be reality and you’re taking them at face value and basing your life on someone else’s opinion. They could just be a very tiny aspect of reality and not the whole thing. Or they could be total bullshit. Either way it does no one any good for you to squander your gifts like this. You’re having a mental health crisis and you can get out of it. I have family members with the same diagnoses as you including overconsumption of alcohol and they’ve gotten better.

Psychedelic experiences are just as much feeling as they are visuals. By reading the trip reports, you’re getting secondhand visuals without any of the feeling that comes with it. It’s like eating cake without being able to taste it. Of course it feels wrong; it’s incomplete. One common theme I’m sure you’ve read throughout these subs and posts revolves around letting go, and acceptance. I know that is easier said than done, I really do. But acceptance doesn’t mean to embrace or have an affinity for something. If anything, I hope you’ll stand up and thrive out of spite. Stand up and laugh in the face of god or the universe—it’s like laughing at yourself in the mirror.
What’s the worst that could happen, death? Once you laugh in the face of death, realizing it doesn’t exist at all, you can conquer the world—starting with the one inside of you. This reality wasn’t created out of boredom or loneliness; it was created because “why the fuck not?” Eternity is all time & no time at all. This is a sandbox & I hope you’ll give yourself permission to play.

Whatever the nature of reality is, youre not alone. Every human through history has walked through death, so that fact alone makes me feel less afraid and alone. Wherever were going we go together

Living through others' lived experiences is not the way to go forward,  you're supposed to get your own experiences. Don't be afraid.

Sounds like you done got yourself in a psychosis. It can be undone. But by doing what you think would kill you. Also you are an alcoholic. Maybe fix that first. Honestly it all sounds like an excuse to drink more. Stop drinking and see what happens. Your brain needs oxygen. I wish you the best, friend!

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Does accepting it as a possibility feel like death? Because it seems to me like all your energy is going towards resisting it.

Others might try and comfort you by saying it's not true, or that it's just your interpretation. It maybe not. I don't know - I haven't read the other comments yet.

But have you ever tried just sitting with this feeling? It doesn't have to be for long amounts of time. But maybe 5 minutes, here or there. And it will feel like no amount of time sitting with it will make it better. But in my experience, sitting with the heaviness is the only thing that actually made a dent in the darkness, and there's been.. a fuck ton of it.

Consider Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy. I used to work in one of the clinics. Many reported they had a break from their thought patterns during the ketamine and it was a relief from themselves.

That respite started them on the path to change. They were able to start therapy (CBT) to ‘change their mind’. The combo was very powerful if you wish to change. You can get unstuck. All the very best and yes, things can always change for the better. You have an entire glorious lifetime ahead of you. 🤍

Listen. People are not always the best at describing what they experience. When you read someone else’s experience without having experienced it yourself it can sound very jarring and terrifying. I’ve been at that top where you remember you are God, and if it makes you feel better, it’s pure love. It is true that She created everything because she was alone, but everything she created IS her. We are ALL the same being, playing together! It was created out of love: she had all the love in the universe with nowhere and no one to give it to. You were literally created to be loved, brother. You can also never be truly harmed, the soul is immortal and impossible to break or kill, and you choose to come down here to this game and play. It’s your choice! And you love every second of it, you just don’t remember. It’s a fun game, where you play hide and seek with yourself. Everything is really okay, your choice of staying with fear instead of reframing it is what makes you so miserable. You gotta embrace different perspectives. When you’re not afraid of the truth you get to learn how beautiful and fun it is! When I was at the top of the consciousness stack, I asked God/Myself if there was a message I should bring back with me, and my heart was pure love and the message was “You are all loved. All of you. Eternally.”. It was the unconditional love of a Godly Mother.

Sometimes you spook yourself out for fun, and you don’t even realize it. It’s like when you choose to watch a horror movie or play horror video games, it scares you but it’s fun, and you chose to experience that. Everything is just play, it’s fun, it’s your nature, I promise you that you have no reason to be scared of it. Fear is the only thing that makes it bad. Lose the fear and you’ll see. I’m here if you need to talk.

sounds like you need Psyadelic Therapy, with doctors present. This will help you with both problems. It will ive you the insight you need and they can address you alcoholism. It is amazing that this is available to us. Don't quote me on this, but it may be covered by insurance if you go about it the right way (as addiction treatment)

Your reaction is what is often held up as an example as to why we can't have disclosure. And then others would say no one would react like this - people wouldn't even care. Now here is you just simply reading about something experiencers live with and just reading it is enough to cause this reaction. Its a headscratcher for sure.

Firstly for my own understanding. Why? Why are you reacting this way? On my end - reading this is no different from reading a post about someone discovering that the area that surrounds us is not actually empty. It turns out there is a gas that is around us at all times and this is why our lungs expand when we breath in and why we feel like we're choking when we don't allow air in. It turns out we need this gas to live and we're regularly inhaling it and converting it into a different gas in our bodies which we then exhale. And if we're cut off from this gas, we'd die.

So imagine reading a post where someone discovers that and as a result they react as you've outlined. This is where its at for me so I often struggle to relate to the reaction you are having. I say that with all the empathy in the world.

So I'm just trying to understand.

Why? What is it about this you are having so much of a struggle with.

Is it a hyper focus on the word fake? This is a misunderstanding and why language trips us up often. Reality is a construct and functions like a system. That does not mean its a "simulation" and everything is "fake".

Everything comes from consciousness and consciousness is what everything is. A consciousness system that has generated a constructed reality for other fractals of consciousness to have interesting experiences in is not the same thing as a simulated fake reality that beings in the "REAL" reality invented for fake beings to have fake experiences in. This failure of understanding of what is going on is common.

These are two extremely different things yet people leap to the other situation constantly.

Visualizations of code or machinery that help construct a reality again does not mean fake. Studying nature one can see the "machinery" of life. Studying DNA and we have codes. This does not mean fake , it just means in our machines and coding and virtual world building we are also working with nature and emulating it. This is not a problem this is all natural.

We are having experiences with in experiences with in experiences. There are other consciousness based realities that exists and we also can and do experience and they may seem hyper real compared to this one but its all just layers of the same thing, a larger consciousness that has slit off to have various consciousness generated realities and experiences for us to explore. This one is deigned to have way more limitations and immersion employed compared to others it'd seem.

Anyway I think I'm rambling now. Maybe you can explain to me why all of this bothers you so much and I can explain more as I'm someone who lives this very directly. I was shown this and live through this and my second to second existence has changed as a result. And I'm cool with it indeed it makes sense to me. Don't get me wrong it turned my life upside down but ultimately for the better.

The alterative view to all this is that reality is entirely a random accident and we are just worm food and consciousness is a random accident of misfiring of neurons in the brain and once the brain dies everything we were is permanently and forever gone. Nothing matters and there is no meaning to anything and we are alone.

I don't understand why when people find out this turns out not to be the case - people get upset. The current mainstream assumption about reality is what should be horrifying people. Not the truth which is a revelation and gives meaning to this existence and peace of mind regarding the big questions.

And again as others have outlined, this is not a mental health support community nor a substance abuse support community so I do caution you again that you need to explore those options to get the help you need because it may more be those issues then actually what you've read. Still I thought I'd try to address a thought loop you may have gotten stuck in which may have been a misunderstanding about the whole thing.

Can you read something about the way life would be if you were create it from scratch? Like books on lives you would want to live. In other words get out the same way you got into this predicament?

Maybe stop reading trip reports and start TRIPPING. Experience is best. Stop taking other people’s experiences as fact.

Watch this, hopefully it helps: https://youtube.com/shorts/R4ij9OBJL60

Always remember, physical matter may be an illusion of consciousness, but the experience of it is as real as it gets.

It's all created so you CAN experience things make decisions and grow.

DM me if you want to chat further used to do talks on the subject and may be able to help flip your fear.

I think you’ve already identified that the fundamental problem here isn’t the realizations you’re having but the OCD which is causing you to spin out over it. And of course adding a substance abuse issue will only complicate things.

Anytime someone says that they’re struggling to function the answer needs to be seeing proper clinical support, no matter what the root cause is. A clinician won’t be able to help you navigate the ontological complexities and won’t even try, they’ll focus on helping you with the disruptive thought patterns. Get help with that and you’ll find that the other stuff is easier to navigate.

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water

Yeah, everything’s fake/hyperreal depending on your perspective. That’s the cosmic joke. You have to see that, accept it’s true, and laugh and get back to life. Keep it in mind, let the joke guide you, but part of realizing it is realizing you are it, and that’s wonderful.

Look, new ideas in your head don’t actually change your reality in a physical sense. Grounding and connecting to your body through yoga or exercise or breathing techniques could help. Please get professional help in therapy for your ocd and I’d also consider AA at this point.

Also, I’d probably seek advice outside of these spaces. They’ve clearly harmed you, and you actually do not need to lean into them. Not everyone on this sub has existential guidance worth listening to.

Think about it, IF reality is maintained by a bunch of little DMT gnomes and gears and shit, that means it IS real.

Get profesuonal help friend - nothing wrong with asking for help from a professional.

It’s funny how different things affect different people. I’ve dealt with pretty extreme existential terror, but it’s more been over the idea that the material world is all there is. The idea that reality is created by divine consciousness at a certain level is what gives me relief, lol. You’ve got to remember that when tripping the experience is funnelled through the perspective of the individual, even if they go through ego death, it’s still an egocentric translation bc it’s subjective and they’re back here using limited language. So the ideas they’re attempting to convey aren’t an accurate explanation or even comprehensible. And Godhead being the ultimate sum of parts in a state of absolute perfection isn’t going to experience loneliness - everything is part of God, so if we’re in a simulation then that simulation is God too, which renders the question of it being real or not pointless, since the material and the illusion are both aspects of the same whole. The question really comes down to what is reality, which philosophers and scientists and the spiritual and the religious are still trying to answer. You are conscious, you exist, and you are not alone. Whatever the fabric of that reality is built of.

Seek within. Seek the god within. All will be right. Align with universe and let your life flow. Do not swimming against the current. You should be a feather floating atop a gentle river.

This life is your real life.

I'm sorry to hear about that. You'll find a way through it all. I ant to recommend reading seth speaks by jane roberts. You won't regret it. And I think astral projection would be a good path for you. There's also something called QHHT. Quantum healing hypnosis therapy. Please look into it. I have quite the history with dmt, as well as pretty much everything else. I found dmt to be the best thing ever. I've been clean for 5 years, but dmt is the one thing that I will do at least one more time at some point. I went through periods of existential dread, but always bounced back. My outlook is great now. You have nothing to worry about in the big picture.

What you need my friend is to experience these truths for yourself. See first of get clean second of get into meditation third of get into actually living this terrifying life travelling writing having fun and then try this thing it's called therapy and if that doesn't work try substance assisted therapy. But first of all get clean

Im pretty sure certain drugs release the dream chemical that makes everything very true. Just like how everything makes sense and is true in a dream. Last night I was a completely different person in my dream. And for a few seconds afterwards when I woke up. I didn't actually think that because I wake up immediately knowing what's going on, but I could still feel like I was still that person if I wanted to.

And I'm obv not a doctor but this does sound like an extreme form of OCD. I got mine from ADHD and grief trauma induced CPTSD, apparently. You have to figuratively jump off a cliff and test out not believing things are going to go bad if you do something a certain way and it's so hard and scary at first. I had to start with little things and I'm still working on it. I still mentally put safety spells on my husband when he leaves for work even though I've never really believed they work and I'm fine if I don't get to do it lol.

Now, this is just my opinion, but if just reading this stuff crushed your world you probably needed serious help before. It's not too late to get it.

I’m sorry to hear that these realizations hit you so hard and took that negative, awful turn instead of being a bright spot. I don’t do any kinds of drugs so I can’t speak on tripping and “seeing the truth” but I practice manifestation and it proves that we do create our reality. However, from the viewpoint of someone who knows the law of attraction is true, this is empowering and wonderful! The exact opposite of oppressed and depressing.

As others have said, please look into your health first and take whatever measures you can to stop drinking. It makes rumination and anxiety so much worse. Then try to embrace the awesomeness of how we create our world. Seriously, you are limitless! Want to fly a plane? You can get a scholarship to flight school and fly. Want to be rich? You can make money fall into your lap. Want to be handsome with women fawning all over you? It can happen and will happen if that’s what you want and expect.

Please try listening to some popular Neville Goddard lectures where he talks about his own experiences after learning about “the law” from his friend Abdullah. His first major manifestation was receiving a first class ticket to Barbados to see his family even though he was broke as hell. Then he manifested the love of his life. He manifested wealth. He manifested a good life for his child that his ex wife had abandoned. Our world conforms to us and what we believe, not what the world subjects us to.

Other uplifting authors who put a positive spin on all of this are Dr. Joseph Murphy, Bob Procter, Napoleon Hill, and Wallace D. Wattles. If you can avoid trip reports like the plague and read these authors instead, you may get really pumped up for the amazing things you can draw into your life. You’re powerless to stop yourself from creating your reality but that is a true godsend when you begin to harness that power and attract in the things you want.

Also, this isn’t exactly about manifestation but rather divinely timed or fated positive life events, but you may have fun checking out the “1000 rejections” trend. Think of as many things as possible that you can do to reach out to other people or apply to certain programs/grants/giveaways and then do it. Write to every celebrity who’s ever inspired you and if you want advice or help or an opportunity, ask for it. If you ever wanted to get free things because you love XYZ, ask to be on a PR list or for free things. Want dual citizenship somewhere? Look into the countries with lowest barriers to entry and apply. Apply for whatever things you want to learn or free vacations or crazy job opportunities. Then wait. You’ll get lots of rejections and no responses to most of the people & places you reach out…but not to everything. Some of those fantastical, far fetched opportunities and connections will come through—and maybe in such a huge way that your life is forever positively altered because you allowed yourself to dream big.

I apologize for saying so much, but it is actually a blessing that you know that this is the truth of our reality. It bends to your will, you get what you want. So make it happen. Knowing this and going for what you want in a clear head space means that just a year or two from now you could be living an exceptional life. Cheers to getting out of this hole and getting into the stars.

Hi friend. I’m sorry you’re having these difficulties. You have to understand that people all have a very different understanding and way of describing the world they see around them. Shamans train for YEARS to understand what they see multidimensionally- people that substance journey jump in head first. I’m not discounting or judging- but you have to keep in mind their lens is their lens and you’ll have a different viewpoint. We are in this reality for a reason. It’s not a fake reality- there is manipulation for sure and when you see more of reality, you realize what we experience isn’t the full story, but it’s not fake. It’s where you are supposed to be.

I would also recommend talking to a shaman. People pick up attachments that alter their energy field that can exacerbate anxiety, trauma, and addictions.

I hope you are able to get some relief. 🙏🏻

Just a thought - and I've been susceptible to these feelings myself - but why would an all empowering God create this reality but give itself a loop hole to seeing the actual reality when it ingests certain chemicals? Makes little sense. I'm not a materialist by the way so I'm open to other ideas about the nature of reality but this one runs in to dead ends when you investigate further.

Look into Cosmic Trigger vol 1 by Robert Anton Wilson. This existence is simultaneously real and simulation. It'll be ok

Why does this new knowledge frighten you so much?

It's the booze. Eat, exercise, sleep. The mind is a great tool, but a terrible master. You're just letting yours go willy-nilly all over the road, like drunks tend to do. Nobody's gonna put that bottle down for ya bud. If ya can't take care of yourself for 3 consecutive days without crashing out into a boozy thought spiral, it's time for rehab.