Hi all! I don’t know what I need, probably just someone to tell me it’s okay to stop.
Baby is 4 weeks and can latch, but bites when he latches. We went through a lot of ups and downs in the hospital (extended stay with c section) and poor lactation consultants forcing the painful latch over and over again.
I decided to take a break from attempting to breastfeed, instead focusing on pumping. As we all know, this has been an absolute mental drain. I’ve never been able to keep up with his demand. I think we had three days where he didn’t get formula, but then I got mastitis. I was going to quit then and transition to full formula, but my sister suggested I go to a BF medicine doctor.
I did. It was fine. She talked about the biting when latching, but didn’t really offer a tips. She suggested starting with having him latch once a day, getting some PT for his neck (breech baby), continue pumping to get supply up, and a follow up.
I’m halfway between the original appointment and the follow up. I’ve had him latch everyday in the morning, and it’s just been generally unsuccessful. He’ll take 40+ minutes, fall asleep while in the middle of it, and then still cries bloody murder for a bottle after. And the bottle size ranges, so I never know how much he’s getting and it can really throw off our routine for the rest of the day.
On top this, I still cannot get my supply up. At this rate, on a good day, we about 50/50 pumped milk and formula.
I just don’t know if it’s worth the mental drain to keep trying. BF sounds nice because there’s less bottles to clean, but I don’t know if we’ll get there at this rate. I made it clear to the doctor and my husband that I cannot continue to exclusively pump. My husband is 1000% in support of whatever is going to be best for me, even if that is full formula.
Do I continue to try to pump and build supply, while trying to get a functional latch? Or do I save myself the pain and just switch to formula now?
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Hi friend! It is 100% okay to stop. I totally get feeling like you need permission and want you to know you are doing an amazing job and have this internet strangers permission to hang up the pumps. The very best thing for your babe is for you is to have a momma that is not feeling stressed and dealing with mental anguish over how to feed them - please prioritize yourself and your mental health and do not feel any guilt whatsoever! I’m in the process of weaning pumping and know what a mental toll this takes (both the active pumping and decision to quit - solidarity ❤️). I know for me personally I already feel a huge weight lifted when I think about being done and I know I will be able to show up for my baby better - again this is just me so don’t feel pressure either way. Sending love!!
I appreciate that you actually read the whole post and your response ❤️
I feel like it’s so hard because I’m always thinking that tomorrow could be better or be the day that supply is up or something. And most everyone I know has fully breast fed, so while they’re supportive/understanding, I just feel like it doesn’t carry the same mental toll.
Can you just try pumping and then if he wants more give him formula?
This is what we’re currently doing. On a good day, I can get him about 50% of what he eats from pumped milk. The rest already is formula.
There’s nothing wrong with that! That’s great. My boys get 2 bottles of formula at night and the rest breast milk.
This is what I do! I’m 13 weeks pp, I pump 5-6 times a day with about 4-4.5 hours in between each pump (and no motn pump) because pumping 8-10 times a day was making me so miserable. I’m up to 50-50 breastmilk and formula now and we’re in a great place. I don’t feel tethered to the pump anymore, I actually have a bit of a life, and if some days she gets more formula than breastmilk, that’s totally fine!
With all that said, OP it is okay to close the book on nursing and/or pumping. I commend you for your determination, but if you know that EP is going to drain you, then it might not be the right choice for you. If you can do 50-50, great! If you want to switch to exclusively formula, also great! Your baby deserves a present and happy mom, but YOU deserve a happy, wonderful postpartum experience! You deserve to look back at this time with joy instead of disappointment.
If it helps, I keep having to remind myself that as someone who worked with kids for 14 years, I could not tell the difference between a breastfed baby and a formula baby.
Best of luck, friend!!
Oh absolutely ! Whatever she’s doing is great and whatever baby needs ! Interesting her sister suggested a BF Dr…. Sounds like a chiro lol But OP do whatever you need to do mental health wise !
There are bf doctors, like medical doctors who specialise in breastfeeding. I would be wary of anyone who does not offer tips tho! And does not offer to see you often. I had this experience with an IBLCL (the only one in my area) and I hated the feeling of being left with no tips. Like “try once a day and pump” is not helpful advice I am sorry, not advice you should pay for at least
You know what you’re right, I forgot! But they’re usually pediatricians just like some lactation people are nurses Oh yeah they tell you the most basic stuff and you’re like what? Lol
I have so many opinions about lcs and iblcls 🤣🤣 in my country there is one bresstfeeding doctor and I think she is more of a an obgyn? Idk she is far away anyway 😭
I’ve only ever worked with one lactation dr at my daughter’s pediatrician and they said they were a peds so I guess you can probably be either or?
Think so!
This is such a difficult situation! OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this stress on top of everything else.
There is nothing wrong with either of your options. Your baby can be happy and healthy eating formula, breastmilk or both. Your mental health is important. If you do keep triple feeding (nurse, formula, pump), set a realistic goal (e.g. A few days, One week, something short) and then give yourself permission to stop.
I was an undersupplier no matter what I tried to get my supply up, and my baby wouldn’t latch. So I EPed and supplemented with formula for three months and now exclusively formula feed. My baby is the same- happy and healthy. And now I get to spend more time playing with them and sleeping, and not stressing.
Do what feels right to you, and remember that you’re making the best choice for yourself and so it will be the best choice for your baby.
This was similar to my situation at 4wpp. Undersupply with a baby that's not emptying well. I really wanted to feed at the breast so there may be a difference there.
Early on (2 weeks) I took some well intentioned but not good advice and stopped latching daily and focused on pumping while supplementing with formula (paced). Now my baby will basically not latch without a nipple guard and even then is often not interested. This has been really frustrating and caused tears from me. I didn't realize he would not keep his skill at the breast (mostly not the best latch but part of that was me not always working for a good one). Only by losing this interaction did I truly realize how much I wanted it. I could have been better at keeping him awake while feeding, etc. All of that is hard but I would love to be where I was at at 3 or 4 wpp again and to do things differently. I'm still working at feeding at the breast, but eventually I'll have to evaluate again.
I was able to get to a point where half to most of the baby's needs are met by pumping (baby eats different amounts on different days, I pump about 20 oz max and 24-30 oz get eaten on a given day). This is and has been a lot of work. But I'm very committed at the moment (9wpp), at least through 13 weeks.
All this said, I recommend reflecting on what is important to you and to not be hard on yourself.
And to just say that I have had a similar experience and I'm still trying to figure things out!
Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️
I actually do want to breastfeed (I assume that was unclear), if the biting during latch or pain can be handled. The one time we do it daily, I enjoy spending that time with him and it all feels peaceful. But moreso doesn’t feel manageable to do constantly due to the pain, the ineffectiveness of it, the need to continue to supplement anyway, etc. Without successful breastfeeding, I think I will eventually switch to formula. I applaud all the people that can pump exclusively, but that is the mental drain and gymnastics for me.
I didn't mean to imply you didn't want to breastfeed, more to emphasize how much I wanted to and want to and thought it would work out.
It's been so hard and it's really frustrating when feeding is not working the way I wanted. Pumping exclusively is so much, I don't know how people make it so long.
If I just had a full supply or if my baby was easier to teach to breastfeed effectively and without pain it could be so much easier to see a way through! I am struggling with feelings around all this. Like why and how is my baby going to learn the skill when my output isn't everything. And being stuck with nipple shields also decreases transfer efficiency. Ugh!
In this moment I can't imagine stopping pumping while also feeling like I'm putting far too much into it.
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I just wanted to validate that for some babies nursing is really hard and they don’t get better at it. Mine got worse at it to the point she was just spilling milk out of her mouth. I think they can also sense when you are not feeling good about it and the whole experience becomes negative for both of you. Whatever you decide to do is FINE! I kept up pumping but I can see so many benefits in formula feeding.
I’m also having a hard time. I already don’t have a big appetite and am not drinking 4+ water bottles a day. When I pump I get barely 1 ounce, maybe 2 ounces at a good time, from both breast. My baby is drinking 2-3 ounces at 3 weeks every 1.5-2 hours. I literally cannot keep up with that. It’s also that when he feeds then sleeps, and then to pump takes 20 mins, and by the time I finish pumping he’s awake, and I didn’t get anything done or spend time with my other kids. It’s hard and also considering to go fully formula but the price of it makes me not want to. Also all the money I spent on pumping stuff lol I pump now maybe once or twice a day and I know that has an effect on my not producing much but I also like not having to pump. I try latching in the mornings or day time when I’m alone but baby goes crazy shaking his head like he doesn’t want to. It’s hard so I feel you mamma..
Exactly this. The time and the volume. And if you can’t coordinate the time of the pump or baby won’t go down for the nap. It’s just another thing to do in the already busy or chaotic day. It’s not that I don’t want to breastfeed or pump for my baby, but that it’s taking away from me being a better mother. If all I had to do all day was pump, that would be a different story. And I don’t have other kids (just needy annoying animals lol), so I commend you for making it this far!