It feels weird.
I’m 30f and thankfully live on my own already. I have a loving partner and support system. I always hoped things wouldn’t end up this way.
I’ve been no contact with my bio dad for about 16 years now and that was easy. He sucked and once I realized for myself, it was just waiting until I was old enough to make the cut. My mom is a different story though.
We became really close over the years and spent a lot of time together. I would talk to her about anything and everything. This was up until about 3-4 years ago after I moved back home in 2020. Things were okay, but moving home was not in my plans. At that point, she knew I was gay and had even met a previous girlfriend. I didn’t date for years until I met my current partner. We moved in together pretty quickly due to tension at home for me.
Long story short, my partner and I know we want to get married it’s just a matter of when.
My mom said she would not go. She said she refuses to celebrate my choices and that it’s out of love. That she knows I’ll take it as a rejection but that’s not what it is because she loves me.
So, I told her I was done. That was the final straw. I always had a suspicion that she felt this way, but I was holding out hope that it wasn’t true. It feels weird but it also feels like a long time coming. Thankfully I have a wonderful therapist already, but I’m not looking forward to the tough emotional days ahead.
I'm so sorry and I totally understand you drawing the line at that. My cousin (F) married a woman and my dad wrote a letter telling her he loved her but wouldn't attend her wedding because he couldn't stand in front of god and show support for her life choices and blah blah blah. I was still unknowingly in the closet at that time and getting married to a man but when I came out 10 years later I preemptively cut my parents off because of that. When I came out to my mom she tried to say they have friends who are gay and that they would love me regardless. I straight up told her I don't want to be tolerated, I want to be accepted, and that was that. It's been 3 years and it's still hard but it does get easier. I'm so glad you have a supportive partner that loves and supports you and I wish you nothing but healing and happiness!
Thank you, I needed to read this! My partners parents (and entire family tbh) are also lovely so supportive. It’s made it easier for sure, but I’m sure there will be times when it isn’t. You really summed it up saying you don’t want to be tolerated, you want to be accepted. That’s really what it came down to for me as well. I always felt the underlying tension of how she really felt and I couldn’t take it anymore. Thank you again for your comment!
Of course! As hard as it is, it's also so freeing to just be able to be yourself without that tension. I'm still in a hetero presenting relationship (I'm nonbinary) and my partner's family isn't much better than my own tbh. But even having no support beyond my partner, it feels so much better to be authentic and alone than it does trying to water yourself down for their approval!
Please look up Stand In Pride for your area. Many wonderful humans willing to be your family on a wedding day.
Thank you! This is wonderful info and I’ll definitely be passing it along to others too
I’m so happy you’ve found your person ! And I’m so sorry your mom is so wrapped up in her own fear and insecurities that she’s denying herself the joy that is knowing and loving her child as they are. I hope you find peace and have a lifetime of joy ahead
Thank you so much. I have a wonderful future mother-in-law that is nothing but supportive so I’m thankfully off to a great start already
If they're likely to cause trouble, consider having somebody in charge of keeping them out, ideally somebody who already doesn't like them and is less likely to be too nice.
My soon-to-be mother in-law would happily take this role lol this is great advice though, thank you
It is 2025???
I'm so sorry that your mom can't accept you! I am so glad your in-laws are supportive and loving.
I know there are LGBTQ organizations where someone will step in as a parent if you feel comfortable.
I volunteer as well.
Much love and congratulations!
OMG. Fuck that lady. Whatever.
You and your partner need to be happy. Do not do anything to make anyone happy if it makes you unhappy.
It is literally her loss if she doesn’t go and whatever, man.
As if her opinion about your relationship matters even a tiny, minuscule bit.
Good luck to you. I wish you a lifetime of happiness with someone you love, who loves you.
Yeah I’m so thankful I have a therapist who has been helping work through this a little already. Definitely made it a lot easier to send that message and feel content with my decision!
No hate like christian love.
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