I'm so sorry. All the wanted hugs to you. With a lot of families (mine included) the older generations are the connections to the younger generations. My family assigned at birth cut me loose a long time ago, and I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you, especially with the holidays that really make that sting hurt.

Damn I relate to like 95% of this.

Yeah in my experience, it's incredibly sad to lose your whole family like that. I don't regret NC, it had to happen, but there's a depth of sadness to this that I haven't been able to escape.

Sorry if I'm not the best with advice here. I do hope you find peace and happiness. You don't need people like that in your life.

Yes. I have zero contact with anyone on my bio family side. They know where I live. I’d love to hear from them. I haven’t blocked them on social or phone. I blocked my parent and then siblings when they started hurling 💩 and siding with unstable felons with a history of DV.

My entire immediate family stopped talking to me too but you know what if they side with somewhat that sucks that bad you don’t want to associate with them anyways

I would find the sincerity and lack thereof of the previous years to be the painful part - all the previous years were just playing a role if she can just turn it off like a light switch the moment you don't kowtow to your mother. Genuine attachment doesn't work like that.

1000% agree. I became estranged from my parents a few years ago and my entire family essentially cut me off in return. I have one aunt that texts me 1-2x a year but it's usually to try and force a reunion of some sort at which I know my parents will be present. My partner's family on one side hates me, the other side is essentially my MIL and GMIL who basically tolerate me. Mind you, we've been together 13 years and have 2 children together with another one on the way. It really, really sucks and is super lonely. I feel so emotionally stunted I don't even know how to find a chosen family beyond my partner and kids bc I lost all my "friends" when I came out. So sorry you're hurting too ❤️

Yup. It hurts. But it also shows what terrible parents we have and what a dysfunctional family system we cone from.

A loving parent doesn’t conduct a life long smear campaign against their child. Anyone who doesn’t get that is problematic too.

Yeah she told ALL of my extended family not to go to my baby shower or that I wasn't having one but she had the entire family at my sisters (Gc and I were pregnant at the same time). I wasn't even invited to the Christmas party.

She’s a child trauma therapist, btw. (Scary)

Yeah no kidding! Do you know if she's a certified / licensed therapist or just some sort of "counselor"?

Yup. Fused families gonna fuse. I'm sorry. It takes a bit of self-worth and understanding of their motives to get through this. Sounds to me like you're doing well on this journey. My whole family (huge Italian clan with 11 original siblings and 58 cousins) has disowned me bc I "disrespected" my mother. Let them.

I'm so sorry. My mom went no contact with me ten years ago. She was able to push me completely out of the family after my grandmother, who was the only one who actually loved me, passed away. Everyone knew she was abusive, yet she was able to convince them that I am a terrible person, and now I have zero family except my daughter. It hurts because there were times they stood up for me previously. I guess it was just easier to let me go than fight her. At this point, I have made a life away from them, but it still sucks.

Reminds me of what happened to me.. I was institutionalized after a DV incident where my mother attacked me. I told them.what happen and my stepsister said I should not have said that as my mother can go to jail and that I should have said that I was so out of it I did not know what was going on. If I had said that, they would have kept me there longer and wrote psychosis on my diagnosis (I was diagnosed with MDD) She's willing to throw me under the bus. She used to hit me as a small child and she has not changed. It's a facade. No contact with her and my direct family members. The pain of loneliness is better than the drama. I'm doing a lot better not being around them. I feel more like myself and I'm getting hotter also.

I would be petty enough to provide her board with evidence of the situation and concern that she does not have the mental stability or clarity of mind to help traumatised children.

I have no contact with my siblings, because they insist on perpetuating the generational dysfunction we were raised in by our parents. After our mother died, I had no reason to keep in contact with them. I don't miss being their scapegoat. I do miss my nieces and nephews, and their children. I helped raised some of my niblings. It hurts that they won't talk to me. I still feel love for my family, but it's unhealthy to remain in contact with them.

I never really had one anyway. No siblings. Twat’s extended relatives lived far, far away. I barely saw any of them and barely even had contact on Facebook. FuckStick was adopted and his adoptive relatives ghosted me from when I was a kid. I found out later why; because I’m half American. I’m Canadian/American. I was born in the 70s ffs.

I just have my husband and our kids. It’s more than I thought I’d ever have. 🤷‍♀️

My aunt on my step-dad’s side is on my side. Most of my family on my mom’s side has already passed or lives in another state.

Or in my case, same is true by going no contact with your sibling

It's not a law for families to cut you off, it depends on the specific family. I'm fortune that I'm good friends with my limited family. My aunt and my sister are basically all that's left, and we all acknowledge that my parents were horrible. The only other blood relative I have is a half uncle who's involved in some bad stuff and only my abusive mother talks with him.

That said, I'm sorry your family has sided with the abuser instead of protecting you. It's not fair that many families are like that. However, there's a good correlation with families that support abuse, and children who suffer from serious trauma. Usually, if there was someone who knew what was going on and protected you, then the abuse likely never got bad enough to make estrangement an option. My family is still decent because my parents were very good about hiding the truth and telling lies to cover up their abuse. It was a surprise to my grandparents when they found out what my parents were doing, and they were very upset. 

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I wish I had know this when I went NC. It would have saved me a lot of heartache to know my family will always side with my mother, even though none of my mom’s kids talk to her now.

jfc. It's hard to imagine a child trauma therapist not supporting a cycle breaker. What horseshit.