This is for the OG empaths. What were the subtle cues? pacing back and forth, loud breathing, angry sarcasm, questions that did not want an answer, slammed doors with yelling behind them and no one else was there.
Her eyes, would get black, like a shark. Or if I didn't see her, I'd hear her pounding down the hallway. It's crazy bc i had ptsd and when I lived in an apartment with a long interior hallway I'd have panic attacks when people ran in the hall but that was 20 years ago and I'd mostly gotten over it but then like randomly a year or two ago I was at a store and waiting for my husband to finish what he was doing and heard someone with a heavy step coming from behind and I felt that panic all over again. I had to literally ask myself why I was having a panic attack because my conscious brain had forgotten about how she pounded down the hall to wherever I was, but my subconscious brain was right back in 1993, hiding in a closet at the front of the house because it locked from the inside.
The black eyes. My hiding spot was under the stairs. The wall in a closet would pull away and I could hide without her finding me, but the rage that would unleash once I came out... holy fuck.
I cut contact with my mom about 10 years ago and now she's going into a care home soon. She hasn't had any power over me for a really long time and if I was in the same room with her she started acting like that. I don't know how I would respond but I just remember as a child it was terrifying. I do remember though when I was 21 I think we were in a car and driving to my brother's wedding and she got really mad about traffic and I just thought this was no big deal. Calm yourself! Of all of the things to get upset about this was ridiculous. I also had delivered at home for a couple of years.
I think my grandmother knew that my abuser was who he was. She warned me as a little kid that she wouldn't hesitate to call social services on him. I remember she took care of me and respected me. I don't remember my mom having much of an interest in me.
One of my earliest memories is him putting me in time out in the basement. Sure, I probably did something to have earned a time out. But I was terrified of the dark down there. I left my time out spot because I was scared, and he got so mad at me and thought I was just trying to misbehave. I had nightmares over the years of him.
I started having executive dysfunction issues not long after my brother was born. I got an adhd diagnosis but I think there was more going on than that. Not hyperactive, just unable to focus. I kept gravitating towards things that let me escape: books, art, my dog. They saw this as major misbehavior that needed to be punished. Basically from then on I was put on Adderall and all punishments were strict at best.
I think I blocked it from my memory? But I remember having major feelings that he was doing something inappropriate to me. I told my mom. She went crying to him. I got in major trouble and I was told he was doing nothing to me. Nothing came of it.
A few years after that, he did start SA'ing me and grooming me. They had already set the stage that I was the crazy one, the liar, the unreliable one. So of course nobody believed me. And the few people who did or would have (like a few people who met him and got the fucking creeps from him) did nothing about it.
Then they pretend like they don't know why I left all of them.
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Slamming dishes, cabinets, doors. Stomping around. Lots of sighing and muttering.
Her eyes, would get black, like a shark. Or if I didn't see her, I'd hear her pounding down the hallway. It's crazy bc i had ptsd and when I lived in an apartment with a long interior hallway I'd have panic attacks when people ran in the hall but that was 20 years ago and I'd mostly gotten over it but then like randomly a year or two ago I was at a store and waiting for my husband to finish what he was doing and heard someone with a heavy step coming from behind and I felt that panic all over again. I had to literally ask myself why I was having a panic attack because my conscious brain had forgotten about how she pounded down the hall to wherever I was, but my subconscious brain was right back in 1993, hiding in a closet at the front of the house because it locked from the inside.
The black eyes. My hiding spot was under the stairs. The wall in a closet would pull away and I could hide without her finding me, but the rage that would unleash once I came out... holy fuck.
Oh yeah. You were only deferring disaster but I still needed the hiding spot to collect myself.
I just wrote my comment before I read everyone else's. Omg why do all these abusers look dead behind the eyes? Creepy and scary af
I had a boss that stomped around like my mom and I didn't realize I was listening to her footsteps the same way and it was triggering me.
I remember the eyes being black. When I was little I was convinced she was a monster wearing people skin.
Dad arriving home from work only to get verbally abused by Mommy Dearest the second he gets in the door
She would get quiet and just smile….in a creepy shark sort of way.
Yeah it's the smile when they're saying something completely different than their facial expression.
I cut contact with my mom about 10 years ago and now she's going into a care home soon. She hasn't had any power over me for a really long time and if I was in the same room with her she started acting like that. I don't know how I would respond but I just remember as a child it was terrifying. I do remember though when I was 21 I think we were in a car and driving to my brother's wedding and she got really mad about traffic and I just thought this was no big deal. Calm yourself! Of all of the things to get upset about this was ridiculous. I also had delivered at home for a couple of years.
I think my grandmother knew that my abuser was who he was. She warned me as a little kid that she wouldn't hesitate to call social services on him. I remember she took care of me and respected me. I don't remember my mom having much of an interest in me.
One of my earliest memories is him putting me in time out in the basement. Sure, I probably did something to have earned a time out. But I was terrified of the dark down there. I left my time out spot because I was scared, and he got so mad at me and thought I was just trying to misbehave. I had nightmares over the years of him.
I started having executive dysfunction issues not long after my brother was born. I got an adhd diagnosis but I think there was more going on than that. Not hyperactive, just unable to focus. I kept gravitating towards things that let me escape: books, art, my dog. They saw this as major misbehavior that needed to be punished. Basically from then on I was put on Adderall and all punishments were strict at best.
I think I blocked it from my memory? But I remember having major feelings that he was doing something inappropriate to me. I told my mom. She went crying to him. I got in major trouble and I was told he was doing nothing to me. Nothing came of it.
A few years after that, he did start SA'ing me and grooming me. They had already set the stage that I was the crazy one, the liar, the unreliable one. So of course nobody believed me. And the few people who did or would have (like a few people who met him and got the fucking creeps from him) did nothing about it.
Then they pretend like they don't know why I left all of them.
Also for what it's worth, he has a creepy ass Joel Osteen smile and a dead look to his eyes. I don't know what my mom sees in him.
"...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya"
Sighing.
Slamming things.
"Dead eye" stare.
Talking through gritted teeth.
But most of the time, it was just a straight-up explosion of rage and violence.
That sharp nasal inhale followed by silence
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
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Sometimes I would be in the room Minding my business she would walk past the room ask me a question.
She hated if I made eye contact with her or if I didn’t look at her.
So there was really no way of knowing what the outcome would be
either way it was a lose lose situation and I got my ass beat regardless.