Not Christmas, but my birthday which is in late fall…

My mother asked if I would go to a venue I actually work at with her friends. It’s not uncommon for people to ask me to do that, I can show them things that the public never gets to see. Her friends are from out of state.

Ultimately day of I had to back out due to extreme back pain that has me in the er the night before.

Then out of nowhere she texts me and says “that’s too bad this was your birthday gift.”

You wanted to take me to my place of work for MY birthday when I don’t pay for tickets or meals or drinks there? And since I missed out due to injury I now don’t get anything for my birthday? Not a card? Nothing.

It would sting less if she wasn’t so demanding about her own birthday even demanding the amount spent be above $150 plus a nice dinner. (I’m low contact with my mother constantly teetering on NC)

Received a text very close to: "Your gift this year is thoughts and prayers that you'll realize how much you've hurt us." Mind you, siblings most definitely made out like bandits. Unfortunately, they're the type that equate money to love, and learned previous that money cannot buy our love... so here we are.

/biggest-eye-roll-ever

I went NC with my dad 3 months ago, and I got nada. Also, 3 months ago, my loving mom passed, and I also got nada, not even a card from him. My first Christmas without my mom, and this was my dad's response. More punishment I guess, my childhood punishment wasn't enough.

No gifts, my mom attempted to mail me a gift card the first year I went NC. I opened it, put it in a new envelope, and mailed it back without a note, so she would know it wasn't a return to sender by USPS, it was intentionally sent back. She never tried again.

I got a court summons and welfare checks on my kids for Christmas this year 🙃

Turns out it was the best present ever because after breaking out my FU folder - they lost and we will be getting legal protections and prohibited steps orders (against them) instead 🎉🎁

The actual last gift my dad got me the day before I went NC wouldn't have been bad by most people's standards: it was some type of plug-in thing that let's you play a bunch of different video games.

Except, video games weren't really an interest of mine at all at the time. That was his interest, like every gift he had ever gotten me. And he had already opened it and played with it. And when I mentioned that my TV was broken so I might not be able to use it right away, he threw in my face that he had spent good money on it. He also deadnamed me, didn't ask how I was recovering after surgery, and completely ignored the huge argument/discussion we had about fixing our relationship. All of this happened within about 5 minutes in my building's parking lot - that was our Christmas visit.

The last time I ever spoke to him in person was the next day when I went to his apartment and gave it back. I walked out of that building feeling so free, like this huge weight had been lifted off of me! Sent the NC message the next day and it was the best thing I ever did :)

My mother is the QUEEN of random thoughtless "gifts" sent specifically to garner engagement and attention. For example: she left many many messages that I had bonds someone had gifted me as a baby that had matured and if I didn't collect them I would lose out on "a lot of money."  It was one $20 bond.

Once she sent me a birthday present via certified mail because you have to sign for that to receive, and she wanted proof of life. The birthday present was the free wall calendar she used to get every year from her religious organization. Also my birthday is in June so the calendar was halfway to obsolete. 😂😂

One year for my birthday she sent me a check for $200 but "forgot" the signature because then I'd have to call her and she could holler at me and accuse me of being a drug addict for needing money so badly.  Then when I told her I'd throw the check away she yelled at me that someone could steal it and steal her money. It became a whole unending drama of screaming and bullshit. 

Anyway I stopped responding to her nonsense decades ago. I fell for it a couple times when I was very young but not after that. 

We are NC this year . My parents tried to send me more money than past years by triple for my son and I (they r also the only ones who do not send to my auto transfer). I didn’t accept it even tho I’m disabled and need it- but the house they helped me with came with major strings attached unbeknownst to me and this Xmas money also came with strings. I had to buy Black Friday objects bc they gave it in Nov and the catch is I have to show everyone what I spent it on. I’m too sick to spend money on BS so aside from my son’s toy/ gift, like this was super f’d. DECLINE

My dad bought me a scale for Christmas when I was 13. I no longer speak to him.

Christmas past: wonder wheeler and calculator with large buttons for husband. Regifts or whatever is around the house. These people know the good gifts from the bad. I’ve seen what they give each other. I started to give gift cards and told them I expected the same. Would give early so they could give me gift cards of equal value. Wouldn’t get them and would ask if they got lost in the mail. My parents would leave the sending of them up to my sister in law. Would get them around Easter some years.

For me I didn't get any Christmas presents. No one cares enough to send me anything.

I've been NC with my mom for 2 years. This year she completely ignored my kids, her grandkids, and didn't even pretend to send them anything or even text. Then Xmas night my 18yo got a text from my sister saying grandma is hospitalized because she hurt her back. This is my mom's version of Xmas cancer, it's always her back, has been all my life, but only bothers her when it's convenient to her. Last time was my daughter's high school graduation she didn't bother to show up at, last minute like usual. 

BTW, she wasn't hospitalized. She went to the ER because it was Xmas and the minute clinics were all closed. She wasn't admitted. Like I said, she's had this bad back for the last 50 years. I've now gone NC with my sister. 

Not this Christmas…but when I was pregnant with my daughter I got a light bulb wrapped in a baby gap bag.

Mine was the gift that keeps on giving: nothing.

I had two years of trauma therapy following moving out after The Year of Traumatic Invalidation.

But this community has been equally as valuable. It is so validating for me to hear all of your stories.

Love you!

My birthday was earlier this month. A few days before, I got a text from my mother‘s neighbor, who I hadn’t heard from in years. She said my mother had a gift for me and could I meet her or could she drop it off. I said “thanks for the kind offer, but that won’t be possible, please tell my mother she can mail it if she likes.“ Three hours later it was on my porch.

I recognized the box from my mother‘s attic. It contained three empty gallon jars and 1 gallon jar 3/4 full of bay leaves. I remember these bay leaves. My mother bought them from a food co-op she belong to before she moved… In 1995. I have been trying to get her to throw out those bay leaves for years. She sent me three empty jars and 30 year-old bay leaves. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OK, it’s funny now, but when I saw that on my porch I was really disconcerted.

Interestingly, 30 minutes later, I was scheduled to meet with my town Director of mental health for a professional reason. I did the professional thing, then I told him about the Great Bay Leaf Incident and that I was concerned about a fake welfare check, and I wanted it on record with the police that this was a likelihood.

Afterwards, I was thinking maybe my mother legitimately needed a welfare check. But I just texted her neighbor and expressed surprise that my mother would think that 30-year-old bay leaves would make an appropriate gift, and asked her, as a nurse, and someone who knows my mother well, to check on her.

I never heard back from her, but I did get an email from my mother, saying I had received a “bizarre“ birthday gift and some lame explanation about what it was all about, and of course not acknowledging that I had set a boundary about it not being dropped off, which was violated.

I’ll always remember I was super in love with Lost… me and my sister both got DVD sets… she opens hers first. It’s Lost season 1… we were both confused… I open mine… The O.C. Season 2… one of Her favorite shows, that I was forbidden from watching cuz I was “too young”…. I remember being screamed at for awhile because I wasn’t excited or grateful enough

A gag gift. Something you bring to white elephant meant to be funny or a joke.

It wasn’t this year and it wasn’t at Christmas but one time I got a very cheap drone in the mail from my ndad. Like 15 euro’s worth. I never even took it out of the packaging.

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From the side we have mild contact with: I got some “$10 coupons you get when you buy gift cards” that have to be used this month. But only one at a time. And not with an actual gift card

For my 40th, I got a Christmas card that wasn’t even written in.