I read the book Toxic Parents and it said to write a letter and share it with someone so here it is 🥲

Dear Dad,

I’m going to say some things to you I have never said before.

1. This is what you did to me

You decided to make a family and have another baby (me) without the commitment that requires. You abandoned your then-wife, leaving her completely unprepared to become a single parent, since you allowed the façade of you being the provider to continue. It’s not even like you left to take care of yourself- you left to pursue your own selfish desires.

Every other weekend, you took us to your apartment to spend time with the “other woman,” Roseanne, who also was sleeping with your dad (the irony). Do you see anything wrong with that? You were completely checked out. We watched TV by ourselves, and for some reason I developed a fear of being alone with you.

There was a revolving door of new girlfriends, sometimes at the same time. You told us not to tell them about each other. We met them, spent time with them, and spent holidays with them and their kids.

I thought you existed every other weekend. I thought you lived hours away and that was why we didn’t see you more. You lied and tried to cheat my mom out of child support for years, diverting her- and your- attention onto court battles instead of raising your kids.

As a child, I didn’t fully understand what was happening. I assumed it didn’t bother me because I really considered you my father. Time went on, and eventually we grew up, and you finally found a new family. I guess it filled some hole in your life, because you settled into it then.

Because of your choices, I was robbed of a sense of safety and security as a child. I was not allowed a present, stable, safe home. I was robbed of an emotionally available mom because of what you did to her. I know all of the stories.

What has always been missing is accountability- anything resembling remorse.

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1. This is how I felt about it at the time

When I was younger, I felt scared of you and completely unprotected at your apartment- like Lord of the Flies. I felt panicked when I had to leave my home to go with you. I felt trapped.

As a teenager, I really didn’t care or think of you much at all. That continued into my twenties. When I became a parent and saw how parents and families are supposed to be, the weight of your failure became clearer.

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1. This is how it affected my life

I was robbed of a sense of safety and security as a child. I was not allowed a present, stable, safe home due to your choices early in my life. I was robbed of an emotionally available mother because of what you did to her.

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1. This is what I want from you now

I want a detailed account of what happened- the circumstances leading up to your affair, why you did it, and how you could have done that to your own family. All I’ve ever heard is that one day you just left. I need more of an explanation so that I can stop believing that a dad can just one day decide to be done and leave.

I want no life advice from you. I don’t want to hear about your current family. It’s weird and awkward.

If you believe you’ve changed from who you were, I’d like to hear how. If not, I’m not interested in having a relationship with you anymore.

Some things are not forgivable in the absence of remorse and changed behavior.