I’ve been no contact 24 days by telephone and text, but did allow a text for Christmas (culturally this is a big holiday in my culture; also this is the first time I spent the holidays alone and it was very difficult). I sent my mom a text, she responded an I responded back, can I get feedback please.
Reason for contact is years of emotional abuse and manipulation. Also mom never accepted me being gay, and did fraud against me and has not been honest. I understand that these are trauma responses, so I have empathy, but I’m tired emotionally. Been 43 years of this.
Homophobia, financial abuse, emotionally abusing a child, none of those are trauma responses. Your fawning IS a trauma response though. You went no contact because of the emotional abuse and manipulation. Her text is more emotional abuse and manipulation. Nothing has changed in 24 days.
Thank you so much for this. It’s my first Christmas with no contact an it’s hard.
The first everything is hard, you're actually handling it very well. This is my second Christmas estranged and it's been wildly different and better. Keep hanging in there and reaching out for support when you need it. You'll get through this and it does get better. It's okay to grieve today, that's expected.
I’m just tired, tired of begging for love. Tired of distorting myself , minimizing myself, erasing myself for someone else’s ability to be comfortable with the world.
That's why you're here, finally choosing yourself. You will now have room for people that give love freely and love you exactly how you are. You're free now. That comes with sadness too, but peace accompanies that sadness.
She has quite a few telltale signs of "rug sweeping" any accountability. Namely, she jumps right to "I'm old and sick, so this is really about my needs, not yours. Just forget about everything I've done and pretend it never happened."
Holding people accountable for big things like fraud, even well in the past... its a CHOICE. If you want to see whats really under the surface with her, talk to her about that. Don't directly ask for an "apology", because she'll just "give one" and say "Now can you go back to no boundaries and give me what I want".
Instead, talk about you, your feelings, your hurt... and watch how quickly she turn it to talking about herself and how she's the "real victim", the runt, the one who isnt feeling well etc.
If you were to keep pushing, even just a little... 10 to 1 odds she'll go straight to snapping or crying-- its what manipulators do.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but thats my read on it.
I appreciate that, I want to hear the truth. My brother is similar to her also.
Guaranteed she’s going to live to 100
The ironic thing is that she’s the strongest of the 3.
She’s playing victim. “Poor old Sick me, kowtow to my demands because I don’t know how long I Will live!”
Zero accountability. She wants you to be the way you were so they can abuse you again/more.
….many if not most of our parents display the same disgusting behaviors. Take that how you will. I hope you hold your line and keep on the path to freedom.
I really appreciate this. Im going to ask a question, a non narcissistic parent wouldn’t do this, right?
Most likely not. At least in general. Always some exceptions to the rule, and exceptions that prove the rule.
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