Maybe I am an asshole, but I think, how dare you send me a “Merry Christmas” message. This message is of comfort to no one but you, and I find it intrusive and upsetting.
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all of us strong estranged children who would rather be alone on the holidays than around these fuck nuts. Cheers
I used to get upset, now I just laugh. I posted mine earlier, the message "sending you best wishes" was in the subject line and the only thing in the message body was "Mum x" and it's funny to me how pathetic it is. It's entirely so she can tell herself or her friends that she's still reaching out, still trying.
It just makes my heart sink to see the notification, and then to start thinking again about them and I feel worked up for a moment, you know? It’s just like, stay out of my space energetically and emotionally. I really struggle with OCD and this kind of stuck on thought loops and emotions. So, though I do not consciously care even 1%, the wheel starts turning and I just go in a loop like how dare you etc and negative emotions and memories pour in.
Yep I absolutely know. Is she sending emails? If so I highly recommend setting up a filter so they don't go to your inbox and you'll only see them if you decide to open the folder. And also if you're like me and ruin your sleep by looking late at night set up an app lock that won't let you access your emails at night.
Just received the same message and thought the same thing. I hate that anyone has to go through this, but I’m glad I’m not alone and that there are people who understand. Merry Christmas!
I feel the same way. Out of all the days available during the year, they pick my birthday & christmas. It's almost like it's all about them and them feeling better ...
My parents are blocked but I didn’t realize until last night how that doesn’t block group texts. Dad sent a message to my brother and me and I can’t see their full message but I saw my brother’s response (he’s not blocked). So infuriating that they still won’t leave me alone. It was enough to disturb my peace for sure. Just trying to breathe through it.
Shit Twat added me to a group text thing after I had blocked her too. It was her garnering sympathy for Fuckstick’s “Alzheimer’s” or something. I blocked all numbers in the group and later figured out how to “death block” at the carrier level.
Merry Christmas! I went NC a year ago and the holidays are so much better now.
Since my nmom died in October, it's my first Christmas without a message. Very peaceful.
I’m envious.
After not speaking for several months after my grandmother died my mother decided my toddler's bday was the perfect day to reconnect. it wasn't. I wrote back that we needed to have a serious conversation about our relationship before my children get involved any further. Crickets for almost two years now. I was pp with a newborn that she neglected to even know about. The last time we were on the phone she hung up on me because I calmly asked her to stop by with Christmas presents instead of mailing them since she comes to my city TO VISIT OTHER FAMILY. she hung up on me once I finished the sentence and then didn't call for Christmas. That was two Christmases ago now. I was a total pressure cooker by the time she crawled from under her self pity to wish my precious baby she has only met once happy birthday VIA EMAIL. SHE MADE ME MOURN MY NANA PREGNANT WITH NO EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FROM ANY FAMILY EXCEPT MY HUSBAND. I still feel numb about it. Good riddance.....
What gives. Why can’t they leave us the hell alone. Turn narcmas on them- you don’t like this silence? I’ll do it more! You don’t like this cruelty? I’ll do it more! Sound familiar?!?
Merry Christmas to you! Yeah, I got a Merry Christmas message from my mother with a "I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations" and "I did the best I could" guilt trip thrown in. But she did say the ball's in my court now at the end of the message so hopefully that means she's not going to bother me anymore??
Unfortunately, I doubt it, they lie :(
if Twat gets through my NC moat and sends a message “I did the best I could” I would probably die laughing. Twat beat the out of me, neglected me, did drugs, smoked, binge-drank, gave me PTSD etc.
Cheers! Finally have time to unwind from being in the kitchen all day lol. 2nd xmas & no annoying messages, freedom! I’ll be enjoying my night with hubby, our happy kids asleep from a fun day. Our family is small but my kids aren’t missing out on a damn thing.
Thanks for the chuckle. Here's to a fuck-nut-free holdiay!!!
Sing along with me:
"Fuuuuuck nuts roasting on an open fire..."
😆😅🤣🤣
I’m cringing waiting for Twat to use a third party’s phone to harass me. I feel that Twat is escalating; the f’ng snail mail Christmas envelope after years of not sending anything is VERY suspicious and disturbing. I know the real her! I simply wrote “return to sender” and slapped it back in the mail. That I dared to do so will make her fucking EXPLODE.
Mine had the added bonus of telling me they were going to send money “but it wouldn’t go through.”
Whatever. I had one of the most enjoyable xmases ever, even with receiving that message.
My dad (who I maybe speak on the phone to a few times a year) texted me a Christmas cat gif this morning and said “Love you, orangepaperlantern! Give a call when you can”. Never “I love you”, just “love you”. Fine with me tbh. Reader, I did not call him today after all. I just didn’t feel like it.
Seems like a nice dad, seems like you are resentful, which is fine but if you are estranged either fully commit or don't
I thought this same exact thing when I got a similar email this morning. Like have you not stolen enough from me already, and yet you have to ruin this day by reminding me how little you care. It just reminds me they are everything I’m not. I am thankful I am not like them and just hope I can find someone like me who genuinely cares, puts forth an effort. I really have hated today. My heart is exhausted. Definitely relate to this post and a lot of the comments here
This is my third Christmas NC. My Dad, without fail, will send me a message very early in the morning for Christmas and my birthday - every single year. I suspect it’s because my Mom sleeps in and he can send one off without being berated about who he is texting. I also suspect these messages are not of genuine holiday well wishes but instead a method of alleviating the guilt he has - which would actually be ideal since I don’t answer these messages anymore.
I cannot comprehend how they make sense of reaching out only on holidays which in my mind are not the times I needed them.
Exactly, reaching out when I needed them the LEAST. So selfish
I'm happy to read all your perspectives. This is my first Christmas in NC, and the fact that my mom ignored my birthday in August and now Christmas makes me think it's not me who cut me off, but them who left me out. Since she's one of those who pray and act like a saint, I'm even more pissed off that even at Christmas she can't help but be a fake, her and her religion, which I know she'll cling to, praying for help, her poor victim of a cruel and crazy daughter. So, even though I'm really hurting, reading your comments made me realize that even a fake wish would be annoying.
I feel exactly like you, my mom doesn’t try, only my dad. She makes it seem like I’m the one who’s out. She is the abuser and enabler, even if I’m “out”, who would want to me in? I would rather be abandoned by these immoral evil people than considered someone they admire, everyone they admire is evil lol. It does hurt though, it makes you think “what’s wrong with me? Did I go too far? Is this okay?” Reground yourself in the reality of what happened. So sorry for this
My sister sent me a merry christmas gif message. I haven’t spoken to her in 4 years, I also did not reply.
She can stay mad about it. 😌
I received a “mystery package” (random cheap Chinese shit off Amazon with no packaging and no return address) two weeks ago one day, presumably from my estranged mother and/or brother. Then the day after I got a second one, this one from my mother, both of which were items for my 2 year old, who they made no effort to try to get to know, hence the estrangement (in part at least) I took them both right to their front door, dropped off the box w the word “refused” written on it.
I totally get this.
nMother once 'borrowed' the phone off a friend of hers to send me an Xmas message (to get around my block). Having only heard nMom's side of the story, the friend wasn't fully aware of the situation.
I sent back a cease and desist, quoting the DVO I had against nMom that stated (in part) that she wasn't to contact me or my kids either directly or via third parties.
I heard through relatives that there was fallout and nMom ended up with one less friend.
Have a good Christmas.
Yup, they sure know how to spin it to put themselves in the best possible light! Poor poor them. Mean mean children.
Merry Christmas everyone! This was my third Christmas after becoming estranged and a great one!
Ha. I didn't realize which group this was in, and was like ... WhoTF gets so upset about a Christmas message. Then I was like OH! Yes. Totally legit.
I don't get the messages, so yay for me. I only get messages that he needs money.
Lol we go 363 days a year without messages but now on Christmas and my birthday, I get the texts. This years Christmas text was sent with photos of their tree and my old Christmas stocking. Like sending me photos from the scene of the crime will make me come around. No appology or remorse. Just these half-assed measures to make themselves feel better. Three christmases ago they hung up on me when I tried to call. But now they miss me. Sure.
I got a sobby voicemail AND an email
Mine did a present drive-by, sent cards, and texted me. Which is funny considering the number of Christmases and other family events they’ve happily spent without me. Making up weird lies about me, in fact.
I guess when it’s not on your terms then it’s a different matter.
I’ve structured my christmases so that they are peaceful and without any expectation. I don’t make them special, I don’t celebrate as a holiday, I just take time to enjoy myself and whichever friend is alone that year. 0 expectations, just peace.
I’m so lucky that they don’t try to reach out on Christmas. Because the last 10 years have been delightful.
That said… they fucking happy birthday messages from random numbers piss me the fuck off.
Lmao I’m swinging by this sub for the first time in a while to get advice on messages, you’re not alone I fear. Happy Holidays and may we all continue to be assholes :)
my bdays dec 23, so its a double whammy
thankfully its just siblings who contact me these days, though... you know (ones a flying monkey, i didnt even respond to her this year)
got dad blocked and mum doesnt have my number
& ive established a tradition of spending that time with my grandma (while she's still alive) who i have a good relationship with
edit: uncle also contacted me, might be a flying monkey, he's a bit hard to read tbh, last i talked to him before this he apparentley used a bunch of personal stuff i told him to attack dad with, according to FM sister, words to the effect "your only legacy are a couple of dole bludging losers" but i dont 100% trust her that thats what he said, because that was relayed to her form dad, so its "chinese whispers" (can we still say that?) and i dont really know wtf's going on there, but i also dont really care
Since I blocked them both they told my in-laws to wish Merry Christmas since they knew we would visit them. Fuck off and stop using the in-laws as a channel to make yourself feel good.
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I feel you there. Thought I had dodged the bullet this year when the email pops up at 10:30pm. Second line, "I am praying for you to repent" etc etc. Like does he actually expect this to change my mind? I've been married to my wife for 3 years and he still can't acknowledge her. And then a whole paragraph of friendly chatting like nothing's wrong???
This is why I finally blocked my parents. Sooo freeing to not have to deal with this shit anymore.
They sent me some money (as per usual, throw money at the problem), so I didn't mind too much. lol