I'm on my 4th Xmas alone. I have no friends and family. It sucks. the first is the worst. The day passes and you just need to get through it, feeling like shit and all. I wish I could suggest cute little moments to enjoy your day but theres really no getting around this first one. What if this season you end each evening with a sunset watch or you greet each sunrise with a warm cuppa in your hand and you softly tell your inner self that you love them. Just a simple loving act for you. That's all I got. You aren't alone on here. xx
It's first for me as well, however I have spent Christmas alone last year. Now it's actual no contact. I was close to breaking it but I had no emotional strength to deal with drama. I am tired.
I actually endured harrassment for nearly 6 weeks after which they called fake missing person report on me. If it had been only cops I wouldn't care but they basically attempted an ambush. Well what they got instead was me informing the cops that I don't wanna see them (at least I didn't want at that time of shock, not in general) and I told cops about harrassment. Then they got slapped by police. None of that shit would have happened had they not called police. Now they are too scared to contact me which is much worse position than the one they were initially in. One day I will make a post about that whole circus.
The first year after I went no-contact AND broke up with my ex, I just decided to totally embrace the suck.
I was like, thanksgiving is hot pockets and bourbon. I’m gonna literally pull up a chair and welcome loneliness to sit at my table, and we’re gonna just hash it out.
And I’m ngl, it sucked really bad. But I didn’t want to avoid those feelings or distract myself. I knew I needed to grieve.
Some years are better; some are worse. Sometimes I spend the holidays alone (by choice; I think I’ve always been invited somewhere), and sometimes I’ve spent them with friends.
One thing to remind yourself is that as painful as this is, you are FREE.
You don’t have to suck it up and go to their house and pretend to be a happy family even though they’re shitty and insane.
You can create a family of CHOICE now. Which is super empowering.
You can choose the people you let in. You can choose how close you want to get. You can choose how you spend time with them. If a relationship doesn’t feel right, you can choose to disengage from it.
Yes. It is awful being alone on the holidays the first time. There is no escaping that. But it’s also fucking brave and triumphant and real, and you have made a commitment to YOU. Instead of the people who abused you.
Try to revel in that, even if you can only do it for a moment.
I am in the same boat as you. My loving mom passed 3 months ago and that aligned with the start of NC with my dad. I never spent the holidays with him anyways, so it's not that big of loss. It's heartbreaking since my mom isn't here, but I feel like an orphan. I don't have any other family alive.
Hey! Me too. Merry Christmas! I went for a nice peaceful walk at a park I’ve never been to, went for a long drive afterwards, and just finished dinner. I’m going to break out my oil paints next. I’m sad but trying to approach it like I would any other day
I am currently working on a portrait of a Geisha and when I’m tried of working on her I’ll probably switch to my painting of a slumbering dragon amongst castle ruins! Thank you for asking! I might order a movie while I do it. I do a lot better emotionally when I keep myself moving
This is my second year but this one is harder for me. I’m no contact with family, have no boyfriend, and no dog. It’s very lonely. I think it’s worse this year because last year it was fresh and I had a boyfriend who was stressing me out so my focus was elsewhere. This year, it almost feels like “ok I need to make a final decision on my family.” Like fully healing requires fully accepting what she did, and accepting who my mom is basically means all hope is gone for reconciliation.
I decided to go to an All-Inclusive resort to enjoy and meet other people. I spent a lot of time thinking about my parents and my situation and being sad and angry, having to answer when people asked me what I was doing for the holidays or why I was traveling alone. Struggling with anger, grief, loneliness, that “this sucks and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Bargaining with “maybe it could get better” and “maybe I can just get over it.” It’s really not easy but I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Same situation no contact with parents which seems to extend to all bio family members. No girlfriend, no dog, no friends. I just walked 11 miles in the park alone today contemplating my existence. Sorry you know this pain.
I spent the day with my boyfriend’s family swimming in their pool and eating roast beef and crab. It’s been pretty epic holiday. No feeling like people are trying to get me off the phone. No feeling obligated to call. No performative blessings and gifts. Just having fun and working on my relationship with my future in laws. It’s been great and relaxing. I also got to talk to my grandmother. She has been reaching out more since I went no contact which may be due to my parents, but frankly she’s 91 and has done nothing wrong and doesn’t try to get information from me. There is no reason to cut her off, especially when she is at the end of her life and living her best life.
First year for me too. I was feeling okay until I got a group text message with blocked parents on the thread. I feel super guilty but I have to remind myself why I had to make the painful decision in the first place.
I hope today you are able to find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. And that hopefully we will navigate this and get more used to it as time goes on. I like how you used the word ‘unnatural’ regarding how you’re feeling. It’s of course natural to feel wrong about it all, but I think these are positive steps to improve our wellbeing. It’s so hard, but I believe now we are able to heal.
This is my third Christmas after becoming estranged, and it was great! My partner gives me free reign to do whatever Christmas rituals I want to do, with the stipulation that we must watch Die Hard 😆
I was iffy about a friends get together for lunch yesterday, but if I hadn’t made it, they would’ve understood. Also, at the beginning of the meal I asked that we try to limit cross conversations because those are really difficult with my auditory processing disorder, and they all agreed 😊
I’m near Rhode Island, and went to a Newport Gilded Age mansion this year, the second time in three years. I really enjoyed that.
After five months of being estranged, I started going to the local Unitarian Universalist church. This is great for people who like the social aspect of religion, without the organized religion part 😆 They are very LGBTQ+ 🏳️🌈 friendly, for those who also value that. We had a solstice service on Sunday afternoon. I wasn’t able to make it in person, but live streamed it, and enjoyed it very much.
This month has been full of doing what I choose to do, and reaching a consensus with my partner for things we do together. It’s so much more enjoyable than Christmases past.
And I’m going to stop there without reliving all the things I formerly had to do at Christmas because I felt obliged to 😀
It feels weird for sure, but keep in mind that so many people who are attending big gatherings are feeling just as lonely. And plenty of them might picture a person having a peaceful holiday at home with their own company, and feeling envious. In a few days, everybody goes back to their normal routines, without really having gained anything from the gathering they were obligated to attend.
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
I pretended that Christmas wasn't happening, for a couple of years. I worked through the holiday, didn't decorate my apartment, and just powered through. That helped, it made me feel better. It made it easier to be able to come back and earnestly enjoy the holidays again. I've been LC for 22 years and NC for 11. The first few years of NC were hard, it almost felt like I was an addict and my family of origin was my drug of choice. I wanted back in, but I also knew that would kill me.
What helped was distracting myself. Playing video games, reading books, getting into non holiday crafts and stuff. I taught myself how to cook and bake, I'm really good at it now! It took a lot of practice and I had plenty of time to do that while NC.
I'm on my 4th Xmas alone. I have no friends and family. It sucks. the first is the worst. The day passes and you just need to get through it, feeling like shit and all. I wish I could suggest cute little moments to enjoy your day but theres really no getting around this first one. What if this season you end each evening with a sunset watch or you greet each sunrise with a warm cuppa in your hand and you softly tell your inner self that you love them. Just a simple loving act for you. That's all I got. You aren't alone on here. xx
Thank you.
It's first for me as well, however I have spent Christmas alone last year. Now it's actual no contact. I was close to breaking it but I had no emotional strength to deal with drama. I am tired.
Same. Last yeah had some contact but in March of 2025 I went full contact asking them to not contact me again or they will charged with harassment.
I actually endured harrassment for nearly 6 weeks after which they called fake missing person report on me. If it had been only cops I wouldn't care but they basically attempted an ambush. Well what they got instead was me informing the cops that I don't wanna see them (at least I didn't want at that time of shock, not in general) and I told cops about harrassment. Then they got slapped by police. None of that shit would have happened had they not called police. Now they are too scared to contact me which is much worse position than the one they were initially in. One day I will make a post about that whole circus.
It’s been many holiday seasons for me now.
The first year after I went no-contact AND broke up with my ex, I just decided to totally embrace the suck.
I was like, thanksgiving is hot pockets and bourbon. I’m gonna literally pull up a chair and welcome loneliness to sit at my table, and we’re gonna just hash it out.
And I’m ngl, it sucked really bad. But I didn’t want to avoid those feelings or distract myself. I knew I needed to grieve.
Some years are better; some are worse. Sometimes I spend the holidays alone (by choice; I think I’ve always been invited somewhere), and sometimes I’ve spent them with friends.
One thing to remind yourself is that as painful as this is, you are FREE.
You don’t have to suck it up and go to their house and pretend to be a happy family even though they’re shitty and insane.
You can create a family of CHOICE now. Which is super empowering.
You can choose the people you let in. You can choose how close you want to get. You can choose how you spend time with them. If a relationship doesn’t feel right, you can choose to disengage from it.
Yes. It is awful being alone on the holidays the first time. There is no escaping that. But it’s also fucking brave and triumphant and real, and you have made a commitment to YOU. Instead of the people who abused you.
Try to revel in that, even if you can only do it for a moment.
Thank you for pointing out the commitment to myself. That helps a lot.
I am in the same boat as you. My loving mom passed 3 months ago and that aligned with the start of NC with my dad. I never spent the holidays with him anyways, so it's not that big of loss. It's heartbreaking since my mom isn't here, but I feel like an orphan. I don't have any other family alive.
Hey! Me too. Merry Christmas! I went for a nice peaceful walk at a park I’ve never been to, went for a long drive afterwards, and just finished dinner. I’m going to break out my oil paints next. I’m sad but trying to approach it like I would any other day
I like your attitude. What will you paint?
I am currently working on a portrait of a Geisha and when I’m tried of working on her I’ll probably switch to my painting of a slumbering dragon amongst castle ruins! Thank you for asking! I might order a movie while I do it. I do a lot better emotionally when I keep myself moving
Yes. The more activity the better. Slowing down and quiet time not so good on days like today.
Exactly! I won’t be able to get rid of all my feelings but I can make the worst ones less prominent
The first one is hard, but they get easier as you realize your freedom and use the day to focus on other things.
This is my second year but this one is harder for me. I’m no contact with family, have no boyfriend, and no dog. It’s very lonely. I think it’s worse this year because last year it was fresh and I had a boyfriend who was stressing me out so my focus was elsewhere. This year, it almost feels like “ok I need to make a final decision on my family.” Like fully healing requires fully accepting what she did, and accepting who my mom is basically means all hope is gone for reconciliation.
I decided to go to an All-Inclusive resort to enjoy and meet other people. I spent a lot of time thinking about my parents and my situation and being sad and angry, having to answer when people asked me what I was doing for the holidays or why I was traveling alone. Struggling with anger, grief, loneliness, that “this sucks and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Bargaining with “maybe it could get better” and “maybe I can just get over it.” It’s really not easy but I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Same situation no contact with parents which seems to extend to all bio family members. No girlfriend, no dog, no friends. I just walked 11 miles in the park alone today contemplating my existence. Sorry you know this pain.
I spent the day with my boyfriend’s family swimming in their pool and eating roast beef and crab. It’s been pretty epic holiday. No feeling like people are trying to get me off the phone. No feeling obligated to call. No performative blessings and gifts. Just having fun and working on my relationship with my future in laws. It’s been great and relaxing. I also got to talk to my grandmother. She has been reaching out more since I went no contact which may be due to my parents, but frankly she’s 91 and has done nothing wrong and doesn’t try to get information from me. There is no reason to cut her off, especially when she is at the end of her life and living her best life.
First year for me too. I was feeling okay until I got a group text message with blocked parents on the thread. I feel super guilty but I have to remind myself why I had to make the painful decision in the first place.
I hope today you are able to find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. And that hopefully we will navigate this and get more used to it as time goes on. I like how you used the word ‘unnatural’ regarding how you’re feeling. It’s of course natural to feel wrong about it all, but I think these are positive steps to improve our wellbeing. It’s so hard, but I believe now we are able to heal.
You make room for good people when you stop spending time with toxic people. It won’t always be lonely. Congratulations on this brave step!!
This is my third Christmas after becoming estranged, and it was great! My partner gives me free reign to do whatever Christmas rituals I want to do, with the stipulation that we must watch Die Hard 😆
I was iffy about a friends get together for lunch yesterday, but if I hadn’t made it, they would’ve understood. Also, at the beginning of the meal I asked that we try to limit cross conversations because those are really difficult with my auditory processing disorder, and they all agreed 😊
I’m near Rhode Island, and went to a Newport Gilded Age mansion this year, the second time in three years. I really enjoyed that.
After five months of being estranged, I started going to the local Unitarian Universalist church. This is great for people who like the social aspect of religion, without the organized religion part 😆 They are very LGBTQ+ 🏳️🌈 friendly, for those who also value that. We had a solstice service on Sunday afternoon. I wasn’t able to make it in person, but live streamed it, and enjoyed it very much.
This month has been full of doing what I choose to do, and reaching a consensus with my partner for things we do together. It’s so much more enjoyable than Christmases past.
And I’m going to stop there without reliving all the things I formerly had to do at Christmas because I felt obliged to 😀
🎄
It feels weird for sure, but keep in mind that so many people who are attending big gatherings are feeling just as lonely. And plenty of them might picture a person having a peaceful holiday at home with their own company, and feeling envious. In a few days, everybody goes back to their normal routines, without really having gained anything from the gathering they were obligated to attend.
Thanks for saying that!
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
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I pretended that Christmas wasn't happening, for a couple of years. I worked through the holiday, didn't decorate my apartment, and just powered through. That helped, it made me feel better. It made it easier to be able to come back and earnestly enjoy the holidays again. I've been LC for 22 years and NC for 11. The first few years of NC were hard, it almost felt like I was an addict and my family of origin was my drug of choice. I wanted back in, but I also knew that would kill me.
What helped was distracting myself. Playing video games, reading books, getting into non holiday crafts and stuff. I taught myself how to cook and bake, I'm really good at it now! It took a lot of practice and I had plenty of time to do that while NC.