My mother is the discarding type. This is my third christmas no contact. Thankfully I didn't get a card or a revenge gift this year. It makes me laugh how little effort she put in. Apparently I'm not even worth a revenge gift anymore.
Revenge gifts are what I call the gifts she sent the first christmas and first 2 birthdays after I went no contact. She had found a pack of socks that would be a sensory nightmare because they had glittery embroidered patches on them that were all scratchy, plus they were vile. Anyway the first pair she sent also included that little cotton loop the manufacturers use to stitch 3 pairs together that she had cut but hadn't removed. Idk if not removing it was accidental or purposeful, but it was white on black socks so it was obvious. She sent the other 2 pairs on the next 2 gifting occasions, very obviously from the same set. They were gifts that she must have known I'd hate, that were designed to be insulting, but if she sent a gift she could pretend to other people she was trying, and is therefore the victim. Lol.
Anyway, this is the lowest effort yet and it made me laugh. Thought maybe it'd make you laugh too.
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I'd never noticed but I just went and checked her previous emails (I set up a filter, great way to avoid getting accidentally triggered when I'm not in the mood) and you're right. And yeah, it's entirely about her. I think last year was the year she sent me a christmas card and the only thing she'd written in it was "mum".
Idk if my parents know me enough to deliberately pick hints I hate. Too focused ont heir rpefrances. My mom sent a puzzle last year. I love puzzles. However this was a very artsy wooden puzzle, all peices were unique from each other and the puzzle is like idk 4 x 4 inches. Comoltely ignoring what I like about doing a puzzle. For my mom its pretty and presentable and adult and im sure ea bunch of other words that mee what I refer to as her standard. They arent like normal "this person has standards" but like a weird contradictory and arbritary set of things that make soemthing good or bad to her. My brother got me a puzzle the same year and ive redone it multiple times. He has a gift with gift giving. It looks like a cheap one you might get at a Tuesday morning (rip) or other stores with a wall of cheap puzzles. However its big, the pattern on it is one meant to make the peices harder to distinguish, you have to use your brain more to finish it. Its repeating cats but not repeating. Like it repeats in a deceptive way. There might be 2 Grey cats with hats on but the hats are different patterns depsite beign the same color. Anywya idk. It jsut baffles and amuses me how my parents like "try" but its more about feeling like they did the right thing and checking off a box than actually trying. It seems so obvious to me hut im sure id have freinds or coworkers who would not see it when I explain my experiences.
I don't think there's a human on the planet who would have liked those socks, they were impressively bad. So I don't think she went out of her way to find something that I specifically would hate; like you I don't think she knows me well enough to do that. Gifts when I was in contact were supposed to be good, I think, but they just proved her idea of what I liked hadn't changed in decades. When I was in my late 20s she was still buying me gifts like kits for projects I did at summer camp when I was 8 and hadn't shown any interest in since.
You're absolutely right about how it's obvious to those who know but baffling to those who had normal parents. That's why I never talk about these things with people who had normal parents.
My mother did a few tricks with gifts.
She would buy things SHE wanted that she knew I wouldn't want. So when I opened presents, she would say "if you don't like it, I will take it."
She would completely forget about me. I had to come to the house for Christmas, she would guilt me into it until I agreed. But would have to change the tags on the gifts because she didn't buy me a gift. I have 3 older brothers and the only girl, so at the end of the day I would have to give my brothers their new clothes back.
She would actually buy me something that I wanted or would use. She would tell me what she got me, but then finish the conversation with " I forgot to buy the neighbor a gift, so I'm giving them yours. Don't be selfish."
Wow, you mom was loads worse than mine over gifts. Yours is a psycho.
Lol, you have no idea.
Mine is a psycho in other ways, she enjoyed beating animals to death and making us watch. So I probably have some idea, but yeah, the stuff they do can be wild.
Wow. I'm so glad you went NC.
Yeah. I didn't go NC till she told me she thought I should die though. I do not miss her!
I did get the hope you die a few times.
My favorite was, "If I wasn't Catholic, you wouldn't be here."
My dad lost his mind on that one. My dad is a very calm, slow to anger man. But, that day, he couldn't just let it slide.
She just kept yelling "You always take her side."
Childhood was wild.
Oof, that sucks. Mine decided to be a single parent in the 80s on purpose so she never wished us dead until she got all into eugenics and I'm disabled so apparently I should die because I'm a burden on society. Which was bad but at least it was new so I hadn't normalised it and it flipped a switch so I went from full contact and a fairly normal but emotionally abusive and stressful relationship to no contact almost overnight. And then she refused to apologise and made it very clear that she would rather see our relationship end than apologise, so I said bet and that's why I've been no contact for 3 years.
I'm almost 4 years, and honestly, it's been the most peaceful 4 years of my life.
Same. I'm so glad you're free.
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