Every year for the past 10 Christmas’s I’ve spent them either alone or with a partners family. Honestly I prefer the alone at this point. It’s somehow even lonelier to spend it with a different family as an “outsider”. I never get gifts (I’m not worried about gifts but it’s very obvious) and I feel like I’m just observing a family experience instead of getting to participate. It’s my babies first Christmas so I’ve decided that moving forward this holiday will be spent in our home creating our own traditions. Special shoutout to all the estranged adults that feel lonely on this holiday ❤️🩹
There’s definitely a reason today is my cake day 😅
Happy to report that I’ve gone from white knuckling through Xmas to patrolling this sub ready to offer help and support to those struggling today. It gets better guys! ❤️🩹
I'm fortunate to have amazing in-laws so I've always felt loved in their household, however the last two Christmases still had that sad tinge of being the estranged child adopted into another family's Christmas.
But this year, I hosted Christmas at my house, and it has been the best Christmas of my life. I got to make all the food, my partner got to decide the entertainment, and just creating new experiences in MY house and being the host finally brought me that feeling of belonging. I hope you will get to enjoy that feeling soon too <3
Honestly my in laws are amazing also. This is probably the best family I’ve ever gotten to spend the holiday with. But I can’t shake that feeling of not belonging. Maybe it’s a projection of my own insecurities but I really hope I can heal by starting my own traditions like you did this year 🥂 very happy for you
I totally understand - I have felt that feeling so many times! I'm so excited for you to make some healing new traditions! Best wishes to you and baby and your family <3
God, I love my in-laws. Christmas is actually fun at their house, instead of an exercise in tedium.
Yes I feel you on this one. I love my wife's family, but I def feel even lonelier being with them on Christmas day. Although reflecting on it, they know I find it hard and are absolutely understanding when I spent a lot of time in bed in the guest bedroom and come out for presents and dinner or whatever I can manage. We're spending today by ourselves and it has been so fun and my wife doesn't mind a break from doing the same old every year - win.
My heart goes out to you all
Thank you and sending you love as you create some new traditions you also get to participate in!
I'm so sorry. They should be treating you as a full member of their family, not as second-class among them. You deserve better.
I go to my in-laws for almost every holiday and I LOVE IT. It has been so healing for me, there is never any drama, and it’s full of the laughter of my son, nieces and nephew. I’m incredibly thankful that I’ve been able to see what a healthy family looks like thanks to my in-laws.
Love this! I feel the same about Christmas with my husband and in-laws
I’m so sorry the in laws make you feel like you’re still observing rather than being immersed & welcomed. Especially being postpartum. Last year was my youngest’s first Christmas & first holiday estranged for me. I feel very grateful my husband’s family is very loving. It still drains my batteries & can feel out of place. This second year was much better, I really hope the years to come feel better for you as well! Hug on your baby - you made it through another huge holiday & cheers to new traditions to come!
Quick reminder - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our rules.
Need info or resources? Check out our EAK wiki for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts.
Check out our companion resource website - Visit brEAKaway.org.uk
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Definitely push to have it at home if you've got a kid. Many years ago we made that decision, best thing we ever did for Christmas. My wife is the one who is (now) estranged and before estrangement it made things easier (no drama about favoritism). Then afterwards you don't have the awkwardness you mention.
Really glad Christmas is for our small family, then we deal with the rest later lol.