Yep. We mourned them long ago, Sibling. Wishing you continued peace.

90% the same I felt when I found out both my parents were dead.

My siblings contacted me bc there was the inheritance issue, which needed my signature. Where I'm from they were legally obligated to leave a % to me, while my siblings couldn't get a thing without my signature. Only reason. They reached out.

Dna donors left me the legal minimum, of course, while both my siblings will inherit almost 3x what I will, each. They got way more than the legal minimum, of course.

Good riddance anyway. I didn't know about this law. I expected nothing. Now my siblings want me to renounce my share just because" I wasn't there".

Sure.. whatever you want... not.

My grandmother died a couple of days ago and my NC mom is making it weird. I feel for you, OP.

Congratudolences. Condolations.

I went to see my mother on the eve of her death because I thought it was the right thing to do. However, I support your decision to do the opposite. And I will tell you, I feel so free now that she's dead. I am sad, but only because it came to this.

You have every right to feel like you do. Those are your feelings and don't let anyone else make you feel any different. I often get the gaslighted treatment from my sister that I have been in no contact with way over 6 years because I don't visit our father's grave. This time is now your time. Be free, Be happy. Lots of hugs

I could say I lost my mother this year, but the hope of any chance of a functional relationship died years ago. It still affects you, and admittedly the first thing I felt was relief. But other feelings will creep in eventually, and it's okay to acknowledge them as they show up. I was no contact for a decade when it happened and did not go to see her. I do not regret my decision.

My therapist gave me the best way to imagine points in life like this, where something stressful has come to a decisive end. He explained these episodes were like books. When it ends we can close the book and put it on the shelf. If we need to open it again to see the good parts, we risk exposing ourselves to the bad parts as we flip through the “pages.” He gave me permission to put certain “books” on a shelf, never to be opened again, simply acknowledging their presence on my mental bookshelf.

It doesn’t bring closure or answers for the hardest parts of my life, but it did give me a mental framework for acknowledging the sucky parts of my life without diving back into to them. If this metaphor brings you peace then I’m glad to have shared it. If not, then I hope you find one that does and remain at peace with your decision. But know that you are seen and any emotional turmoil from her passing is valid.

All of your feelings are valid. Good on you to take time to reflect yet also feel confident that this was the right path for you. I wish you good mental health and peace from here on out!

It’s great to hear that you are in a good place with this. My mother is 88, so I think about how I will react when the time comes.

I wonder who’s going to tell me. They didn’t when my aunt died last year. I learned about her passing when I was googling my uncle‘s obituary and found hers.

My VLC mother died on Tuesday, and I haven’t felt anything. It’s true, we’ve already grieved the loss of the parent we were supposed to have had. The death of the real one means nothing.

I’m sorry for what led you to this road. All she did.  That was a loss. Bless and continued healing.

I was no contact with my bio father. So much so I forgot he existed most of the time. Until I got that call a week after thanksgiving last year. 

No matter what you feel or don’t in the coming year+ it’s ok. 

I hope you can find your peace.

Sounds like Xmas came early!

Thanks for sharing.

I always wondered how this moment might go.

Seeing you Op, mine is gone this year and she *Loved* Christmas. The first time in 63 years the world is without her venom.

Thank you for sharing.

I am looking forward to this moment myself.

Your life is better for not allowing your peace to be disrupted. May your peace continue.

Congratudolences sibling.

My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself

Shine on ✨️

I am mourning the father I deserved, not the one I have. I get you, I see you, OP.

It’s ok to feel nothing. Merry Christmas!

Thank you for writing this.

That chapter is over, and new, enlightened chapter begins. Congratulations on handling your past and for better days ahead.

Mine died last Tuesday, and I’m okay.

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All I can say is I would have preferred it to be my Ex-Mother than yours. I will visit her grave with a full bladder, and leave with an empty one. My heart goes out to you, as you deserved better, and are a decent enough person to wish this could have been better.

My mom is on hospice and I’m not feeling anything like I thought I would. I was hoping for simple relief but instead I’m angry and sad. She doesn’t want me to know she is there. She’s never going to apologize (even though I wouldn’t believe her if she did.) i also… feel bad for her… and I absolutely HATE that I feel bad for her. She has made her bed. Her neighbor is her power of attorney because she has screwed over every bit of family she has… but I still hate how it’s all gone down. I hate being empathetic towards someone that didn’t love or care about me and gave me so much trauma to work through.

It’s so hard when you think there will be closure in death and there isn’t. But it’s validating to know that even with her gone you know you made the right choice. Everyone always says that one day we will regret it when they’re gone… and this proves that we won’t/don’t. It’s a privilege to not understand, that’s for sure.

Take care of yourself ❤️

My female parent died a few months ago and even though we hadn't spoken in over a decade I always expected to be more upset about the death of the last faint hope that she would ever say she was sorry.

It's possible that in a few years when the grief over my late husband isn't quite as sharp I'll notice some feelings about my female parent's death, but I think for some of us it's just not that big of a deal. I did my mourning a long time ago and it's not like I thought there was actually a chance she was going to apologize, it turns out that for me there's just not that much difference between "definitely never getting an apology" and "realistically I know I'm never getting an apology but as long as she's alive it's sorta technically possible."

An old lady at my church died yesterday too - I'm part of our burial society and helped prepare her body. I'm sure she wasn't the only old lady who died yesterday but it'd sure be wierd if it was your mom ...

I wish you peace of mind and happiness on your journey moving forward.