I have been with my wife for about 16 years(married 3). We were engaged for a few years and got married when she was pregnant because I thought it was important to solidify be a “real” family. We are in the restaurant industry and have always split everything down the middle financially because we always made about the same.
About 8 years into ur relationship my parents funded our move from AZ to TX to start a new life. Also, gave us a down payment on a house. Which gave us a great foundation for our family. Also, a foundation that I’m thankful for and is rarely attainable for a couple working restaurants.
My wife struggles with depression and expresses struggles with other undiagnosed mental issues. Multiple public outbursts and countless suicide threats. Most arguments end with her threatening divorce. She always had this want to go back to AZ and be with her family. We made the move to TX as a decision together and we have fun memories shopping for our home. But these together decisions became my fault am I’m keeping her from her family. Which has never been the case. We made some adult decisions and we don’t have the financial freedom to hop from house to house. We fight about that for a few years and then we have our daughter. That makes her urge for AZ stronger and she slips into a dark depression. Eggshells everywhere and she is barely going to work. Literally calling in sick weekly if she couldn’t get someone to cover her shift.
She then started depleting our savings account. When it got below 4k I said I can’t afford this anymore. I separated finances and gave her half. She understood and was motivated to get to being a team but after a few months she becomes depressed again. Starts confronting bosses at work and being insubordinate. Ultimately leading to a forced exit. Now she has a job that is paying half what she used to make and I’m struggling to come up with shortage so we can stay afloat. On top that she is going on vacation for 10 days around Xmas. She refuses to see how that will push us further into debt and hurt our family. Tonight was a breaking point and I feel like I don’t matter anymore to her
There's no question? I can understand that she wants to live near her parents. Why Texas? Your parents? You should consider that if you divorce she most probably will get back to her parents area... What about your child? Do you trust her that she can fulfill her duties with it alone? How do you handle long distance co parenting? You could also think of moving back to her parents and hope she gets better mentally.
You’re right.. there isn’t a question. I have been following this group lately because divorce has been looming threat for years now and i guess i just needed to say it somewhere. Not very professional I apologize, i keep a lot of this to myself and last night was a weak moment.
TX was a decision together. We Both lived in AZ all of our lives. When my dad retired he moved back to TX. We went to visit one year and fell in love with the area. We were then given the option to move. We talked it over for a few months and decided that this is something we wanted to do. At least that’s how I remember it going.
I do expect her to go back her parents if we divorce. I do not feel she can handle her duties solo. I’m actually wanting her to go back there as well and get herself figured out. She has been wanting to go on an extensive mental health retreat. I’ve been telling her to go back to AZ and live with your parents while you focus on yourself. This is a scenario she has begged for and now I’m saying go and do it. But now she’s wants no part of it.
I Feel co parenting is going to be a disaster no matter the distance. I would be seeking custody. I don’t want to move back to AZ, I’m tired of bending over backwards when it always backfires.
I just want to say this really sucks; I've been there with you.
Kudos to you for getting out in front of these issues especially the financial one.
When my then-wife was spending all of our money (due to her mental health issues) I didn't figure that out until I went to the store to get a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread but there was not enough money in the bank account to pay for them. That was my wake up call.
Strongly suggest speaking with a local divorce attorney to find out what you are looking at in the whole divorce process. They can help you plan for it so that it goes as well as I can for everyone.
Thank you. I really appreciate you relating. I’m sorry for what you went through
Eh - it was a rough transition but a huge weight lifted as soon as I served her. I knew then I had made the right decision.
Good luck to you. I think you'll be okay.