Hobby. I've always been active so I'm usually in the gym, walking, hiking, biking, something. Even when I have my son. He comes w/me sometimes to the gym and bike rides. Trying to get him interested but not forcing. Letting him make his own choice when to come or not.
Hobbies, music, working out, reaching out to friends, etc…these are all good ideas.
But the best option, in the long term, is to learn to not be bothered by the silence. It is different, and it stings at first, but it is not inherently bad. Learning to be content with your own thoughts is a process, but the payoff is massive.
You gotta find something to make it not quiet. Rededicate yourself to things you didn't have time for previously. Or find a new hobby. I always found physical stuff to be the most helpful to me; it got me out of the house, and the exercise was good for my mental health. I did hiking and the gym, but there are infinite options.
If you miss them, it helps to come up with an activity or something that you’ll do when they are back. And then you can prep for it. If you are lonely, finding a group of friends is good. Build your network.
There are board game groups near me that have been great.
Start meditating, try the healthy minds app. It gives you a great intro into how and why to meditate. It will help you get to a place where you just might end up enjoying some of the silent moments.
When I was in undergrad and grad school, I was a bartender. It is a job that I love, but was never as lucrative as my primary profession.
I found a part-time job at a local craft cocktail bar that let's me work around my custody schedule. When my kids are gone, I can pick up more hours. Not only do I enjoy the work, it allows for an element of creativity that I don't have in my daily desk job. The extra income is also a positive side effect.
For me it was a whole process to learn to be with myself again, just me. I forgot how to do things for me, like treat myself nice. Imagine you are dating yourself, make yourself a nice dinner, take yourself out somewhere, play video games with yourself, read. My cousin is going through same thing right now, he has this huge empty house, we just talked about it, learning how to do things for yourself again, being comfortable just being alone.
Hobby. I've always been active so I'm usually in the gym, walking, hiking, biking, something. Even when I have my son. He comes w/me sometimes to the gym and bike rides. Trying to get him interested but not forcing. Letting him make his own choice when to come or not.
Hobbies, music, working out, reaching out to friends, etc…these are all good ideas.
But the best option, in the long term, is to learn to not be bothered by the silence. It is different, and it stings at first, but it is not inherently bad. Learning to be content with your own thoughts is a process, but the payoff is massive.
I’m a bit over a year beyond it and for the first 6 months, the quiet in a big house was the hardest.
Hobbies / work / friends / family all helped. But you’re dead on - eventually you just learn a new normal. And you accept that new phase of life.
But because of that quiet, I now have a much greater appreciation of the times I do have with those little dudes running through the house.
You gotta find something to make it not quiet. Rededicate yourself to things you didn't have time for previously. Or find a new hobby. I always found physical stuff to be the most helpful to me; it got me out of the house, and the exercise was good for my mental health. I did hiking and the gym, but there are infinite options.
If you miss them, it helps to come up with an activity or something that you’ll do when they are back. And then you can prep for it. If you are lonely, finding a group of friends is good. Build your network.
There are board game groups near me that have been great.
Lego. Gym. Woodworking. Home renovation. Fishing. Skiing. Cooking. Reading.
Sometimes I need a little quiet. The rest of the time, music, friends, something active (working out or bike rides).
Start meditating, try the healthy minds app. It gives you a great intro into how and why to meditate. It will help you get to a place where you just might end up enjoying some of the silent moments.
Lift weights. Find a hobby. Do something that makes YOU happy.
If your ex-wife is a decent person, things will eventually get better. If not, start to figure out a strategy to deal with her.
Good luck. You will get thru this.
This is just for a group discussion. It sucks. Some dads are just getting into the crap, some are getting out, but we are all in it together.
When I was in undergrad and grad school, I was a bartender. It is a job that I love, but was never as lucrative as my primary profession.
I found a part-time job at a local craft cocktail bar that let's me work around my custody schedule. When my kids are gone, I can pick up more hours. Not only do I enjoy the work, it allows for an element of creativity that I don't have in my daily desk job. The extra income is also a positive side effect.
For me it was a whole process to learn to be with myself again, just me. I forgot how to do things for me, like treat myself nice. Imagine you are dating yourself, make yourself a nice dinner, take yourself out somewhere, play video games with yourself, read. My cousin is going through same thing right now, he has this huge empty house, we just talked about it, learning how to do things for yourself again, being comfortable just being alone.
Your time with your kids should look like your time without them.