You should do mediation so initially guide you when it comes to agreements around the kids. You get a £500 voucher to cover costs of it. You need to have mediated or attempted it before you can go to court for a financial order if it goes to that.

Also - use chatgpt. Its helpful, but still get legal advice too.

Point 1., yes you can do it without a lawyer. I’d still get one though. You don’t have to go all in and get the lawyer to do everything for you. But it’s useful to have a lawyer who knows your case to put questions to from time to time, make sure you’re on the right track and don’t fall into any traps. Even a 30 minute call each month. Use them as an expert resource and do the grunt work yourself.

Point 2., the U.K. has no concept of “joint custody” (stop reading legal advice from American sources!). If you are on the kids’ birth certificates then you have equal “parental responsibility”. Taking away parental responsibility is a Big Deal, and rare. But parental responsibility doesn’t equate to any right to spend time with the kids.

If there’s a dispute over time with the kids, the number one priority of the courts is the welfare of the kids. Look up the welfare checklist and read guidance from the CAFCASS website. If you are already living apart, and the kids are in a stable routine of about equal time at mum/dad’s house, then if she tried to move away too far and you disagreed, you could challenge that in court. She would have to make the case why moving wouldn’t be detrimental to the kids, and you would counter with things like… they’re settled in this routine, doing well in school, have local social groups, extra curricular activities, etc.

Don’t bother with ChatGPT etc. It’s trained on US data, gets so much wrong, and you won’t know what it’s getting wrong. Loads of law firms have articles on their websites discussing child arrangements etc. That’s your go-to resource. Most of these law firms also offer a free 15 or 30 minute introductory call with a lawyer. Obviously they do it in the hope of getting a new client, but the legal advice is sound.

I found my lawyer spoke very fast with a high information density! Have phone conversations on speaker and use a voice recorder or other phone or something to record it so you can listen back and not forget anything.

Finally, everything may be amicable now, but that can flip in an instant. Make sure all your communication with the mum is by email/whatsapp/etc.

I'm in Australia, so can't speak exactly for the UK, but my ex and I did ours fairly amicably through mediation. However, I had an appointment with a lawyer beforehand just to check out roughly where our entitlements are, what the process is etc. While it was a little expensive, it was worth so much more. It was incredibly valuable.

From what I have seen, many people start off amicably, then one person gets greedy, and it all goes to excrement. Hopefully this is not your case, so you can stay friendly, but do not be overly trusting, cover yourself. I suggest at least reaching out to a couple fo lawyers and getting consults, even if it is a couple hundred pounds that is nothing in the long run. First they can give you very valuable advice, second if it comes up in the future you need a lawyer, you are already ahead of the game.

With me personally and with many friends of mine things have started off amicably, then gone off the rails. You can only control yourself and you doing things correctly and nicely, you have no control over your ex or how she will take it when the reality hits, what horrid friends she will make and what horrid advice she will receive, how much money lawyers will lure her with if she is willing to take advantage, etc.

From what I have seen, it is usually like this for men, we just want to share the kids and be fair. Most women I have seen want more than their share, want something more out of it than shared custody.