Me and my ex have two kids, we have 50/50 custody of them. We are reasonably amicable on most things, especially with what concerns the kids. Recently I got a text about booking myself in for my annual flu shot and covid shot.
That got me thinking about the kids and their annual vaccines. Today I received a message about booking for my oldest to get his shots. I've messaged my ex asking about this, as we have joint decision making. But she said the Covid one isn't really necessary. So I asked about the flu one and she just says it's basically useless as it's hit and miss with it.
My kids don't get the flu frequently. Typically they get the sniffles a few days and that's it. But I hate the risk. We missed last year mainly because of the separation but they were getting shots before. I should add she isn't anti vax, as we just agreed on my oldest getting his recent school vaccine. I'm also concerned for my oldest as when he was really young he had RAD and got sick very often and was frequently in the hospital. He is much better now to be honest though.
I'm tempted to just not listen to her and book it as I'm thinking of my kids, but as they are old enough, I know that they'd tell her and I'd not hear the end of it. Also due to joint decisions I don't want to get in trouble (legal or otherwise) by going against it.
Has anyone been in a similar spot?
I'm confused. You write that her input has been "isn't really necessary" and "basically useless", not "no". You've listened to her. She hasn't said no. So why not simply do it, at your own expense?
Why would she say the covid vaccine isn’t necessary? It’s absolutely useful to keep the body’s immune response primed. It isn’t about “can you eventually fight it off”, it’s about “can you decrease the duration it gets to wreak damage before you fight it off”.
The flu may not have as high a risk of creating long term health complications, but if you can reduce the chance of catching and spreading it, you could quite literally be saving someone’s grandma’s life.
Participating in the social group overall reduction is the responsible path.
50/50 custody is not always the same as 50/50 decision making. Consult your shared custody agreement and stick to it. If you feel it endangers the child enough to make a case out of it then file to get it changed and set a court date.
Check your divorce agreement. If we can’t agree, then we have to agree on a person we trust as tiebreaker, if we can’t agree on a tiebreaker we could theoretically go back to courts.
So in this example, if we couldn’t agree we would probably defer to primary care physician.
I agree with her on the vaccines. I'm very much split on efficacy of them. Personally have done a lot of research, read all I've could, thought about the CDC guidelines, all of it. I've just not been able to sell myself on them, I'm very conflicted. I am not a health professional either, just an average joe trying to make the best health decision I can for myself. I have not done the covid supplemental shots, my employement required the first 2 so I got those to keep my job. I did get the flu shot this year but I had to convince myself.
I do understand what your underlying sentiment is on this too. I respect if you decide the vaccines are what you want to do, I don't critize anyone. These are difficult decisions we make, and especially for our children. This scenario offers no other option than critial decision making based on the facts and reality you see as the parent of your children. If you are set on getting them I suggest you push for it. If its not written in the divorce decree than its not something you have to live by. It becomes your choice as the parent and regardless of what you decide to do I respect you've done so in the best intrest of your children as you see it.
Eh, I’m in the boat of required vaccines for my kid. But flu and covid aren’t really needed if your child is healthy
You will probably make your life in the long term harder if you go against her wishes on something optional like this. You have a long road to coparent and this decision could destroy all the good groundwork you have laid out so far.
I agree and have done the same with kids in terms of Covid/flu. First Covid we got. But after that, as none of us are immune compromised and one kid gets horrible reactions to shots.
So she didn’t say no. Also, sounds like she always made the decision in the past and that was fine with you, and only now are you thinking about it. And your first thought is to do it without telling her? That’s kinda messed up.
Sounds like if you were gung ho about it, she’d maybe say, okay fine. Also as though you aren’t really sure how you feel about it anyway but even so, are hatching a plan to do it on the down low just in case.
Kind of weird to be honest.
Thing is, if there was a default parent in the marriage, at some point that person likely did a lot of work researching and asking questions to make decisions. So when a parent who’s never been involved comes around trying to change what you already figured out, can be annoying to explain everything.
But if you have a solid relationship and if you have a strong conviction that a change needs to be made here, then explain it kindly and ask if she is open to the change if you feel strongly.
That's quite a few assumptions there. I was the one who always booked the vaccinations. During the marriage though, I'd just get it done. But now that we are co-parenting and have legal joint decision making I don't want to get in trouble by arbitrarily doing it. It's a bit strange you dumping assumptions based on the fact I care about my children's health and thinking that I was not involved.
If you always booked vaccinations, wouldn’t you be aware of how flu/ covid vaccines have been handled and thus continue in the same way?
It just sounds like you are trying to assert that you now get to make decisions even if it causes havoc in a generally good coparenting situation.
But go ahead and
Do you even read or just like to post to sound arrogant? We have a legal parenting split decision agreement. You can't just arbitrarily do things without discussing it with the joint parent.
You're in the wrong sub if you just want to continue acting like that
Hey Sailor, sorry if I sound arrogant. Not trying to bring you down.
I would think vaccines would be routine medical care if you had always agreed, not like a major medical decision is all.
I’m in limbo status and haven’t gotten to a full plan or legal document yet. I thought medical was for like large medical decisions like surgeries only