So, I know that I'm too sensitive to things. Something good happens and I'm all positive all day, something bad happens and I'm considering that the only choice left is to end it all.
But this is like a background level of emotions. I think is more accurate to say that sometimes I don't have the energy to do anything and I'm all in my head making myself feel worse and worse. And then I start feeling better out of the blue and more capable of doing stuff, I have so much energy that I have to be constantly moving and I find it easier to do things and just feel more positive even though there's no reason for it
What you're describing possible could be related to a spectrum mood disorder and worthy of talking with a professional about. There's always high points and low points in life, but if you feel you're frequently kinda on a roller coaster, that's something that can be worked through.
Yeah I did consider the possibility of something else going on. Unfortunately right now I can't afford to talk with someone. Thank you for your answer!
I often feel a sort of reactionary joy after a period of negativity. Usually it is after an intense bout of anger or sadness. I always assumed it was the release of feel-good hormones in response to tears. I tend to cry because anger, frustration, sadness, desperation, whatever negative emotion.
That said, no, apart from an episode of burnout+MDD+maybe psychosis, I have never been suicidal, inspite of having rather morbid interests.
Anyway this reactionary things started happening during the above mentioned episode and has been continuing since. I am not fully out of it but like 80% there. And you know how the remaining 20 takes a loooooong time.
I am not sure if this was the case before my episode because since starting therapy, I've realised I've just always been constantly somewhat dissociated. And maybe I only began noticing during the above-mentioned episode.
I am prone to experiencing low grade emotions rather than extremes because I'm prone to dissociation. While I relate to you, not quite such a Rollercoaster of emotions (apart from the beginning of the above episode).
Thank you for sharing your experience! I can relate to that reactionary joy you're describing (though it isn't always like that for me) and the dissociation. Have you found something that helps with it? Unfortunately in my current circumstances it would be difficult to get a therapist
The reactionary joy doesn't bother me. It's good I guess but I would have been fine with it even if I felt neutral after the negativity. The negativity can become a problem for me when it gets out of control.
For the dissociation, I've been trying to pay attention to myself in daily life. Like pay attention to when I'm disengaging and thinking of the reason why. Paying attention to my energy levels and what I was doing just prior to that. Mindfulness directed inwards basically
Thank you for answering. For me both are a problem, since I end up making bad decisions. I either let everything happen and lose opportunities due to inaction or stop taking care of my responsibilities to prioritize hobbies or any idea that comes to my mind.
I don't know anything about that