Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
Does she still have money? A big part of why her sentence was so light was because she was fully cooperative and returned all the money and crypto, apparently she also helped them recover other funds too.
Maybe she got a stash of cash squirreled away in some dungeon, but she can't spend it or they will go after her again.
She owes around $1bn in restoration fees to her victims. Any job or earnings she ever earns until the end of her life will be garnished by the government.
Last I checked, FTX has theoretically paid back everyone.
When they imploded, Bitcoin was worth much less. The amounts that were owed were totalled in US dollars. When BTC rose enough, the value at the day in US was say $60k, since it had risen to $90k, these guys will say there was always enough money. Nevermind that they had put in crypto that had accumulated plenty of cash if they had actually received it.
It helped she had a damn good lawyer who was able to get a deal for her to give all the details to get SBF locked up for 25 years, no a repeat offender, and was very well behaved while confined.
True, I think the damage of whitecollar crime is undervalued though, I know personally a couple people who lost a lot of money, lives were ruined, probably thousands lost lifechanging sums, i don't doubt many lives were lost as a direct consequence, it's not as dramatic as a mass shooting but the damage is more widespread. theres mitigation but would good behaviour get you a 1 year sentence in a multiple vehicular manslaughter case for example?
It depends. In most states if there is a violent charge then the sentence reduction is incredibly difficult. But it depends on what jurisdiction defines a violent offense, in my state a vehicular manslaughter charge is not a violent charge, as the theory goes to intent to commit that particular charge. But things like aggravated assault or robbery are considered violent since there is the intent to use a weapon to commit that offense.
The thing is that inherently most jurisdictions including federal do not consider while collar crime a serious danger per se as no one was physically hurt and that in many while collar cases restitution is a thing. I believe she is on the hook for repaying some of the amount (which is sizable). If we want white collar crime to be taken more seriously then the legislatures, and in this case Congress, needs to fix it ... But uh good luck in this administration.
tldr; Caroline Ellison, former CEO of Alameda Research and key figure in the FTX fraud case, has been moved from federal prison to community confinement after serving 11 months of her two-year sentence. This could mean she is now in home confinement or a halfway house. Ellison had cooperated significantly in the prosecution of FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried, who was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Her projected release date is February 20, 2026, nearly nine months early. Details about her current location remain undisclosed for privacy and security reasons.
*This summary is auto generated by a bot and not meant to replace reading the original article. As always, DYOR.
Her projected release date is February 20, 2026, nearly nine months early
Given she was very cooperative in SBF's prosecution, is not a repeat offender, and has been a good prisoner, this doesn't actually seem all that odd.
Historically, federal prisoners had to serve at least 85% of their sentence in prison before being eligible to be moved somewhere like a halfway house or home confinement, but with the First Step Act and the Second Chance Act, good behavior can shave a lot of time off what you actually serve.
If she was sentenced to 24 months, with maximum credits she could have been eligible to be released to a halfway house or home confinement after about 10-10.5 months. Getting put into a halfway house at 11 months is pretty on-target for good behavior under those laws.
"On some level, my brain doesn't even comprehend all the people I harmed," Ellison told the court. "That doesn't mean I don't try." Yeah, translation: “I don’t care, I don’t think I can care but if I can get out of prison, I’ll tell you that I’m working on it.”
That’s kinda the way justice works in our country. The person who flips first gets the deal. If you have a good lawyer then the deal is usually good. She had good lawyers.
Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
My friend had a troll like this who he'd sneak out late at night to have sex with. Her name was "Neg 3" in our circle because she was so ugly she scored -3/10. He wore that girl out regularly, and somehow never let her into his circle. I think she was probably just happy to get some attention.
She got a really sweet deal. Essentially, she ratted put SBF and made that case a super spam dunk case against him. She also allegedly committed a non-violent offense, is on good behavior while confined, and has no priors. She will finish her sentence somewhere else as it is typical for people to finish no less than 85% of their federal sentencing.
I keep saying, there’s 0 chance she doesn’t have a massive amount of crypto squirreled away. She’s going to get out, get a new identity, leave the country, and we are never going to see her again…ever.
I don't see how her appearance is any more relevant than SBF's appearance. Both people are criminals who did terrible things. Can we focus on the bad behaviour instead of women's looks please?
Man I need to commit some fraud and get lightly penalized for a lifetime of riches, that’s the modern day American dream.
I wish I could commit GENERATIONAL fraud and the public use the word "some" to describe it!
Always has been.
No, it hasn't.
Since when? All the way back to it’s inception it has been.
The risk/reward is just too good to not commit a fraud
Bro just say some racist shit. MAGGots will fund your unemployment!
Or just murder some kid at a track meet for no good reason and the left will set you up for life.
Can't keep a sex panther like that behind bars.
That's a good point, SpacklingCumFart
Fucking hell I laughed out loud. God bless you
I am laughed so hard at my in-laws Christmas lunch. Everyone tried really hard to get me to explain what I was laughing at….
/r/rimjob_steve
I second this message.
Oh god, that name... D:
Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
Merry Christmas Eve to you too
Beautiful 😂
Hide and seek that grippy gremlin
What a day to be literate
Sir this is a Wendy’s
A.I doesn’t stand a chance against creative genius like this. Skynet my ass!
https://i.redd.it/35lpwy3vv69g1.gif
Brother u did not need to write all this….
That's me getting a brass in tonight. Thanks for that.
This is truly demented. Well done.
Shakespeare
Wankman bankman
Dude, genuinely, was this chat gpt?
Cos this wss way funnier and weirder than anything id expect out of AI…
It's pasta
It’s from a 4chan post.
This is honest to god one of my all time favourite copy pastas
It never gets old for some reason
SpacklingCumFart you making an intriguing argument.
So many people in crypto got in to become mega-millionaires and keep a harem.
Please, look at her and consider the potential quality of your crypto-harem.
She supposedly had gangbangs with Sam and friends 🎪
Name is halarious comment is epic
Her OnlyFans is gonna be hog-wild
Forgive me, but this women’s facial features reminds me of Obamas’ mother in Obama’s adolescent years.
Super freak
This rich bich is bout to have all the plastic surgery.
You'll never recognize this gremlin again.
Why would you insult gremlins like that?
Especially at this time of year. A sacred time for Mogwai.
Gizmo would be pissed
So pissed he may eat after midnight.
Does she still have money? A big part of why her sentence was so light was because she was fully cooperative and returned all the money and crypto, apparently she also helped them recover other funds too.
Maybe she got a stash of cash squirreled away in some dungeon, but she can't spend it or they will go after her again.
Pretty sure the Alameda/FTX people have some wallets that do not appear in any excel sheet.
She will have a USB key hidden in the floorboards of an old church .
Rich family, not like billionaire level but she’ll always be fine
She owes around $1bn in restoration fees to her victims. Any job or earnings she ever earns until the end of her life will be garnished by the government.
We’ve seen who the government really values this year
Well, unless she gets a pardon or commutation.
Last I checked, FTX has theoretically paid back everyone.
When they imploded, Bitcoin was worth much less. The amounts that were owed were totalled in US dollars. When BTC rose enough, the value at the day in US was say $60k, since it had risen to $90k, these guys will say there was always enough money. Nevermind that they had put in crypto that had accumulated plenty of cash if they had actually received it.
In some tree in the forest, is a hardware wallet
As Sméagol would say "We wants it, we needs it"
"Did I do thaaaat?"
2 years for how much?
A trifling 45 billi
Good deal
I mean if you're gonna do white collar crime the sentence tends to go down the more you steal so, go big, and go home in time for christmas.
It helped she had a damn good lawyer who was able to get a deal for her to give all the details to get SBF locked up for 25 years, no a repeat offender, and was very well behaved while confined.
True, I think the damage of whitecollar crime is undervalued though, I know personally a couple people who lost a lot of money, lives were ruined, probably thousands lost lifechanging sums, i don't doubt many lives were lost as a direct consequence, it's not as dramatic as a mass shooting but the damage is more widespread. theres mitigation but would good behaviour get you a 1 year sentence in a multiple vehicular manslaughter case for example?
It depends. In most states if there is a violent charge then the sentence reduction is incredibly difficult. But it depends on what jurisdiction defines a violent offense, in my state a vehicular manslaughter charge is not a violent charge, as the theory goes to intent to commit that particular charge. But things like aggravated assault or robbery are considered violent since there is the intent to use a weapon to commit that offense.
The thing is that inherently most jurisdictions including federal do not consider while collar crime a serious danger per se as no one was physically hurt and that in many while collar cases restitution is a thing. I believe she is on the hook for repaying some of the amount (which is sizable). If we want white collar crime to be taken more seriously then the legislatures, and in this case Congress, needs to fix it ... But uh good luck in this administration.
Fucks sake
Meanwhile last senate wants automatically audits for 300$ deposits
Fuck these people
Parasites, all of them
tldr; Caroline Ellison, former CEO of Alameda Research and key figure in the FTX fraud case, has been moved from federal prison to community confinement after serving 11 months of her two-year sentence. This could mean she is now in home confinement or a halfway house. Ellison had cooperated significantly in the prosecution of FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried, who was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Her projected release date is February 20, 2026, nearly nine months early. Details about her current location remain undisclosed for privacy and security reasons.
*This summary is auto generated by a bot and not meant to replace reading the original article. As always, DYOR.
Given she was very cooperative in SBF's prosecution, is not a repeat offender, and has been a good prisoner, this doesn't actually seem all that odd.
Historically, federal prisoners had to serve at least 85% of their sentence in prison before being eligible to be moved somewhere like a halfway house or home confinement, but with the First Step Act and the Second Chance Act, good behavior can shave a lot of time off what you actually serve.
If she was sentenced to 24 months, with maximum credits she could have been eligible to be released to a halfway house or home confinement after about 10-10.5 months. Getting put into a halfway house at 11 months is pretty on-target for good behavior under those laws.
Carol McPoyle bout to go on a hunt for her twin that tried to absorb her
She’ll be right down, we just stepped out of the shower.
Hahaha
Someone check how much Trump Coin she just purchased.
Dead within 6 months
we could only hope such good news would happen
She fucked with UBS money. She ded.
financial criminals should be dealt same way as murderers as they ruin lives of people
This scam actually directly caused a few deaths. You can say that these people were naive and took stupid risks, but they still stole their money.
She should have been charged with those deaths.
Exactly. People commit suicide over the losses incurred by vermin like this.
"On some level, my brain doesn't even comprehend all the people I harmed," Ellison told the court. "That doesn't mean I don't try." Yeah, translation: “I don’t care, I don’t think I can care but if I can get out of prison, I’ll tell you that I’m working on it.”
Theres gonna be a lot of fucked over people that she doesnt think about thinking about her quite a bit when she gets out.
So he got life and this evil bitch 11 months? AHahahahahah that must burn his ass
That’s kinda the way justice works in our country. The person who flips first gets the deal. If you have a good lawyer then the deal is usually good. She had good lawyers.
Whatever that is its definitely not justice....lol
She looks like a librarian that took way too much acid...
Directly on the face
Should be put away in a cave so no one has to see that fucking ugly mug ever again.
Her face is my case!
Her wretched disfigurement is going to make Jackie Childs rich
Is the usual process to move people out of prison loudly?
That is one ugly bitch
I’d quietly get insider
We need to talk about your tastes.
I like rich women!
And Mcpoyles.
I think they were talking about hers.
That post nut clarity is going to send you to therapy
Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
This was absolutely beautiful. What the actual fuck is wrong with you tho
Absolute cinema.
My friend had a troll like this who he'd sneak out late at night to have sex with. Her name was "Neg 3" in our circle because she was so ugly she scored -3/10. He wore that girl out regularly, and somehow never let her into his circle. I think she was probably just happy to get some attention.
Her onlyfans about to go crazyyyyyy
I’d download a set just to show the neighbourhood kids at Halloween.
She is so sexy
Oh lord why’d they let her out
She got a really sweet deal. Essentially, she ratted put SBF and made that case a super spam dunk case against him. She also allegedly committed a non-violent offense, is on good behavior while confined, and has no priors. She will finish her sentence somewhere else as it is typical for people to finish no less than 85% of their federal sentencing.
Jeeeez and I bet she got some crypto stashed somewhere too
👍
It's no longer alleged if she's been convicted.
Whoops too used to saying allegedly.
Quietly? We all knew.
Ugly bitch with the rumored gorilla grip.
Damn she ugly… and now she poor as well
Hopefully she has to take a huge long red candlestick up the butt from when btc collasped from ftx scandal
She's learnt how to get away with things and will be back in a few years doing it all over.
When it comes to money, it's hard to change people and their will to obtain it.
2 fucking years, seriously?
I did more time for Pot while a teenager in high school still.
Hot hot hot
She was knee deep in the scandal and gets 2 years?
I just remember her l saying insane things about her strategy prior to the collapse
My Precious
She's part of the tribe.
So quiety. Only hundreds of millions of people know about it.
time for gangbangs
I keep saying, there’s 0 chance she doesn’t have a massive amount of crypto squirreled away. She’s going to get out, get a new identity, leave the country, and we are never going to see her again…ever.
One of the, hmmm, 🤔 less attractive Harry Potter girls
I don't see how her appearance is any more relevant than SBF's appearance. Both people are criminals who did terrible things. Can we focus on the bad behaviour instead of women's looks please?
SBF gets mocked for his appearance constantly. It’s the Internet, these things happen.
Found a more accurate pic of her
https://i.redd.it/9fpsyyg0979g1.gif