Few Christmases ago my brother gifted me an autographed (by him of course) polaroid picture of himself. This was on same Christmas I spent a good amount of money on him buying him 2 fairly expensive tickets for a concert of a band I knew he loved.

At least the next year I saved both money and time preparing his gift since I gave him a home-printed, autographed picture of myself.

When I was like 10 I begged for Yu Gi Oh cards. I would not shut up about them names of cards rules everything. Christmas morning I open the box and it says Yug-Uh-Oh. Not a typo literally said Yug Uh Oh. The cards were in another language the art looked like it was badly copied and printed at home and the rules made zero sense one card basically just said dragon wins. My foreign parents were proud because they said they were imported and cheaper. I tried to explain they were not real Yu Gi Oh cards and my dad just said cards are cards. I played one game it ended in an argument and me crying. My dad told me I should be grateful so I did my best but the last straw was when I took the cards to school and tried to get some friends to play with me. After that I had an unfortunate nickname. I still think about Yug Uh Oh sometimes, I wonder if my parents kept my deck. Please Kraken, convert this childhood trauma into Bitcoin.

I received a whoop strap for x-mas, now I just have to pay $30 ransom per month to be able to access my own personal data.

Not your subscription, not your data?

It was Christmas 2017. My brother-in-law had just been introduced to crypto by some friends and, as a gift to us that year, generously handed over a tiny ripped corner of a notebook with “.25 ETH” scribbled on it.

We had no real idea what that meant at the time. Months passed, and I still had that torn scrap tucked into my wallet, I literally carried my crypto everywhere I went. Eventually, I reached out to my BIL to ask how I could actually retrieve the ETH and use it.

That’s when I learned he’d already swapped it for another coin. One that lost 98% of its value within a week.

He swore that coin was going to blow up and we’d all be rich.

It’s the thought that counts, right? 😅

I remember being a little kid and seeing this massive wrapped box under the tree. I’m thinking it must be something cool due to its size so I go straight for it. Tear the paper off, rip open the box and it’s.. another box. Repeated the process like 6 more times for it to be…

a single hot wheel..

Still pretty rad though lol

My mother in law, before she passed and we convinced her to just give a small check for presents, gave our son a metal Folger’s Coffee can full of un-popped popcorn from a jar on the shelf in her kitchen that was definitely older than he was by a decade or more.

My wife's grand mother is really a nice person, definitively the person i like the best in my wife family, but she just had the worst gift ideas i ever received. Nothing atrocious, just really bad judgment, yet with the best intentions in the world.

A few exemples out of my mind :

-a really ugly sweater with a skier that i only wore a few times when i saw her just to make her think i like it. For context, i mostly wear metal or geek wear, and this was quite the opposite of what i usually wear.

-A set of cheap casino games like roulette and such. Never ever played or either mentionned any interest in those type of games. Needless to say i never even opened it. We are more into recent board games and often bring some to avoid always playing classic card games or board games like monopoly.

-She scored the worst with a scorpio like pack of perfume and after shave stuff. I rarely shave, and when i do i use an electric shaver. Never use perfume as well. Actually maybe she wanted to send me a message, but i didn't change anything after this so maybe it was a disappointment for her, who knows...

That being said, the best gift i got from her was a toolbox which still i still use to store my tools to this day. Before i was using a cardboard that was in a really poor state after several years.

Now that i've wrote all this, maybe i was making her feel sorry for my questionable life choices, and she wanted to help me find the right path with her presents...

So this year Santa has brought me my life long dream car. Finally, finally I got a Lambo

It is unfortunate that it's as valuable as my altcoin portfolio but hey my girlfriend is going to love it, she always says that size doesn't matter.

(PS please check my profile, can't flex my muscle car on this sub without a picture)

My sister bought me a hand carved wooden penis bottle opener. It was the size of my arm. It was the year we had the entire extended family together for gift opening.

I received an office exchange gift and found socks that were already overstretched. I smiled, said thanks, and quietly wondered if my coworker packed them straight from laundry basket to the gift bag, with zero shame and questionable intentions.

My grandmother gifted me food for my cat this Christmas. My cat died 6 months ago. She is not “missing”. She is not “on a farm”. She is not “living with another family”. She is gone. I do not have a cat anymore. I have emotional support cat food. I cried.

Last year Christmas, my cousin gave me a hoodie. I unwrapped it, hoping for something I could actually wear. It was soft and made by nice fabric, but unfortunately was too small in size. My heart sank and I just smiled to hide my disappointment - because nothing says holiday cheer like a hoodie that fits only one arm.

My well-meaning (but colorblind uncle) gifted me this apocalyptic ugly Christmas sweater… with a giant embroidered reindeer that looks drunk, cross-eyed with its tongue out and tangled in lights.

It smells like mothballs and regret. It itches worse than poison ivy in awkward places, gave me a rash that lasted weeks, and one wear turned family pictures into a horror show. This festive felony needs to be flipped to Bitcoin so I can burn the memory (and maybe the sweater). #giftflip. #giftflip

My brothers gave me a playstation 2 box filled with a brick of coal. I guess it was pretty clever for teenagers but man did that devastate me for the day

It twas the Xmas of '89 And I was nine. After school exchange at the rink. A present that would forever stink. The limit was ten bucks. And here's what sucks... I wrapped a pack of Upper Deck. And ho-ho-ho, what the heck?! My buddy pulled the Junior, And I landed a gift fit for a senior - A beanie and coupon for Old Spice. But it got worse. Three days later I had lice.

(True story by the way. It was a $5-off coupon, and I can only imagine the beanie was used 😂)

** Not joining the contest for obvious reasons but joining the fun **

Me: *shakes small wrapped box violently and hears clattering of pieces of something*
Grandpa: "I wonder what it is!?"

To: Me
Love: Grandpa
(handwritten)

Minutes later and wrapping paper shredded abound...

Rocks. Ole grandpa legit gave me a box of pebbles for xmas. Pray everyone has avoided and will avoid this trauma in the future unless the rocks are diamond (hands). Not financial advice.

Happy Holidays to all.

Zion

My entire family is, for the most part, a bunch of truly fucked up people. As a child one year for Christmas I got socks and underwear and nothing else from my grandmother. All of these items were from Goodwill (Yes, used underwear). That same year, my grandmother got the other cousins 3 wheeler ATVs, Atari and stuff costing thousands of dollars.

I was devastated. Imagine being a child on Christmas morning, ripping open a present, full of hope and instead you get "Previously Owned Humiliation.” Meanwhile your cousins are outside revving ATVs like it’s Mad Max, and you’re inside holding underwear that’s already seen Vietnam.

Last year, my old sister got a digital photo frame… that only takes CompactFlash cards. That’s right — my gift requires an archeological dig to operate. Indiana Jones wouldn’t bother.

Bro I didn’t even get a present lmfao 💀would gladly take a bitcoin though, that shit would change my life

A box that had a bag of paprika chips (I don’t eat those), mustard (I’m allergic), and cranberry sauce (not my jam). Thanks mom!

My parents told me they were getting a divorce on my 16th Christmas Santa brought gifts to other kids. I got joint custody and unresolved trauma. Christmas tree? Still standing. Family tree? Chainsawed. Best part? They said “We’re doing this for you” Amazing I asked for xbox and got lifelong trust issues instead..

My brother gave me a stuffed tiger for Christmas one year. It would’ve been nice if it wasn’t the stuffed tiger I gave him for Christmas… 14 years before.

I live in the EU and I don't know why but I don't see the promotions when I log in to my Kraken account.

I'm a man and I got a food processor as a gift for New Year's. I really didn't like it.

I received a salt lamp from a colleague, as if it were the 1990s. I wish it was the '90s again, but without fucking salt lamps.

When I got home, I thought about selling it or maybe using it as a gift next year. But when I turned around, my cat cautiously licked it and pulled a disgusted face.

And i am having an exam on this 26th of December. Thank you Santa for this extraordinary timing, at least please wish me luck ! 🥹🎅

My aunt gave me a self help book titled ‘Finding Your Passion.’

She also gave my cousin $200 cash

Message received, aunt.

Kraken's always coming up with promos that I can't participate in. How can I roast nothing?

A few years ago, I opened a present from my parents, a heated eyelash curler. I'm a man in my mid-thirties who spends roughly 99.8% of his life completely unaware that his eyelashes even exist.

I didn't have the heart to tell them I wasn't just disappointed, I was genuinely confused. So I thanked them and carried on with my day.

A couple of weeks later, we were all chatting when my mom asked my sister if she'd been using her eyelash curler. My sister looked baffled. I slowly turned to my mom, eyelashes beautifully curled (that part is made up), and explained that it had somehow ended up in my pile.

To this day, we still flutter our eyelashes at her every Christmas.

One year I got shoelaces.

Not the shoes.

Just the laces.

well, I got a public transport pass to commute to my workplace, but I got fired last week 🫠

I got a pair of socks.. Not even new socks. Clearly regifted socks. And to really complete the experience, they didn’t fit. Nothing hits quite like realizing someone else rejected these first and I was the backup plan. I’m regifting them back this year!

The exgf of my friend gifted me a mug with my name and my exgfs name (we broke up a few days before she gave me that present). This triggered a discussion of my friend and his gf and led to another break up xD

Kraktag: @kirtverse

My roommate my sophomore year of college was a drug conoseur at a time when I had just begun experimenting and didn’t really know what I was doing. I wasn’t anyicipating a Christmas gift at all, but I really wasn’t expecting an envelope containing a bag of black tar heroin that he said was “opium”. I asked him what I was supposed to do with it and he showed me how to smoke it off of aluminium foil.

11 years later I have no college degree but I do have Hepatitis C. I have no idea why he did that to me. Fuck you, Josh.

my aunt really takes the cake for this one. she handed me a bottle of 'strawberry sensation' body wash that didn't even have a gift tag, just a 'clearance: $1.50' sticker from a pharmacy that literally closed down five years ago.

the best part? the bottle was 1/3 empty. when i pointed it out, she dead-ass told me she 'tested it to make sure the scent wasn't too strong for my allergies.' she basically used my christmas present as her personal shower gel for a week and then had the nerve to wrap it in a plastic kroger bag.

i’m currently staring at a bottle of family member bath water leftovers. at this point, i'd rather have the btc just to pay for the professional detailing my bathroom is gonna need after this thing touched the counter.

I'm going to take a slightly unconventional route with this contest. I'm going to roast a gift I gave my sister, her husband, their one-year-old baby, and my father in 2006. You see, I bought them all hard core pornography. My sister will tell you it's the weirdest, worst gift she's ever gotten. My father would tell you how wildly inappropriate it was that I gave him a copy of "Black Tail," given his self-professed Christianity and not-well-hidden racism. My brother-in-law couldn't stop laughing. The baby, thankfully, didn't see her copy of "Barely Legal." Now that she's an adult, I wonder if she even knows the story of why Uncle Ryan gave everyone pornography. Her mom still calls it "that Christmas Ryan gave everyone hardcore porn magazines."

The answer, of course, is that my mom had died in August of that year and Christmas was her thing. She started shopping in January for the following Christmas and made it such a magical time. And I knew the Christmas was going to be awful no matter what I did and all the false joy was going to ring hollow for all of us. So I went to a seedy gas station and spent 100 dollars on a pile of porn. And now when my sister thinks about the first Christmas after mom died, she doesn't remember the sadness or the crying. She remembers the porn. That was the real present.

Ok, whoever came up with this idea absolutely cooked! Love it

My secret santa gift was just shockingly disappointing.

It was an umbrella.

I was expecting something funny, a bit of banter, something personal. Or a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine if it was a cop out gift.

I got an umbrella. I already have 2 umbrellas. Not funny, not personal, not needed.

Just boring.

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