Hello fellow redditors,
I've reached a point of life where I've had enough.
A little context - I've been struggling with mental health (BPD & ADHD) for 15 years (I'm 27) I grew up in an abusive household due to which I lost my mother over 9 years ago, got kicked out of my house a few months after.
I lived with my abusive & controlling sibling and their partner but it got too much. Moved to my gran's (she passed 4 years ago) and while this was happening, simultaneously I couldn't keep a steady job. I've always struggled financially after my mother passed but it got too much. I was living alone, no financial support and nowhere to go.
Fast forward to today I can't still find a job (all the jobs I lost had nothing to do with my capability) toxic bosses, scammers, etc. I seem to attract a lot of badluck.
I can't afford to pay rent (also my house is falling apart quite literally), get food, had a partner that cheated on me, no family and no friends.
I think this is it for me. I have made this decision with everything in consideration and I'm just exhausted. A decade is a long time to be stuck on survival loop all by oneself.
I miss who I could be but I don't have the energy to meet that version of myself.
I guess I just needed a safe place to voice it out! :) thank you.
I am here if you need someone to talk to, a big sister of sorts. I’ve had to navigate this world completely alone since 20(I’m 44 now), serious childhood trauma, adhd, pmdd (which you may have, it’s is comorbid with cptsd and adhd) eds, pots mcas, you name it. I didn’t find a home within myself until 40. I’ve been betrayed by almost everyone I trusted in this life. I finally understood what it means to be your own best friend and to love yourself fully. It’s not easy but once you get it, not many things can truly hurt you anymore. Life still does all the life things, but they become just experiences, not end of the world catastrophes.
Stay strong , keep fighting and don’t give up. This world can be cruel and unforgiving. Please don’t stop trying , you are capable and deserving of life.
Don't give up, keep fighting. You made it this far, it would be a shame to just let everything go. I'm sure things will get better. I don't know you but based on this post only, I can see that you're a strong person otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. You can and you will get through this.
Most everything you mention is really just life. Yeah some of is have it harder than others, myself included but we can either be a victim & loath in our life or we can change our situation or at least how we view it and make shit better for ourselves. You are special and were meant to be alive, it’s a gift! We’re put on this earth to learn and grow. When shit gets rough it just means our souls are supposed to learn certain lessons. Don’t make permanent decisions for temporary problems. Taking your life is NEVER the answer!! You are in my thoughts and sending positive energy your way!! ♥️
I'm so sorry your life has been so hard. Being in survival mode is really difficult. What are your passions? I know hobbies can be a bit of a privilege, but often public libraries have access to materials you can borrow or use on site. My library has baking pans that can be checked out and a 3D printer you can print on. Do you like reading, join a book club? Do you like trivia? Can you do karaoke? Is there a church near you that has a good band? Go to an animal shelter and ask if any of the dogs need to be walked? I have a friend who takes her kids to read to the animals. Find something that brings joy to your life too. Struggle is real I'm not doubting that. But I know when my depression was the worst, I had to force myself out of the house. It gets better. I often think of myself at my darkest time and I'm so proud that I didn't give up. You don't know how wonderful your life can be in 5 years.
Please know that your life is important and worthwhile.
I feel you! I've lived my whole life being abused by others and my mother passed away when I was 21 then my abusive family members tried taking my life. Thankfully I survived and became homeless. Went through a 3 1/2 year long abusive relationship I was stuck in, finally got it if that and moved into an abusive cousins house and couldn't take that anymore so I became homeless again but now I live in my car with my two beautiful cats and I don't hardly talk to anyone and only hangout with people for a few minutes at a time because everyone thinks they can take advantage but are pissed off when I put my foot down and tell them to beat feet because I'm passed that stage in my life.
I will no longer be silent and put up with people's abuse. Going to college online and trying to get a business degree so I can get a place for my dad, two cats and I.
It does/CAN get better! It's very rare to find ANYONE these days that doesn't eventually become abusive in some sort of manner and I'm never gonna allow that again. I respect people and love having friends and I'm a nice person, HOWEVER, they can either be NICE and RESPECTFUL or they don't deserve me in their life. I know my worth and how I'll go above and beyond for people and I don't deserve to be mistreated and neither do YOU! YOU GOT THIS! Hope this helps! You're never alone. Please don't be afraid to set boundaries and walk away from anyone. Your health/your pets are your most valuable assets in your life.
My 20's were terrible. But things evened out and got better.
I have CPTSD, BPD, ADHD, OCD, and who knows what else. My shit is fucked up.
Things do get better though.
Are you okay? Please say you’re alright.