A lot. First of all, what he did was disgusting and he's a rat. He should go to jail. I wish you immediately ran towards a police station so they can collect genetic evidence. God will shed light to the truth. It's okay to feel mad, sad, etc.. let it out. I think God will be fine with you processing negative feelings properly. You might not entirely forgive him but you have to get healed. It's for your own feelings and mental being. Any leftover anger you have can be used for something purposeful, so it can make your existence meaningful regardless of the difficulty you experienced. God will pave way to whay you should do based on your wiseness and the bad thing, your suffering. Devote your life to him. Lastly, understand why someone messed up will even do that. To understand is to not justify. It'll be your true closure and peace.. and maybe, to know what to truly make out of the trauma. Maybe you can end the cycle.

Right now focus on healing, getting in a good space, I would stay in touch with your pastor/priest and a counselor. Remember forgiving someone starts with wanting them to find repentance and finding God. I will keep you in my prayers.

Don't rush to it!

Let yourself heal, first.

Forgiveness is much less about letting them get away with what they did, and more so letting go of the pain caused by what they did. God bless you ❤️

You do just that, you just tell God to forgive them and that you want to rid all hatred towards them out of your heart. You pray that the proper justice is served and what ever is in his heart mind and spirit that caused him to do the things to you are released from him. So he can hurt no one else.

Everyone is saying to heal first however I believe true healing starts with forgiveness. It might be hard abd forgiveness is not a one time thing, you’ll have to do it over and over and over again. However it will relieve you from hatred and it will help you heal. It will also put you in a situation where you can help others.

Jesus told the people while they were killing them on the cross, father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.

The problem is, that all the negative feelings, hatred, it poisons only yourself and makes you sick. He doesn't get the poison, only you sip it till you are really sick. Maybe meanwhile he lives a happy life and he is doing well, while you suffer from the poison. I didn't get raped (as man generally more unlikely), but i bottled up a lot of resentment too. I try to give this to god, he is the judge, i'm just a little worm of sin, lol, who i am to judge... Edit: But if you can bring him behind bars, do this ofc 😉

To forgive someone, it starts with the decision. Say it out loud: "I forgive _______ for what they did." Then pray to give the LORD your trauma, anger, hurt, resentment etc and ask to receive His comfort, justice and reparation.

Sorry this happened to you. That's terrible.

Forgiveness is an exceptionally difficult, radical, and ultimately critical step in the healing process. You should work on all of the other things that need to come first. Work on forgiving yourself for any (probably misguided) guilt you feel towards yourself. Find ways to build trust in your other relationships. Find some form of comfort to get you through the harshest times. And then when you feel a little more whole, find a way to forgive, or to at least put away the hatred you probably deserve to feel. It might take a really long time, but it helps everything hurt a little less.

Fist of all, what happened to you was totally evil. Spend time to first heal yourself cause I understand there’s a lot of trauma and pain behind this. It’s absolutely commendable and inspirational that you can even think about forgiving him, truly I’ve never seen someone so resilient and strong as you. Trust that God heals and spend time with him healing yourself. It will feel extremely difficult to forgive him, but understand that forgiving isn’t the same as accepting, and that he will answer for what he’s done before God.

You’re a very strong and faithful person, may god bless you!

No matter how justified it is, holding a grudge weighs on your soul and revenge would change nothing. Unfortunately, I do not think anyone can answer your question.

That doesn't mean it is impossible. You have to find ways to process your trauma and to one day move on with your life. Even when you move on, there will still be a scar that can take a long time to heal.

I think that most Christians have a moralizing perspective on sin - and that you are an example where this doesn't work. What happened to you is not your fault, but you still carry your personal hell with you. Nobody could blame you for not forgiving who did it. But one day, you will have to if you want to be free of it. Oh. And don't mix it up with excusing it.

It sounds like it was done recently to you. Prioritize your immediate safety, find friends who do believe you and who care. Live and ordinary life and then seek out therapy.

I believe that the wound will be healed and I do not blame you for suffering.

Sorry to say this, but if Americans don’t wake up soon, rape will not be taken seriously any longer.

You don’t need to actually you can ask God to give you recompense and pray against this guy who did such a heinous crime against you. Jesus is most just and has perfect judgment, so these people who do such heinous crimes like SA will be punished and you need not forgive such a person!! You just need to slowly go to therapy to move on bit by bit it’s not easy sadly. (I’m a victim)

I'm Muslim not christian But I still don't understand, why must you forgive him Is it required or what? If you read Jennette McCurdy's book "I'm glad my mother died" and see her progress, you'll see that you don't need to forgive in order to be happy I hope as time passes that you will heal

you don't have to say to him in his face,but say it within yourself,forgive that person in your heart not to free him from what he have done,but to free yourself from the chains of wrath,and let God be the one who judges,maybe that man will be forgiven,maybe not,but it is not your place to worry and fuss about,what it happened it happened and let it remain in the past and focus on the future and your own peace and relationship with God.

lets say each day there is a new person that did you wrong,and if you don't forgive any of them it will become like a burden,you will lose your peace and be depressed,it is easy to look on what is bad,but try looking on what is good,focus more about the good things so you can heal mentally,because there is no point of counting the bad things because those bad things are like a burden,the sins in the bible aren't just because God hates sins, sin is something that causes physical or mental harm to self and others around it,the video explain how the sin is bad for someone.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/q8XKDAo498s

and the existence of the raper is exactly why God says lust is sin.
same as how wars and people hating each other with unforgiveness are consequences of wrath.

I will never truly be okay with what happened to me, and you don’t have to either, you shouldn’t really. I posted something similar months ago actually. If someone did it to my mother I would never “forgive” that, so I try to show myself the same respect. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean making up and going on like nothing happened and being friends again. It can also mean accepting it happened, deciding not to fester over it anymore, never contacting the person again and taking comfort knowing God knows what they did and move on with my life. You can pray for God to help them if you feel inclined. You will never see that person in the same light again, don’t let people tell you that you have to. Don’t destroy yourself trying. Focus on you, focus on healing, that is way more important than “forgiving” him. You can work through that part later.

I saw a video going around of a rape victim forgiving and teaming up with her rapist, going around telling their story like it was just some silly old drama. That is a HORRIFIC example and probably some sort of trauma response honestly.

How long ago was this? I feel for you, my heart aches for you. I think firstly you should focus on prayer and consider therapy. You don’t have to forgive anyone before you’re ready. In time, I found it easier to forgive my abuser. Easier, but not easy.

We don’t forgive people for them, we do it for ourselves. Holding grudges and pain is detrimental to the person holding it, not the other way around.

And lastly, if God can forgive me- I can forgive them. How can I live as a hypocrite hating someone and refusing to forgive them when I pray to God for forgiveness of my own transgressions?

A lot of people confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. You never have to do the latter.

https://quarkphysics.ca/misc/forgiveness.pdf

Be kind and gentle to yourself. Be patient with yourself.

Remeber that God loves you so much, he is crazy about you.

You don't need to do it.

You do not

Just ignore him and try to forget Abt him sometimes you just can't do anything even forgiving and that's ok God bless you♥️

It took me years to forgive. It can take a long time. You can forgive, but it doesn’t mean that the pain will go away. Just be kind to yourself. God loves you, and you have brothers and sisters in Christ here that are here for you too. I’m praying for you and all I can say is one day, it won’t hurt as much as it once did, and only time and Jesus can help with that. ❤️

met someone who dealt with tragedy and had to learn to forgive. check out her story, she is amazing.

https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna48725729

I believe that forgiving others to be forgiven has been greatly misunderstood by many. Not focusing on revenge and ignoring other people's vain actions doesn't mean you have to tolerate abuse. In the Old Testament, this was a crime punishable by death, not forgiveness.

If humans have limited memories... which they do, why keep things that are useless? Do everything that makes you happy. Of course, the other side will suffer, especially if they see you as the aggressor.

Forgiveness is for you. Try to see it from that perspective.

You didn’t sin by being harmed, so you don't need to repent. What happened to you was someone else’s evil choice, not yours. God doesn't place guilt on victims (even if some people do). Sorry this happened. Forgiving is a process and not for him, as in excusing what he did. It's about caring for your own healing journey and showing compassion to yourself.

Many Christians misunderstand forgiveness, as in assuming you have to reconcile with the wrongdoer or imply you have to erase the seriousness, or excusing, of what he did. Forgiveness, when you’re ready, simply means releasing your heart into God’s care.

I would hold that it is IMPOSSIBLE for a Christian to manifest a virtue, such as forgiveness, without empowerment by the Holy Ghost. 

Christ Jesus Himself said that "without me ye can do nothing." 

Having said all of that, I think that we must keep in mind that any Christian virtue is expressed from the heart; hence David's supplication "create in me a clean heart, O God..." 

Your forgiveness of this person who violated you most despicable is something you must do in conjunction with prayer to God and with the power of His Spirit. 

Lay your heart bare before Him. Let Him know that you know that you, according to His Word., required to forgive, but that you lack the strength and ability to do so. 

At the same time confess that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me," and expect that God will bring you to where the Word says that you need to be and that is "to forgive from the heart." 

If you approach God in sincerity, if you seek/search for God with all of your heart, the Word promises "... and I will be found of you, saith the LORD.!" 

Our lovely Lord Jesus Christ will not only apply the Balm of Gilead to your wounded and hurting soul, He will also deliver you from u forgiveness, anger, and all bitterness you may have in your heart. 

In closing, I would respectfully disagree with any council proffered here that says "you may not be able to forgive all the way." 

If this is true, and it is not, that would mean that unforgiveness , and all of the anger and bitterness that goes with it, will continue to have a foothold in your life. 

Obviously, this would not be God's best for you. 

Read the four Gospels very carefully and you will find that Jesus does not partially heal people. 

The work of Jesus Christ on the cross was a complete and total victory over the devil, which should give us the faith of the that He wants to bring a full deliverance over ANYTHING that would hold us captive, to include unforgiveness. 

~Matthew 21:22

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, ye shall receive. 

I wish you well, friend. 

similar happened to me when I was even younger and God gave me the power to forgive the man and even feel empathy for him. I'm sure if you pray, he will do the same for you. I will pray too sister x

Everyone heals differently I wish I could tell you how to do it but I can’t, I can simply say when the time is right you’ll be able to, just believe in yourself and in God it’s a difficult journey but I believe in you and I’ll pray for you

Like you do a wild animal who hurt you. With distance, understanding, and a lesson learned. It sucks that the chance of him facing earthly justice is slim, but he will have to look God in the face and confess what he did to you one day.

I pray that before that day he comes to understand that his actions are reprehensible and ungodly.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with, because of past traumas. Stil, I try to remember, the sacrifice on the cross was as much for them as it was for me.

It wasnt your fault. You dint need to forgive him. I cannot help much since I dont no how to handle. But I can hear, if you wanna talk

I would never understand how can people you know from the church didnt believe you. They are the ones that lost their ways

Forgiveness is the last step to healing. You still gotta heal first. I don't think people understand that all forgiveness is, is letting go of the power that person has over you. That's it. Forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was good in any way, it just means I'm not going to let this hurt control me anymore.

Why would you want to forgive him? What's the purpose?

You don't need to forgive anyone especially if it wasn't a mistake but a deliberate act of harming you.

A lot of adults are total morons. The path to forgiveness in this scenario may be difficult but the desire to forgive is a great place to start. As you continue to practice self care and extend grace to yourself, you will naturally let it flow to others after adequate time & healing. All the best for you moving forward. 🙏

The way you are feeling is entirely valid, it's OK to think and feel this way. You're not alone in this time.

It will take time to heal, and I'm not saying you have to forgive him now and even if you can never do so, just take your feelings and share them with Our Lord and he will do what he will.

There are a lot of great answers here already, but here are my two cents.

First off, I’m very sorry about what you went through. Committing rape is disgusting and God hates it. I read some other comments, and although you feel as though you don’t have evidence to convict the man — God sees and knows all things, and is the perfect judge. This man will be held accountable.

More importantly, you asked how do you forgive. Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Forgiveness is letting go of you, yourself giving that person what they deserve — exacting vengeance. God asks us to forgive for our own sake and His. He is sovereign — in control — and the perfect judge who will one day exact His perfect judgement. This alleviates and comforts us that we don’t need to carry the weight of that.

However, forgiveness should also include proper boundaries and consequences that are proportionate to the actions. In this case, jail time would definitely be appropriate, along with being fired from his ministry job, etc.

It sounds like you’re looking for a new church to get support at — that’s a great step. There will be a journey to healing, that you should seek both professional and personal support for. Be gentle with yourself during the process. And above all, seek Christ in it. He will provide you with peace, comfort, and the deepest healing.

Wait, why did they kick you out of church, when you told them? Isn’t Christianity about forgiveness?

Honestly you don't have to. You won't interact with that monster anyway. Has he been punished by the law ? This is one of the things that matter the most.

You cannot choose to change your will regarding such an horrible event ; What matter is that you get better and that this person get punished by the law. Then your will regarding this event may change and you may be able to forgive that person, if that is something important for you.

You don't have to forgive that f*cker, you can if you wish, but you don't HAVE to.

Regardless, much love my friend. I want you to know that regardless of that monster, you still matter as much as you ever did ♥️

Has he asked you for forgiveness?

You dont need to forgive someone who did something terrible like that, rather ask God for the strength to continue living a life you are happy with and the strength to process hard feelings.

Im not minimisng what u feel at all, i cant even imagine. For what its worth i hope LE and earthly authorities will take care of the punishments he deserves.

You say he was a leader at the Chruch? Well only God knows people's hearts, and let me tell you, he does not take kindly to those who claim to be his servants yet knowingly and willfully use their position for evil and terrible things.

Don't. Simple as that.

People take the idea of forgiveness wayyyyy out of context. If someone is truly evil and has no interest in repenting for their sins, you don't need to forgive. What you need to do is have faith that the man will receive punishment for his sins so that you don't have to carry that burden in your heart.

Pray on lovingkindness via headspace app relationship meditation course. 💗💪🌞

You must understand that it was a trap designed by the devil himself. He wounds you in a way that it is difficult for you to forgive. Your prayers are hindered, and you move into his territory and jurisdiction for the rest of your life. Satan is using God's own rules against him. You do not forgive and release your offender because they are right; the mechanics are darker than you think.