I’m in a church. And this church forces people to join their meetings every week, it takes of 3 days a week. While I’m a student I need to study and work so there’s one time midweek service I didn’t go, and they were super unhappy, they said that means I don’t love god at all. They told me I have to put god at the first place, and I shouldn’t care too much abt my study, my work or my family. I’m gonna meet my family next month, and they asked me to shorten the time to stay with them. The church member wanna know my schedule everyday and try to meet me everyday. If I say no I need to study, need to work, they will be unhappy and say I don’t love god. I’m feeling so down and stressed by them, and idk how to escape.
Yes it's a cult.
That is full-blown cult material. Escape.
Don't attend meetings, don't meet with them in any planned capacity, block their numbers/e-mail addresses. Make sure your family are aware of your concerns as well.
Thank u for the advices. I was trying to find peace and connection to god at first so I went to this church by their invitation. I didn’t expect the thing would go like this. 😔
The thing is God is not going to FORCE you to join anything, to put your studying and family ahead of the church. God is not confusion, does not willfully hurt others like Satan does, and does not intimidate other believers. Leave that church and if they come to your door then call the police. Find another church that is welcoming you and doesn't intimidate you to come to Bible study or other services.
True
But does she put family and studying ahead of God?
Definitely culty behavior - making someone feel guilty for not following their prescribed agenda isn't the function of a Christian fellowship.
Yes, those are all signs of cult-like behavior. Leave that church and never look back.
No legitimate church will isolate you from friends or family or dominate your life choices. It's normal for a church to invite you to events and even to encourage you to participate but anyone telling you that you don't love God if you don't do such and such is manipulating you, reject the guilt, and be careful because unsound doctrine usually comes with those kinds of churches.
Probably a cult. Why not try a different church?
This, fortunately, is the easy part. Just don't talk to them or go there.
Real, but I’ve made good friendship wiz the person from the church. She’s a super nice person, so idk how to ignore her. This makes me feel rly rly bad. I didn’t expect the thing would go like this at the very first.
Good friendship? With the grifter who is trying to exploit you? People can be friendLY without being a FRIEND.
These folks often prey on those who crave social interaction.
You are right
There is no such thing as friendship with someone who has no good will toward you.
Were you friends with her long before you started going to her church? Chances are, she doesn’t see you as a friend at all and sees you as a mark. If she really is your friend, she’ll continue to be even if you left the church.
But if she’s one of the ones getting upset with you, then she’s part of the manipulation and is not a friend, but sees you as a mark. A number like in a MLM scheme.
Unfortunately to escape you will have to cut her off. Get suggestions for a safe church in your community and tell them your experience - they will support you.
Sounds like a cult. In a proper church theres no compulsion and no accounting of your tine. Look for another church.
Dunno about cult, but your story portrays them as manipulative jerkwards. That's a big red flag right there.
Does this church have a name? It's possible it's already known as being a kooky authoritarian group.
Hi, it’s international Christian church. I’ve searched at this subreddit as well, others also mentioned it. This church is super controlling and scary.
Sounds like this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kip_McKean#International_Christian_Church
This guy is probably a criminal scumbag and definitely a grifter.
Interesting... this is from the precursor to that church, but still....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Churches_of_Christ#Love_bombing
The ICOC has been accused of using the tactic of "love bombing",\90])\91])\92])\93])\94]) which David Barrett describes as "showing a great deal of love, affection and attention to prospective members to draw them in", resulting in the criticism that "vulnerable or lonely people, and this includes many students, will be attracted by this".\95]) Journalist Alasdair Belling has noted that this attention and praise "slowly becomes more conditional over time".\92])
Yes
I was going to ask if this was the ICC as I had a narrow escape with them a few years ago. I’m not in the least bit surprised it’s them. These tactics are identical to everything I’ve read about them since. There are plenty of loving and Christ-centred churches out there that don’t use manipulative, brainwashing tactics like they do.
Hi, i wanna know how you left
Disappear from that cult quick. Tell your family or trusted adults outside of that cult about the cult so others are aware in case they try to harass you when they realize you're gone / distancing. Don't hesitate. If it's not of God, you can imagine how off the rails and dangerous it could eventually get if you stick around. God wouldn't want you to abandon your studies or your family, especially to have some cult take the place of Jesus in your life... That's what it's leading up to, getting you to rely solely on them and cutting you off from everyone and everything else.
Whether it's a true cult or not, I don't see why you would stay. These people sound like fanatics, and you should find another church that doesn't want to know everything you do.
Yeah that concerning, please look into other churches in your area. Cause your church community is supposed to support you, to be there for you, and help lead you back to God if you ever end up slipping. And while volunteering is always appreciated in a church community it is NEVER a requirement. You don’t do things for your church community cause you have to, you do them because you want to because they are your family.
Only going off of what you have said, this is not it.
And I feel the need to mention a lovely metaphor I once heard regarding putting God as first in your life which I think is an insightful perspective.
Think about your life as a dresser, and in each dresser draw you put in your priorities, whatever is your top priority goes in the first draw, second in the second and so on and so forth. Naturally we was want to make God our first priority, and many of us have been told how important it is to do so, but life has a way of shifting things around doesn’t it? and that first priority drawer suddenly ends up being filled with education, work, or family etc. and season brings with it new priorities and as a results sometimes God goes form the top drawer to the fourth drawer and when that happens it feels like we’re letting God down, that we don’t love him as much because if he did he would still be in the top draw, and we believe the lie that we just don’t have ourselves organized enough cause if we did he would still be at the top, that if we had been more careful, had used more effort etc. that He would still be in that top drawer. But the reality is there is almost ALWAYS gonna be something that is gonna take that spot as the number one priority, and that’s not always gonna be God. So what do we do? We could keep trying to juggle things around as we have been and maybe 5 times a year God can have this top spot. But is that what God has asked of us? To be in the top drawer constantly? And if you can’t manage it, well clearly that means you don’t love him? No. The fact is God is not interested in the top drawer in fact he’s not interested in any one singular drawer, because he doesn’t want to be just another part of your life he wants to be in EVERY part of your life, but he can’t do that if you just relegate him to one drawer of your life, but what if we didn’t just give God a drawer, what if he owned the whole dresser? Well if he owns the whole dresser, then it no longer matters what our priorities are or what drawer they take up because in own the dresser God becomes a part of every single drawer, and every single part of your life, and by being in every single part of your life it no longer matters what’s taking up the top drawer cause when he owns the dresser God’s place in your life never changes.
(Will see if I can find the video link, I did my best but the pastor just does it even better)
This sound similar to church i'm about to leave. Yeah, it's a cult.
Isolation is part of what a cult does.
Yes, it's cult but for making sure. Can you give me the name of that church
Hi it’s international Christian church
I only found the International Church of Christ which is not in the cult list but a cult can manifest in many shapes and forms. Any church could become a cult if one day they decided to isolate and fully control their members.
they're definitely cult adjacent, having been run off numerous college campuses for over 2 decades.
read https://tolc.org/articles
What is cult to you
the isolation from family and deference to the leader are good indicators.
This is a cult pure and simple cut all ties with them immediately.
Loving God is not about how many times you attend church or how long you pray and read your bible. The first step to Loving God is to obey the gospel. Which means to believe in jesus that he died on the cross for your sins, was buried, and rose again from the dead. So you can have enternal life in heaven.
Then once your saved. You start to read the bible not to prove your love for God. But rather to learn how God loves you so much and thus the more you learn about God. The more your love for him will deepen. Thus the Holy Spirit living within you will help you walk in God's love and grow in it.
Yeah that’s not normal
Run
Yes, that's a cult. Run away
That is very much a cult. You should try your best to leave by cutting ties and if it gets physical / they try something, call the police!
Please find a different church, this is not how God told us to do things (1 Peter 5:1-4 is what comes to mind, but also Jesus' rebukes to the pharisees... Matthew 23, I think?)
Yep. Jesus is love a non legalistic
Knowing you’re in a cult is the first step. Run!
curious what do you do 3 times a week when you go?
(Find another church)
Just services and meeting
Definitely run. A church like this is not a church that would encourage you to grow closer to God. This is more like people who are hypocrites and lost. Pray for them. Cults are very dangerous. Good thing God is giving you discernment
Sounds like a cult
Not only have I never experienced this, I've never even really heard of it in anything like a normal church. This is super super weird.
Some churches over schedule, have too many events, but this level of control sounds cultic
Red flags everywhere
Remember that time Peter killed a guy with words being when he sold his property but didn’t give all the proceeds to the church?
But yeah, I guess some people being disappointed that you skipped a day is “culty”.
Girl this is honestly how the evil of the world works 💔 as a new Christian who is afraid to attend church because of scenarios like yours.. I would really recommend talking a step back. Of course u can love ur family and God at the same time, of course u can study when u need to. Being forced to attend service with weird individuals and feeling uncomfortable to go does not mean you don’t love God.. ngl they don’t love Him if they are treating his children as they treated you :( I pray for your healing bro, and genuinely, those people too.. they aren’t in the right place in the head at all.. God loves you my friend. Loving God means setting aside time for him, WHILEEEE loving your family, and yourself, andddd taking care of your responsibilities (like school!!) no church against these things should even be called a church…. Leave this “church”, spend time with your family and friends, work on school, and continue connect with God throughout ur day my friend whenever u want, and live a life full of love 🩷God gives us families for a reason
Nah this is major red flags. Run from these people. I’m not even kidding
Yes. Been a Christian since 1985 and have never heard of such. That is controlling. Where the Spirit of The Lord is, there is freedom
May or may not be a full blown cult BUT it's still red flag behavior. They can't tell you how you feel about God, and you need to live your life. You prioritize church (a healthy church) however you can, but you shouldn't have to apologize for studying, working, or spending time with family.
I wouldn't ever go back. If you aren't able to try other churches in person immediately, try looking into live streams of services and online small groups.
Remember, we can't show Jesus's love or spread His good news if we are in church 24/7 or only socializing with other believers. You should have strong relationships outside of your faith where you can be a light in his image (even if you never force someone to listen about him, but just being a good person)
In my opinion, it is. But let me offer a rubric you can grade this church on. This is the BITE model of authoritarian control, standing for the four modes they try to control: behavior, information, thoughts, and emotions. The more items your church checks off, the more likely it is a cult.
https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/
Run!
Run, run, run. Being with your family IS a way to honor God: it’s an opportunity to share and experience love. Studying IS a way to honor God, if you put it toward a career that helps build God’s beloved kingdom (which doesn’t at all have to mean a religious job). These people don’t want you to put God first, they want you to put THEM first. Never go back, cut all ties.
Yes
That’s a cult
In or out?! Make up your mind. These people interpret the word of god in their own way. So either you're ok with that and you comply or you realize that what they tell you is what they want their church to be and how they think a good christian behaves. Go to a Unitarian church if you want a community and cannot separate yourself from religion. At least that will be less harmful.
Yes, if anyone is shamed for not being a conformist or part of the group think...that's a cult.
You simply walk away, and go no contact. Make it clear if they contact you by phoning or other continually that you don't/won't tolerate it.
Salvation is in Jesus Christ alone, and any true church will not force nor try to hold you there. Going to church is important but Chrisitianity is based on faith in Jesus Christ alone.
True religions don’t pressure people to anything. Don’t go back. True religions don’t follow you or want to know a schedule - that is absolute CONTROL and using Gos as an excuse for power and control. Next they will demand money, then more, then ALL your savings. Don’t go back. Don’t give them your phone # or even try to explain your concerns. Just go somewhere else
Tired of seeing this in churches.
Might be a cult-like church.
Run!!
Forcing attendance is a bad sign. May the Lord help you break free.
Get out now
Yes get the hell out of there
Maybe not a cult, but definitely unhealthy behavior. I'd leave quick
If you’re forced to do something in a religion it’s a cult.
Run Away!!!
What kinda church that forces you to go to is not a church it's a narcissist dream. Yup God freed us from religion . He gave us Christ broke that curse.God can be worshiped everyday anywhere. A church that love and care. That's the real church. I've been to several in Olympia but haven't found one yet. I have found them to be cold and unfriendly.but there is one just for you.some where. Ask God to show you.
God literally gave you free will, a church shouldn't take that away. Relationship with God is a choice, no one and no church should force that. God wants you to want Him and love Him with your heart. God wants you seek Him because you want/need him not because you have to. Church is not mandatory in Gods eyes as it is only a building. You are the church. Us Christian's are the Church. God and attendance to church should never be forced on anyone. Your fear or embarrassment or guilt or what ever emotion you feel by not attending the classes at your church is not what you should be feeling. Yes God should be first but I feel not going to church doesn't mean you arent putting God first.
I’ll tell you the same thing Commander Kruge told his crew when they bend only abandoned Enterprise:
GET OUT, GET OUT OF THERE, GET OUT!!!!
It sounds like a cult to me. They’re controlling your actions and saying that attendance is mandatory. Like people don’t work or have busy schedules.
Sounds like it could be run like a cult.
Yes God should be the priority but not replace your other life activities. God should help enhance these activities.
You really should visit several more churches and find one that you can grow spiritually. Not control you.
Run Forest Run!!!
Leave
Idk about a "cult"
They are right about putting God before and anyone
But it's not good that they get angry for not attending once
And when you don't attend doesn't have ANYTHING to do with whether you love God or not
Why are you not capitalizing God? I only see atheists obsessively do that.
That’s also definitely a cult.
Find a different church, start capitalizing the G.
Friend i understand and get what you mean and thank you for this its just its not about the capitals or how we write God's name but its about the heart intent while we say it (and kindly read it base on OP's perspective not our own perspective)