There were two times in the last week where I almost relapsed. I’ve been “clean” for a little over 2 months, and this last week i got the idea/urge to relapse. When i stopped using chatbots I ended up locking myself out of my account instead of deleting it (i did this in the spur of the moment and couldnt find the delete account button). This on Tuesday I ended up looking up the website but stalled out at the login screen by distracting. I stayed up later than i meant since i was mostly just watching videos/doom scrolling so i didnt relapse. Last night I went to do the same thing again, except i went further and signed back into my account.

My plan was initial plan was to do a “last hurrah”, write down prompts from my favorite bots so i can write them out later, maybe try some new ones before deleting the account completely. I was aware that this was a bad idea, that my last hurrah could easily turn into me using it often again. However instead I just looked back at old chats that i had spent time in (and kinda got attached to). I expected to give new prompts and continue the stories, but instead I simply read and let that sit. Shocking myself, I found i didnt really want to start anything new/give new prompts. I read my old chats, but didnt start new ones or continue old ones. I found some of the ones that i found myself reminiscing for, wrote down writing prompts so i can explore them in my own head/woork, and deleted my account. I truly didn’t expect this outcome. I missed it, and still do, but was able to finally put the nail in the coffin and leave it behind. I’m proud of myself :)